Bad Christian Movies

[CyborgKin]

On 05/09/2017 at 0:11 AM, PennySycamore said:

@CyborgKin, what in the hell was that Defense of New Haven thing about?  It reminded me of an Our Gang/Little Rascals  short although I'd much, much, MUCH rather watch Our Gang

Um... now that i think about it, the setting/backstory of that film wasn't really explained.  I guess the same goes for Ravenshead actually.  They're both fairly "this is a strange world in which things are as they are, just accept that and watch the story happen".  Also you have to pretend that all the characters are adults despite being played by kids.

 

On 06/09/2017 at 3:52 PM, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

"My name is Wenneveria." I always feel a little bad because bless their hearts, they tried, but that movie is just terrible. 

True.  They tried but... ehhhhh.  We too snark about "the character who everyone just calls 'my lady' because her name is too hard to pronounce"

That bunch's next attempt turned out a bit better:

 

[feministxtian]

Just watched Jesus Camp...I wanted to slap the shit out of that fat, blonde bitch SO bad!!!

[infooverload]

Just watched Jesus Camp...I wanted to slap the shit out of that fat, blonde bitch SO bad!!!

You might enjoy the breakdown the podcast True Crime Obsessed did.

[L1o2u3]

I also watched October Baby a few years ago (a pro-life movie, content in the spoiler box). 

Spoiler

A teenager finds out she survived an abortion and was adopted afterwards. She then searches her mother, which turns into a road trip with her best friend, but when she finds her mom, she doesn't tell her she's her daughter. She leaves her a note that she "forgives her" in the end. 

One scene was really weird. She's staying in a hotel room with her male friend. But she tells him she can't sleep in the same bed with him. He offers to sleep on the floor, but that can't happen, because, you know, once a girl and a boy are alone in a room, they fornicate. So they end up sleeping in the lobby, on a couch, cuddling. Because sleeping next to each other in a bed, not touching each other, is worse than sleeping on a couch, touching. That logic. 

[Queen]

@L1o2u3 "survived an abortion", what kind of crap is that? Did they mean the mother wanted to abort but decided/was pressured to give birth? Or survived as in survived an abortion procedure? How is it even possible for a fetus to survive that? Oh well.

Im obviously not ranting at you, but at the filmmakers!  

@lilwriter85 I thought SNL came up with "Pureflix", but to my horror I discovered it is an actual Christian movie streaming site. Really, Pureflix?? *shakes head and barfs*

[L1o2u3]

@Queen Unfortunately it is not crap. It is possible, though very rare (at least I hope so). And apparently it can happen no matter if you have a  late-term abortion, a medical abortion or a surgical abortion. Have you ever heard of the Oldernburg baby? A boy with Down syndrome survived a late-term abortion, but was not given medical care until a few hours later. It was a scandal. He was then adopted. It's on Wikipedia.

And there was another case where a baby survived a medical abortion in 2014. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2636710/I-bear-think-not-existing-The-baby-survived-abortion-mother-racked-guilt-harmed-child-adores.html

Here's a case where a midwife decided to safe the baby from a late-term abortion and sold the baby to somebody else: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4739580/Woman-abortion-later-child-survived.html

Here's another story where a baby survived a surgical abortion. http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/meet-baby-who-miraculously-survived-7528182

Pro-Life people claim that this happens much more often than you think and that many babies are breathing when they are aborted and die after the abortion. I don't know about the exact numbers and they are probably exaggerated. But it is definitely possible to survive an abortion.

Also, there are reports from late miscarriages that the babies are still alive and their hearts are beating after they are outside of the womb, but they then die within a few hours or so. Which must be pretty heartbreaking for the family when the baby is alive but it can't be saved because it's too early in the pregnancy. 

 

Of course, the movie exploits this for their pro-life message. 

[BobTheWalrus]

One movie I loved is The Mission. It's a mainstream movie - Robert DeNiro and Jeremy Irons, and a Liam Neeson so young he doesn't even get his name in the highlights! But it is a powerful story of redemption and how turning to God should actually make a difference in your life. Amazing how you can tell a Christian story without being horribly lame and cheesy! /s

[smittykins]

October Baby is loosely based on the life of Gianna Jessen 

[CyborgKin]

Can I put something on this list preemptively?

 

[L1o2u3]

Woah, I see two pastors in the cast. And five Ph.D. Scientists  very specific. And everybody knows that pastors are UFO experts. 

Let me guess. UFOs are angels? Jesus' tears because mankind is so wicked and sinful? Aliens have been invented by evolutionists to deceive people and convert them to atheism? 

They probably read Alien Intrusion: UFOs and the evolution connection and made this into a movie  https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/343291.Alien_Intrusion The author is also included in the cast. 

It's made by Creation Ministries International... 

[Howl]

This comment on the Goodreads link sums it up, because of course, "aliens" are fallen angels hell bent on demonic deception, leading one to believe in evolution evil-ution.

Spoiler

 

A Much-Needed Accurate Portrayal of the Truth About "Aliens"

Bates begins by giving a solid overview of the history of UFO phenomena, particularly in America, before launching into the main thrust of his position, which is that aliens are not visitors from other planets or galaxies but fallen angels engaging in a deliberate attempt to deceive humans, and that the idea of evolution plays into their hands because belief in evolution leads people to think that since life allegedly evolved here, it must have also evolved elsewhere and thus aliens are real. It comes as no surprise, then, that these "aliens" often have bad things to say about Jesus and God and the Bible, or say things that contradict the Bible. Bates makes a clear, concise case for demonic deception, and I share his hope that this book will help many see the Truth.

 

 

[CyborgKin]

On 30/09/2017 at 5:05 PM, L1o2u3 said:

Woah, I see two pastors in the cast. And five Ph.D. Scientists  very specific. And everybody knows that pastors are UFO experts. 

Let me guess. UFOs are angels? Jesus' tears because mankind is so wicked and sinful? Aliens have been invented by evolutionists to deceive people and convert them to atheism? 

They probably read Alien Intrusion: UFOs and the evolution connection and made this into a movie  https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/343291.Alien_Intrusion The author is also included in the cast. 

It's made by Creation Ministries International... 

It's literally the movie of that book.

[PennySycamore]

I see that John Schneider is the narrator of the Alien Intrusion POS.  Are things that bad for you, Johnny?  Is this the only work you can find?

[CyborgKin]

4 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

I see that John Schneider is the narrator of the Alien Intrusion POS.  Are things that bad for you, Johnny?  Is this the only work you can find?

If so he does a good job of sounding happy enough to be there:

 

[elsiedindin]

The world of Christian moviemaking is pretty fascinating. As in so many weird fundy things , DPIAT had a role. VF really pushed moviemaking as a way to infiltrate/influence culture (see: VF's short-lived film festival). Before that, fundy films with appalling production values tended to be pretty obvious in their message (repent and believe) and were typically either based on a popular book (like Left Behind) or made for kids whose parents had terrible taste in movies (looking at you, Bibleman). VF told their followers that Christian films should be about changing people's worldview. Earlier Christian films obviously had moral messages, but here the moralism became the message. Jesus Christ was not part of it, and this was a pretty significant departure from the relatively straightforward evangelism tools that Christian movies once were. 

[EmiGirl]

It really breaks my heart that john is doing that... I really like him.  I have a picture of him holding me when I was 2 or 3 years old.

[PennySycamore]

@EmiGirl, I was reading on Wikipedia that John got "saved" when he was living with Johnny and June Carter Cash.  

[EmiGirl]

1 minute ago, PennySycamore said:

@EmiGirl, I was reading on Wikipedia that John got "saved" when he was living with Johnny and June Carter Cash.  

He's a great guy. He and my dad knew each other. Bought a lot of trucks from Dad. You can be a Christian (like me) and not be crazy though. 

[PennySycamore]

@EmiGirl, I think that's really cool that your dad knows John Schneider!

I know that John co-founded the Children's Miracle Network with Marie Osmond and has done some animal rights advocacy, too.

[EmiGirl]

2 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

@EmiGirl, I think that's really cool that your dad knows John Schneider!

I know that John co-founded the Children's Miracle Network with Marie Osmond and has done some animal rights advocacy, too.

Yeah. He used to call the house every now and again to say hi. Dad died 2 years ago and the only way I could figure out how to contact john was through Facebook and I have no clue if he actually got the message or not.

[NakedKnees]

Last Ounce of Courage (I THINK that's the title) is a special fundie movie to me. I watched with friends, stoned as hell, after paying for and seeing a movie we really wanted to see, then just running into the next theater like a bunch of dumbasses (ah, college). So we got in after the movie started and had no idea what to expect.

This was a year or two before I found FJ so I was very lonely in my fundie obsession. This movie is a perfect support-our-troops and war-on-Christmas diatribe rolled into one.

Did the Duggars go see Fireproof at the Vision Forum film festival, or was that a different film festival? I don't remember if this was in 17, 18, or 19 KaC. Anyway, it seemed pretty legit (superficially speaking, of course).

[infooverload]

Last Ounce of Courage the one they got in trouble for robot calling people begging people to see the classic Christian we're under attack movie.

[lilwriter85]

On 10/3/2017 at 5:03 PM, NakedKnees said:

Last Ounce of Courage (I THINK that's the title) is a special fundie movie to me. I watched with friends, stoned as hell, after paying for and seeing a movie we really wanted to see, then just running into the next theater like a bunch of dumbasses (ah, college). So we got in after the movie started and had no idea what to expect.

This was a year or two before I found FJ so I was very lonely in my fundie obsession. This movie is a perfect support-our-troops and war-on-Christmas diatribe rolled into one.

Did the Duggars go see Fireproof at the Vision Forum film festival, or was that a different film festival? I don't remember if this was in 17, 18, or 19 KaC. Anyway, it seemed pretty legit (superficially speaking, of course).

I saw that Last Ounce of Courage on youtube a few years ago and laughed at the bad camera work and how the characters acted as if Christians are the only people in the US. Sadly, I know people in real life who like the people in that in movie. They are examples of Christian jingoists.  You can be proud of your country, but don't overdo it.

I think the Duggars saw Fireproof at the VF festival. I recall a fundie blogger took pictures with them near a Fireproof movie poster. When the Josh Duggar scandal broke, the Kendrick Brothers and Sherwood Baptist stayed quiet on the Duggars. I wonder if they ever felt duped by them.

[Cleopatra7]

I wasn’t sure if this should go in the Christian movie thread, since Hi Tops is technically not a movie but a filmed stage production. If need be the mods can put it there if they decide that it is a movie. Anyway, Hi Tops is an evangelical musical aimed at the “youth” and can best be described as a weird mix of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” the Mickey Mouse Club, skits that a Christian youth group might make up during vacation bible school, and a particularly inept after school special:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hi-Tops_(film)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VQiM1Qhm1vg (Full musical)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=h2UavbFdidc 

(Cinema Snob’s snarky review)

The best thing that I can say about Hi Tops is that it at least has higher production values that most attempts at Christian entertainment. As usual, the writing is so ham-fisted, especially with the death/not-death at the end, that it’s not really going to appeal to anyone who isn’t already in the evangelical bubble (as wholesome as this play was, I’m sure more hardcore fundies would find something to get offended over). It also tries way too hard to be “extreme” and “radical” to appeal to teenagers, but probably no more so than any other pop culture creation made by fifty year old men for high schoolers.

[Destiny]

Is it wrong that I can still pretty much sing the whole damn thing? Also, I now hate you because I have the song stuck in my head.

 

Fun fact: the copy I had had Crystal Lewis I think it was in the valley girl role. I think. It’s been 20+ years since I’ve seen it last.

 

Edited cos I got my 80s Christian stars confused.