Adoptive "Mothers" 3: Women Who Don't Deserve Mother's Day

[bertnee]

Seems like many of the adoption bloggers who identify as "warrior parents" should stop adding more children to their families.

 

 

 

[ILoveJellybeans]

I hate the whole "warrior parent" kind of thing. Parenting isn't a battle, not even when you have disabled kids, or adopted kids with attachment issues/a traumatic past. It could be seen as "I will fight for my child", but from the way a lot of these parents talk about their kid its more "I will fight against my child's difficult behaviours"

[MsSaylor]

Agreed. My son, at all of 7 years old, is the one who does battle every day in a world that doesnt conform to his neurology. Not me. I have the privilage of being his mother! I hate when parents of children with disabilities make it about themselves and diminish and deny their childrens' experiences.   

[popcorn_luv]

Have been following this thread for a while but this is my first time posting...

I wonder if the "warrior" parenting and/or parent she might be referring to is Jill the Warrior?

She just came home from Bulgaria with 3 teenagers (2 boys, 1 girl) - all unrelated - and already has 5 kids at home w/4 adopted who have special needs. She has already been weeping and complaining that her DD has not been affectionate enough and "bonded" with her yet. I hate to say it but I foresee discussions of disruption in the future .. http://foreverfamilyadoption.blogspot.com/

 

As for Vicky, I do feel some compassion for her but it's limited.  She knew when she reached China she did not want to go through with the adoption.  Avery not speaking to her was probably the proverbial straw. I am guessing that she already had second thoughts and realized that the idea in theory of adding another child was great but once on the plan and actually being in China she remembered all the work that went into it and how upsetting it was going to be the to the other kids and her carefully planned household routines. 

I am not that surprised that she didn't seek out therapy when she first came home because I always had the feeling the agency told her to bring her home and they would work to place her in another adoptive home once in the US.   It's clear that didn't work out.  It seems like the residential treatment has suggested they need to make some lifestyle changes.  

[Mirla]

If I didn't have time to deal with my mail, the last think I would be doing would be aquirimg a ~12th pet.  Apparently, I don't think like Kimmi.

 

popcorn_luv, I think you're right about the Warrior.  Jill P's page is interesting.  Does anyone know if the "firstborn in the wilderness" terminology she uses is common in LDS?  I haven't heard it before, but I think I may know what it refers to, however a Google search turned up examples that don't quite fit.

[Stormy]

18 hours ago, Mirla said:

If I didn't have time to deal with my mail, the last think I would be doing would be aquirimg a ~12th pet.  Apparently, I don't think like Kimmi.

Not only that, but she can do it all on top of surveying Sissy 24/7! This woman's amazing!

Bad jokes aside, I hope poor Jie Jie wasn't too disappointed when they had to take that German Shepard back. She looks so happy when she's with dogs.

[eightykatie]

On 7/11/2017 at 0:18 AM, Mirla said:

If I didn't have time to deal with my mail, the last think I would be doing would be aquirimg a ~12th pet.  Apparently, I don't think like Kimmi.

What the heck is she thinking??  Can she not stop any one of anything??  She already had elventymillion cats.  Then mushroomed up to 4 kids before you could blink.  Now one dog is turning into three in just a few months.  STOP already!!  That Kimmi will never learn.  I foresee chickens next.  She'll start with one and then have the largest flock in CA before we know it.

[Stormy]

2 hours ago, eightykatie said:

What the heck is she thinking??  Can she not stop any one of anything??  She already had elventymillion cats.  Then mushroomed up to 4 kids before you could blink.  Now one dog is turning into three in just a few months.  STOP already!!  That Kimmi will never learn.  I foresee chickens next.  She'll start with one and then have the largest flock in CA before we know it.

Oh my God, she has a sizeable enough backyard to make that happen.

I still can't get over how she's able to afford everything. (I was looking back at some pictures and remembered that she's got a freaking in-ground pool.) I know it's been discussed here before, but something tells me there might be more conspiracy than potentially fraudulent disability payouts. Seriously, this is California we're talking about.

[VaSportsMom]

Avery is back "home" again and is either "now enjoying Beauty and the Beast with another one of her sisters" or "teaching Kendall a card game". Vicky can't seem to keep her story straight for 2 paragraphs. Either way it's all unicorns and rainbows and that is all we need to know.

 

Kimmi has a new post too and they're adopting yet another dog.

[popcorn_luv]

On 7/14/2017 at 8:44 PM, VaSportsMom said:

Avery is back "home" again and is either "now enjoying Beauty and the Beast with another one of her sisters" or "teaching Kendall a card game". Vicky can't seem to keep her story straight for 2 paragraphs. Either way it's all unicorns and rainbows and that is all we need to know.

 

Kimmi has a new post too and they're adopting yet another dog.

It turns out the had to return the dog because she was aggressive towards the cats.   Kimmi seems like she is always looking for a new "baby".   Another dog, another cat, another child... 

China recently updated their adoption laws so situations like Kimmi and Vicki's will no longer happen as often.  Now, single women can have no more 2 minor child in the hone with the adopted child being the 3rd. I think this change makes sense.  There will probably be some waivers granted I would suspect. For married couples, they can have no more than 5 minor children in the home with the adopted child being the 6th. I think this one is good as well.

 

[Maggie Mae]

5 hours ago, popcorn_luv said:

It turns out the had to return the dog because she was aggressive towards the cats.   Kimmi seems like she is always looking for a new "baby".   Another dog, another cat, another child... 

They returned the grown GSD in the photo but they are working to adopt a GSD puppy. 

[Stormy]

5 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

They returned the grown GSD in the photo but they are working to adopt a GSD puppy. 

How in the hell will they handle a puppy? It takes so much patience and self-discipline to get them potty-trained. Maybe we'll get a post in a few weeks that the puppy is spiteful and lazy because it keeps peeing on the carpet even when Kimi uses her "lollipop voice".

I like to think that the girls catch a break whenever Kimi finds a new distraction. There could be a silver lining.

[Stormy]

Sooo...um, Kimi's got four dogs now. One's the German Shepherd puppy she originally spoke of, and the other is this puppy from Craigslist she apparently drove over 100 miles to get. The latter sounds like a valiant rescue effort since it'd initially been abandoned and then rehomed for various reasons, which makes sense because Kimi.

I initially thought her sudden interest in dogs could be a good thing, but now I'm beginning to get a little worried about the exponential nature of these adoptions. Dogs of all kinds need plenty of emotional care and attention in addition to their physical needs (which is a whole other issue). Personally, one dog was enough of a handful for my parents, self, and brother growing up, which ended up being a twelve-year commitment that included countless hours of housetraining, diligent arrangements for dogsitting when applicable, and astronomical vet bills* when his health declined (which was . Granted, it was totally worth it and I'm certainly not saying someone can't have lots of pets, but to get four(+) new dogs when you already have four disabled daughters and God knows how many cats? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised since they're just another couple of objects to add to her collection.

 

*File under "How Does Kimi Afford Her Lifestyle"

[FundieFarmer]

File under "Kimi Has a Hero Complex" and "Why TF Did She Think That Was a Good Idea".

Note: did she bring the girls on the 100 mile drive? How did that go? *runs off to read*

[purjolok84]

@FundieFarmer I'm sure if anyone normal took the girls on a road trip it would be fine. Maybe a bit of a challenge but okay.

 

Seeing it's Kimmi though, I'm sure it was it was just devastating, and Sissy did something to ruin it for everyone, like ask to roll the window down a crack. And Apple was, as always, perfect. For now.

 

 

[popcorn_luv]

wow, I guess she is moving on to dogs now that her kids are older and it's not possible to get anymore.  Considering she couldn't even keep up with basic housework, I can't imagine adding in 4 animals is going to help.  

As far as her income, I am not sure about SSI/disability payments bc I seem to recall some issue with that and internationally adopted children.  IIRC a  family needed to have insurance to cover the costs of surgeries and therapies when adopting a child internationally.  The rules may have changed over the years though ...

[FundieFarmer]

[mention=18732]FundieFarmer[/mention] I'm sure if anyone normal took the girls on a road trip it would be fine. Maybe a bit of a challenge but okay.
 
Seeing it's Kimmi though, I'm sure it was it was just devastating, and Sissy did something to ruin it for everyone, like ask to roll the window down a crack. And Apple was, as always, perfect. For now.
 
 

My thoughts exactly. And you know, certainly nobody else wanted the window rolled down so it was the road tripocalypse of 2017.

[keepercjr]

She probably gets SSI for each girl and that brings in almost $3000 per month untaxed.  She could live no problem.  I am guessing her home is paid for since she moved from the Bay Area and IIRC sold her home there which would easily pay for a home here (I live in the same city - and fun fact, I used to live in the same city she moved from too) with plenty left over.  As for insurance, the girls probably get Medi-cal which is California's version of Medicaid.  She probably has zero out of pocket for them and no premiums.  And she most likely has medi cal herself with zero countable income. I will be surprised if she ever goes back to doing daycare.   Why add more work?

As for the dogs... I hope this is it!  We happen to have 4 dogs but 3 are small and one is about 60 lbs.  my big boy was adopted from the same rescue she has been going through.  I think she raw feeds, as do we, and 4 big dogs, especially the 2 puppies is going to be expensive!  Sometimes I think we lost our mind when we thought 4 would be a good idea lol.  But they are all good dogs and were not adopted in rapid succession like hers.  And the vet bills... I hope she has plenty of cash stashed away.  We put money away each paycheck in an emergency/vet fund.  So when we end up with 2 $300+ vet bills within a few weeks we aren't freaking out.   Right now we have a 16yo cat and a 14yo dog.  Thankfully they are healthy but I know end of life care is going to be expensive at some point.  With a cat had many years ago we even gave her subcutaneous IV fluids every two days for several months before she got too ill (she had a nice quality of life despite her kidneys failing whichis why we did the fluid) .

[Mirla]

The postings about Peyton and Tiki have been haunting me, because of their parallels to the story of Apple, Jie Jie, Sissy, and Blossom.  

She wanted a German Shepard puppy, but she also wanted that puppy to have a puppy to "go with."  So, before she could get her precious Tiki, she got Peyton for the sole purpose of being a companion to her precious future Tiki.  Her post introducing Peyton to the world makes clear that Peyton's purpose in life is to be the "other puppy" in Tiki's life.  Peyton is given a single compliment.

Once she gets Tiki, she describes Tiki in glowing terms.  I counted ten compliments to Tiki.  Meanwhile Peyton is described as attacking Tiki, and repeatedly taking Sky's food and bowl.  Peyton needs to be shown her place.  The only compliment for Peyton is shared with Tiki.  The only negative comment about Tiki, meanwhile, is that he took off the lid to Sky's litterbox just for fun.  Peyton's misdeeds make K work harder, while Tiki's are dismissed as all-in-good-fun.

Just like the favored Apple and the Sisters.

[Clairice]

Is it ok to ask a question here please?

I'm in the UK which has really strict rules on adoption with lots of in depth assessments on the prospective parents. When parents are adopting outside of the UK they still have to have Social Services assess and agree to the adoption.

Does this not happen to the same degree in the USA?

These mothers sound like crackpots who are doing a dreadful job!

[SoybeanQueen]

2 hours ago, claire said:

I'm in the UK which has really strict rules on adoption with lots of in depth assessments on the prospective parents. When parents are adopting outside of the UK they still have to have Social Services assess and agree to the adoption.

Does this not happen to the same degree in the USA?

Yes, you have to have a home study done and a social worker has to approve the adoption. Some people are very good at acting and sounding normal for long enough to pass a home study, though. There are also adoption agencies that specialize in newborns or international adoptions that wouldn't look too hard at you as long as you have the money. It's a big-money industry.

In my experience, there are more restrictions and regulations to follow when adopting from the US foster care system.

[Clairice]

Thank you for that @SoybeanQueen  It's interesting about the overseas adoptions which I know very little about, I will have to do some reading!

[Jess]

I thought but maybe I am wrong that the social workers for international adoptions were employed by the agencies and thus had incentive to rubber stamp applicants as denying to many applicants is likely to get them fired. I didn't think they used social workers from state agencies.

[alexandracabot]

Vicky has a post up about the pain of a daughter dealing with "abandonment" by her biological family. How can she write that straight-faced when she also abandoned Avery? There's no doubt in my mind that she inflicted just as much (if not more) trauma on Avery by abandoning her — explicitly because of Avery's personality and traumatic past — as Avery's first family, who no doubt abandoned her out of necessity, did.

Edited August 6, 2017 by alexandracabot

[SoybeanQueen]

5 hours ago, Jess said:

I thought but maybe I am wrong that the social workers for international adoptions were employed by the agencies and thus had incentive to rubber stamp applicants as denying to many applicants is likely to get them fired. I didn't think they used social workers from state agencies.

I think you're right, particularly based on the people I know who have adopted internationally. There's certainly no one making sure these parents are ready for anything but taking pics for their totes-adorbs adoption blog. They do have to be approved by a licensed social worker, though, even if that person is employed by the adoption agency.

The social worker we used for our first homestudy did not seem to ask hard questions. She was recommended to us by several families that adopted internationally through religious agencies. We could have had a basement full of bodies and she wouldn't have known. I have not recommended her to others since then, because I would feel awful if a terrible family got access to more children because I suggested a social worker who rubber-stamped them.