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dilannsmom

The Fundies are Coming (for dinner)

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dilannsmom

So, Ray and Charlene Notgrass (Notgrass History--homeschool curriculum publishers) are coming for dinner in a few weeks.  They are "dear friends" of my parents.  I have been summonsed.  

The long version:  my parents are on the relatively liberal end of IFB, meaning they wear jeans, go to movies, and listen to mainstream radio.  This also means marriage is one man and one woman, premarital sex is bad, and drinking alcohol is a no-go.  They are high school friends with Ray and Charlene Notgrass, who publish a very white-washed version of history in effort to instill a "biblical world view" in children.  They throw the word "train" around quite frequently on their website.  They seem to be quite a bit more conservative than my parents.

I have been summonsed for dinner.  So, if I go, am I on my best behavior?  Or do I push the conversation toward the issues of "Christian" homeschooling?  Do I wear a short skirt that exposes my knees?  Do I remind them that I'm a working (teaching in ebil public school) single mom who lives in sin with her boyfriend of 17 years?  Do I confront the version of history that that they are schilling?  Do I ask them if they think the world is flat?  Or if Jesus rode the dinosaurs?  

Help!

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EowynW

I always try to keep the peace with my fundie parents and inlaws so I'm no help. 

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Howl
1 hour ago, dilannsmom said:

 I have been summonsed

Mom, Dad, I'd love to join you, but I'm needed at home to check the medicine cabinet for out of date Hemorrhoid medication.  So sorry to miss a dinner with these dear, blessed friends, but this compelling task is necessary to keep my family safe. Tell the Notgrasses "Hi" and give them my regards.  Perhaps y'all can update me on how they're doing later?

Reading between the lines, but is it possible your parents don't want to face the sanctimonious Notgrasses alone? 

 

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Inky

I would go, and out of respect for my parents, I wouldn't bait them. I would give my honest opinions however, when or if asked. 

Then I would come here and report on how it went.

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Pammy

I would go, and be as tactful and diplomatic as I could be.

As a guest of my parents, I would not be ok with starting to debate or challenge any of their other guests. Respect and good matters are important to me. It matters even more when my behaviour will reflect on my parents, when my parents care about that relationship. Not being a butt in front of their friends is my gift to them.

If I really wanted to have an in-depth show down, I'd politely ask if the Notgrasses would like join me in a lunch or coffee to talk through some issues that interest me about their work.

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Meh
Beermeet

Well, if you do go, of course be polite.  You must be familiar with how this will go a little bit, having been raised IFB.

I wouldn't start shit but if they were to start talking about how black people were better off being slaves, holocaust deniers or saying stuff about your personal life choices, then be yourself and have some retorts prepared that hopefully you won't need.  Good luck!

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Happy
ViolaSebastian
27 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

I wouldn't start shit but if they were to start talking about how black people were better off being slaves, holocaust deniers or saying stuff about your personal life choices, then be yourself and have some retorts prepared that hopefully you won't need.  Good luck!

I start shit for relatively few things, being a chronic people pleaser and a recovering co-dependent, but Holocaust deniers and slavery apologists would find themselves on the business end of my horns, too. :my_confused:

ETA: I would totally go passive-aggressively dressed in ankle-length denim and polo shirt, and make no comment about it whatsoever. But I'm a bitch like that. 

Edited by ViolaSebastian

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BlackSheep

I agree with the others - out of respect for your parents, keep it polite. Hopefully this fundie couple will keep it polite for the same reason - out of respect for their friends.

If they break the peace though, definitely defend yourself. Good manners at a dinner party don't Include being a doormat.

It could be an interesting opportunity to interact with these people. Many years ago, my in-laws were visiting eastern Pennsylvania, and in a restaurant struck up a conversation with an Amish family. Turns out that the family's car ride arrangements had fallen through. My in-laws offered to drive them home. They remained friends over the years via letters. When my in-laws invited my husband and me to join them on a trip to visit the Amish family, I was all over that. We wound up visiting several families that weekend (we stayed at a hotel) and it was fascinating. I was nervous about seeming worldly to them, but they made us feel completely at ease. Conversation was always light and friendly. The only problem I encountered was when I went into a bathroom and couldn't find the light switch! Lol.

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Lurky

Bear in mind that if they google themselves, or someone googles them and "kindly" relays what they find, you will be outed for SURE!

ETA Dear FJers, it's a really bad idea to tell the world you're going undercover in Fundydom - witness the FJers who were kicked out of Jill Rodrigues' private group, for talking about messages she'd sent them.  But there are tons of ways round, eg not naming the Fundies, fudging the timelines, not getting too specific, and writing it up now and telling us "it happened last week" 6 months later and so on and so on.  Love and kisses, Lurky, who is very paranoid!

Edited by Lurky

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Meh
Beermeet

Damn good advice @Lurky!

I don't even want anyone to know who I am.  It's hard too!  

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Inky
2 hours ago, Beermeet said:

Damn good advice @Lurky!

I don't even want anyone to know who I am.  It's hard too!  

Well clearly you are a person with excellent taste in beverages.

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adidas
23 hours ago, Inky said:

I would go, and out of respect for my parents, I wouldn't bait them. I would give my honest opinions however, when or if asked. 

Then I would come here and report on how it went.

This, but I would take and drink wine at dinner. That's not baiting, right?

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nickelodeon

OP, maybe having the thread moved to AYTFJ would be helpful, so that there's no danger of a situation like @Lurky describes?

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Palimpsest

I wouldn't go. I would point out that I will not and cannot be summonsed at parental whim (assuming that I am an adult).

It would be important to send a message to my parents that I would no longer sit still for this sort of garbage, and am a very separate entity with my own beliefs, standards, and morality.

Been there, done that.  It does make a point.

However, in the unlikely even that I did go (out of pity for my parents and under protest) I would remain polite - unless or until the Notgrasses said something unacceptable.  

Then I would politely say that this was unacceptable - and why - and make a dignified exit with my nose proudly in the air.  If that embarrassed my parents, so be it!  They would have been warned.

It is not just the Notgrasses, it is your parents with whom you have to make a point.  Bluntly - associate with dirt - and you are dirty, Ma and Pa.

@Lurky, I'm pretty sure that the Notgrass name is a pseudonym.  I think the OP is safe from a casual search.

Although more Fundies stalk Free Jinger than any are prepared to admit so @Lurky's caution is absolutely correct!:)

Edited by Palimpsest

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Jellybean

Actually I'm not sure that @dilannsmomdid use a pseudonym for her parents' dinner guests:

On 12/07/2017 at 1:34 AM, dilannsmom said:

So, Ray and Charlene Notgrass (Notgrass History--homeschool curriculum publishers) are coming for dinner in a few weeks.  

[snip]

They are high school friends with Ray and Charlene Notgrass, who publish a very white-washed version of history in effort to instill a "biblical world view" in children.  

[snip]  

Ray and Charlene Notgrass who publish books for homeschoolers:

https://history.notgrass.com/about-us/

I'm not quite sure how I feel about this use of their names - we're not actually discussing their beliefs or their public presence, just a personal visit with family friends. I wish you were right @Palimpsestand that this had been presented as a hypothetical situation with pseudonyms. 

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Meh
Beermeet

@Palimpsest. I love your name because I love a palimpsest.  Not sure if you like this genre but the book "The discovery of witches" by Debra Harkness has lots of palimpsests!

Edited by Beermeet

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BlackSheep
29 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

@Palimpsest. I love your name because I love a palimpsest.  Not sure if you like this genre but the book "The discovery of witches" by Debra Harkness has lots of palimpsests!

TIL: a palimpsest is a thing and not a word that @Palimpsest made up

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palimpsest

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Black Aliss

The last time I was forced into attending a meal like with people like that that my boyfriend sent me off with a hashish brownie. I spent the entire meal giggling at the jello salad on my plate.

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Jellybean

Jello salad? Like in the 'nightmare foods from the 1970s' salad? I would probably have giggled at that without the special brownie!

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Howl
3 hours ago, Jellybean said:

Jello salad? Like in the 'nightmare foods from the 1970s' salad? I would probably have giggled at that without the special brownie!

My SiL makes a lime jello salad with cottage cheese and walnuts.  Love it!  It's kind of mousse like. 

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Palimpsest
12 hours ago, Jellybean said:

I wish you were right @Palimpsestand that this had been presented as a hypothetical situation with pseudonyms. 

Yeah, so do I.  I'm afraid I jumped to that conclusion because it sounded like a made up name!

@Beermeet and @BlackSheep, I've often regretted picking palimpsest as my screen name.  :laughing-jumpingpurple:

A lot of people don't know what a palimpsest is and many find it hard to spell.  Palimpsest seemed to make sense when I registered here after taking a long break from FJ on yuku.  We were allowed to change our names with the Rapture.   When I rejoined I saw a lot of people had picked names similar to Nell, which was my old name on yuku, and changed it. 

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Waffle Time
ChunkyBarbie

For what it is worth, I wouldn't go to the dinner.  Life is too short to spend time with people like that. Other than the potential noms, what good can come of it? Are your parents going to be open and honest about your life or will you be expected to hide it to play Good Daughter? Accept me as I am, or leave me alone. 

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