Was blind but now I see - Carri Me Away

[happy atheist]

We just discovered a cache of screenshots from Carri Me Away.

I was not an FJ member when these events happened, so I'll leave it to those who were to explain the situation and answer questions. I know this much: it ended in tragedy.

It will take several posts to get all the screenshots uploaded.

[happy atheist]

[happy atheist]

[happy atheist]

[happy atheist]

[happy atheist]

[happy atheist]

And that's all we have.

[keen23]

We have discussed her in the past.

Here: viewtopic.php?f=147&t=149

The Yuku thread is quite long and starts here: http://freejinger.yuku.com/topic/664/Ca ... ins?page=1

[Buzzard]

I can give a quick overview of what happened. Carri Chmielewski was orignially discovered when she posted about using the "family cloth" aka cutting up strips of fabric and using them instead of toilet paper. This was discussed at length here http://freejinger.yuku.com/topic/602#.VK7BtyvF_zk

The family had 8? children, all home schooled by Carri who was a SAHM. She was extremely active in the cloth diaper world and had a strong presence on the "diaper sewing divas" site.

It really came to a head when she was late in her pregnancy with, what she believed to be, twins. Her midwife, Brandi Woods, was the sole medical care during this late stage. SHE WAS HUGE but was told that she was having twins. Her crack midwife went along with it and they planned a homebirth.

The pregnancy continued and her health worsened. We urged her to seek medical treatment and she refused. Her BP was high and she was complaining of extreme fatigue. Time passed and she was nearing her due date. She began to get a bit desperate and questioned what she was doing. She quickly stayed her homebirth course by steadying herself with the bible and youtube videos about birthing twins.

And then she went into labor... and things went south fast. The local Fox station played the 911 call where she begged to go to the hospital. Once she got there she was rushed in for emergency surgery. She had to have an emergency hysterectomy and the baby, Beneniah, died. She almost died as well.

Her husband, Mark Chmielewski posted to the blog that the condition had nothing to do with the homebirth. It was a blatent lie. She posted pictures of the dead baby and media outlets began asking questions. Then the blog and their entire internet presence was scrubbed.

Our thread is here:

http://freejinger.yuku.com/topic/664/t/ ... K7BSCvF_zk

The midwife is still practicing

home4birth.com

[happy atheist]

According to Carri's blog post above, the name was supposed to be "Benaiah."

[browncoatslytherin]

wow. just...wow.

[keen23]

According to Carri's blog post above, the name was supposed to be "Benaiah."

And I am an awful person, because I'm calling that baby Benihana in my head (you know, that teppanyaki restaurant place where they cook in front of you on a flattop grill).

[Buzzard]

And I am an awful person, because I'm calling that baby Benihana in my head (you know, that teppanyaki restaurant place where they cook in front of you on a flattop grill).

I've done the same thing. She started an organization called "Beniah's wings" right after the death. She made outfits for babies that die to wear. She's spelled his name so many different ways, though.

She does appear to still be on facebook here:

facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001816288921

There are some pictures that are public but not much. I wonder what the kids are up to, whether she gave up some of the headcovering ways, maybe even let her kids go to school. I doubt it, but one can hope.

[Geechee Girl]

What a sad story. So many questionable decisions.

[pook]

I began my RN career a few moons ago as a labor and delivery nurse.  Being relatively new to FJ, and having just reached 75 posts, this is just nothing short of a horror story.  RIP baby Ben, you didn't have to die.  SHAME!

[Rubaiyat]

I remember reading this on diaper sewing divas as it unfolded.  I thought it was an embolism?  Was it ever confirmed what truly happened?

I remember Carrie as very sweet and very earnest, but suggestible and easily swayed.  I do think I remember the midwife being an ignorant ideological nutjob.  I'll have to go back and look at the screencaps, as much as I can handle anyway.  If I remember correctly, we were pregnant near the same time and that shit scared me to death.  

[Buzzard]

 

I recently went to a professional retreat and was asked to tell the group one thing no one knew about me.  I told the group about freejinger, and that our mission, at its heart, is the spread the word about the dangers of fundamentalism.  One of the most poignant examples of this danger has always been the Carri threads, moreso now explained below.  Recently someone posted about Carri Chmielewski and I spent some time reading through public facebook profiles of Carri, Mark, and the children.  We were introduced to them back in 2008, with their blog "carrimeaway" and patriarch homeschool.  One of the threads is here: 

https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/freejinger/this-is-just-freakin-sick-t602.html

A homeschooling mother of 8.  They were head covering, skirt wearing, submissive, Anabaptists.  She proudly posted pictures of her daily life, her kids' involvement in 4H, her bible verses, recipes, etc.  The threads are disturbing then and now because of all the usual reasons with a homeschooling cult, but she seemed so happy and then it all went wrong:

https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/freejinger/carri-is-having-twins-t664.html

What actually happened in the end is not publicly known.  Mark posted that she suffered from an amniotic fluid embolism.  She lost the baby and her uterus. She almost died. He posted that their lack of prenatal care was not a factor, although we all know that a doctor would have seen her size and known that she was high risk.  Pictures from the funeral and of Beniniah were posted but taken down quickly.  Mark posted that he was deleting her blog because of the mean people on the internet.  He scrubbed her presence as best as he could and prohibited her from posting on the forums that she loved and then they went dark. There was a news story but it went nowhere.  The midwife never suffered any repercussions. 

I think about Carri and her children a lot.  She is the embodiment of why freejinger exists.  She was a woman who was forced into a role because Jesus without thought or explanation.  She was forced to submit to a man who may have held other interests before her own when making essential decisions.  Despite blogging about her own doubts in continuing the pregnancy without competent medical treatment she followed what she believed God wanted, to great detriment.  She ignored the pleas of strangers because she felt that listening was a test of her faith. 

Carri is a victim, plain and simple.  She is a victim of a belief system that devalues women and relegates them to little more than breeding machines.  They are not permitted to think on their own, act on their own, and even make decisions about their own bodies.  She is a victim of a horrible turn of events that cost her her fertility, her child, and her identity.  We now see posts stating that also the victim of domestic abuse, and of a social services system that doesnt always see the whole picture.  She lost her family.

2/7/17:

3/10/16

7/21/15

I mean, come on...

She listened to her "headship" who she says abused her.  She lost her minor children and had to fight to get them back.  She lost contact with her sons because she committed the "sin" of leaving an abusive man.

3/25/17:

Now she lives in government housing, post thanks for food pantries, relies on charity for Christmas gifts for her girls, but seems like she finally "gets it."  She's free but at great cost.  

Her timeline is a peek into her soul and it crushes me.

Spoiler

 

I'm glad that she's free.  I'm glad that she's a happy grandmother.  My heart breaks at the journey that it took to get where she stands today.  We snark so much here that its hard to focus on the truth.  These Patriarchal religions destroy lives.  They do not honor god and they do not lead to a life of happiness.  We've seen it time and again with the bloggers of old who have left the lives they once proudly touted for the "life of sin," only to find that its not what they feared.  Satan does not lurk in the women's pants department.

Her minor children now go to a real school and appear happy and healthy in the pictures.  She has her own apartment and seems to be finding her way in her own skin. I can only hope that her sons will realize that being a part of their mother's life is more important than the belief system that caused her to leave and reach back out.  Mark has moved on and has a new woman in his life. You can find his public profile here.  Its not hard to find the public profile of his new love. The joint facebook account that they shared has been defunct for 2 years.  Its clear that she held control of it for a few posts, including those with pictures of the lost baby.  

I post this so that we can remember the true human cost and as an update from our posts from long ago.  I've blurred the profile but left the icon of the public posts because I dont want people trying to contact her. 

I'm so sorry, Carri.  I hope you find peace.  May your daughters be free from the suffering that you had to endure.

Godspeed. 

[formergothardite]

7 hours ago, Buzzard said:

I think about Carri and her children a lot. 

Of all the FJ stories Carrie has always stood out for me.  I remember reading that thread when I was still a lurker and being horrified. 

I hope she can find peace and happiness now that she has broken free. Stories like Carrie are so important for us to remember. For all the "perfect" looking patriarchal families like Erin and Chad Bates there are so many Carries who suffering greatly under the patriarchy. 

Edited December 28, 2017 by formergothardite

[Briefly]

I don't think I've ever heard of her before.  What an awful story!  To think that someone actually lived it, it's just horrible.  I'm glad she's finally free, but as you said - a very great cost.  Her sons are probably going to follow their father's example, but at least there is some hope for her daughters to have a real future.

[VaSportsMom]

Everything about this breaks my heart. I don't have the words to express the depths of my hatred for fundamentalism and the abusive men that use it as a cover for their vile victimization of women and children. Carrie and those kids deserved so much better. 

[NakedKnees]

I'm so glad to hear she's out. I hope things only continue to improve for her. I can't even imagine the amount of strength and hard work it took for her to leave. It's so tragic that anyone was ever abused and hurt the way she was, and it kills me to know it happens every day. Thank you for the in-depth and thoughtful post, @Buzzard

[Piper]

I remember her story very well, and how awful it was to see it all going down. I have thought about her often over the years, and wondered how her life turned out.

I didn’t know about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her piece of shit husband, but I am so glad to hear that she has gotten out and has begun a new life. I wish her the best.

[Flossie]

Wasn't there another fundy wife who seemed to love her life and then died in a car accident that was actually a suicide?  I might have it all wrong, because that happened before I started reading FJ, but I think I heard a few mentions of it way back then.

[refugee]

Glad she’s out.

I noticed on the Facebook link that he’s friends with Wendy Jeub and Gregg Harris. There’s a lot of scripture on that Facebook. Jarring contrast to the bruises in the photos on this thread.

I wish her and her children well. Hope her sons can come to their senses somehow.

[slp]

1 hour ago, Flossie said:

Wasn't there another fundy wife who seemed to love her life and then died in a car accident that was actually a suicide?  I might have it all wrong, because that happened before I started reading FJ, but I think I heard a few mentions of it way back then.

If it's the one I'm thinking of (cant' remember the name) but they were fundy lite adoptive family??  They had several kids, then adopted several from Africa I think.  She posted very upbeat stuff, I really enjoyed her blog, to be honest.  Kids were super cute, then she committed suicide in the family van.  Apparently she had depression, possibly bipolar?? Jenny something was her name.  Last name was Grolius or something?