Counting On, Season Four Part 5

[seraaa]

7 minutes ago, TakingBibleClasses said:

I'm embarrassed because my decision seems laughably prudish and unbelievable.

I get this, it's embarrassing to feel outside of the norm.

I wasn't abstaining for religious reasons, but I recall an incident from the past where the nurse told me, apropos of nothing, "not to worry" and that "I'd find someone".

I understood she was trying to be reassuring but inside I was like, "I do not want to have this conversation with anyone, not even my therapist, please stop talking". I can laugh about it now. 

[moreorlessnu]

12 hours ago, Snarkylark said:

I also noticed they were quite quiet when that topic came up. But they did mention the kiss at their wedding was their first so idk. 

I thought Jinger did protest too much about how they didn't talk about the wedding kiss before the wedding. She kept repeating how she didn't think they had discussed it.

Since they make such a big thing out of the first kiss, I find it hard to believe they never discussed it. 

[Coconut Flan]

2 hours ago, singsingsing said:

Ahhh, see, I'm in the land of universal healthcare and I did not even consider this. Interesting, I hadn't even considered the perspective of having to pay for the doctor's skepticism. Hmm...

Yes, it is beyond irritating.  In fact I refused to pay for a test once that was ordered without my knowledge or consent and was as I knew it would be negative.  It wasn't a cheap one either - several hundred dollars.

[moreorlessnu]

On 7/20/2017 at 9:47 PM, singsingsing said:

Have you ever wondered why this forum is called 'Free Jinger'? It's because Jinger has been making 'WTF' faces from a young age, and people hoped she might be kind of spunky and throw off the shackles of fundamentalism. Her siblings even did a talking head not that long ago about how expressive she is. She's been grimacing in response to everything for years!

Nope, never wondered because I'm a long time member, and knew the history behind the name of the forum....

Jinger has largely been "keeping sweet" since she was married. I thought it was odd to see her making those faces when she doesn't see much of her family. She didn't even grimace when the sisters asked her if she had taken a pregnancy test during the skype call. Instead, she sat there with a blank look on her face. 

[singsingsing]

2 hours ago, TakingBibleClasses said:

But I find that the stigma often works the other way. I'm not proud of my virginity in a medical context; it's almost a source of shame. (I'm also 28 years old, going to Student Health in a large secular university.) When I get expressions of disbelief I'm not insulted because they should know how "pure" I am ("purity" talk is BS anyway); I'm embarrassed because my decision seems laughably prudish and unbelievable. (And, let's be real, I'm often sad, because I thought I would be married by now and sometimes wonder what's wrong with me that I'm not. [I know the answer is "nothing"; my feelings don't. ])

Hey, 29-year-old virgin here.  Not for religious reasons, really, but for a variety of personal reasons. I agree, the stigma is outrageous, but I've been lucky - so far, anyway, aside from one incredulous doctor when I was 16 (seriously, 16?!), it hasn't come from medical professionals. I find it comes mostly from other people in my own generation. I'm not sure why anyone cares. It's somewhat bizarre. 

I'm friends with a lot of liberals Christians (and I guess I am one myself - liberal theologically, anyway), and I find there's an interesting dynamic there. A lot of them still want to wait till marriage to have sex, but they're much quieter and more laid back about it. Probably because the decision is based on personal conviction rather than intense social/family pressure and fear of hell.

I used to be so insecure about my 'lack of experience', even though it was 100% by choice! The older I get, the less I care. Not sure why 'live and let live' is such a foreign concept to so many people. I'm glad I live in a time and a place where my friend can choose to have sex with whichever (and however many) consenting adults she pleases, and I can choose to abstain, and neither of us will be thrown in jail, burned at the stake, forced into an arranged marriage, etc. because of it. The stigma cuts both ways, especially for women. No approach to sexuality is ever the right approach. You'll always be maligned and ridiculed by some group.

[Incognito22]

23 hours ago, Bad Wolf said:

Agreed. Just wonder why they need to know. I worked in a nursing home. Unfortunately, more women than men, so not as much opportunity to hook up. But yes, there is no upper age limit, and I'm fortunate to be still married after 43 years. 

We have a place here in Florida called the Villages.  It's a retirement community and they party HARD!  They not only have rampant STIs they brought neuro syphillis back!  That's why your care provider is asking.  I guess a lot (not all) in this group were having many sexual encounters and not protecting themselves.  Maybe they figured their generation didn't have dieseases and certainly couldn't get pregnant I'm not sure but the disease rate is really horrible.  Sex education or the elderly is a big thing now.  

[bashfulpixie]

@Incognito22 I was getting ready to bring up the Villages too!  So icky, but I'm thinking they just don't think about disease since so many of them married so young and they certainly don't need to worry about pregnancy at this point in their life.

One of my friends gave her mother "the Talk" when she started to date again after my friend's father died.  Lol

[Bad Wolf]

Well, you think they might try to educate me when I answer. They just make a note on the computer. So it's not to help me, but to add to their statistics.

[candygirl200413]

@singsingsing Thank you so much for that post! I'm still a virgin at almost 24 and it stemmed more from being touched by a teacher which I didn't get therapy about it till I left for college (it happened when I was in the 4th grade). It put me on a different path than my peers cause I'm one of the only virgins within my group. I just started within the last 2 years feeling comfortable about not being like my peers in a sexual way.  It just really nice to hear someone who is similar to me in that aspect, so thank you :).

 

[foreign fundie]

I feel for all the abstainers who are not believed to be virgins/ tea totals/ non-smokers/ Facebook-less/ non- porn watching  people. Having freedom to do stuff is often turned into an expectation that you will use that freedom or even pressure to do so, which defeats the point of freedom in my opinion. And there can be many reasons to abstain of one thing or the other. Like somebody mentioned above, I also dislike the taste of alcohol, and hate the smell. I don't need it to relax and I don't miss it. Zero self-control involved. And if others enjoy their drinks, fine, just don't burp in my face.

Anyway, I encountered another bizarre example of this 'you can't be serious' attitude. For a job interview I had to do a very elaborate psych test. I answered thousands of questions to the best of my knowledge and the results were put in a computer system to assesss my personality and strengths/ weaknesses. During the after talk the psychologist told me I obviously knew how to tweak the system, because my answers were too good. Fortunately the test had an inbuilt correction function for people like myself, to automatically change a portion of my answers. I wasted a whole day and lots of money answering stupid questions only to have a computer change my answers because they were too good.

[MoonFace]

On 7/17/2017 at 7:04 PM, karen77 said:

Austin may end up with a reality check of what kids are like and taking care of them at a young age around the clock, he hasn't exactly experienced that much himself.  Dreams and reality, man.

How long has Austin's sister been married?    Does she have kids yet? 

[Greendoor]

4 hours ago, TakingBibleClasses said:

But I find that the stigma often works the other way. I'm not proud of my virginity in a medical context; it's almost a source of shame. (I'm also 28 years old, going to Student Health in a large secular university.) When I get expressions of disbelief I'm not insulted because they should know how "pure" I am ("purity" talk is BS anyway); I'm embarrassed because my decision seems laughably prudish and unbelievable. (And, let's be real, I'm often sad, because I thought I would be married by now and sometimes wonder what's wrong with me that I'm not. [I know the answer is "nothing"; my feelings don't. ])

 

I so understand where you are coming from.  I wasn't interested in young, partying, guys.  I knew my in my soul I was meant for a man in his 30's or 40's.  So my life til 27 was really just working and doing the hobbies I liked.  Then at 30 I met my husband.  It was wonderful for as long as it lasted.  I didn't run straight in to the arms of another man after.  Nothing wrong with being independant.  I don't need a man, I date the ones I like; maybe one day I'll meet another that means more and I will love again.

4 hours ago, nst said:

Wonderful news !!!

Congratulations!!!  Babies are great, and more wonderful as they grow. 

[MoonFace]

On 7/21/2017 at 1:29 PM, Gobbles said:

 

Maybe because as you get older women have trouble getting wet and men have trouble getting an erection. Most old people don't talk about it so being asked by a doctor maybe makes them talk? Either way: Safer sex for older people is also a huge topic. Teach them how to use condoms. Pregnancy is off the table, but Tripper or anything else isn't!

Yeah - as a senior I can tell you that it used to be women talking about being on the pill - now the question is, Is HE on the pill?     

[Carm_88]

48 minutes ago, MoonFace said:

How long has Austin's sister been married?    Does she have kids yet? 

I believe she has a baby girl named Harper. 

[VBOY9977]

1 hour ago, MoonFace said:

How long has Austin's sister been married?    Does she have kids yet? 

She was married in nov 2015 and had a daughter this march

[freejoy]

Not sure if it was mentioned but there was one comment Joy made which made me really, really sad. Jessa said that Joy wanted to join the baby gender reveal appointment and then Joy said she was just home anyways doing nothing. That hit me. That was the first time any one of them mentioned not doing anything. I can now understand why she is ready to be a wife: it means to be useful again and have something to do like taking care of her children. 

[JMO]

So I was thinking this morning about the show. Sad to say but this shit storm isn't going anywhere for a few seasons. I honestly don't see it ending until it gets so obviously boring and repetitive for even the leg humpers. The only other thing to stop it would be another scandal.  Josh is due to go Rogue around the time of the birth of M6. I'm also starting to suspect that the reason the Dillys have been so quiet is to stoke speculation so that we all turn in for a VSE or the season premier (which are my bets for when they show it). Bottom line is we are going to watch this crap through a couple more courtshits, several more births and at least one more return to CSA. 

It also occurred to me that we won't see a divorce or someone leave for at least 5-10 yrs. The kids aren't in their 30s yet and half of them are not yet adults. They need time to be bogged down with real life for a good portion of their 20's.  

[karen77]

On 7/22/2017 at 6:46 AM, CoveredInBees said:

God, YES!

I very rarely drink, I tried very hard for the first year of uni (to fit in) but by the time I was turning 20 (legal age is 18 here) I was pretty much tee total. I remember having to fill in a health questionnaire for my first job after uni which asked for units drunk per week, I put 1 (because I generally maybe have a drink every 3rd Christmas or so if I feel like it so I can't put zero). The boss on my first day (there was a group of us starting) basically told the group a "Hilarious anecdote" about how one of us had only put 1 unit per week down and how ludicrous it was....... I just stood there like a lemon (instead of mentioning privacy laws - which is what I would do now).

 

This always gets me on the questionaires, there is never a spot for us rare drinkers, I can't say 0, but it sure isn't even 1x a week!

[backyard sylph]

35 minutes ago, karen77 said:

This always gets me on the questionaires, there is never a spot for us rare drinkers, I can't say 0, but it sure isn't even 1x a week!

When I tell a nurse I will have one or two cocktails a week, they always put down moderate wine drinker, because I think they don't quite know what a cocktail is. That unit concept makes a bit more sense. My two cocktails are usually about four units.

Recently I did a four week no-sugar plan, and after the first ten days, it encouraged 3 and then 4 glasses of red wine a week. I rarely drink wine, but kept it in mind in case I felt like it, which I did only once. Anyway, a glass of wine is meant to be 5 ounces (148 ml) and I see a lot of women filling these enormous goblets, instead. I wonder if all of them know how much that really adds up to.

I man, if they want to drink a lot of wine, that's their concern. But people should understand how much they have, and if we thought in terms of units here, that'd probably help.

[Million Children For Jesus]

43 minutes ago, backyard sylph said:

Anyway, a glass of wine is meant to be 5 ounces (148 ml) and I see a lot of women filling these enormous goblets, instead. I wonder if all of them know how much that really adds up to.

I don't drink that often. At a friends house, I accidentally used a (really beautiful crystal cut) water goblet instead of a wine glass and couldn't figure out how I got so incredibly drunk after two glasses. My two glasses were probably close to an entire bottle. I was sick for days. 

[nastyhobbitses]

36 minutes ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

I don't drink that often. At a friends house, I accidentally used a (really beautiful crystal cut) water goblet instead of a wine glass and couldn't figure out how I got so incredibly drunk after two glasses. My two glasses were probably close to an entire bottle. I was sick for days. 

I drink a lot less than I used to (certainly less than I did in college), but I still love me some No-No-Juice. I once went on a Tinder date to a wine bar where the glasses were pretty big and my (6'2'', fairly big-boned) date ordered a bottle for both of us. And I tried to keep up (I'm under 5 feet and my tolerance has decreased a lot since my college party girl days). Cue projectile vomiting all over Central London and wobbling in my heels like a newborn giraffe, and slurred speech that would make a neurologist cry. He never called again. Understandably so.

I still like to drink, but I really have to be careful to alternate with seltzer or water, and drink smaller portions. Otherwise you get me projectile vomiting all over Central London, crying on the subway about Chester Bennington, or waking up with a considerably larger amount of money in my bra than I remember putting there at the start of the night (to this day I don't quite know how I earned it...guessing it was table dancing/working a club's stripper pole, but who knows).

[Carm_88]

I don't drink as much as I used to but sometimes, the day is so bad it requires wine. 

[cascarones]

Bahaha, one of my college claim to fame moments is being kicked out of a girls gone wild party. I'd been out elsewhere when one of the girls from my hall called sobbing and slurring, so like the dutiful, but into my cups, RA I went to get her. Refused to sign the waiver, tried to outrun the bouncer while yelling at everyone in the yard to block for me. I got forcibly carried out and my frat boy date never called me again after taking us home. Glad those crazy days are over.

[VelociRapture]

On 7/22/2017 at 9:56 AM, foreign fundie said:

Reminds me of when I gave birth the first time. They wanted to give me a rhesus shot, but I said no need, because my husband is also rhesus negative. After some hesitation they accepted, but told me they would test the baby after birth and if positive, I would still get the shot in 72 hours. I said fine, whatever.

However the baby's blood work took a while and the nurse rang up the lab really angry three days after birth, threatening them with what could happen if the baby was positive and I did not get the shot in time. I had no idea what all the fuss was about, since two negative parents in my understanding could not produce a positive baby. It wasn't until later it dawned on me that they had to take into account that not all babies biologically descent from their legal father. Me not protesting the procedures must have fueled suspicion!

Yep! This is exactly why they ask about the father's blood type and run tests. Can you imagine the lawsuit they'd have to deal with if they failed to ask and type the blood? Or what could medically happen if they fail to do so and the mother lied or accidentally got mixed up for some reason (pregnancy brain is very real!)?

My understanding is that pregnant women in the US who are RH negative are given the shot regardless of their partner's or the baby's father's RH type though. Maybe someone else could confirm or deny that for me?

(I'm RH negative. Husband and Velocibaby are positive. I had the shot during my miscarriage and in my third trimester with the tiny tyrant. So I can't draw on personal experience.)

And congratulations @cascarones!!!!!! That's so exciting!

[MadeItOut]

37 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Yep! This is exactly why they ask about the father's blood type and run tests. Can you imagine the lawsuit they'd have to deal with if they failed to ask and type the blood? Or what could medically happen if they fail to do so and the mother lied or accidentally got mixed up for some reason (pregnancy brain is very real!)?

My understanding is that pregnant women in the US who are RH negative are given the shot regardless of their partner's or the baby's father's RH type though. Maybe someone else could confirm or deny that for me?

(I'm RH negative. Husband and Velocibaby are positive. I had the shot during my miscarriage and in my third trimester with the tiny tyrant. So I can't draw on personal experience.)

And congratulations @cascarones!!!!!! That's so exciting!

I'm Rh- ex1 & 2 were +, so had many antiD shots (had to check in with the midwife every beating). The way she explained it to me, if you bleed while pregnant, it can trigger some immunity reaction that would prevent safely carrying another + baby in the future. The antiD stops that reaction.