Miss Raquel's 2nd Novel- Part 6: Wielder of Words

[Cleopatra7]

That about me doesn't sound like it was written by any kind of carbon-based intelligent life form in our known universe. It's more like the kind of failed  introduction Kang and Kodos, the aliens who appear in the Simpsons' Halloween specials, might give if they were wearing human disguises.

[xRoo]

I just want to know if its actually unavailable because shes sold copies or if theres an issue with the sale process, and who the hell is buying it if it is selling

[Anonymousguest]

1 hour ago, xRoo said:

I just want to know if its actually unavailable because shes sold copies or if theres an issue with the sale process, and who the hell is buying it if it is selling

I don't think it's been written or (self) published yet. 

[formergothardite]

It is available now and we can look inside, so I think it just wasn't available before.

The intro is just as bad as I thought it would be. As long as she has made the reader feel something, even if that something is "What in the world did I just read" she has written something good. No one has the authority to say that her writing is good or bad. 

It is $9 if anyone wants to buy it and give us a review. 

[AmazonGrace]

7 hours ago, formergothardite said:

It is available now and we can look inside, so I think it just wasn't available before.

The intro is just as bad as I thought it would be. As long as she has made the reader feel something, even if that something is "What in the world did I just read" she has written something good. No one has the authority to say that her writing is good or bad. 

It is $9 if anyone wants to buy it and give us a review. 

Is that a recycled blog post? Pretty sure I've read something to that effect before. 

Also, "thanks needs to be made"? Is English her second language? 

(it is mine so I'm not sure if people say this or not, it just sounds odd to me)

[Georgiana]

19 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Is that a recycled blog post? Pretty sure I've read something to that effect before. 

Also, "thanks needs to be made"? Is English her second language? 

(it is mine so I'm not sure if people say this or not, it just sounds odd to me)

I am a Washington Human (as Raquel would say) which is right next to Oregon (where Raquel is from).  Raquel is a native English speaker, who is in desperate need of an editor and someone to deflate her ego.  That is absolutely incorrect subject/verb agreement, and a mistake that a young child would be expected to be able to correct.    

Congratulations, @AmazonGrace, your English is better than Raquel's!  Would you like to write a pome in celebration?  Perhaps editing is your DESTINY! 

[formergothardite]

31 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Is that a recycled blog post? Pretty sure I've read something to that effect before. 

Yes, she wrote that in a blog post and we discussed it. I get the impression most of this book is her old blog pomes. 

[Loveday]

'Because, you see, when it comes to writing "correctly," there is no right or wrong.'

Yes. Oh, yes. Yes, there is, Raquel. 

Bless your heart.

[ladyamylynn]

8 hours ago, formergothardite said:

As long as she has made the reader feel something, even if that something is "What in the world did I just read" she has written something good.

By that measure Donny J's tweets are the pinnacle of literature. 

[xRoo]

By that measure Donny J's tweets are the pinnacle of literature. 

By Raquels measure, yes, you are right. True art.

[AmazonGrace]

I believe the correct phrasing is 

dafuq did i just read 

Has she quit her studies for good?

There's not a beep about getting an education

in her otherwise quite detailed author introduction 

in which  she names her employer and even confirms her species 

which might seem somewhat unnecessary

as we tend to take it for granted that  all authors are human. 

But let me remind you 

there might be a  million monkeys with typewriters somewhere

 writing Shakespeare's sonnets right now. 

[Georgiana]

I S

    T A

          I R

into the abyss.

AND IT whispers BACK:

how can pomes be real if our hearts aren't real?

NO ONE DESERVES THIS BIG TOBLERONE

Spoiler

 

[Terrie]

2 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Also, "thanks needs to be made"? Is English her second language?

It's an attempt to make herself sound more "poetical." Poets will sometimes twist word order to match a specific meter, but Raquel doesn't actually use meter in any of her work, so it's just her typical self-aggrandizing behavior. 

[acheronbeach]

 

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

in which  she names her employer and even confirms her species 

which might seem somewhat unnecessary

as we tend to take it for granted that  all authors are human. 

Using "humans" as a synonym for "people"  was a trendy phraseology for hipster blog auteurs to use back... oh, maybe ten years ago?  There was a certain type of mediocre blog-writer who seemed to find it clever.  Nowadays, using "humans" in lieu of "people" is so tired, it's being used in hipster-themed investment ads by WealthSimple.  

I wish Raquel would go back to writing horribly-written but bizarre stories.  At least it was more entertaining than what she does now - cobbling together plagiarized copy with 2010-hipster-girl cliches.   Her book sample is just so boring.  It's not even terrible enough to be entertaining like ShakespeareHemmingway's Garfield fanfics, or Tara Gilesbie's My Immortal, or The Eye of Argon.  

[ladyamylynn]

Raquel could never hope to write something as culturally significant as My Immortal. 

[Terrie]

On her Instagram, she lamenting the "December chill" and looking forward to her trip to South America. Well, maybe if she wore something with a bit more coverage than a goddamn tank top, she wouldn't be so cold. 

[clueliss]

The other day, hidden in her Instagram Stories (and her 'hiding' stuff in stories is why I follow her on Instagram) were pictures of various crystals she had 'cleaned' - she said cleaned I'm putting that in quotes because typically in the world of crystals cleaning doesn't necessarily mean washing, it means ridding them of the bad energy and putting good energy (or charging) on them.  

This morning when I checked Instagram she had a photo in her stories of bracelets - if you look closely one of them is of various crystals (I believe one of the stones is Howlite - white and gray).  

Yes, I'm into crystals a bit but didn't get into them until I backed off of Christianity a few years ago.  While I identify as Christian I will also confess that I have some beliefs that are rather counter to some of the 'lists' given as to what makes someone a Christian or what Christians believe.  

 

[Flossie]

Raquel strikes me as being immature, shallow, needy, and narcissistic.  Probably a few other things, too.  She's searching for something, but I doubt she knows what she's searching for.  It's all pretty common for someone of her age, but Raquel likes to take things up a notch.

Anyway, Raquel tries on the newest thing like someone tries on clothes at the mall.  She's tried on the religious girl waiting for her one and only, but it didn't fit right.  She's tried on the writer outfit, the poet outfit, the college girl outfit, and who knows how many others.  

The only thing that remains the same is sexy and religious.  She'd have loved the ubiquitous Sexy Catholic Schoolgirl look when she was younger, but she's stuck trying for Sexy-Homeschooled-Girl-Unleashed-on-the-World-and-Taking-it by-Storm look, and she's not imaginative enough to pull it together.  She's recycling bits of all the old outfits like accessories, trying to complete her look.  The people around her are mirrors, and when she doesn't like what they reflect back to her, she bemoans their flaws and finds another mirror.

The problem is, she has no foundation.  She doesn't have real ideals and goals, nothing to shore up her public persona.  She's a coat rack.  There are department store windows with more depth to them.

[AmazonGrace]

Eh, she even plagiarizes her effing instagram captions 

Raquel, five days ago. She was never bored. Just restless in between adventures.

Atticus, in October. 

 

 

[formergothardite]

Raquel doesn't have an original bone in her body which is why she always fails as an artist. She likes the Pinterest idea of an artist, but she doesn't want to put in the hard work to create original art. 

[acheronbeach]

1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

Raquel doesn't have an original bone in her body which is why she always fails as an artist. She likes the Pinterest idea of an artist, but she doesn't want to put in the hard work to create original art. 

She's definitely lazy, but I don't think it's just a hard work issue (though as I've said before, a lot of budding auteurs don't realize that there are concrete skills and techniques you can learn to improve your writing).  

Hard work, though, can only do so much for a person of middling intelligence and creativity.  Raquel, in all her years of blogging, has never posted anything strikingly intelligent.  Zilch.  Nothing.  Her creative zenith was the orange penis ferret, and I suspect that was accidental surrealism as opposed to an isolated, uncharacteristic burst of creativity.  

[Terrie]

Part of it is that Raquel is not curious about the world around her. She talks a lot about going out and Living (tm) and having Adventures(tm). But her grand adventures seem to designed to be things she already likes, rather than pushing herself to be a little uncomfortable and challenged so she can grow. The end result is someone who's boring, while shes' also terrified of being boring. 

[AmazonGrace]

I'm so sad that I missed the orange penis ferret. 

[acheronbeach]

27 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

I'm so sad that I missed the orange penis ferret. 

Personally, I liked "Life's Choices" better.  It was soooo bad it was good.  You can still read most of it online - I posted links back in 2015: 

 

[formergothardite]

Life's choices is what brought Raquel to FJ! And it isn't just an orange penis ferret, it is a MYSTICAL orange penis ferret!