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A known doctor/patient relationship is a little different. ER docs have never seen this patient before and have no clue if what the patient is saying is the truth or a lie. Your OB knows you, knows the person you are, knows you are truthful. ER docs do have that relationship, so they have to protect the patients and themselves.

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3 hours ago, HereticHick said:

I love both those books as well. I was fascinated by they time/motion efficiency studies as a kid. As I got older, I started wondering about repetitive motion disorders, though! : )

I loved those books too and never made this connection! Thanks!

In those books the older daughters were confident enough to rebel against their Dad's conservative rules on more than one occasion ...And lived to tell

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3 hours ago, TakingBibleClasses said:

Yes, thank you. I kind of hate it when people assume that everyone who wants to wait for marriage to have sex is a lying hypocrite. I'm a virgin at 28 for religious reasons. So are several of my single Christian friends. Most of my married friends were virgins on their wedding day.* We've all repeatedly had the experience of going to see doctors (you know, the only people whose business it is besides ours...) who will not believe us when we say we've never been sexually active. Or at least repeat the question several times, with a raise of the eyebrow and an "are you sure?" Speculation by non medical providers is even more inappropriate. I get that most people have sex before they're married. That's fine.  And I get that there are plenty of lying hypocrites out there. But it's not impossible to wait if you want to, and I don't think we should be shamed for that decision or automatically considered liars.

*Even now I find myself wanting to add to these statements something like, "Yes, REALLY!" because I assume people won't believe them. That sucks.

All this. I realize that people lie, but come on, not all of us do! I was a virgin at marriage and I've never gone back to the doctor that asked me three times in five minutes if I was sexually active, like she was hoping to catch me in a lie.

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And at almost 70, I get asked if I'm still sexually active at my wellness checkup. Don't know why it's anyone else's business. And the answer is....

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3 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

And at almost 70, I get asked if I'm still sexually active at my wellness checkup. Don't know why it's anyone else's business. And the answer is....

Hey, there's no upper age limit to sexual activity!

I've heard stories about nursing homes with people in their 80's and 90's all having lots of sex with each other.

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Just now, Rachel333 said:

Hey, there's no upper age limit to sexual activity!

I've heard stories about nursing homes with people in their 80's and 90's all having lots of sex with each other.

Agreed. Just wonder why they need to know. I worked in a nursing home. Unfortunately, more women than men, so not as much opportunity to hook up. But yes, there is no upper age limit, and I'm fortunate to be still married after 43 years. :Yes:

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10 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

Just wonder why they need to kn

Maybe because as you get older women have trouble getting wet and men have trouble getting an erection. Most old people don't talk about it so being asked by a doctor maybe makes them talk? Either way: Safer sex for older people is also a huge topic. Teach them how to use condoms. Pregnancy is off the table, but Tripper or anything else isn't!

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40 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

Agreed. Just wonder why they need to know. 

For health reasons. STDs are skyrocketing in the senior population!

(Edited the rest out because I felt like it  may have conveyed a certain attitude I didn't intend, will post again when I'm free!)

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@SapphireSlytherin , my house is a mid century modern (like me), built in 1959, and is solid brick with oak hardwood floors and plaster walls, along with 2x6s where usually there are 2x4s. Solid as a rock. No need to go back 70 or 80 years to find solid brick construction. That's what most of my neighborhood is. Rising costs contributed to the cheapening of building materials. That, and less skill is required to use them, reducing labor costs also.

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I know when doctors ask about "sex" they typically mean "penetrative," which makes sense medically. I suspect that the studies (and anecdotes) surrounding sexuality among the elderly accept a broader definition of "sex," which I wish the whole world would do.

I tend to agree that it's a big leap to think that any Duggar adults weren't virgins when they married.  MAYBE Jeremy and Derrick, but they were both conservative enough that I'd say it's still a crap shoot. Did any of the couples kiss, cuddle, feel mutually... uh, "hot and bothered"... together before marriage? Quite possibly. Intercourse is still a huge jump to make from there.

I'm in my mid twenties and most of my friends seem to fall into three categories: virgins due to convictions (not always religious), back-and-forth on the sexuality thing (celibate at times), or as sexually active as time and partners permit. Personally, I'm a really sexual and sex-positive person and always have been. It's really hard for me to picture why people of a certain education* level and interest in each other put it off. But I realize they do, and they're real people, and they might feel differently than I do about privacy, and I try hard to remind myself of that and be respectful.

*Referring to sex education specifically. I would not advocate for being sexually active without a solid understanding of consent awareness, reproductive biology, STD prevention, emotional intelligence, etc.

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3 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

@SapphireSlytherin , my house is a mid century modern (like me), built in 1959, and is solid brick with oak hardwood floors and plaster walls, along with 2x6s where usually there are 2x4s. Solid as a rock. No need to go back 70 or 80 years to find solid brick construction. That's what most of my neighborhood is. Rising costs contributed to the cheapening of building materials. That, and less skill is required to use them, reducing labor costs also.

Our house in VA was built the same way. It was built in 1966 and was a one-off in the subdivision. Other houses similar to mine didn't have the second full bath or 2 car garage. We had brick all the way around (the cable guy had to drill thru an outside wall...took him about an hour to drill thru the solid brick), 3/4" tongue in groove oak flooring through out except for the kitchen, family room and bathrooms. God I loved that house...and I miss it. 

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To me, the "are you sexually active, no really" question is the same as "do you drink/smoke, no really" question.

I drink a bit of wine or a beer once or twice a year. I'm an ugly drunk, found that out in my younger days, and furthermore, don't like the taste of much liquor at all, so I. Do. Not. Drink. It. 

The doctor doesn't believe me, either.

And kudos to those who, for whatever reason, have kept their sexual urges in check until they find the one person they want to share that gift with. It's difficult, and some people feel it's passe. Clearly, it's not.

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I am happily sexually active at 62 with no intention of stopping. Neither is Mr. SB, I hope! Sex is amazing now, so free. Therefore, I still have an annual pelvic exam and pap smear. Many older folk are getting it on now, so a question about sexual activity by a health care professional has the same purpose as for younger people, to make sure that sexuality related health and medical topics are included if necessary. I don't think the intent is to be intrusive.  AIDS is still a thing among older people who may not use condoms thinking they are safe. There are some real horror stories out there.

I have no judgement for or against waiting until legal marriage to have sex for the first time, for religious reasons or not. I do wonder why many religious use legal marraige, which is a secular thing, as the permitting factor for sex. It wasn't for me, and I am no more or less pure than any woman who waited until legal marriage.

I also consider it hypocritical to engage in all manner of sexual activity but PIV intercourse prior to legal marriage, yet consider this abstaining from "sex". But to each his/her own.

I maintain that sex is healthy, natural, and a gift from God. 

 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

For health reasons. STDs are skyrocketing in the senior population!

(Edited the rest out because I felt like it  may have conveyed a certain attitude I didn't intend, will post again when I'm free!)

This! Chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrea, HIV, they know no age limit. Sexual health is not just pregnancy. Esp syphilis, which can cause a whole host of symptoms, and is frequently overlooked as a potential cause in the elderly.

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I just got memories when I didn't get my period for like 7ish months and my pediatrician asked the sex question (I was then and am still a virgin) and she asked my mom to leave and asked again and I was like NO I HAVEN"T KISSED A BOY EITHER. That ended it real quick :P even though they still made me take a pregnancy test.

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I just thought - for some people at the doctors office, it might not be a case of them lying about having sex, but they might not know what sex really is. If someone was homeschooled and wasn't exposed to television and the internet, and [insert deity here] forbid they were assaulted, they might not really know what had happened.

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I was taken to the ER once when I was 15 for a very bad case of nausea and throwing up. So the very first question by the nurse was "could you be pregnant?" Dear god, I swear I saw my mom turning into Hulk and says: "WHY WOULD SHE BE PREGNANT? SHE'S 15 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!"

Poor nurse. :pb_lol: I was still a virgin so no, I wasn't pregnant. It was acid reflux.

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I was abroad once, with a condition that might lead to needing a bag of blood. The hospital did not store my blood type, but I was not to worry. The hospital did have a nurse with my blood type and they could take some from her. I did not have to worry about the blood being infected with diseases because the nurse was 'not married yet'. I was supposed to stake my health on the assumption that a grown woman could not possibly have an std unless she was married (and got it from the hubs).

Fast forward to the Western world and my thirteen year old got asked before an x-ray if she is preggers. At her shocked 'what? No!' they asked her when she last had her period.

I know medics have to do their jobs. But it makes me sad an innocent young girl gets routinely asked such invasive questions, without even a mother present. 

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2 minutes ago, foreign fundie said:

I know medics have to do their jobs. But it makes me sad an innocent young girl gets routinely asked such invasive questions, without even a mother present. 

It is sad, but it's necessary. And it's necessary to ask without a parent present, for obvious reasons. Some 13-year-olds have consensual sex, and unfortunately many 13-year-olds are sexually abused.

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4 minutes ago, foreign fundie said:

I know medics have to do their jobs. But it makes me sad an innocent young girl gets routinely asked such invasive questions, without even a mother present. 

My favorite story of medical personnel asking such questions is a woman I know got her first MRI after transitioning, and was asked if she was pregnant or could be pregnant. She was completely shocked because she was never asked that before and it's not physically possible. :pb_lol:

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I see nothing intrusive about asking a teenager or a senior about their sex life or testing a child's blood type after the mother told Doctors what it is. People lie, not everyone knows exactly what counts as sex, and medical personnel have to cover their asses because lawsuits are expensive.

I have an infant daughter. Am I going to be offended if my she is asked about being pregnant as a teen? No. Will I be angry if they ask without me or her father present? Absolutely not. If they accuse her of lying without proof that's one thing and will result in Mama Bear making an appearance, but I respect the fact that they have jobs to do and I would never want to prevent them from giving my child the best care possible. Her health and welfare is my only priority.

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6 hours ago, Chickenbutt said:

And that is why ER's do pregnancy tests on women/girls of child bearing years. Even if they profess to be a virgin, have had a hyst, are "too young" etc. People lie without realizing the ramifications of that lie. It could be very dangerous to their health, even life threatening.

My sweet little daughter just turned 13 and she has severe autism (she's non verbal,etc). She is this tall, strikingly beautiful young teenager (who appears completely typical, BUT she's so not,) she's still in pullups because she is not dependably potty trained. Puberty has done a real number on her. Bless hers heart. :(

She was just inpatient last month having some routine neuro testing for a couple of days (has to be sedated for blood draws, dental cleanings and any medical stuff. ugh)  and they did a pregnancy test.

I was absolutely horrified thinking through it. But I get it. 

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I understand why doctors ask these questions, even if it can simply feel uncomfortable. If they don't ask, they might miss something important, and you have to make sure all your bases are covered.

Whether or not people have sex before marriage is entirely dependent on their beliefs about sex. And also marriage :D . I think that trying to figure out what you personally believe or feel is correct for you with respect to this topic can be quite difficult to navigate as a young person.

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7 hours ago, JMO said:

As a healthcare worker I just want to say that the reason for the repeated questions is because of the amount of people who do lie.  If you ask anyone in healthcare, esp gyn/emergency medicine or pediatrics, you'll get a slew of anecdotes about, "I can't be pregnant/have chlamydia/etc, I've never had sex!"  And then they later admit, well, maybe ONE time.,... I was fooled by more than one girl who swore up and down that she couldn't be pregnant and then later ended up in the emergency room due to some complication.  I get that it's frustrating as someone who isn't actually having sex and is being honest, but they have learned from experience that some people aren't as honest. 

This, and I also don't think it's always malicious lying, either. There is so much misinformation out there when it comes to sex education in the US that doctors just can't assume that everyone is on the same page, especially among religious communities that place a huge emphasis on premarital abstinence and can't be counted on to give their kids medically accurate information on the subject. 

I work with teenagers, and I spend a significant amount of time discussing these issues with them. There are a lot of teens who will swear up and down that they are virgins, but have had oral and/or anal sex. So I guess they are by some definitions, but they are nonetheless at risk for an STI. As I say to them, "Microbes flourish in any area that is warm, dark, and wet..."

56 minutes ago, Nikedagain? said:

My sweet little daughter just turned 13 and she has severe autism (she's non verbal,etc). She is this tall, strikingly beautiful young teenager (who appears completely typical, BUT she's so not,) she's still in pullups because she is not dependably potty trained. Puberty has done a real number on her. Bless hers heart. :(

She was just inpatient last month having some routine neuro testing for a couple of days (has to be sedated for blood draws, dental cleanings and any medical stuff. ugh)  and they did a pregnancy test.

I was absolutely horrified thinking through it. But I get it. 

Unfortunately, teenage girls with developmental delays are sexually victimized at unbelievably high rates. :( It's truly awful, and while I am not calling your parenting into question or saying that this is likely to happen to your daughter specifically, doctors know to take extra precautions with young women in the IDD population. Again, :( . 

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1 minute ago, JesusCampSongs said:

Unfortunately, teenage girls with developmental delays are sexually victimized at unbelievably high rates. :( It's truly awful, and while I am not calling your parenting into question or saying that this is likely to happen to your daughter specifically, doctors know to take extra precautions with young women in the IDD population. Again, :( . 

Oh I know. It's the reality of the situation. It's terrifying. 

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