Duggars by the Dozen 29 - A Very Inappropriate Lawsuit

[PainfullyAware]

On 01/07/2017 at 9:26 PM, MsSaylor said:

, im the one who has to think of all the random little things that arent already divided out, and this takes a lot of mental energy

This! I'm lucky to have a total feminist for a husband, who is also my care giver because I have a disability. But my theory is that the last frontier of equality in reproductive labour  is emotional labour - all the women in straight relationships that I know are the ones to plan how the family functions overall, take care of everyone's mental and emotional health, etc.  It's like that in my relationship. Because it helps me to even the imbalance of my husband doing almost all the chores, I'm happy to do it. But the difference there is I really don't think he could meal plan in an efficient way to save his life or anticipate stress and how we should rearrange our schedule to adapt even if he wanted to. So me doing it is less of a choice and more of a necessity, unlike a chore such as taking out the garbage where either of is could do it (at least when I was healthy). How can we raise boys to do that emotional labour?

[Jinder Roles]

2 hours ago, PainfullyAware said:

How can we raise boys to do that emotional labour?

A whole lotta unlearning of deep-seated and subtle gender bias. 

[Scrabblemaster]

13 hours ago, MadeItOut said:

Her major bugbear had been that he would strip off and not put his dirty clothes in the hamper. After weeks of 'appealing' he finally would take them off and toss them on top of the hamper.

She said in the end, the only way she "trained" it into him, was stealing the page 3 girl from the newspaper each day and sticking her to the underside of the lid. Worked a treat apparently.

I often complained about Mr. Scrabblemaster because he threw his dirty clothes beside our hamper. After a while and after I talked with a friend of mine I came to this conclusion: I am very lucky that he throws them beside the hamper because that friend of mine had to pick up her boyfriends clothes all over  their apartment. beside the hamper is way more practical, and it's a funny thing to tell . 

[Karma]

I refuse to wash anything that's not in the dirty clothes basket.  If it's left on the bathroom floor (which is upstairs, the laundry and basket are downstairs), I just kick it into whoever's bedroom it belongs to.  My husband and daughter are well trained, but my son...I keep hoping he will learn...

[Antipatriarch]

13 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

Costco is like that in the two stores I most frequently use.  It drives me batty.

What's even worse about Costco is that they move everything around from time to time. I talked to a stocker about it one day; it's an intentional corporate strategy. They aren't catering to convenience store type shopping where you dash in and grab your bread eggs and milk; they want people to walk the whole store, and notice new stuff they're offering.

I hate shopping, and I want to run down my list and get in and out as fast as possible. So I just love it when it's Saturday and you can hardly move for all the people crowded around the product demo stations, and you get to play where'd-they-move-the-bread-now. 

[melon]

1 hour ago, Antipatriarch said:

What's even worse about Costco is that they move everything around from time to time. I talked to a stocker about it one day; it's an intentional corporate strategy. They aren't catering to convenience store type shopping where you dash in and grab your bread eggs and milk; they want people to walk the whole store, and notice new stuff they're offering.

I hate shopping, and I want to run down my list and get in and out as fast as possible. So I just love it when it's Saturday and you can hardly move for all the people crowded around the product demo stations, and you get to play where'd-they-move-the-bread-now. 

They do that,so people will be in Costco longer,and spend more money.Other stores do things like this ,too.I have heard for years,that you should shop the perimeter of the store,that usually ,it is the cheapest and healthiest way to go.

[Carm_88]

Costco is hell on earth. Every single time I go in there, I swear that I will never do it again.

[JesSky03]

3 hours ago, Karma said:

I refuse to wash anything that's not in the dirty clothes basket.  If it's left on the bathroom floor (which is upstairs, the laundry and basket are downstairs), I just kick it into whoever's bedroom it belongs to.  My husband and daughter are well trained, but my son...I keep hoping he will learn...

I started that rule a couple years ago (no kids just hubby). He always leaves his dirty clothes on the floor at the end of the bed despite there being laundry baskets in our master bath just a few feet away. I told him its not my job to hunt down and gather his dirty clothes. I also don't think I should have to put his clothes away after taking the time to wash, hang/dry, sort, and fold. I just start stacking it on top of his dresser and it doesn't seem to bother him. I mean I would think it would be easier to find your clothes if they were put away than digging through a giant pile when you have to get up at 4am and get ready in the dark but what do I know .

[Four is Enough]

Mr. Four reserves special torture for the laundry. After I've sorted and done the four or five loads related to just him and me,  I"ll go back to find the hamper FULL. You see, he takes off his clothing in the bedroom, and puts it next to his chair. When the hamper gets low, he fills it up for me. You know that smug little feeling you get when the laundry's all done in one day? I never get that!

[SamiKatz]

1 hour ago, Carm_88 said:

Costco is hell on earth. Every single time I go in there, I swear that I will never do it again.

I don't mind Costco, but I dislike going to Ikea.  So confusing you need a map to get around the store, always really busy, hate picking out my own stuff in the warehouse and the lineups to pay are long.

 

[karen77]

2 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

Costco is hell on earth. Every single time I go in there, I swear that I will never do it again.

Be glad you weren't at our old one... smallest square footage in the lower 48, highest traffic, thanks Canadians!! It was insane, I have been in the new one once so far, seems better (it's bigger, so that helps)

 

here is the article about the response from Springdale

 

http://www.nwahomepage.com/news/knwa/city-of-springdale-responds-to-duggar-claims/146887662

"On 5/20/15, in full compliance with Arkansas Law, the Springdale Police Department responded to a records request under the Arkansas Freedom of Information Act. The requested record was not sealed or expunged, and at the time the report was filed, the person listed in the report was an adult. Any names of minors included in the report, as well as pronouns, were redacted from the report by the Springdale Police Department in compliance with Arkansas law prior to release."

[NotQuiteMotY]

3 hours ago, SamiKatz said:

I don't mind Costco, but I dislike going to Ikea.  So confusing you need a map to get around the store, always really busy, hate picking out my own stuff in the warehouse and the lineups to pay are long.

 

Yeah, Costco's annoying but doable. IKEA is AWFUL.

[Jess]

2 hours ago, karen77 said:

Be glad you weren't at our old one... smallest square footage in the lower 48, highest traffic, thanks Canadians!! It was insane, I have been in the new one once so far, seems better (it's bigger, so that helps)

 

here is the article about the response from Springdale

 

http://www.nwahomepage.com/news/knwa/city-of-springdale-responds-to-duggar-claims/146887662

"On 5/20/15, in full compliance with Arkansas Law, the Springdale Police Department responded to a records request under the Arkansas Freedom of Information Act. The requested record was not sealed or expunged, and at the time the report was filed, the person listed in the report was an adult. Any names of minors included in the report, as well as pronouns, were redacted from the report by the Springdale Police Department in compliance with Arkansas law prior to release."

That is just their verbal response to the media. According to this article http://www.arkansasonline.com/news/2017/jul/01/springdale-officials-ask-judge-to-toss-/?f=news-arkansas they have responded to the lawsuit by filing a motion to dismiss instead of an answer. Haven't read the motion yet, but it's unlikely (but not impossible) they will succeed on motion at this point because of the legal standard they would need to meet. They might get one or two of the causes of action dismissed now highly unlikely they will get them all dismissed before discovery though. Most likely outcome is the judge lets the case proceed to discovery. 

[justoneoftwo]

Does anyone have access to see the motion?  I was almost disappointed Josh dismissed before we got to see the girls memo in opposition, or if they chose not to. 

[Imagine20]

A motion to dismiss is a trial strategy. It was pretty likely that would be the response. 

[VelociRapture]

Just want to throw out there that not every guy raised in a "traditional" nuclear home is a dud. My husband is one - he cleans, helps take care of my emotional and mental needs, usually handles his own laundry, schedules his own appointments, and most of the men in his family cook (and many of them - including husband and FIL - cook very well. Thank you Italians!) If we didn't own a condo then he'd likely do yard work too (he is President of our Housing Associates though, so I guess that counts since he has to research and help hire various companies.)

I think if a boy is raised in a household where the work is divided fairly between both parents, as my husband was, then you're more likely to end up with a grown man who can take care of himself and his family. So parents of all children, but especially boys, do what you can to divide work evenly and work as actual partners. It'll help teach your children that they should not only be expected to pull their own weight as an adult, but that they should expect the same from any partner they choose to be with (if they're interested in romance. If not, same applies to a platonic roommate.)

[Jucifer]

6 hours ago, SamiKatz said:

I don't mind Costco, but I dislike going to Ikea.  So confusing you need a map to get around the store, always really busy, hate picking out my own stuff in the warehouse and the lineups to pay are long.

 

OMG.  I never go to Ikea without a buddy. I would never find my way out.

[candygirl200413]

@VelociRapture same with my dad! he was definitely more of the nurturer than my mom. I think it's cause my grandparents were really open about feelings and they made sure my aunts and uncles were the same. Now that we're all older the housework is pretty much equal (except my room, that I really don't care about even though my mom does :p)

 

[SHERA]

18 hours ago, Karma said:

I refuse to wash anything that's not in the dirty clothes basket.  If it's left on the bathroom floor (which is upstairs, the laundry and basket are downstairs), I just kick it into whoever's bedroom it belongs to.  My husband and daughter are well trained, but my son...I keep hoping he will learn...

Yep, I have trained my husband. My phrase is "You are an adult, you can do it yourself".  I refuse to iron and other chores that Donna Reed would have done.

[SapphireSlytherin]

7 hours ago, SHERA said:

I refuse to iron and other chores that Donna Reed would have done.

I'm an ironer. When my husband's work dress code changed last year from dress shirt/tie every day to allow polo shirts, my ironing got cut in half. I was both happy and sad about that. lol

[Justmurrayed]

In our house of two it's quite equal, we do the chores that we "like" to do. So for him, it's cooking and taking out the trash and paying the bills. For me, it's cleaning and organizing and laundry. We aren't naturally clean people but I do love a good organized fridge or an afternoon spent ironing while watching my favourite movies. 

[HarleyQuinn]

None of these newer articles say when a hearing will be set to see if this case gets dismissed or not. I hope it does. 

[Thorns]

Now I feel like the man in my relationship - I suck at housekeeping. Hubby do most of the grocery shopping, a lot of dinners, cleans and tidies, fixes stuff, and mows. I...shop sometimes, make a mess, cleans infrequently. We do our separate laundry, after a couple of " did you really was my pretty dress at 40 degrees together with jeans...?". 

Hubby had been a bachelor for quite a lot of years before I scooped him up, so maybe that is why  

[luxfilia]

I definitely do more of the "mental work" as well as the house work, but he does try to help more than the average husband seems to. I am just very precise and like doing things myself. I am very okay with highlighting the tasks I'm doing, though. We have conversations about what we are both contributing, and in our case, he brings home more money and has a much more stressful work schedule (getting up at 2 a.m. each day), so I am okay with doing more at home, as long as this is recognized and appreciated. He doesn't expect me to at all, but I feel like I should do these things since I make less money.

[Kaylo]

Good article, and in our household, while my husband really does a lot of the chores and such, I still am teh organizer of life, and that takes it's toll (I pay the bills and such too). He doesn't see it, because he doesn't have to live it and if I bring that up. ha! he'll throw the chore card in my face (and he DOES do more cleaning and cooking than I).

 

This!!! "The organizer of life". I wish my husband understood that even though he does his share of chores, all of the responsibility really does fall upon me.