Adoptive "Mothers" 3: Women Who Don't Deserve Mother's Day

[Lurky]

15 hours ago, purjolok84 said:

It just makes me wonder whether any of the girls, especially Sissy, have ever been offered a translator in their medical appointments. Or is this a service that Kimi 'claims' they don't need?

Same - I am continually freaking myself out worrying that Kimi and the other "mothers" don't get their kids proper English lessons, and then claim the fact they're not fluent is because of learning disabilities, not because they've never been taught. 

[littlemommy]

I just imagine she would tell the doctor office that an interpreter would be a waste, since the girls "wouldn't understand" what was going on/being talked about anyway. People, in my experience, tend to believe that anyway of adults with mental disabilities, so there wouldn't be much protest.

 

[Hane]

Ever since the post in which she mentioned Sissy rifling through papers to try to find her passport and other important documents, I've been convinced that Sissy is a LOT more intelligent than Kimi gives her credit for.

[SoGladIWasCofE]

It's also possible that people are assuming the girls (especially sissy) were adopted younger than they actually were, and thinking the poor English isn't just a result of learning a second language later, in isolated circumstances.

The other concern with the "they won't understand" thing is that kimi is their main source of English. If she's oversimplifying the way she speaks, and not bothering to try with things they struggle with, they may not even be being exposed to complex English that often.

[DarkAnts]

Vickys blog is private again. I would love to know what happened this time to make  it private.

[CrazyLurkerLady]

Probably reading here again. Don't worry, she won't be able to stand the lack of attention for long.

[keepercjr]

Looks like Vicky made her blog private again!

Edited June 1, 2017 by keepercjr

[SoybeanQueen]

You'd be surprised how many adoptive "parents" I've encountered who don't think therapy is necessary for their kids. They either think prayer and love will do everything for them, or they don't want to pay for therapy. One family I know is always spending tons of cash on things, but got mad at me when I suggested some therapists for their son who was adopted at age 16 after being in an overseas orphanage since he was very young. They opted instead to rehome him. They told me there were no resources available to help them, which is a lie. I know it's a lie because I've had to seek out the exact same therapists and resources for my kids.

As for Kimi and her eldest daughter...  if it's such a constant problem that she breaks things or does things to annoy Kimi, why the heck does Kimi still ask her to do things and expect it to go well? My kids still do things deliberately to annoy me, too, because they don't fully trust adults still. For good reason. Adults let them down constantly when they were small. So, here's my magical parenting trick. Ready? I DON'T ASK THEM TO DO THINGS I KNOW THEY CAN'T HANDLE. If I had a kid who constantly broke stuff or tried to destroy things, I wouldn't ask them to carry their sibling's doll bassinet home. I have a formerly neglected kid who can't handle being around large amounts of food. So I don't put him in charge of a buffet line or putting away groceries. I don't lock him in his room to keep him from taking food at night. I buy him a box of granola bars or a bag of trail mix and he can keep it in his room so he knows he always has food. I remind him that when he feels like taking food, he can come get a hug, because it's probably affection he's really seeking. It's not freaking hard. In fact, I'd venture to guess it's a million times easier than a complex system of alarms and locks and dogs and firefighters.

[nurselee]

Vicky's blog is back up, with a defensive post about how meen everyone is.

 

http://expectingsomethingsobigfromgod.blogspot.ca/2017/06/it-doesnt-add-up.html

"It doesn't add up . . ."

Those that judge, judge from afar and think they know me, my heart, and my family! It was recently stated, "It doesn't add up," referring to something I'd written here on the blog!

I am ridiculed for sharing too much about Avery on a public forum. Yet, what they don't know, I haven't shared the hardest parts and the most extreme behaviors out of respect for Avery and our family.

Avery is still legally my child. She is back and will remain here and receive the treatment she needs, the treatment that I thought the other families were going to provide and were committed to giving her. 

Avery's behavior in their homes was not such that these families felt safe for their other children. They witnessed continued offenses that only grew worse if mentioned, thus they had no choice but to abrupt their adoption process.

I do not share each attack or situation. My blog is my method of "venting"! It is my release from the frustrations of the moment when I don't think I can go on another minute. 

It is also a place that I can share some of the girl's accomplishments! I am so proud of them, even Avery! I've learned so much about her and her horrific past!

Yes, I made many mistakes when she was with us the first time. Mistakes that I have learned from and pray that I don't repeat! Our goal is to help Avery to overcome her past of abuse, abandonment (yes, I know we were part of that too), and attachment issues.

We have been give a second chance with Avery and thus the reinforcements have been called in to help our family become one! This will be a slow process but each success is celebrated and each less than stellar day is looked upon as a learning experience!

So no, when you read through my blog things don't add up as I haven't shared every moment and I purposely left out many of the events of the past as they were private. 

Our healing plan:
 

Psychiatric evaluation

Weekly counseling for Avery

Bi-weekly family counseling

Monthly social worker visits

Each child has a notebook to record their good moments with Avery and the moments that caused them to be afraid, stressed or whatever. We want them to look for the good as they process their frustrations and fears. This will aid them during family counseling!

 

We ask that you pray for us rather than judge us! Remember you only see what I allow you to see and trust me, it isn't the whole picture!

 

Until next time . . .

Edited June 2, 2017 by nurselee
adding text to post

[purjolok84]

Waaaaah! Waaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! I'm not allowed to blog about neglecting my adopted child without being held accountable for it!

The shitty part I got from this is (aside from Avery being rejected by another family and having to move back home with the wicked adoptive mother and sisters who obviously have not been encouraged to welcome Avery) Vicky is very clear that her blog is her life lite. We couldn't possibly know the terror and foul horror that Avery puts the family through! No one likes her! It's just sooooooooo hard; even more so than shown!

Most people would say the opposite.

[freejugar]

Maybe Sissy learned mandarin from the other girls?

Maybe Sissy learned mandarin from the other girls?

"
You can clearly read that Sissy and I didn't have an instant connection like Jie Jie and I had. What Jie Jie and I had was very, very rare. It was as perfect as an adoption could ever be."

 

This is from 2012. Gee, I wonder what happened.

[Lurky]

Quote

"It is also a place that I can share some of the girl's accomplishments! I am so proud of them, even Avery!"

"even Avery!"

[Gemini]

On 01/06/2017 at 5:49 AM, SoybeanQueen said:

Adults let them down constantly when they were small. So, here's my magical parenting trick. Ready? I DON'T ASK THEM TO DO THINGS I KNOW THEY CAN'T HANDLE. If I had a kid who constantly broke stuff or tried to destroy things, I wouldn't ask them to carry their sibling's doll bassinet home.

This!

Kimmi is either incredibly obtuse or she's setting poor Sissy up to fail.  

It's bad enough putting her in situations that she can't cope with, but incidents like the bassinate one are a sure fire way of getting the other girls to be angry at Sissy. 

Unfortuantly it seems like it's a deliberate attempt by Kimmi to cause animosity towards Sissy. Why else would she let Sissy carry the bassinate if she knew there would be problems!  

 

Edited June 2, 2017 by Gemini

[Stormy]

30 minutes ago, Gemini said:

It's bad enough putting her in situations that she can't cope with, but incidents like the bassinate one are a sure fire way of getting the other girls to be angry at Sissy. 

Unfortuantly it seems like it's a deliberate attempt by Kimmi to cause animosity towards Sissy. Why else would she let Sissy carry the bassinate if she knew there would be problems!  

I wouldn't put it past her; Kimi's done some things to put distance between her girls before, outwardly so that they have no chance to conspire or plot against her (which she's pretty much admitted to), but mostly out of fear that they'll become closer with each other than with her. It makes me scared that Sissy might not have a single ally in any one of her sisters.

[freejugar]

Again, if Sissy actually plotted to ruin everyone's fun by breaking the bassinet, she doesn't have such severe delays like Kimmy says she has.

When sissy first arrived, Kimi wouldn't let her contact her friends in China because she was afraid it would keep sissy from bonding with her.

[anachronistic]

I think Sissy is much, much smarter than she is given credit for. I think she understands English very well by this point, it can't necessarily communicate fluently in it because she hasn't been given any therapy or help to learn it. Kimi is such a hypocrite. The things she accuses her of doing would be impossible if she truly had the intellectual impairment.

Free Sissy and Avery!

[apandaaries]

Comprehension is always superior to production, in terms of language development.  Sissy could quite conceivably understand a lot of what's said around her (and evidently does,  from her anger and discomfort over being spoken about by Kimi to the therapist).  Production is much, much harder.  Think about when you learned a second language, but tried to conjugate verbs or recall a word just hidden a bit in the brain.  It's challenging, especially without a lot of support, which Sissy does not appear to get.  But I suspect Sissy knows much more than Kimi would like to acknowledge. Poor Sissy.

[DaisyD]

Exactly. I do decently in reading Spanish, less so with hearing it, but ask me to speak? I can give you numbers and maybe order food.

[smittykins]

I majored in Spanish in high school(mumblemumble years ago)and I've forgotten about 95% of it.

[Stormy]

Also consider Sissy's already been mocked for pronouncing words incorrectly (pronouncing "food" as "foo", which has been pointed out here as having an accent but Kimi claims is "out of laziness"). She's probably been discouraged from speaking in that way, and therefore can't get better at it.

[Mirla]

7 hours ago, Stormy said:

Also consider Sissy's already been mocked for pronouncing words incorrectly (pronouncing "food" as "foo", which has been pointed out here as having an accent but Kimi claims is "out of laziness"). She's probably been discouraged from speaking in that way, and therefore can't get better at it.

This fills me with rage.  A quick google search was it all it took to learn that consonants at the ends of words are very hard for a native Chinese speaker to pronounce, especially voiced ones like "d."  That's not laziness, just like my inability to pronounce a good French rolled "R" isn't laziness.

Kimmi should not be in charge of teaching the older girls English if Kimmi can't understand simple stuff like this.  No wonder she thinks Sissy is slow.

 

 

[freejugar]

There is really nothing gross about a tampon applicator, or about periods in general. I don't know why Kimi is so uptight about it.

[lawlifelgbt]

Also, diapers are indeed gross; but a lot of poor mothers with young children face diaper need, meaning they can't afford adequate diapers to change the baby as often as they should. Some moms do have to leave the used diaper on longer, or find a way to "reuse" old diapers. It's a big obstacle to getting these women working and thus getting OUT of not being able to afford diapers, since daycares require each child to have an adequate daily supply of diapers to be able to be watched there.

[apandaaries]

To be honest, I wouldn't really want my teenager to pick a used tampon applicator out of the trash.  But then again, my teenager knows about bathroom products and menstrual supplies, including tampons (though we are an applicator-free household).  Kimi is so stubborn about not teaching those girls anything, and those girls are so determined to learn about the world around them.  Kimi seems to truly desire dependent children, rather than encouraging these  young adults as they grow into independence. 

[bionicmlle]

Their curiosity is an important thing to nourish - especially if she desires their intellect to develop. Lord knows she bitches about it enough that I assume she DOES want them to become more aware of the world around them.