Executive Departments Part 2

[AmazonGrace]

TL;DR: there may have been a time when Kirstjen Nielsen wasn't as obvious about her white supremacy preferences.

[onekidanddone]

Wheels up Scotty. Wheels fuckng up. 

[AmazonGrace]

The moist fun with Scotty ever:

 

Keep Scott Pruitt moist

By Alexandra Petri July 5 at 9:00 AM

 

Spoiler

Scott Pruitt must have his moisturizing lotion.

Why?

Do not ask why.

Scott Pruitt appears to be a man with gray hair. He appears to be a man like other men, though he is charged, unlike other men, with the protection of the environment.

But he is letting the environment change, just slightly. Just enough for another creature to be quite comfortable — one with a hardy exoskeleton that thrives in warmth and darkness.

And Scott Pruitt must have his moisturizing lotion.

NOT THAT ONE! That is an ordinary lotion. The lotion Scott Pruitt requires is quite rare and available only at Ritz-Carlton hotels, and not even all Ritz-Carlton hotels. Hurry, we must drive. We must find the lotion. It must be absorbed into Scott Pruitt’s pores. Its scent must travel around him. He must be entirely shrouded in its scent, like the Earth by carbon dioxide.

Is it urgent? What will happen if Scott Pruitt is not given his moisturizing lotion?

Have you seen what happens when you leave an earthworm in the sun on hot asphalt? Have you seen what happens to the things that live in a wetland when that swamp dries up? Have you seen a salamander who has been too long in a hot car? Have you seen a lobster without its shell?

Unrelatedly, we must find Scott Pruitt his lotion.

Scott Pruitt must be seated at the front of the plane, behind the little curtain. Perhaps a private jet would be better, all things considered. It would be safer. None must see what happens when he reaches 30,000 feet.

What will happen?

Nothing, nothing! Naturally.

But it might be good, all the same, if he had a secure door at his office, with a biometric seal. A door that only he may open, that will recognize him, even if —

Do not ask, “If what?” Drive! We must find the lotion. Scott Pruitt must be kept moist.

It is not that Scott Pruitt is beginning to assume a new and monstrous shape. It is of course nothing like that.

Scott Pruitt is trying to keep the Earth warm. As it becomes warmer, he will need more ointment and another mattress. In fact, he needs the mattress now. It is a very particular mattress. It could accommodate an enormous exoskeleton made entirely of cartilage. Scott Pruitt is certainly not terraforming the Earth to be warmer and stormier and filling the air with smog.

On an entirely different topic, Scott Pruitt must have a secure door that responds only to his touch.

The rectangular bottle in which the lotion is kept is dangerously low. And if Scott Pruitt does not have sufficient moisturizer —

And we must find Scott Pruitt a mattress. Not any mattress. One mattress in particular.

What is it that he needs them for? What will happen if he is not kept moist and his back is not properly supported?

Do not ask. Drive, drive!

He must have a soundproof phone booth in his office. No sound must escape this booth, not even the cracking of a hideous and enormous exoskeleton. Not even the sound of moisturizing lotion being frantically slathered on the creature within! Not even its bellowing — a bellowing too loathsome for human ears. We must keep him secure.

Drive, drive! Get the lotion!

And aides must pay for these hotel rooms. That much is clear. The taxpayer must not question. The taxpayer must understand that this is worthwhile. The taxpayer must know that some things are too terrible to behold.

Are you saying that if, for a single night, Scott Pruitt were not kept properly moist, with access to a mattress that meets certain exacting specifications, something terrible would befall us?

Think if they did not meet these specifications. Think what might emerge from that $43,000 soundproof booth. Think what might escape that $5,700 biometric lock. No, never mind, do not think of it. You must not think of it. You would go mad.

Drive, drive! Put on the flashing light on the motorcade, if you must! Drive, drive! Scott Pruitt must be kept moist. We must keep him moist at any cost.

 

 

[fraurosena]

Here's a copy of his resignation letter.

 

I wonder what prompted him to quit?

[CTRLZero]

Where were you when Scotty resigned?

I was reading Alexandra Petri's "Moist Scotty" article (also posted above, I see) when I got the newsflash text.  I figure she broke him.

[onekidanddone]

6 minutes ago, CTRLZero said:

Where were you when Scotty resigned?

I was reading Alexandra Petri's "Moist Scotty" article (also posted above, I see) when I got the newsflash text.  I figure she broke him.

I was home playing Flow when my husband walked in the door and said “Oh, Scott Pruitt resigned”. As nonchalantly as if he were asking for someone to pass him the salt

11 minutes ago, fraurosena said:

Here's a copy of his resignation letter.

 

I wonder what prompted him to quit?

People are mean to him. 

[AmazonGrace]

 

[Audrey2]

Scotty, were you never a teenage boy? Did you never know a teenage boy? Were you a child of privilege? Most men I knew learned as teenage boys that when you do stupid stuff, you get caught. Even if it's not something with legal ramifications, it is noticed and reported, at least to your folks (like the time you and your friends rode your bikes off the roof of the garage and into your pool). When you become a public figure (say, the director of the E.P.A.), all of the stupid stuff you do is reported to all in the United States. It's called accountability.

[fraurosena]

3 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

 

You mean it's still too much after he went to all the trouble to edit out the "self" part every time he mentions "serving"? 

[AmazonGrace]

There was also this woman who asked him to resign.

Hey it worked.

I wonder if Kirstjen Nielsen is the next to go.

 

In case you were feeling sorry for her, last week she visited an ICE facility and they made the inmates wait for hours in a soccer field in the scorching heat so she wouldn't have to see them.

 

https://theintercept.com/2018/07/03/kirstjen-nielsen-family-separation-texas-detention-visit/

[Howl]

Oh, Scotty, we hardly knew ye, but you were the best covfefe boy ever, or did you work in the mail room? 

Anyway, Scott will be a highly paid lobbyist shortly, as long as he can stay moist. 

[onekidanddone]

56 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

There was also this woman who asked him to resign.

Hey it worked.

I wonder if Kirstjen Nielsen is the next to go.

 

In case you were feeling sorry for her, last week she visited an ICE facility and they made the inmates wait for hours in a soccer field in the scorching heat so she wouldn't have to see them.

 

https://theintercept.com/2018/07/03/kirstjen-nielsen-family-separation-texas-detention-visit/

Oh hold it. I am mistaken. All I saw was the others guy until I actually played them the video. Sorry bout that 

[GreyhoundFan]

 

[GreyhoundFan]

 

[GreyhoundFan]

 

[GreyhoundFan]

 

[onekidanddone]

3 hours ago, GreyhoundFan said:

 

And there was much rejoicing at Federal Triangle. Always thought it was beyond irony that EPA hq is right across the street from trumps hotel

ACK. This will teach me not to post from my phone. I responded to the wrong post. 

I’ll see my way to the pray closet of shame 

[AmazonGrace]

 

[AmazonGrace]

The trade wars are going great

[Cartmann99]

10 hours ago, Howl said:

Anyway, Scott will be a highly paid lobbyist shortly, as long as he can stay moist. 

Will that be enough money for the Pruitts, or has he started pestering Putin to hire his wife?

[Howl]

On 7/4/2018 at 2:57 PM, AmazonGrace said:

TL;DR: there may have been a time when Kirstjen Nielsen wasn't as obvious about her white supremacy preferences.

Kirstjen, honey?  ETTD™ (Everything Trump Touches Dies).  Rick Wilson's book with this title will be out on August 6 to explain ETTD in detail.  Everything Trump Touches Dies: A Republican Strategist Gets Real About the Worst President Ever

And the trade wars with China, et al.?  So much phuquing Winning.  I never thought I could get tired of winning. Few people do.  But now that we're at the Tiger Blood Level 7 turducken of Winning?  I'm just not strong enough for more Winning.  

[AmazonGrace]

 

[Howl]

24 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

 

If only Americans had understood the necessity for a cone of silence and the utterly desperate need of a personal security force wearing tactical pants....because regular pants won't do....

Who will protect Scottie now?  

But not to worry, we're still phuqued, because Scottie's successor will continue to dismantle the EPA, without being burdened by scandal, unless you believe, like me, that dismantling the EPA is a scandal in itself. 

[GreyhoundFan]

28 minutes ago, Howl said:

But not to worry, we're still phuqued, because Scottie's successor will continue to dismantle the EPA, without being burdened by scandal, unless you believe, like me, that dismantling the EPA is a scandal in itself. 

We're also screwed because one of the articles I read yesterday (sorry, don't remember which) included the nauseating information that Scotty plans to run for Inhofe's senate seat in 2020, since Inhofe will be 85. The article also indicated that Scotty wants to use that as a springboard to the presidency. I'm not making this up. I implore the people of Oklahoma to keep Scotty there and don't inflict him on the country again in the future.

[onekidanddone]

18 minutes ago, GreyhoundFan said:

We're also screwed because one of the articles I read yesterday (sorry, don't remember which) included the nauseating information that Scotty plans to run for Inhofe's senate seat in 2020, since Inhofe will be 85. The article also indicated that Scotty wants to use that as a springboard to the presidency. I'm not making this up. I implore the people of Oklahoma to keep Scotty there and don't inflict him on the country again in the future.

Excuse me while I go outside and projectile vomit. I’ll be back