Five Ways Christian Patriarchy Harms Men

[47of74]

Just saw this interesting posting

Quote

It is easy to understand how Christian patriarchy harms women, but it might not be so clear how patriarchy harms men. Patriarchy is a religious belief in which women must submit to their husbands, who are heads of their homes, earn the money, and make all the decisions—while their wives support and submit to them. In effect the husband is boss.

Patriarchy believes God created men and women with rigid gender roles and that the Bible describes those specific roles (see arguments against patriarchy in the links at the bottom of this page).

Patriarchy puts men in charge at home and church. Men are empowered while women are disempowered. So, with such privilege, how can patriarchy HARM MEN? There are at least 5 ways, and I am sure there are more. During this series, a number of both men and women readers addressed this issue. Some of their anonymous contributions are reflected throughout today’s article.

You can boil the reasons down to it basically being that men who buy into the patriarchy bullshit don't have fulfilling lives and relationships with others, especially their spouses. 

[smittykins]

Very interesting article(and blog), thanks for posting.

[RosyDaisy]

Poor men. That's just terrible. How on earth are they able to cope. I thought we women had it bad being treated like property and abused. The poor men have it so much worse.

(I'm being sarcastic)

[Tangy Bee]

Well it's gotta be stressful from day 1 knowing that they better figure out how to take care of the many blessings that they are suppose to have one day. Food, clothes, utilities, and health care. Oh of course they have to figure out to buy a house "debt free". Or is that actually easy?

[EowynW]

It harms them because it puts them in a rigid box that most do not fit into.  If my husband and I were still in the system, he'd be a "failure" as a "Christian husband leading his wife" and all that other bullshit. He simply isn't wired that way. There isn't a "command man" bone in his body. (A fact that I'm most grateful about since I grew up under the thumb of command men.) 

I'm so glad we escaped all of that. I'm going to go hug my husband right now. 

[RosyDaisy]

Men have options that women don't. For that very reason, I think it is laughable that patriarchy is harmful to men. The whole system is catered to them.

[EmiGirl]

2 minutes ago, RosyDaisy said:

Men have options that women don't. For that very reason, I think it is laughable that patriarchy is harmful to men. The whole system is catered to them.

Yeah they have options that women don't and may habe it better, but that doesn't mean they escape harm. I blame the patriarchy on the vast majority of the issues my husband has. As much as I love him i really wish I could meet the man he would have been if he had never been a part of it.

[NakedKnees]

It's not a black-and-white issue. Patriarchy is worse for women, certainly. That doesn't mean that it doesn't harm men too. 

[CyborgKin]

The way I see it: there is not some linear scale, where at the most patriarchal end, men get the highest possible benefit and women get the highest possible harm, while at the least patriarchal (most matriarchal?) end, women get the highest possible benefit and men get the highest possible harm.

Doing society wrong harms society in general, though unevenly.  And individuals (or groups) having more power can simultaneously help and harm them in different ways.  And with any amount of power comes responsibility.

[Howl]

Libby Anne (Love, Joy, Feminism on Patheos) posted a 4-part series discussing how patriarchy promotes covert emotional incest and family enmeshment and the Botkin Syndrome website also addresses the issue.  

Two links: 

Overcoming Botkin Syndrome

Emotional Incest, Part 1: Definitions (links to parts 2-4 are at the end)

 

 

[December]

11 hours ago, NakedKnees said:

It's not a black-and-white issue. Patriarchy is worse for women, certainly. That doesn't mean that it doesn't harm men too. 

Exactly. On the whole, patriarchy is harmful. Men might have more power to do something about their situation under it, but it's not productive to ignore how it hurts them, too. It's not like it doesn't happen in secular society, either, like men being called a sissy, etc. for opening up emotionally or enjoying traditionally feminine activities. If it helps someone think critically about the topic who wouldn't have considered it otherwise, I feel like it's a positive in the end. 

4 hours ago, Howl said:

Libby Anne (Love, Joy, Feminism on Patheos) posted a 4-part series discussing how patriarchy promotes covert emotional incest and family enmeshment and the Botkin Syndrome website also addresses the issue.  

Very interesting articles, and yet never shocking. It'd be more surprising if treating adult women like children didn't lead to weird overall relationship dynamics in a group.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Yes, patriarchy does also harm men. Not as badly as it does women, but its still there. This is why all genders need feminism.

[Howl]

Came across this nugget of wisdom left by a commenter on another forum which sums up what's inherently wrong with wifely submission/patriarchy

Spoiler

 

Those who use authority to get what they need/want from relationships are insecure and lazy about doing the work of relating to another as a fellow human being. It’s a hack.

The submission deal in the church is a relationship hack to avoid the art and work of developing authentic relationship. Both men who rule over and women who agree to submit are complicit in this shortcut to nowhere near a mature partnership and bond. The result is a shill, a shell, a sham.