Bates 22: Courting, Marrying, and Trying to not Look Fundie

[ophelia]

I'm glad to hear that Alyssa and her family are safe. And yikes.. she looks amazing in that picture and her little girls are really really cute.

 

[neurogirl]

Have we already seen this??? The 5th picture in really looks like Bobby is going to propose. 

[BeccaGrim]

Trace is the only person in that picture who looks happy. 

[Kangaroo]

It will be interesting to see if she does get engaged in this episode. I'm fully expecting Gil to give his blessing, but if they did get engaged that would have been around early June. I'd be very impressed if they did manage to avoid that leaking before now (I know we suspect they're engaged but we obviously don't have a confirmation).

[VelociRapture]

I was going to watch and recap as a special surprise tonight. But husband got home early. He took one look at the screen, asked, "What is this trash?" and changed the channel. So now I'm stuck watching football. Because fantasy football. 

So, to pass the time, here's my completely accurate and in no way made up recap:

Cheerful music playing. They open at that adventure place they were at this summer.

CarVan want to court. Gil and Kelly politely find a way to say, "SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! YOU HAVE NO JOBS, NO HOUSE, AND HE HAS AN UNCANNY RESEMBLANCE TO THAT ZOOLANDER GUY." CarVan accepts it because they have no other option.

Boring stuff where they act like a normal family. Someone says something that could be a joke or could be a serious comment revealing their weird ass beliefs. Someone mentions Jesus. I'm guessing Kelly will freak out over some activity they do. Tori will do her best Taylor Swift, "OMG I'M SO SURPRISED I WON," face because her bo'friend is pretending to work at the resort place to surprise her. One of the couples will be a bit too over the top PDA-wise and it'll be awkward as fuck because CarVan and BoRi have to leave room for Jesus.

Last two seconds will be Bobby asking for permission to... get Tori a puppy! I wish. He'll probably ask to propose, Gil will remind him Tori has life goals, and Bobby will clarify that he wants what she wants. They'll agree to either a longer than typical engagement or they'll agree he has permission but that he'll wait until early next year to propose. 

It'll end with whoever is still watching going into their kitchen and downing an entire pint of ice cream in order to forget the fact that they just wasted that much time on this stupid show.

[Palimpsest]

12 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

But husband got home early. He took one look at the screen, asked, "What is this trash?" and changed the channel. So now I'm stuck watching football. Because fantasy football. 

I'm no fan of football, but I think Mr. VR was right. 

And I'm laughing my head off at your completely accurate and in no way made up recap.  Because I bet it is completely accurate!

[Kangaroo]

The family did a Facebook live video after the episode aired. It's also boring as anything, but some main points are:

• Carlin and Evan don't appear to be courting yet. Sounds like if Carlin could have been married yesterday, she would have.
• Josie and Kelton are "boyfriend and girlfriend" but also aren't courting.
• Bobby has not proposed to Tori. 
• Nathan continues to work in Texas working as a flight instructor (or is he just avoiding the chaos that is the Bates family?).

So you know, absolutely nothing we didn't know already.

[Seculardaisy]

46 minutes ago, Kangaroo said:

The family did a Facebook live video after the episode aired. It's also boring as anything, but some main points are:

• Carlin and Evan don't appear to be courting yet. Sounds like if Carlin could have been married yesterday, she would have.
• Josie and Kelton are "boyfriend and girlfriend" but also aren't courting.
• Bobby has not proposed to Tori. 
• Nathan continues to work in Texas working as a flight instructor (or is he just avoiding the chaos that is the Bates family?).

So you know, absolutely nothing we didn't know already.

It's funny because I'm reading this thinking "damn this family is moving slowly" then I have to remind myself that in the real world they move fast as hell. But compared to the Duggars things are sloowwww in Batesland.

[candygirl200413]

@VelociRapture Thanks for the nice laugh cause today was a slightly shitty day for me!

I just finished the episode and i low key though Gil was serious just cause Tori still hasn't graduated yet, but I forgot about Erin so he wouldn't necessarily care. I also forget that they can be dating before courting.

[neurogirl]

It may make things less exciting to snark on, but I'm glad the couples move more slowly! I so hope Tori's wishes are respected and that she sticks to her desire to finish college first. Crown is better than nothing after the SOTDRT, and the kids have a more normal dating schedule these days now that they are basically regular dating with strict physical boundaries. Yes I know the Bateseses are still fundie/hiding horrible beliefs. It's all been said before! I'm just happy the kidults continue to pursue education/get to know each other without rushing immediately into marriage (cough Duggars).

[VelociRapture]

Read the recap on Bates Family Blog.

- CarVan somehow got the green light to start courting. I'm honestly just sitting here shaking my head over the stupidity. 

- The married couples all went in a boat together for white water rafting. Zach apparently jokingly told his mom that if they all died, Lawson and Nathan would have to raise all the remaining kids. Not gonna lie, I find this unreasonably amusing to picture and I feel strongly that there now needs to be an episode where Lawson and Nathan are in charge of all the kids for a week (full of barely concealed sexist comments.)

- Gil said no when Bobby first asked to propose and Bobby apparently wasn't sure if it was a joke. It was. Gil gave his blessing. Bobby said he was ready to throw up he was so nervous. Gil is such a douchebag.

- Tori, according to Bobby, feels October is their relationship's "magic month" since that's when they first met. He says they'll have to see about that. So my official guess is going to be sometime between December (Christmastime) and late January, since a four or five month engagement wouldn't be too much longer than the others and I really hope Tori's wishes are respected. 

(Watch me be so, so wrong on that. They'll probably be engaged by end of September and married by the new year.)

[VineHeart137]

11 hours ago, Kangaroo said:

Josie and Kelton are "boyfriend and girlfriend" but also aren't courting.

I think this has been explained but I still don't really get it. What's the purpose of the courtship phase if they're already "boyfriend and girlfriend" months before it begins? Because it sounds to me like the Bateses are over the whole courtship model but they still have to act like it's a thing because superiority.

[singsingsing]

3 hours ago, VineHeart137 said:

 Because it sounds to me like the Bateses are over the whole courtship model but they still have to act like it's a thing because superiority.

I think you answered your own question. They don't really 'do' courtship anymore. What they do is conservative dating, or dating with a lot of restrictions. Which lots of other people do and have done for centuries, but like you said, they have to feel superior. On my Bates/Duggars spreadsheet I mark a Bates kid as 'courting' whenever they have a 'special friend'. If they're clearly in a romantic relationship, and it's public, guess what? They're dating/courting. I don't really care what Gil and Kelly want to call it. They can call the sky purple and that won't make it any less blue!

[VelociRapture]

10 hours ago, Seculardaisy said:

It's funny because I'm reading this thinking "damn this family is moving slowly" then I have to remind myself that in the real world they move fast as hell. But compared to the Duggars things are sloowwww in Batesland.

Keep in mind that we see far less of the Duggars' "getting to know you" period then we do with the Bateses. The two families likely follow much closer relationship patterns than we realize. The Duggars are mostly sticking with the shorter courtship and engagements, but they also may have reasons for that:

1. Duggars tend to live much closer to their significant others. Out of all the Duggar relationships, JinJer and the Smuggars were the only ones to be long distance the whole relationship. The Dills were for about two months, but things progressed quickly after he returned stateside.

2. With Joseph and Joy, they knew their spouses and in-laws a long time prior to courting. Even if they didn't spend too much time together because gender roles, they've likely hung out in mixed sex groups prior to courting. That doesn't seem to really be the case with a lot of the more current Bates relationships.

I did a breakdown once of the various relationship lengths. From my best recollection (courting to marriage):

Smuggars: ~ 9 months (I believe; Anna lived in Florida)

Cherin: 11 months (Chad was out of state)

Zachney: 6 months (both from Tennessee)

Websters: 6 months (almost skipped courting completely; John from Florida)

Dills: 7 months (2 months long distance)

Benessa: 14 months (both from different parts of Arkansas; Ben moved to the TTH 6 months before they married.)

Keilens: 16 months (Brandon was in Texas and Illinois the entire relationship.)

JinJer: ~ 5 months (Jeremy was in Texas; we know he was around for more than a year prior to marrying Jinger though.)

JoStin: 6 months (both in Arkansas.)

JoKen: 6 months (both in Arkansas.)

So the lengths are kind of all over the place. The average length of a Duggar relationship is between 7.5 months and 8 months. Average length for Bateses is about 9.75 months. I think proximity may play a bigger role then we realize in the relative speed of Duggar relationships. Doesn't explain it entirely though.

(BoRi wasn't counted in this because they aren't married yet, but Bobby was in Florida for almost the entire time.) 

18 minutes ago, VineHeart137 said:

I think this has been explained but I still don't really get it. What's the purpose of the courtship phase if they're already "boyfriend and girlfriend" months before it begins? Because it sounds to me like the Bateses are over the whole courtship model but they still have to act like it's a thing because superiority.

The only way I can describe it is that precourtship is more like "casual dating" then anything. You're hanging out (in groups of course) and just getting to know the person better before committing to anything really serious. 

Courtship is similar to an exclusive or serious relationship - still with chaperones, but you're both pretty serious about moving towards engagement and you're taking steps together to make that happen.

So the main difference appears to be intention in my opinion. Precourtship is the period of seeing if you're compatible and enjoy being together. Courtship is when you already know that stuff and you move on to deeper issues that usually pop up prior to engagement.

The Bateses are a bit savvier  about appearing "normal" then the Duggars are, but they follow the same basic relationship guidelines. I do think they genuinely learned something from Zach and Nathan's failed courtships though. Especially Zach's. So I'm not overly surprised at some of the changes there may have been in their approach.

[ihaveanexamintwodays]

3 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

- CarVan somehow got the green light to start courting. I'm honestly just sitting here shaking my head over the stupidity. 

- Gil said no when Bobby first asked to propose and Bobby apparently ain't sure if it was a joke. It was. Gil gave his blessing. Bobby said he was ready to throw up he was so nervous. Gil is such a douchebag.

Well, we know this was filmed in June so I'm guessing both an engagement and a courtship to happen very soon...haha. BUB is airing that "super secret special" thingy next week - I can't imagine what else it could be other than an engagement or courtship feature, unless I'm completely forgetting something. I'd normally say that a courtship isn't a big enough deal for a TV special, but this *is* camera-whoring Carlin & Evan we're talking about.....

my guess is the Tobby proposal though, and then they'll have either a long engagement or a winter wedding. Tori has said she originally planned on waiting until after graduation, but enough teasers have included "but we'll see/that could be moved up/who knows/etc" that I'm kind of expecting a winter wedding, and then she'll do her student teaching semester, graduate, and pop out a zillion kids. 

[BeccaGrim]

They could also announce Trace having a 'special friend'.  Or Nathan comes back with Ashley.  Or some girl from Texas or...wait for it...Lawson and that Sadie girl. (Although maybe Nathan likes her because he jumped to her defense during a live interview instead of Lawson.) Don't forget how Lawson-centric the show is. They might think Lawson news was worth a special episode. 

[HereticHick]

Did anyone else notice this review on Crown College of the Bible's Facebook page?

 

https://www.facebook.com/Crown-College-of-the-Bible-245730995472480/

 

[JmW]

The post just above that one is rather telling, also. Basically telling everyone do not waste your money on this worthless college!

[sunshine]

3 hours ago, HereticHick said:

Did anyone else notice this review on Crown College of the Bible's Facebook page?

I wonder if it is starting trouble because this school supports Trump. It probably does have it in the handbook, for this day in age, to ensure that both parties are in an agreement to avoid conflict. 

I do know and heard of girls who used their Black boyfriends as revenge towards their parents. Sick. 

[SayWhat]

On 9/14/2017 at 4:59 PM, BeccaGrim said:

Trace is the only person in that picture who looks happy. 

Lawson & Nathan look kinda scared and apprehensive, Trace is like, Bring It On !  I am still pissed at Gill & Kelly for denying Trace the opportunity to particulate in organized sports.   

[Kangaroo]

1 hour ago, SayWhat said:

Lawson & Nathan look kinda scared and apprehensive, Trace is like, Bring It On !  I am still pissed at Gill & Kelly for denying Trace the opportunity to particulate in organized sports.   

Well in the Facebook live chat the other day, Kelly said Trace was absent because he was trying out for the college basketball team.

Obviously does not make up for many years of denying their children opportunity and it's for the super Fundy college team, but at least now he's getting the opportunity.

[NeverBeenKissed]

22 hours ago, HereticHick said:

Did anyone else notice this review on Crown College of the Bible's Facebook page?

https://www.facebook.com/Crown-College-of-the-Bible-245730995472480/

Whitey Pauer has no friends, no photos. I'm gonna go with fake account. 

[SayWhat]

8 hours ago, Kangaroo said:

Well in the Facebook live chat the other day, Kelly said Trace was absent because he was trying out for the college basketball team.

Obviously does not make up for many years of denying their children opportunity and it's for the super Fundy college team, but at least now he's getting the opportunity.

 I am glad he is finally getting the opportunity to play organized sports.  BUT, Trace is a 20 year old man.    He can make his own choices.  He obviously did.  Other than family pressure not much Kelly & Gil can do to stop him  and  Kelly & Gil would appear like total douche bags if they tried to stop him.  They want to appear as likable and as normal as possible to sell their BRAND of Christianity and it makes me sick. 

[seraaa]

22 hours ago, HereticHick said:

Did anyone else notice this review on Crown College of the Bible's Facebook page?

https://www.facebook.com/Crown-College-of-the-Bible-245730995472480/

Y i k e s is all I have to say to that.

And if he's referring to this at BJU, double yikes

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2000/marchweb-only/53.0.html

Is Trace at Crown also?

[HarleyQuinn]

So what happens when Carlin and Josie get proposed to? Do the Bates fake a "courtship" episode prior to airing engagement? Their entire superiority stance on this whole thing is so ridiculous.

He's my boyfriend!!

Nah, we're no courting.

I LOVE YOU!!!11!!ELEVENTY!!