Joy and Austin 13: Another Duggar Pregnancy Grandbaby 10

[Coconut Flan]

Continued from here:

I may have miscounted threads.  If anyone wants to recount, please do.

[Bethella]

From the previous thread:

@Markie It appears that Joy and Austin are living in a home that he owns in Elkins (about half way between the TTH and his parents). The mailing address is in Fayetteville. The last time I checked it was the only home he owned in the county. It was a real fixer-upper.

[formerpastorswife]

Quote

 

I wouldn't necessarily say it's harder on either sex, within limits (i.e. fear of rape and abuse come to mind).  Because both suck major cahones.  

The pressure for the man to provide for like a good ten people has got to be staggering. And though I joked earlier about pregnancy fetishes, not every man is into it.  Or the hormones.  I'm assumming here, but I'm guessing if the man would like anything besides missionary, the typical fundie wife might actually chastise him with a Bible verse (or two).  And God forbid if the man is into anything besides hard labor, or missionary stuff (i.e. lawyer, doctor, *cough* accountant, or *la gasp* art!).  

 

Well, at the risk of beating a dead horse, I believe it IS far better to be a man in the patriarchal realm. (IMHO, fundie is one level, and patriarchal is a whole added level of control). A patriarchal man can say he wants to do pretty much anything, and the wife has to go along with it (the only allowed exception is if it's CLEARLY unbiblical-- in other words, the wife has to find a pastor to back her up, which means she has to be willing to talk about it to another man). A BIG "case in point" is with sexual fetishes and positions-- fundie wives are taught that "marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled" means that whatever a husband and wife agree to do is okay. Which when you add patriarchy into it, the wife has no ability to DISagree, or else it's rebellion. I'm not going to detail the strange fetishes that my fundie-pastor-ex was into, but even after I left (after the abuse became blatant), I was told by multiple fundies that "it didn't matter what we did as long as it was between the two of us"-- never mind that it was not my choice, or that I never said I wanted it. It was what he wanted, and because it was "just between the two of us" (never mind that his fantasy goal WAS bringing in a third party, without my consent), it was okay.

Long story short, a fundie man can say he's "called" to do whatever, and the woman has to go along with it. He can even "feel led" to leave the patriarchy, use family planning (eg. Jeremy), or put his kids in public school. A woman doesn't have that freedom. (Unless she's Lori Alexander, and uses subterfuge and manipulation to get her way)

[CancerBomb]

She's not even 21 yet. Holy cow. She looks so young, like a child having a child. 

[Fundie Bunny]

Because i have exams and need a few hours of doing nothing, i am finally watching joy's wedding. Throw some weed and a guy with sunglasses playing the piano in the mix and it's totally the mock wedding we threw at a party during my last year of highschool. And god i want to slap Joy so badly

Eta: Wow what the hell how old is kendra's dad

[singsingsing]

4 minutes ago, Fundie Bunny said:

Eta: Wow what the hell how old is kendra's dad

I think he's 39. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

16 minutes ago, CancerBomb said:

She's not even 21 yet. Holy cow. She looks so young, like a child having a child. 

She's not even 20, she IS a child having a child.   My son is her age, he can't remember to turn the lights off how the hell would he look after a child.

[nst]

3 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

She's not even 20, she IS a child having a child.   My son is her age, he can't remember to turn the lights off how the hell would he look after a child.

because she will be constantly at the TTH giving the child to Jana ? 

[singsingsing]

Plenty of 19-year-olds do just fine as parents. I get that it's not ideal and we all want to express our shock and sadness that Joy is stuck, has seemingly thrown away her potential, etc. but I'm pretty sure there are a lot of people who became parents in their teens or early 20s reading this and I think it's kind of unfair to keep up this narrative of, "Holy shit, 19-year-olds can't even tie their shoes, they'd be DOOMED if they had a baby!"

Joy has been taking care of babies from a young age. She's been training her whole life to become a mother. I'm not celebrating the fact that she's 19, married and pregnant, but she's going to be fine. 

[Fundie Bunny]

2 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I think he's 39. 

I wouldn't have out him past 30 if i hadn't known she had an 18 year old daughter. Seriously, i go to class with guys that look older

[BackseatMom]

My cousin-in-law had a baby that age last year. Her mother called it a "life ruining tragedy." Her grandmother tried to talk her in to aborting or putting it up for adoption and finishing college. Everyone was so upset, and still feels badly for her. Isn't it funny what a difference perspective makes?

FWIW, I hoped my cousin would be happy with her decision, and I hope Joy will be, too. Poor kids.

[KeshetParparNesicha]

@singsingsing, agreed. My mom got married at 19 and had my brother 10 months later. She did great. (She also had a college degree, which Joy presumably never will.)

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

I'm not surprised Joy is pregnant, but now I keep having to remind myself that the 19 year newlywed I know in real life is not a Duggar and has plans to finish college and go to grad school. Just because she and Joy are very close in age and got married within a few months of each other, it does not mean that my young relative and her new husband will change their plans or have a surprise pregnancy.

Joy is not good for my stress levels these days. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

My friends daughter is 22 and got married a few weeks after Joy did and is due probably around the same time, but she was pregnant when they married, but that isn't why they married ,the weeding has been in the works for over a year.  She has ONE semester of college left, she needs 3 more classes, and she isn't going back because she can't handle being pregnant and school. She'll go back After baby because it will be easier.  She's stupid, she married a guy who refuses to hold own a job, she spent her wedding day/night not talking to her 'husband' expect to say vows (she refused to dance with him at the reception).  BTW I pulled my card out of the card box, because of that stunt. She's left him twice already and filed divorce papers and stopped them once already.  Hopefully these two grow up before their kid does.  Her life is over because the next 18 years of her life with be fighting for child support of worthless baby daddy.

[singsingsing]

4 minutes ago, BackseatMom said:

My cousin-in-law had a baby that age last year. Her mother called it a "life ruining tragedy." Her grandmother tried to talk her in to aborting or putting it up for adoption and finishing college. Everyone was so upset, and still feels badly for her. Isn't it funny what a difference perspective makes?

FWIW, I hoped my cousin would be happy with her decision, and I hope Joy will be, too. Poor kids.

The tragedy is that her family was so unsupportive. Shit happens in life. No one's life ever goes perfectly according to plan, with no pitfalls, sidetracks, or implosions. Also, sometimes people make decisions (i.e. a 19-year-old planning to get pregnant) that others think are appalling and terrible, but it works out for them and they're happy. There isn't one right way to 'do' life, and spending your late teens and 20s going to college, traveling, partying, dating and 'finding yourself' isn't the only path, or even the best path for everyone.

I hate that Joy is stuck in a fundamentalist religious cult. The fact that she's married and pregnant now makes leaving that much less likely, and that sucks. But the fact that she's married and pregnant (and with a child that is obviously wanted) at 19, just in and of itself? Meh. In the grand scheme of things, there are far, far worse things she could be dealing with.

One other thing - people can and do leave oppressive religious systems after they're married and have kids all the time. It's difficult but it's not impossible. I have a friend who was a very serious Mormon. She got married at 18 or 19, had her first baby at 20 and her second a couple years later. She and her husband have now both left the LDS church, and she's pursuing a university degree in nursing. They love their kids and they're doing well. It's not a death sentence.

[CoveredInBees]

For me, it's not so much about her being 19 (she's been around babies all her life and let's face it, she's been raised for this) it's more that in the space of a year she'll have gone from being a totally sheltered teen living at home to a stay at home mom with a baby on her hip. 

It would've been nice for her to have enjoyed child-free adult life a little first.

[infooverload]

So just like her sister mom she basically is having a honeymoon baby. What exactly is Austin doing for work? It will be interesting to see how they parent considering the level of fundamentalism both of their parents adhere to. Side note did I read somewhere Austin has a half sibling? I remember reading it going wait record scratch what. I am also curious as to why his parents only had 2 children. Does his sister just have the one child?

 

 

[cherryontop]

I had my first kiddo at 19. It was a planned pregnancy and I was married. I grew up in a secular household so religion played no factor in my decision to start a family so young... I simply had baby fever. 

Now that I'm 35, I look back on that time and wish I would have waited to have children. It was TOUGH. I put aside college to be a stay at home mom and am just now finishing up my nursing degree. I wish I could go back and slap my "know it all" 19 year old self.  Thank jeebus I was allowed to make mistakes, divorce my jerk ex-husband and still continue to mature and change as a person while being a mother. 

I feel so bad for these fundies rushing into young marriage with no hope of an escape plan if it turns out to be a total nightmare for them. They ARE still "babies" at 19. 

[singsingsing]

5 minutes ago, infooverload said:

Side note did I read somewhere Austin has a half sibling? I remember reading it going wait record scratch what. I am also curious as to why his parents only had 2 children. Does his sister just have the one child?

He does have a half sister from a previous relationship of his father's. I believe I read that the mother was still living, but it's unclear whether Austin's father was married and divorced or whether it was an unmarried relationship. No idea why he and Austin's mother had only two kids. They may have just not been able to have any more. Not sure how old Austin's mother was when she married Austin's dad. As for Austin's sister (his full sister), she has one child, but the child was literally just born a few months ago, and she hasn't been married long. And Austin has clearly embraced quiverfull ideology himself.

[Rachel333]

I had a friend get married at 19. It was a bad choice and she got divorced about a year later, but I did feel bad for her that her family refused to even come to the wedding. I understand them not wanting to support her marrying someone who is terrible for her, but it didn't actually stop her from doing it and it just damaged her relationship with her family.

I will say that the experience seemed to change her for the better and afterwards she seemed much more mature than other people her age. I wish she didn't have to go through all that in the first place though.

[AtlanticTug]

1 hour ago, formerpastorswife said:

Well, at the risk of beating a dead horse, I believe it IS far better to be a man in the patriarchal realm.

Unquestionably. Look at how many fundie men are lazy as shit and don't care. How hard does PP Anderson work? Or that extraordinarily lazy Naugler fellow? David Rodrigues? Josh? Derrick? Ben, doing heaven knows what all day, but calling it work. The Duggars have plenty of $ so they are a bit extreme but the other families basically all show that the men are more than happy to have their kids live in squalor and poverty. They are not rolling up their sleeves by any means and the women are too brainwashed to call them out on it.

Having a child at 19 doesn't mean that Joy isn't capable of taking care of the baby. She is probably better suited to it than a number of 30-year-olds having their first baby. The difference is that she has had no life experiences at 19, nothing but watching her broodmare mother and now sisters. Zero intellectual curiosity, zero challenging yourself in unknown environments, piss poor education, no career goals or goals of any sort whatsoever. Hell they're not even good homemakers as most of them seemingly can't even cook. It is 100% inevitable that one of these girls will wake up at 45 and wonder where the hell their life went.

[SnazzyNazzy]

Personally, the worst thing to me, about having a baby at 19, is the possibility of becoming a grandma before you're 40 years old. I'm an ageist when it comes to becoming a grandma, I want to be OLD gosh darnit.

[Seculardaisy]

1 hour ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

She's not even 20, she IS a child having a child.   My son is her age, he can't remember to turn the lights off how the hell would he look after a child.

Teen mom shaming is one thing I won't do. I don't mean to say you specifically are doing that, I've seen plenty of people use the same tone and say the same things on here.

I had my first child at age 18 and many people said the same stuff with many condescending judgements added to that to my (now) husband and I. Ten years later we are married with a couple more kids and doing VERY well for ourselves. Despite our young age when we had our first we were very stable together and did everything possible to educate ourselves on parenting.

Age doesn't automatically mean people will be  incompetent parents. Joy was unfortunately raised from birth to be a mother. I'm sure she will do just fine.

[Carm_88]

Age and maturity are two completely different things. While I am not sure that Joy is mature either, she's an adult. A married adult who chose to have a baby with her husband. She was never going to do the normal 19 year old things, that was never in the cards for her. She is in a cult. Someone may someday decide that it's not for them but at the moment, I don't see it happening. 

[HarleyQuinn]

Maturity wise she's probably around 12-14 like her sister mom, Jill. 

I wonder if Jinger is getting hounded now?

Also lol at this timing. Perfect bait and switch after Dwreck tried to grift money again.