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Aunt Lori Alexander 22: Criticising your poop and pining for Gilead


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I am not sure this has been shared but this thread is under the dark modest rant she posted the other day. Jenna, do not heed Kathy's opinion. Lori is almost never right.

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47 minutes ago, Joyce said:

She calls the authorities and has him locked away.

I'd give her a partial point for that, except for this little screenshot that she allowed to remain a few months back.  Granted it wasn't her words, but given her policy of deleting anything she doesn't agree with...well, there is one obvious conclusion.  

Spoiler

And no need to worry about the name of the person asking the question not being blocked out, that was me using my middle name-just wanted to see if he would actually state outright what he seemed to be implying. 

 

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I have no issues with fixing Mr Nova a plate. We sit down to a set table most nights and I serve. I make his plate at family gatherings to cut down on people milling around the buffet. I know what he likes and neither of us feel it's a big deal. I've heard rude comments from his aunts who feel that somehow I'm doing wrong but that's their problem. We do what works for us and I genuinely enjoy making my husband comfortable. What I disagree with is the spirit in which Lori asks women, all women, to do these things. I don't reverence Mr Nova but I appreciate that he works hard at a physically demanding job in the heat. We are expecting 111 degrees today where I live. 

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2 minutes ago, EowynW said:

I haven't seen Dave or Trey show up in quite awhile. 

I've noticed that too.  One can always hope they've crawled back into whatever dark hole they came from in the first place.  

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43 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

We do what works for us and I genuinely enjoy making my husband comfortable. What I disagree with is the spirit in which Lori asks women, all women, to do these things. 

 

snipped -- This is the crux of the issue, isn't it? We here at FJ (and in most places) understand that no two couples are ever going to be alike, which means their needs, issues and solutions are never going to be alike. 

 

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46 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

I have no issues with fixing Mr Nova a plate. We sit down to a set table most nights and I serve. I make his plate at family gatherings to cut down on people milling around the buffet. I know what he likes and neither of us feel it's a big deal. I've heard rude comments from his aunts who feel that somehow I'm doing wrong but that's their problem. We do what works for us and I genuinely enjoy making my husband comfortable. What I disagree with is the spirit in which Lori asks women, all women, to do these things. I don't reverence Mr Nova but I appreciate that he works hard at a physically demanding job in the heat. We are expecting 111 degrees today where I live. 

I have female friends and family who have been in abusive relationships and had their agency taken away from them with a partner controlling where they went, what they wore, what they ate and how much, etc... And most women are appalled by that behavior from men. We rightfully see it as controlling, unacceptable and abusive. 

But then almost every woman I know chooses her husband's clothes or tells him what to wear and when to wear it, fills his plate as if he is a child to control portions or control his choices (and if you are filling his plate, you are at the very least controlling his portions), tells him what belongings he can and can't have in the house...and women act like these things are totally normal and what wives have to do because men are just so incapable. I don't buy it. I never say a word about what Mr. 05 wears or what clothing he buys unless he asks my opinion; I don't control what he eats or how much or fill his plate. I never banned his belongings from the house because I don't like them or whatever. 

I put the food on the table every night. Then we both fill our own plates. Not because I am rude and unloving or unkind, but because we are both adults. I never want to do anything that takes away his agency nor do I want him to do that to me. 

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quiversR4hunting's screenshot above makes me wonder if the cult of Lori has a common denominator- women who are married to men who are prone to 'perving on other women' (partially quoting Jenna's comment).

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We usually end up arguing (in love) about which plate gets filled first and we usually end up doing it ourselves. He doesn't like the "man worship" of always having his plate fixed for him. Sometimes I do it if he's especially tired or sometimes he just talks. so. dang. much. and I'm hungry so I did both of ours so we can eat while we talk lol. Now, in public at weddings, etc he usually fixes mine but only because I'm usually helping at events like those. He gets a huge kick out of fixing mine first around fundie family lol. 

 

I never tell him what to wear or how or how to dress or even mess with his stuff. (And believe me that's hard because he's an old soul that I swear went through the depression in a former lifetime.) I promised myself I wouldn't do any of that before we got married but would love, cherish and respect him as is. And he does the same for me. 

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I fix my husband's plate when I cook dinner. He fixes my plate if he's the one cooking. It's not a big deal.

He doesn't tell me how to dress and I don't tell him either.  I like his style. :)

I'm not sure how old Lori is but the 'big salad' thing seems to be something she's held on to from the 80s, along with damaged skin from too much tanning.

In the 80s I used to go to a restaurant in the mall with girlfriends and share a big salad.  In my part of the world it was a huge thing with sprouts and and half an avocado on top.  I still make it for myself every once in a while but every night?  No thanks.  

The big salad was still a thing in the 90s.  Remember the Seinfeld episode?  

Now I'm craving avocados. ;)

 

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3 hours ago, Hisey said:

Yes! Even better, "Lori Alexander Undeleted". Good to get her name out there, and Kens.

Plus there's another Transformed Wife.

Yes, use both names, The Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander Undeleted, so that it shows up in searches better. 

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@louisa05 You definitely make a valid point and I agree.

It is most certainly not about control in our case, though. I can't speak for other relationships where these things take place, only for my own. I have no desire to control Mr Nova. He is an adult, capable of making his own plate and many times he does, or he serves me. If he wants more food there's nothing stopping him from having more or if he doesn't want what's on his plate there's no one stopping him from scraping it into the garbage. I have no interest whatsoever in monitoring a grown man and find it odd that some men (and women) allow themselves to be led around by their partner. 

We actually have a term for it in our house, we call it orbiting. He is complete in himself and I am complete in myself and our love lives in the middle.

54 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

I put the food on the table every night. Then we both fill our own plates. Not because I am rude and unloving or unkind, but because we are both adults. I never want to do anything that takes away his agency nor do I want him to do that to me. 

As @polecat said, you found what works for you, and that's the point that Aunt Lori is missing.  

 

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Hi guys, 

Just a reminder that direct screenshots and quotes from private pages and groups still isn't permitted. It's been going on a lot in this thread. Feel free to paraphrase, though.

Here's a link to the FAQ if you want to review: http://www.freejinger.org/faq/ (it's under "No Private Information Allowed")

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15 minutes ago, FundieFarmer said:

Hi guys, 

Just a reminder that direct screenshots and quotes from private pages and groups still isn't permitted. It's been going on a lot in this thread. Feel free to paraphrase, though.

Here's a link to the FAQ if you want to review: http://www.freejinger.org/faq/ (it's under "No Private Information Allowed")

Just to clarify, and I probably should have specified this in my post above so that's on me, but the screenshot included in my post about whether a wife has the right to disobey ever was publicly posted here  https://thetransformedwife.com/does-submitting-to-husbands-in-everything-mean-everything/  

Again, I should have made that clear, it's not reasonable to expect you folks to hunt down every screenshot and determine where it came from!  

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30 minutes ago, L1o2u3 said:

@molecule I love Sheila! Thanks for sharing the links :) Lori Alexander is quite scary...

She is getting some major pushback on what she is writing. I'm not surprised. I expect Lori to write a post about this soon.

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Ffs Lori, It's taken me three days to catch up on this thread. Stop being a bitch for 5 minutes! 

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Sorry, but if I found out that I was married to someone who was a paedophile, rapist, murderer, or any such kind of monster, then a divorce would be the very first thing I would approach aside from doing everything in my power to make sure that that spouse won't be a danger any longer. At least, I like to think that I'd be strong enough to. 

Of course, I'm lucky to live in a country and belong to a family that would probably support me should such an occasion ever arise. 

Lori is disgusting, but then what else is new?

I have no doubt that she believes this because it's what the Pearls teach. There's a quite sickening article on the NGJ website about how women should lock up their husbands, take their children to visit, and then welcome their husband home with open arms when the time is served. 

Makes me sick.

 

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I cannot comment on Lori's Facebook pages so I will post a parody of her doodle here:

"Why do you delete respectful questions and comments that disagree with you? I do not understand this. I read those who write things that I'm opposed to so that I can understand them. If I continually disagree with someone's writings that can be dangerous to people's lives, I keep on reading so that I can help those people. I don't badger, bully, or stop them from writing, but I point out to them when something is false or dangerous. They are entitled to believe what they want and so am I, but if they spread false or dangerous teachings, I question or comment. I understand that many do not know the Word of God. They were not taught biblical truths and in fact, many do not know God, so why do you continue to delete? Is it because you do know that there's a God but you falsely believe that if you delete the questions and comments of those who love God or do not know God that the points they raise will cease to exist? That's not going to happen. We will all stand before God someday and give him an account of our lives and the things that we deleted. I hope you stop deleting."

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My husband has a few food issues and is very fussy about what he eats, how much, etc. He struggles mightily between his huge love of food and his desire not to be overweight. If I had been at Lori's and filled a plate for him, he would have been sad and anxious. Anything I put on his plate would have been wrong, simply because he had not chosen it himself. It has taken me a while to figure him out (his food issues seemed unreasonable and controlling to me at first, because he'd sometimes try to tell me how to eat).

Now I know he is happiest if he just handles his own food, and takes what he wants when he wants it. I never really tried to control what he ate, but I used to be puzzled at his anxiety and ingratitude if I did something like fill a plate for him once in a while.

Our marriage functions better if I DON'T fill his plate. I don't know what I would've done if Lori's sister had issued that order while I was visiting her. 

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1 hour ago, Joyce said:

I cannot comment on Lori's Facebook pages so I will post a parody of her doodle here:

Well-written - thank you!

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My marriage must be weird. My husband and I share the cooking. Sometimes we put all the food on the table and everyone helps themselves. Other times we serve the food directly onto plates then put them on the table. Usually whoever cooks fills the plates. So if hubby cooks, he fills my plate (along with everyone else's) and if I cook, I fill his plate. For us, it's not anything to do with "serving" but convenience. 

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IMG_3684.thumb.PNG.9ac63e706f51599f7df23740f0a8dd2f.PNG

Yes, it can work in this modern age - for those who desire this lifestyle and can make it work.

Romanticizing this lifestyle in a song is one thing. Ramming it down people's throats as The Only Acceptable Way does a disservice to the parents out there who are living differently but still manage to raise children who are loved, fed, clothed, housed, educated, healthy, safe, and happy - and, perhaps, raised with faith in a higher power as well.

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10 hours ago, EowynW said:

I feel for your friend that's about the level Mr. EW and I are right now except still renting. Kids are scary to think about right now. If we ever have kids we will only be having two. 

B&SIL are on their third "accident" and happily get government assistance even though they both have degrees and could do better. They just don't want to. 

Ugh, yes!! Why is that allowed or OK?? I have a family member on their fourth child. Has a degree but is a sahm and they get assistance. What?!! If you're able to work you should be working if you're getting government assistance. 

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