Real Life Fundie Encounters - Part 4

[Aine]

2 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Tell her you cannot afford another dress.  Your budget only stretches to the dress you bought -- which cannot be returned.  So she has 2 choices.  You wear the one you have or she pays for a new one.

I totally agree with this. Do not back down on that. If she isn't going to pay for the new dress, then graciously tell her that while you are grateful that she asked you to be a bridesmaid and you're excited for her to be your sister-in-law (white lies don't hurt, right?), you think you will have to step back from being in the bridal party as you paid for a dress that she approved and it is not in your budget to buy another dress. 

Nothing about doing that would be rude or out of line and it is completely a result of her own actions. 

[nastyhobbitses]

12 hours ago, EowynW said:

My fucking dress is too damn MODEST now, according to the fundie bride and her mother. We have barely 3 weeks left and now this prissy very young size 2 is going to hand select all of us fat bridesmaids "better dresses." 

 

 

I'm gonna go out on a limb and deduce that she's one of those brides who think that fat/curvy people "sully" her "perfect" pictures and she's passive-aggressively trying to get you to bow out.

I'd say the most gracious/mature/boundary-setting/cheapest thing to do would be to say "this is the dress you approved, this is the dress I will wear, whether I am in your bridal party or not".

But I'm a petty bitch, so I'd go out to Rainbow or one of those other super bargain-basement stores, buy the trashiest, most skin-showing, indecent-exposure-charge-waiting-to-happen dress I could find on the clearance rack in approximately her bridesmaid dress colors, put it on, model it for her, and go "THIS MODEST ENOUGH FOR YOU?" 

Or better yet, for your gift to her, buy her a bunch of Cannibal Corpse CDs. 

[Flossie]

@EowynW, add me to the list of those who think bridezilla is trying to get you to quit.  It sucks, too, because this close to the wedding she'll get a lot of sympathy for suddenly having to find a new bridesmaid.  (Although just between you and me, I wouldn't be surprised to find she already has a replacement waiting in the wings.)

[EowynW]

I think it's just them wanting all the bridesmaids to match. The thin bridesmaids are all tall and are having trouble finding the right style dress that isn't too short! 

The lingerie shower is coming up and my brother told me to "be sure to get him something good." Dear God. I cannot with this. I told him it's for her to feel pretty in not FOR HIM. 

[nastyhobbitses]

13 minutes ago, EowynW said:

I think it's just them wanting all the bridesmaids to match. The thin bridesmaids are all tall and are having trouble finding the right style dress that isn't too short! 

The lingerie shower is coming up and my brother told me to "be sure to get him something good." Dear God. I cannot with this. I told him it's for her to feel pretty in not FOR HIM. 

BUY HIM MALE STRIPPER ATTIRE. 

BUY A LITTLE BOWTIE AND A CODPIECE. SOME ASSLESS CHAPS IF YOU CAN SPARE THE EXPENSE.

Then play dumb and say "what? You said get HIM something good!"

I am so glad I'm not in your family because I would fuck so much shit up. 

[EowynW]

@nastyhobbitses oh I cuss & bitch a lot to Mr. EW about it. lol 

[Briefly]

6 hours ago, EowynW said:

The lingerie shower is coming up and my brother told me to "be sure to get him something good." Dear God. I cannot with this. I told him it's for her to feel pretty in not FOR HIM. 

The idea of a lingerie shower makes my skin crawl for non-fundy brides. Just not my thing, my SIL wanted to give me one and I told her I didn't want one - trust me, it would have been a disaster - but I have this image in my head of everyone giving her high-necked, long-sleeved, floor length flannel gowns!

[feministxtian]

I'd have 2 words for her...the second would be either you or this. 

[AliceInFundyland]

After everything you have described, I am somewhat bewildered that they are having a lingerie shower.

[EowynW]

1 hour ago, Briefly said:

The idea of a lingerie shower makes my skin crawl for non-fundy brides. Just not my thing, my SIL wanted to give me one and I told her I didn't want one - trust me, it would have been a disaster - but I have this image in my head of everyone giving her high-necked, long-sleeved, floor length flannel gowns!

My lingerie shower my fundie church threw me was hella fun. All those women shocked me. They showed up with amazingly cute and sexy stuff. And many ladies got downright raunchy. I still can't believe that a group of fundie women could've had such a good time. 

The preachers wife DID give me a flannel floor length gown straight out of little house on the prairie though. For real. 

And one 90 year old lady kept saying "she's going to freeze to death in all hat stuff. Why hasn't anyone gotten her a night gown? Winter is coming girl." 

1 minute ago, AliceInFundyland said:

After everything you have described, I am somewhat bewildered that they are having a lingerie shower.

I know right? But it's really just for her husband after all in that world. 

This is, however, bringing back the vivid memory of my mother purchasing me a (very beautiful) white lingerie outfit. And then insisting, with tears, that I "had to wear it my first time because it's white and you are a virgin and it's symbolic and you have to." Hahaha NO

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

@EowynW You sound like a loving and patient person I hope your family realizes some day what a treasure you are. I'm not that gracious, I would fuck them up.  

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

So ........ @EowynW 

We're all dying to see a pic of the dress the bride has picked for you .  A dress that is not too immodest. Not too modest.  But a dress that is juuuuust right (according to her).    

[Briefly]

23 hours ago, EowynW said:

My lingerie shower my fundie church threw me was hella fun. All those women shocked me. They showed up with amazingly cute and sexy stuff. And many ladies got downright raunchy. I still can't believe that a group of fundie women could've had such a good time. 

The preachers wife DID give me a flannel floor length gown straight out of little house on the prairie though. For real. 

And one 90 year old lady kept saying "she's going to freeze to death in all hat stuff. Why hasn't anyone gotten her a night gown? Winter is coming girl." 

I know right? But it's really just for her husband after all in that world. 

This is, however, bringing back the vivid memory of my mother purchasing me a (very beautiful) white lingerie outfit. And then insisting, with tears, that I "had to wear it my first time because it's white and you are a virgin and it's symbolic and you have to." Hahaha NO

When one of my nieces got married, she asked me to get her something to wear for her wedding night.  I was very touched that she did that. I asked her size, color likes/dislikes and general style. Then I found her a gorgeous silky "gown" with a very nice matching robe. She loved it.  It was not a long gown, but it was very feminine and really beautiful.  Later on, her new husband got a lot of mileage out of joking that nobody ever bought him underwear so we bought him the wildest jokey shorts we could find and gave them to him for Christmas.  He loved it.

I didn't want my sister in law to give me a lingerie shower because she is a nice person but very pushy and it's all her style or nobody else's. She is also very uptight about things like sex and could well have given me a high-necked flannel gown! I love lingerie but my thought is that not everybody likes the same thing and it really would have been a disaster.

[anniebgood]

On 4/24/2018 at 4:15 PM, Briefly said:

The idea of a lingerie shower makes my skin crawl for non-fundy brides. Just not my thing, my SIL wanted to give me one and I told her I didn't want one - trust me, it would have been a disaster - but I have this image in my head of everyone giving her high-necked, long-sleeved, floor length flannel gowns!

I had one 33 years ago and I still laugh about it. When I was opening all these frilly outfits, my mom pipes up and said "You know, she sleeps in tee shirts and sweats!"

[Briefly]

5 minutes ago, anniebgood said:

I had one 33 years ago and I still laugh about it. When I was opening all these frilly outfits, my mom pipes up and said "You know, she sleeps in tee shirts and sweats!"

That is really funny!

[anniebgood]

@Briefly I usually get XXL tee shirts for the summer and in the winter flannel pajamas with pants.  And towards the end with my mom, she'd sleep in a tee shirt as well. 93 years old and she rocked some wild shirts courtesy of her grandkids. (RIP) The errant spouse nevers wears clothes to be. Scary but true. He has to cool it now sitting on the couch in his alltogether because my niece moved in. 

 

[SoSoNosy]

I bought my daughter a beautiful matching set for a shower; she accepted it graciously, then gave it back and said "return it". She also sleeps in tee shirts and sweats.  But we looked good at the shower.

[EowynW]

Pictures of dress #4 have been sent off for approval. This is my favorite dress so far. V neck and sleeveless with denim jacket over it. 

I am hard to fit. She wants a knee length dress but my huge ass makes it shorter in the back. :-/

[EowynW]

And no one wants to see fat girl back if knee. If you're skinny go ahead but fat? Cover them things. 

[L1o2u3]

4 hours ago, EowynW said:

I am hard to fit. She wants a knee length dress but my huge ass makes it shorter in the back. :-/

That is so annoying. I am somewhere between two sizes and then when I find something and I think "oh this would have the perfect length" and then I try it on and remember "right, this would have the perfect length if I didn't have breasts and a butt". Some skirts/dresses are also ridiculously tight in the back (like Kim-Kardashian level of tightness on me). If I go one size up though, they're often too long, too loose... I own one dress in 3 sizes above my normal size because everything else was too tight 

[EowynW]

So my dress got approved as is. I guess my fat back of knees won't be defrauding, lol. And it has a v neck now.  

And now she and her mother have taken back her word on us having our own control of our hairstyle  and jewelry. We must wear plain, quiet jewelry and leave our hair down. So that's a wrap now. Everything is settled. I'm just relieved I don't have to buy anything else now and know what's what. 

[Tangy Bee]

Ok, so I went to church today for a change. Pastor was discussing Numbers 22 verses 21-something. Well...the word,"ass" is used quite frequently. Of course we know an ass is simply a donkey. I'm just shocked that he just didn't say donkey. I seriously doubt JB, Gil Bates, or any other fundie would EVER say ass when reading the Bible. It even made me uncomfortable and I'm not fundie.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

9 hours ago, Tangy Bee said:

It even made me uncomfortable and I'm not fundie.

I'm sorry you were uncomfortable. I'm afraid I would have started giggling, or almost choked trying not to giggle.

We once had a minister who kept saying that "Jesus was born in a manger" in his Christmas Eve sermon. Wait, what?! I kept imagining poor Mary laboring in a manger, and I was stuck between rolling my eyes and wanting to laugh. Some folks need to listen to themselves a bit more, I think.

[smittykins]

When I was a lector at a Catholic church, one of the readings contained the line "You have been richly endowed."  Took everything I had to not giggle at the lectern.

[nastyhobbitses]

When we learned the Ten Commandments in Hebrew School, we got scolded when we laughed about not coveting another man's ass. But hey, we weren't getting in trouble for saying "ass", so it balanced out. 

In other instances of words having more than one meaning, in the Yom Kippur service, there's this bit where the Rabbi says "On Rosh Hashanah, it is written, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed...who shall live and who shall die...who by strangling and who by stoning...", and at the first adult service I went to at age 8, I whispered to my dad, "Daddy, does that mean God will kill you by making you smoke a lot of marijuana?"

To this day I have the image of God commanding Moses to take one more bong rip, because verily I say unto thee, this shit is dank.