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A totally accurate and in no way sarcastic Duggar Cheat Sheet


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Update: All the summaries are now available and you are free to comment. Thank you for your patience! 3/16/2018: Shout out to @singsingsingfor posting her spreadsheets on another thread and to @n

Welcome one and all to the Official VelociRapture Cheat Sheet for the extended Duggar family. These are very basic summaries. I don't watch the shows, so I wrote these using a combination of FJ, socia

Hmm. You said that they use the modesty standards from the bible, but you weren't sure where from. I'm pretty sure there's a part in Genesis where Eve realized she was naked after eating the forbidden

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MarblesMom

@VelociRapture This is an impressive collection of data!   Thanks for putting this together!

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onekidanddone
1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

Derick apparently has some sort of Allergies. I think it's linked to certain foods and exercise.

This is a real thing. It is called exercise induced anaphylaxis and my daughter has it. It quite rare according to her allergist. In my kid it is  the combination of a particular wheat protein (we are not sure exactly what) and vigorous exercise with in an hour or so after eating. Kid had gym right after lunch last school year and required two trips to the  ER in one month.  It is scary as hell when you see your child struggling to take a breath.

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HarleyQuinn

Nice job @VelociRapture! I have to point out, it was Michael that was the bathroom baby though. Not Marcus, he was born in a birthing center where Anna was clearly getting nervous over a water birth and the midwife wasn't listening to her. 

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marmalade

@VelociRapture Awesome job! 

I do have a slight correction: the pink flamingos had to be painted blue for Marcus. It was a huge plotline *eye roll*. Sierra goes as far back as Michael's first birthday when she supposedly saved the day with a (store bought) rainbow cake. Anna and Amy's attempt at a checkerboard cake was a dismal failure. Sierra supposedly baked several layers and decorated in a matter of hours. Riiiiight.

Edited by marmalade
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Season of life...
2 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

I believe he did something to the car Erin and Chad Paine drove away in after their wedding in November 2013 - I'm thinking he made it smell bad? And I think he helped Andy Leftwich pull a prank with the wedding rings at Zach and Whitney Bates's wedding as well. So John, if you ever marry, don't be shocked if someone pranks you in turn.

I've really enjoyed reading these--thanks very much, VelociRapture!

JD put at least one open can of sardines in the Paine's car, and pretended to have forgotten the rings at Zach and Whitney's wedding. He instead pulled out a candy ring pop and handed it over before the real ring was dropped from the ceiling after he prayed for help. He also had put powder on the kneeling bench so it would mark Zach's trousers. Poor Whitney, in her wedding dress, got on her knees to help clean it off. The Duggars always seem to have to one-up everything, even a friend's wedding ceremony.

At someone else's wedding he lamented he couldn't screw up the car too much because it was a rental. Charming.

I know many people like JD and find wedding pranks fun, and I don't mind them, to a point,  but to me these crossed a line. Sardines in the air-vent or under the seat isn't just childish behavior--it's vandalism. Clownishly pretending he didn't have the rings surely caused unnecessary anxiety and ruined a lovely emotional moment during the ceremony. 

I feel sorry for his future bride, should there be one, because paybacks are a bitch, and revenge is best served cold. 

 

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Palimpsest

Excellent work, @VelociRapture.

A few minor quibbles in addition to the corrections already made.

In the JB and Michelle section on IBLP:  

  • Both are regular speakers at Big Sandy.
  • Both Joseph and Josiah went to ALERT and one of the twins is there now.  You have got it in their individual sections but not under JB and M.
  • Jana, at least, was a leader in JTTH.  I'll try to find the cite.

And Jason does have his very own claim to fame.  He's the kid who fell 12 feet into an orchestra pit and concussed himself.  Michelle, instead of comforting him, whipped out her phone to video the poor little sprog as he was carried out on a stretcher.  The internets went wild over that one.

 

 

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VelociRapture
1 hour ago, HarleyQuinn said:

Nice job @VelociRapture! I have to point out, it was Michael that was the bathroom baby though. Not Marcus, he was born in a birthing center where Anna was clearly getting nervous over a water birth and the midwife wasn't listening to her. 

Thanks! I edited it really quickly to reflect the correct M Spawn. 

 

5 minutes ago, marmalade said:

@VelociRapture Awesome job! 

I do have a slight correction: the pink flamingos had to be painted blue for Marcus. It was a huge plotline *eye roll*. Sierra goes as far back as Michael's first birthday when she supposedly saved the day with a (store bought) rainbow cake. Anna and Amy's attempt at a checkerboard cake was a dismal failure. Sierra supposedly baked several layers and decorated in a matter of hours. Riiiiight.

:pb_lol: Like I said, I don't watch the show, so I forgot about the rainbow cake. I do remember the flamingoes from Meredith's sex reveal though. If you google "flamingo Duggar" a People article should pop up about it:

https://www.google.com/amp/people.com/tv/19-kids-and-counting-josh-duggar-anna-duggar-reveal-the-sex-of-their-baby/amp/

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Palimpsest
9 minutes ago, Season of life... said:

I know many people like JD and find wedding pranks fun, and I don't mind them, to a point,  but to me these crossed a line.

The sardines were bad but I thought his worst one was at the Josh and Anna wedding.  He wired the horn to the brakes, and vice versa, on the getaway car.  I thought that was really dangerous.

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Season of life...
3 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

The sardines were bad but I thought his worst one was at the Josh and Anna wedding.  He wired the horn to the brakes, and vice versa, on the getaway car.  I thought that was really dangerous.

Very true, but I have to admit I still snicker at the thought of sexually frustrated Josh having to stop the getaway car to fix it. Before the wedding I remember him saying something along the lines of he would be very upset if anything delayed him when it came to leaving after the wedding. 

I remember feeling sad for Anna as she, still in her wedding dress, was left to wheel their luggage to the hotel room as Josh strode ahead. 

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onekidanddone
59 minutes ago, Season of life... said:

I remember feeling sad for Anna as she, still in her wedding dress, was left to wheel their luggage to the hotel room as Josh strode ahead. 

I didn't know about having to roll her own luggage. Was this on an episode? He really is swine. Taking a nap while Anna was in labor is another example.

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Palimpsest
7 minutes ago, onekidanddone said:

I didn't know about having to roll her own luggage. Was this on an episode? He really is swine. Taking a nap while Anna was in labor is another example.

Completely true and on the episode.  He also trod on the train of her (borrowed) wedding dress and tore it.  Submissive Anna practically apologised for carelessly putting her train under Josh's clod-hopping hoof.

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Italiangirl

Thank you @VelociRapture this is very helpfull i didn't know a lot of thing about JB and Duggar queen. After this summary they are descend in to another hell. Oh i also really like how you change the FuckFace family's photo!

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marmalade
1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

Thanks! I edited it really quickly to reflect the correct M Spawn. 

 

:pb_lol: Like I said, I don't watch the show, so I forgot about the rainbow cake. I do remember the flamingoes from Meredith's sex reveal though. If you google "flamingo Duggar" a People article should pop up about it:

https://www.google.com/amp/people.com/tv/19-kids-and-counting-josh-duggar-anna-duggar-reveal-the-sex-of-their-baby/amp/

So they dyed BLUE flamingos PINK? WTF is wrong with these people?

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SeekingAdventure

Love the summarys, just hit the right tone :D

 

you have a minor slip up of numbers with jinger, you wrote they were engaged in 2014. :)

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VelociRapture
31 minutes ago, marmalade said:

So they dyed BLUE flamingos PINK? WTF is wrong with these people?

No. The article clearly said they painted the pink flamingoes blue in 2015 for Meredith's reveal. Marcus' sex reveal was at a Church. 

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marmalade

Well, that's truly bizarre. At least I didn't misremember the flamingos being painted and stuck out on the lawn. Just strange that it was for a girl. Oh, those goofy Duggars. 

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Greendoor

One small error.  You have JinJer getting engaged two years before they started courting.  Should  be 2016  not 2014.

Love you recaps and sense of what is right.

 

 

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