Josie and Kelton 1: Here We Go Again

[Hisey]

7 hours ago, TatiFish9 said:

He moved on with his life. When he saw her again, he did not deny his attraction but felt it best to stay away from it - sounds quite mature to me. Obviously their connection was intense. This happens. Kelton was young, needing guidance from some one more mature. He took it well.

He took it well? Really?

He "forgave" the Bates for denying him what he wanted. He forgave them (and possibly Josie), even though they did nothing wrong. 

And that's not all. . . 

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 I couldn't understand what God was doing or why Josie had ended what was just beginning. 

He "couldn't understand" that she was too young. He sounds like a narcissist here.

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Although this time in our lives was a fun and exciting adventure, we had many life lessons to learn in order to fully appreciate each other. As often happens in life, God had different plans than we had, and we would need to grow closer to Him before we could grow closer to each other.

I don't get what "life lessons" Josie had to learn. Sounds like she handled the whole process admirably for such a young girl.

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I was hurt,

awwww. . . . 

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and didn't even want to come near the Bates Family, even when Bobby came to town to visit Tori.

This was a girl he only spoke to for 2-3 months!!!! What a baby.

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it made me feel rejected by Josie. 

because it's all about him, of course.

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till you are incapacitated with discouragement. 

OK, now he sounds 13.

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My previously hardened heart was prepared to go over and forget the past hurt,

Even after "growing closer to the Lord," it's still all about him and his "hurt."

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If my heart had not been humbled enough to forgive, 

This, in particular, is unbelievable. Forgive, really?

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 I can truly say that Josie is the love of my life, my soulmate, and the only one I could ever imagine spending forever with.

Kelton, why do you call this "our story" when it has been all about you and your feelings, from beginning to end?

I worry about Josie. What will happen after they are married and Kelton cannot get something he wants? As her head, there won't be many things he can't get. But what about when that does happen? Will he sulk, insist till he gets it, and then "forgive" her for her earlier behavior? I'm not talking about sex here (although there's that), I'm talking about anything.

[Hisey]

5 hours ago, TatiFish9 said:

I honestly feel like we read two different accounts. I am struggling to see what has changed. Three days ago we knew the Kelton/Josie timeline. What has changed?  Why the outrage? Last week he was into her when she was 16, he 20 and folks were scoping out their registry like it wasn't no thang. Now he openly details how he struggled with them being separated by her family (something he already admitted, btw). Suddenly the apocalypse is upon us?

 

Please send knowledge and cash.

Well, because "His Story" makes him seem selfish, narcissistic and young. That's what new.

Is there anything in "His Story" about Josie's feelings? Very, very little. 

[formergothardite]

10 hours ago, Hisey said:

I don't get what "life lessons" Josie had to learn.

I don't either and it doesn't appear that Kelton learned too many important life lessons because he didn't mature enough to realize his reaction was inappropriate. 

10 hours ago, Hisey said:

This, in particular, is unbelievable. Forgive, really?

It really is. It wasn't that God worked on his heart to show him that Josie and the Bates handled the situation correctly, it was that he felt like he could forgive Josie and the Bates for wronging him!  The Carlin thread is full of talk about how immature they are and it is good they are waiting on marriage, but Kelton wrote a post that not only showed major immaturity but that when he feels slighted he can dwell on it to an unhealthy extent for years. Shouldn't there be discussion of how he maybe isn't ready for marriage until he grows the hell up? 

Why is it shocking that FJ wants to discuss how a man felt offended that a 16 year old sheltered fundie girl couldn't be in a serious relationship with him? This is the stuff the forum was created to discuss!

11 hours ago, Hisey said:

Will he sulk, insist till he gets it, and then "forgive" her for her earlier behavior? I'm not talking about sex here (although there's that), I'm talking about anything.

You have a good point. He felt like she needed forgiveness for behaving appropriately because the end result was he not getting his way. He couldn't even understand why he couldn't get his way! I really cannot get why people don't see a red flag over his attitude. He seemed to have felt like Josie owed it to him to be in a relationship even if she wan't ready and it stewed over it for years. 

[Pecansforeveryone]

If unchecked, this sort of possiveness tends to get worse, not better. In the beginning, it can seem flattering and sweet to some, and it can escalate all to quickly into something ugly and abusive. This is emotional mental manipulation at its finest. Kelton should be ashamed of himself. 

[Palimpsest]

2 hours ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

If unchecked, this sort of possiveness tends to get worse, not better. In the beginning, it can seem flattering and sweet to some, and it can escalate all to quickly into something ugly and abusive. This is emotional mental manipulation at its finest. Kelton should be ashamed of himself. 

Absolutely.  I agree.

I'm hoping that Kelton isn't really as skeevy, manipulative, and inappropriate as he makes himself sound in that Our Story thing on their wedding website.  

I read through that epistle and came to three conclusions: 

1.  Kelton did not study grammar in college (I was pining to red line it),
2. He sounds like a creeper, actually stalkerish in places, and
3.  What a whiny, self-pitying, self-righteous, nasty, little pig.

To give him the benefit of the doubt on the skeevyness, somewhat reluctantly, I'm also thinking about how other Fundies write these completely unlikely love stories on their sites.  [A couple of them (Kendall and Kathryn who married Staddons) have made me roll on the floor with laughter.  Especially the card hidden in the Bible that was a sign from God.]

Kelton seems to be trying to write his love story as that of two star crossed lovers.  Romeo and Juliet separated by age and protective parents.  Young Romeo needs to hide the fact he had a few dates with another girl.  He must portray undying love for Juliet, in spite of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. 

But God brought them together in the end.  And he "forgives them" Bates parents and Josie and all.  Barf.

If it had been written more along the lines of:

• Saw Josie, thought she was beautiful,
• Didn't know she was only 15 when I asked for her phone #
• We got friendly but parents said she was too young
• Josie cut off friendship because I was still too romantic
• My bad.  She was too young
• Went off to college, had a girlfriend, but that wasn't serious
• Found Josie again all grown up
• We are engaged!

I wouldn't find it creepy.  The way he wrote it - I do.  Very.

I know the college girl friend isn't proven beyond a doubt, but there is definitely a double standard when it comes to Fundies giving away pieces of their hearts.  Men get to do it with impunity.  Women are shamed if relationships fail.

And I am still very uncomfortable about two things: 

1. a 19 year-old Fundie male asked a 15 year-old Fundie girl for her telephone number (and I'd be uncomfortable about that if neither were Fundie).
2. This nasty young man was so reluctant to take no for an answer, and couldn't let go.

I hope Kelton is not as bad as he sounds for Josie's sake.  But he sounds terrible.

 

[Hisey]

Even for a fundie, Kelton's behavior is skeevy. Can you imagine a 19-year old Chad acting that way towards 15-year old Erin? No. It would go more like this:

"I saw Erin playing piano at a recital when she was 15. I thought, what a beautiful girl, too bad she is only a kid. I wanted to get to know her, but I waited till she she was a few years older. I would never have gotten involved with Erin when she was so young, it wouldn't be right, and it would've angered her parents. They only wanted her to date when she was old enough to marry, and she was too young at 15 to be ready for that."

[LawsonBatesEgo]

4 hours ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

If unchecked, this sort of possiveness tends to get worse, not better. In the beginning, it can seem flattering and sweet to some, and it can escalate all to quickly into something ugly and abusive. This is emotional mental manipulation at its finest. Kelton should be ashamed of himself. 

This is exactly why I am worried about Josie. He seems to have this sense of.....entitlement towards being with her. To poor Josie, it probably seems flattering and sweet, because she is so young and probably doesn't know a thing about looking for red flags in a relationship. I won't judge the age gap, because my SO and I have a bigger age gap between us than Josie and Kelton, BUT we were also adults in our twenties when we met each other, which I think makes a very big difference. I think there is a big difference between "23 year old starts dating 29 year old" and "high school dating college senior".

I wouldn't think Kelton is dangerous or weird if he was "hung up" on her for a while and had to be talked into letting her go but then did let go of it. He would not be the first person to be infatuated with a pretty girl and have to be told "dude, she's just not that into you/it won't work out, move on". A lot of people have pined over someone who never reciprocated their interest. But he didn't get over it. But he just seems to feel entitled to have her and that scares me because it can escalate into a dangerous form of possessiveness and I think Josie doesn't have the life experience to recognize this as potentially dangerous, and in her culture, I highly doubt she has ever been told what the phrase "abusive relationship" means. She is a sheltered 19 year old, of course she probably thinks it is cute and flattering. That doesn't mean it is. 

FREE JOSIE.

 

[Ivycoveredtower]

5 minutes ago, LawsonBatesEgo said:

This is exactly why I am worried about Josie. He seems to have this sense of.....entitlement towards being with her. To poor Josie, it probably seems flattering and sweet, because she is so young and probably doesn't know a thing about looking for red flags in a relationship. I won't judge the age gap, because my SO and I have a bigger age gap between us than Josie and Kelton, BUT we were also adults in our twenties when we met each other, which I think makes a very big difference. I think there is a big difference between "23 year old starts dating 29 year old" and "high school dating college senior".

I wouldn't think Kelton is dangerous or weird if he was "hung up" on her for a while and had to be talked into letting her go but then did let go of it. He would not be the first person to be infatuated with a pretty girl and have to be told "dude, she's just not that into you/it won't work out, move on". A lot of people have pined over someone who never reciprocated their interest. But he didn't get over it. But he just seems to feel entitled to have her and that scares me because it can escalate into a dangerous form of possessiveness and I think Josie doesn't have the life experience to recognize this as potentially dangerous, and in her culture, I highly doubt she has ever been told what the phrase "abusive relationship" means. She is a sheltered 19 year old, of course she probably thinks it is cute and flattering. That doesn't mean it is. 

FREE JOSIE.

 

Well if Kelton is bad then I guess Micheal is just as bad since she told her parents either I marry Brandon or I marry no one and as far as she knew Brandon hardly knew she existed. 

[LawsonBatesEgo]

5 minutes ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

Well if Kelton is bad then I guess Micheal is just as bad since she told her parents either I marry Brandon or I marry no one and as far as she knew Brandon hardly knew she existed. 

This creeps me out a lot less.

Michael had a huge crush, but at least she was an adult with a crush on another adult, and was "praying for him" rather than being bitter and angry a friend was dating his sibling.

[Kelsey]

Kelton has probably embellished both his feeling gs and actions to make the whole thing seem more intense, meant to be, and dramatic.

[VaSportsMom]

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