Can we talk about Fundies and food?

[Four is Enough]

Three and Four were neglected as very young children. They both hoard food. It's better now, since they've lived with us for  (is it already ) 15 years, but I've noticed that whenever they are stressed, food goes upstairs more frequently.

For instance, it's finals at school. Four is even eating upstairs while studying... and there's an ample stash under the bed.

Having their own money via work or allowances has helped, too. I think it's the feeling of having more control over their lives.

[BobTheWalrus]

This is such an interesting topic! It's especially interesting as a non-American to hear what Americans think is normal for a family. As a child we hardly ever ate out, it was see as excessive or something that was just for special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries. My mother cooked from scratch basically every day of my life. Sometimes it was a "lazy" meal, but mostly it was cooked from scratch, like using a can of tomatoes, herbs and seasonings with ground beef to make bolognaise sauce. She hardly ever used prepackaged sauces and things. White sauce, gravy, even curry, all made from scratch. My dad even makes his own beer and bread (sometimes). So that's what seemed normal to me. With my own kids, we have had a lot of family struggles so I don't always have the energy to cook like that. But still we tend to have omelettes as our lazy meals, rather than processed stuff, although we do eat that sometimes.

I've always thought that if you can read, you can cook. Although she did it, my mum didn't really like cooking, so she never actively taught me anything more than the basics. I've taught myself just by reading cookbooks and food blogs, and following the directions given. There are great blogs out there for frugal, large family cooking so I don't know why the Duggars and others can't do some research. And they mainly have a decent amount of land, so even if they just grew tomatoes and herbs it would add a lot to their cooking.

The other thing I wonder is how many of them use food as a coping tool. I've done it myself and as a consequence am heavier than I should be. So many of them have been through trauma, or just have  a hard time and have no emotional outlet to speak of, and I wonder how many of them either over or under eat in order to deal with difficult feelings.

[formergothardite]

25 minutes ago, BobTheWalrus said:

As a child we hardly ever ate out, it was see as excessive or something that was just for special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries. My mother cooked from scratch basically every day of my life. Sometimes it was a "lazy" meal, but mostly it was cooked from scratch, like using a can of tomatoes, herbs and seasonings with ground beef to make bolognaise sauce. She hardly ever used prepackaged sauces and things. White sauce, gravy, even curry, all made from scratch. My dad even makes his own beer and bread (sometimes). So that's what seemed normal to me.

This is a pretty accurate description of my childhood. We never, ever ate out. We had a huge garden and our summers were spent growing food, picking food and canning food. If we had spaghetti sauce it was made with tomatoes we grew and canned and a lot of herbs we had grown and dried. That was how my parents were raised and pretty much how I still live, except our land sucks for gardening I I purchase from local farms now. It is surprising how many people are into eating local now. 

25 minutes ago, BobTheWalrus said:

There are great blogs out there for frugal, large family cooking so I don't know why the Duggars and others can't do some research. And they mainly have a decent amount of land, so even if they just grew tomatoes and herbs it would add a lot to their cooking.

Heck IBLP provided that info and a lot of ATI families were very much into healthy living. They have no excuse except that the parents were too lazy. While in my family we all learned to cook and garden, my parents were right there with us working. That is something the Bates and Duggar parents weren't willing to do. 

[lawlifelgbt]

@BobTheWalrusI  did eat out sometimes as a kid; maybe twice a month and more in the summer, when I would have Friday pizza after getting to my family's sailboat- no one wants to cook after a 5 hour drive! Then since 12 until 18, I got breakfast with my dad once or twice a week, before my RE classes or school. But it was just a medium mocha or etc. and a shared cinnamon or caramel roll. I can't eat huge portions out all the time, and going there never took long since it was counter service.

 

My mom never taught me much cooking- she played tennis and obsessively worked out daily, and/or would take my brother to his tennis activities. So she did cooking as fast as possible- spaghetti with jar sauce, tacos, or baked food she could leave in the oven while showering. Still, she was more healthy than fundies about it. I had to drink milk until 18 when I insisted on switching to soy milk because I hated regular, and from 11 or so all kids had to eat a side salad with dark greens.

 

In winter with less activities, she would make applesauce and her own spaghetti sauce, and prep Crockpot meals. It's a shame I never learned cooking. I was always assigned dishes instead.

[EowynW]

Another take on it. Some fundie kids lead such a sheltered, quiet life that a meal out, usually with friends from church or something, was one of the most exciting things they had to look forward to. Then a pattern of eating out = fun, happy and exciting was put in place. 

This is something my sister and I still struggle with. 

[MsSaylor]

ITA with the above. I wasnt sheltered but had a working single mom and little disposable income so eating out sunday after church with my grandparents and maybe a friend was one of the only "fun" family outings we had other than really special occasions. It became a big thing for me and even now if we dont go out for a family meal at a restaurant once a week i feel like myself and the kids are being deprived of something. 

[BoPeep]

@crawfishgirl, I've seen the ads and blogposts for those meal companies, but oh my!  If we spend ~$40 for a meal (for 4), it's because we ate out at a restaurant....and someone else cooked for us!  Our monthly grocery budget is $450, to feed us ~85-90 meals....paying $40 per meal is ridiculous.  

I can see it being useful for a family on the go and/or with parents who work/commute late, as everything is already prepped (prep time takes me at least half of the time when I make dinner, lol!), and ready to cook right then.  So dinner could be made in 20-30 min vs 60+ min, and would be healthier and tastier than grabbing fast food, a pizza, or chinese takeout on the drive home.  

I've also known friends who've ordered the meals for relatives or friends who've had health issues, and cannot get out to grocery shop.  So they know their loved ones can make a quick and easy....and healthy meal.  Esp when they aren't close by to help.  

 

I think part of why the Duggars don't garden is because they aren't home much to care for the garden.  They are always traveling somewhere.  We did a decent garden a few yrs back, but haven't since, cause we run so much during our summers....and gardening and putting up food requires hours every day, and being at home to do so.  

....I think of my and dh's grandmothers....neither had a drivers license, and neither left home but 1, maybe 2, times a week.  Yes, they had big families, and they put in long hours, but being home meant they had the time to deal with the garden care, picking, prepping, and canning.  I have a car, and my driver's license, lol, and we get out and go alot on errands and visiting friends, and we just aren't at home for the hours needed to take care of a garden and put up the food....and we aren't out at such and such conferences all the time, like the Duggars.  But I know families who DO do all that work, and put up food, because it is better for them financially!  And better for their health, as well!

[Cleopatra7]

2 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Heck IBLP provided that info and a lot of ATI families were very much into healthy living. They have no excuse except that the parents were too lazy. While in my family we all learned to cook and garden, my parents were right there with us working. That is something the Bates and Duggar parents weren't willing to do. 

With the Bateses and the Duggars, I think that two factors are at work. The most obvious one is what has been noted upthread, that when you have double digit numbers of kids that need to be fed three times a day, quantity of food takes precedence over quality. While both families have the land, time, and and hands to garden, can, cook from scratch, I assume they don't because it's easier to open a can or turn on a microwave. Cooking is a matter of trial and error, especially when you do things that involve fermentation and canning, and if neither Kelly nor Michelle came into ATI with these skills, they probably didn't have the time or energy to learn once they had to wrangle six kids under six. Secondly, the kinds of traditional Southern foods that the Bateses and the Duggars have affinities for tend to be high in fats and starch. This wouldn't be as much of a problem if they were all out working in the fields from sunrise to sundown, but since they lead sedentary lives doing god knows what, they don't burn off the extra calories.

[ophelia]

Anybody else remember the HUGE VF conference "The Reformation of Food and Family". It was way back when VF was still a thing and LOTS of fundies went there. I can't find any picture right now, but here is a blog post about the conference:

thechristianphilosophyoffood.com/2012/07/the-reformation-of-food-and-family.html

[nickelodeon]

Never forget the Bates' family recipes, including such wonders as cheese on hot dogs on beans on toast, and chicken noodle soup made with evaporated milk and 7-10 slices of American cheese. These people make tater tot casserole sound scrumptious.

And don't forget to save room for their many desserts, literally ALL of which are some variation of "mix an entire tub of Cool Whip with [insert ingredient here] and put it in a pie crust"

[ophelia]

and I'm quite sure that a lot of their leghumpers tried their so called "recipes" and felt like Jamie Oliver. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 hours ago, BobTheWalrus said:

As a child we hardly ever ate out, it was see as excessive or something that was just for special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries.

We rarely ate out and we are American. There just wasn't any money for it. My parents could make dinner for much much cheaper than going out to eat. It was a rare treat to go to the local diner or buffet. 

[December]

54 minutes ago, nickelodeon said:

Never forget the Bates' family recipes

Yeah, those are all pretty nasty sounding.  Not to mention how easy something like homemade chicken noodle soup would be to cook. 

Those desserts  "deserts" all sound okay enough on their own, but the idea that every dessert was essentially flavored cool whip is just sad. Cheap eats doesn't have to mean no variety! 

[neurogirl]

As someone with a disordered eating past, I believe there is basically a 100% chance the Maxwells (and Shupes) have some issues with food. My therapist once told me something to the effect of "there is almost no way you were NOT going to have issues" with food with the combination of my super controlling father who literally studied obesity for his job, strict parents in general who didn't give praise even when it was practically begged for, anxiety, underlying body image/self-esteem problems, and being on a college campus where many (particularly female) students ran themselves into the ground to be perfect in all dimensions. The Maxwellians and Shupes don't have the college campus aspect, but the Maxes do have Stevehovah who is beyond strict, image-focused, and I doubt nurturing to their sense of self worth...and then Erika Shupe is anxiety incarnate and I bet their food was as micromanaged as every other aspect of their lives.

I'm much better now, after years of treatment from therapists, nutritionists, and Prozac, which are also all things I think the Fundies are SOL on. And I do feel for them if any of this is the case. Because as some of us know, disordered eating is just EXHAUSTING. (and PSA/reminder, disordered eating cannot be determined by weight alone. They usually stem from issues with CONTROL, first and foremost.)

Free the Maxwells! Free the Shupes!! (And thanks for this thread @lawlifelgbt)

[BoPeep]

2 hours ago, ophelia said:

Anybody else remember the HUGE VF conference "The Reformation of Food and Family". It was way back when VF was still a thing and LOTS of fundies went there. I can't find any picture right now, but here is a blog post about the conference:

thechristianphilosophyoffood.com/2012/07/the-reformation-of-food-and-family.html

I bought the cd set to listen to.  I had ZERO clue who dpiat was, but I love Joel Salatin!  And we were wanting to homestead, so some of the talks were right up my alley.  Michelle Duggar was there, and completely out of her element (and uncomfortable), because most of the food talk was against processed foods, about growing your own, eating more whole foods, and I think several speakers were against bread (?).  Funny enough, I couldn't listen to dpiat's talks....he sounded pompous.  And annoying.  

One of the women speakers (at a round table discussion) was asked about how to be hospitable when you have small children, and she said that for her family, they had seasons of hospitality....and when there were tons of littles with early bedtimes, they didn't entertain as much.  She was overrun by another speaker, who said it didn't matter....hospitality needed to happen no matter what.  But I guess if a family is quiverfull....there will always be babies and littles, and not a season without them until menopause, lol.  I had zero clue what vision forum was back then, nor that they were babies galore, or else!  I thought the interruptor was rude...extremely rude.  (I almost think it was Beall, but it's been yrs since I heard the cd's, so don't quote me on that!)

I tried to sell that cd set after listening to it, and no one would buy it, so I donated it.  This was around the time dpiat's tightly currated world was collapsing....but I had no clue, lol.  I found it out later, on here, and realized THAT was why no one would buy my tainted VF cd's!  Ha!

[Hane]

When I was a kid in the '50s and '60s, we rarely ate out. There were few fast food restaurants, and with my mother being a SAHM, it was more economical for us to have home cooking. (A couple of times a month there was Chinese takeout or a pizza on a Saturday night, or dinner at a sit-down restaurant.) Dad had a grocery store, so he often got good buys on produce, which Mom would cook and freeze in bulk. He often had a vegetable garden, too. We had fruit trees, and Mom used to make peach and crabapple jellies and butters. (Of course, we did eat our fair share of canned foods, instant mashed potatoes, and things made from mixes, too--things I rarely use nowadays, preferring to use fresh ingredients and cook from scratch.)

 I just can't understand why the Duggars never had a vegetable garden or fruit trees. It would eventually have saved so much money, and yielded better-lasting and healthier food.

[slp]

I grew up in the 80s-90s.  We lived in the country.  I was an only child for 10 years.  We always had a huge garden, my mom canned a lot of things, we went out and picked wild muscadines and made jelly every year. We ate out on Sundays about 3 weeks a month, with the occasional fast food restaurant run when we went to the 'big town' 30 min away.  We did have processed food some, but it ws not the bulk of our diet, and sodas and cookies (store bought) were allowed, but limited.  Mom baked and cooked from scratch all the time.

 

Unfotunately she died when I was just getting old enough to learn all those things, so I'm not very good at them. My oldest daughter, however, has just married and is learning to do all those things.  She texted me pics of her garden recently.  She wants to be responsible and save money. 

[MarblesMom]

On 5/10/2017 at 1:21 AM, Dandruff said:

and have we ever seen a Duggar drink a glass of 100% fruit juice?

Well, tomatoes are technically a fruit, and we have seen the Sintral America toddler drink tomato sauce/juice from the can, so there is that....

[Dandruff]

10 minutes ago, MarblesMom said:

Well, tomatoes are technically a fruit, and we have seen the Sintral America toddler drink tomato sauce/juice from the can, so there is that....

Nice try.

[O Latin]

I have a friend who loves to give me crap because I don't really cook (I know how, I just don't like to). I have no kids and no significant other. The only person I'm responsible for feeding is myself, so I don't see a need. Not to mention that his idea of cooking is pasta (which I find boring and unsatisfying) and ENORMOUS chicken breasts that have more calories than I eat in an entire day (aside from which, chicken breasts make me gag). Yet somehow he insists I would be "healthier" eating that than my typical fruit, yogurt, cereal, canned beans, etc. 

Growing up, my mom cooked okay stuff, not great. But when it was time to have leftovers she would put the food, no matter what it was, what container it was in, or how much of it was left, in microwave and nuke it within an inch of its life. Everything turned into a dry, congealed, unappetizing blob. And she didn't really like to cook, either, so we ate a lot of leftovers. I was an adult before I realized that leftovers can be quite tasty if you bother to reheat them properly. 

I like to joke that I have the taste buds of an 18-year-old boy living in a college dorm with no kitchen. I would happily eat nothing but hot pockets, ramen noodles, and pizza. But I try to force myself to limit those and stick to somewhat healthier thing. 

I never understood the disgust over the Duggars' BBQ tuna. I know some people just find tuna in general to be gross, but I've tried it before and I think it's actually pretty good. I like some weird  food combinations, though (bananas and cheese, pulled pork and peanut butter). 

9 hours ago, nickelodeon said:

Never forget the Bates' family recipes, including such wonders as cheese on hot dogs on beans on toast, and chicken noodle soup made with evaporated milk and 7-10 slices of American cheese. These people make tater tot casserole sound scrumptious.

And don't forget to save room for their many desserts, literally ALL of which are some variation of "mix an entire tub of Cool Whip with [insert ingredient here] and put it in a pie crust"

I LOVE Cool Whip. I could literally just eat Cool Whip out of the container (see 18-year-old boy taste buds mentioned above). And I don't eat them anymore, but I used to go nuts over those hot dogs that have the liquid cheese inside of them. I have to stop now. I am giving myself way too many junk food cravings writing this post. 

[Maggie Mae]

I hate cool whip so much. Growing up my ndad insisted on cool whip. Not Reddi whip. Not homemade.  Only cool whip in a tub.  I can't stand it.  I don't even like looking at it.  It's just another reminder that no one else's preferences ever mattered.

Sorry for the tangent.

I don't think the Maxwell's are that close to eating disorders.  The animal cracker thing was weird but it's not that unheard of to not want or like cake. I am hoping for a lemon tree and a steak for my birthday. I do wonder if they can just go heat up a burrito if they happen to be hungry at 2 am. I have this sneaking suspicion that a lot of their lives aren't as structured and puritanical anymore. 

I do hate it when kids (and grown ups) don't eat at a table, though, so I'm sure that someone, somewhere thinks I'm going to be an unfit parent. Also can't stand eating in front of the tv. Hate being invited to dinner and finding out that we're going to sit on a couch and eat but not talk because tv. Also that's how you get ants. 

I am an old person. 

 

 

[NakedKnees]

I'm from the US, and my family probably ate out once a week... most often take-out like KFC or a local Mexican food place (Southern California), but we'd go out to a sit-down restaurant every couple of weeks or month or two, especially for special occasions.

My mom definitely cooked and I've cooked consistently since I moved out, although it is interesting to think of what qualifies as "cooking." I cook from scratch a lot these days but I'm lucky to have the time to, and my mom used a mix of canned and fresh stuff. I wouldn't really count cup-o-soup ramen as "cooking" but I would count making a grilled cheese sandwich. It's pretty hard to define.

[smittykins]

6 hours ago, O Latin said:

I LOVE Cool Whip. I could literally just eat Cool Whip out of the container (see 18-year-old boy taste buds mentioned above). And I don't eat them anymore, but I used to go nuts over those hot dogs that have the liquid cheese inside of them. I have to stop now. I am giving myself way too many junk food cravings writing this post. 

I usd to do that too(the Cool Whip straight out of the container.)Remember the kind that came out of that squeeze container, so you could make rosettes and things?  I used to squeeze it right into my mouth.  My mom was...not impressed. 

[BobTheWalrus]

17 hours ago, nickelodeon said:

chicken noodle soup made with evaporated milk and 7-10 slices of American cheese.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

[formergothardite]

I hope that people from other countries realize that evaporated milk and American cheese chicken noodle soup isn't normal American food. I personally had never heard of anyone doing that until I read the Bates recipes. Why would anyone do that to chicken noodle soup?!