Seewalds 22 - Funerals and Embryo Cake

[Henk12]

Bleh. I can't stand Ben and Jessa for the most part, but they do have a beautiful family. Those Seewald boys are adorable. 

[Carm_88]

Ben posted a wordy Mother's Day wish to Jessa on their blog. I'm going to put it under a spoiler, because I imagine that not everyone wants to give them the clicks.  

Spoiler

My dearest Jessa,

 

Where do I start? As I sit here, I try to think of what I can say to express my deep love and appreciation for you. Can mere words accomplish such a feat? Will a short note convey to you my admiration? I am blessed! I say that not comprehending just how blessed I really am. God’s greatest blessing upon me has been His grace in saving me from His wrath, taking my place on the cross, and showering me with His love by adopting me as a son and heir. But, besides my salvation, your love and companionship has been the greatest blessing of my life.

 

On Mother’s Day, we appreciate those who are so often taken for granted and under-appreciated and yet who give so much—namely mothers. When I first met you, Jessa, I saw you as a gorgeous woman, full of virtue and love for God. Now, I have seen you as a mother as well. What a beautiful thing it is to be a loving mother! This is what you have been for Henry and Spurgeon. I knew you as my wife, but know I know you as my wife and also the mother of my sons. It has added another realm to your beauty.

 

I thank God for His grace that I see in your life! Your love and self sacrifice—all the times you are giving your day to Spurgeon and Henry while I am away at work—and the patience and tenderness you display towards our sons. You are a wonderful mother, and so I thank God! Because it is due to His grace that you are what you are. Praise the Lord Jesus Christ for all that He has done for us and how His own love, patience, and self sacrifice are displayed every time you patiently bear with and lovingly serve and give yourself for our little boys when bad attitudes arise, when they get sick, and when they are needy. It is a beautiful thing to see, and I count it an honor to work together with you, by the merciful help of God, to raise our children.

 

Happy Mother’s day Jessa Lauren Seewald. 

 

[nickelodeon]

So, it looks like his writing style hasn't developed much since "elegant majestic pearls"...

[Bad Wolf]

Wonder what he said to his own mother.

[griffin]

He's "away at work"? Seriously?

[bal maiden]

Jesus H Christ, save us all from Ben's tormented prose. 

[Georgiana]

Ben's writing reminds me of Anne's from Anne of Green Gables.  Except that Anne's was exaggerated on purpose, and even still the author had her grow out of it as she matured.  

Will Ben?  

[Georgiana]

Spoiler

My dearest Jessa,

 

Where do I start? As I sit here, I try to think of what I can say to express my deep love and appreciation for you. Can mere words accomplish such a feat? Hopefully, or else you should have chosen some other medium.  Will a short note convey to you my admiration? Probably not.  I have a feeling this will be long.   I am blessed! I say that not comprehending just how blessed I really am. "Mere words" wont go very far, Ben, unless you take care to arrange them in a way that makes SENSE.  Try that last sentence again.  God’s greatest blessing upon me has been His grace in saving me from His wrath, taking my place on the cross, and showering me with His love by adopting me as a son and heir. Wait, how did we jump to God? But, besides my salvation, your love and companionship has been the greatest blessing of my life. Except for these other things, you're the best.  Nice work, Ben. 

 

On Mother’s Day, we appreciate those who are so often taken for granted and under-appreciated and yet who give so much—namely mothers. "I'm a bad person 364 days a year, but today, I make up for it." When I first met you, Jessa, I saw you as a gorgeous woman, full of virtue and love for God. Now, I have seen you as a mother as well. Somehow, Ben, you took two very nice sentiments, linked them together, and made them creepy.  What a beautiful thing it is to be a loving mother! This is what you have been for Henry and Spurgeon. Choppy.  Please join.  Also, babies don't care if their mother is beautiful.  Please try another adjective.  I knew you as my wife, but know I know you as my wife and also the mother of my sons. See above note on sense.  This sentence is trying too hard and yet STILL failing.  It has added another realm to your beauty. Shockingly, Ben, there are many more traits to Jessa besides her looks.  Try to find one.  

 

I thank God for His grace that I see in your life! Your love and self sacrifice—all the times you are giving your day to Spurgeon and Henry while I am away at work—and the patience and tenderness you display towards our sons. WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?!?  "All the times you are giving your day"?!?  You are a wonderful mother, and so I thank God! Ok, good, don't thank HER or anything.  Because it is due to His grace that you are what you are. Praise the Lord Jesus Christ for all that He has done for us and how His own love, patience, and self sacrifice are displayed every time you patiently bear with and lovingly serve and give yourself for our little boys when bad attitudes arise, when they get sick, and when they are needy. It is a beautiful thing to see, and I count it an honor to work together with you, by the merciful help of God, to raise our children. Raise them BEAUTIFULLY though, right?

 

Happy Mother’s day Jessa Lauren Seewald. 

I made my comments in red.  I give it a C+.  Solid effort, but needs A LOT of work.

To sum up: Jessa is pretty, also she is a mother, a BEAUTIFUL mother, but you know who the BEST mother is?  Jesus.  

[TeamDefraudinSquad]

What does Ben mean by "bad attitudes" in his sons? They're both younger than 2, so it wouldn't be a "bad attitude" at that age, just babies being babies, right? Fundies always act like babies come out of the womb with the faculties of a petulent teenager. 

Also, you gotta love how he stuck in the obligatory, "Technically  being saved by Jesus is the greatest blessing of my life!" line before telling Jessa what a blessing she is to him. Do you think they check eachother on that shit or something? Like.... if Ben had left out the part in the letter about Jesus being his biggest blessing in life, do you think Jessa have cornered him while he was on the toilet and said, "Ben, baby. That was a very sweet letter you wrote me on Instagram, but you know very well that I can't be the BIGGEST blessing in your life, cause what about Jaaaaysus's salvation?" 

[Carm_88]

50 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

Wonder what he said to his own mother.

Ask and you shall receive. Blah blah Christ Blah blah.  

[Georgiana]

OH MY GOSH.  Old Baby Henry strikes again.  He looks like he's discussing kids today or 401ks or the benefits of buying American automotive with Guinn.  

"Listen, Guinn, you gotta get yourself a Lincoln. It's a good car. Solid.  Never break on you.  Real American.  Don't buy none of that Japanese nonsense. "

[SuhrEnity]

41 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

  Reveal hidden contents

My dearest Jessa,

 

Where do I start? As I sit here, I try to think of what I can say to express my deep love and appreciation for you. Can mere words accomplish such a feat? Hopefully, or else you should have chosen some other medium.  Will a short note convey to you my admiration? Probably not.  I have a feeling this will be long.   I am blessed! I say that not comprehending just how blessed I really am. "Mere words" wont go very far, Ben, unless you take care to arrange them in a way that makes SENSE.  Try that last sentence again.  God’s greatest blessing upon me has been His grace in saving me from His wrath, taking my place on the cross, and showering me with His love by adopting me as a son and heir. Wait, how did we jump to God? But, besides my salvation, your love and companionship has been the greatest blessing of my life. Except for these other things, you're the best.  Nice work, Ben. 

 

On Mother’s Day, we appreciate those who are so often taken for granted and under-appreciated and yet who give so much—namely mothers. "I'm a bad person 364 days a year, but today, I make up for it." When I first met you, Jessa, I saw you as a gorgeous woman, full of virtue and love for God. Now, I have seen you as a mother as well. Somehow, Ben, you took two very nice sentiments, linked them together, and made them creepy.  What a beautiful thing it is to be a loving mother! This is what you have been for Henry and Spurgeon. Choppy.  Please join.  Also, babies don't care if their mother is beautiful.  Please try another adjective.  I knew you as my wife, but know I know you as my wife and also the mother of my sons. See above note on sense.  This sentence is trying too hard and yet STILL failing.  It has added another realm to your beauty. Shockingly, Ben, there are many more traits to Jessa besides her looks.  Try to find one.  

 

I thank God for His grace that I see in your life! Your love and self sacrifice—all the times you are giving your day to Spurgeon and Henry while I am away at work—and the patience and tenderness you display towards our sons. WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?!?  "All the times you are giving your day"?!?  You are a wonderful mother, and so I thank God! Ok, good, don't thank HER or anything.  Because it is due to His grace that you are what you are. Praise the Lord Jesus Christ for all that He has done for us and how His own love, patience, and self sacrifice are displayed every time you patiently bear with and lovingly serve and give yourself for our little boys when bad attitudes arise, when they get sick, and when they are needy. It is a beautiful thing to see, and I count it an honor to work together with you, by the merciful help of God, to raise our children. Raise them BEAUTIFULLY though, right?

 

Happy Mother’s day Jessa Lauren Seewald. 

but you know who the BEST mother is?  Jesus.  

Praise God for Jesus and Praise Jesus for Jesus. Thank you Jesus.

[2manyKidzzz]

So, yes, Bin works in real life??!!@# I dinnae believe it at all. And then Jessa is alone with those two babies with those bad attitudes? I'm on the floor, not really, laughing. 

I want to know what Bin actually does all day at "work". Toilets still? 

Isn't there a song somewhere about "Bad attitudes"? Maybe pooping is a bad attitude. 

Poor fundie babies. 

[singsingsing]

8 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

OH MY GOSH.  Old Baby Henry strikes again.  He looks like he's discussing kids today or 401ks or the benefits of buying American automotive with Guinn.  

"Listen, Guinn, you gotta get yourself a Lincoln. It's a good car. Solid.  Never break on you.  Real American.  Don't buy none of that Japanese nonsense. "

Isn't that a picture of Spurgeon, though?

[Georgiana]

5 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

Isn't that a picture of Spurgeon, though?

Is it?  Did I miss out on Old Baby Spurgeon, who by virtue of his name is the BEST Old Baby, because I couldn't stand Ben or Jessa during his infancy?  SAD!

WHICHEVER baby it is, he is an adorable Old Baby, and I LOVE it.  

[Eternalbluepearl]

35 minutes ago, TeamDefraudinSquad said:

Also, you gotta love how he stuck in the obligatory, "Technically  being saved by Jesus is the greatest blessing of my life!" line before telling Jessa what a blessing she is to him. Do you think they check eachother on that shit or something? Like.... if Ben had left out the part in the letter about Jesus being his biggest blessing in life, do you think Jessa have cornered him while he was on the toilet and said, "Ben, baby. That was a very sweet letter you wrote me on Instagram, but you know very well that I can't be the BIGGEST blessing in your life, cause what about Jaaaaysus's salvation?" 

I have always wondered this question about fundies in general. Is there someone keeping track? Do they earn points for mentioning Jesus so many times? Are points deducted if they say they love their spouse but forget to say they love Jesus more? The pressure would kill me. It's like the Jesus Olympics every time they speak. 

[SassyPants]

12 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

Isn't that a picture of Spurgeon, though?

At first, I thought so too, but then from the eyes up, IDK.

[Carm_88]

I thought it was Spurgeon at first. Can't say I really know which one it is. 

[eleanora3]

@Georgiana @Carm_88 @SassyPants It's Spurgeon! I recognize that picture from his first Christmas. He used to look very serious and old-man-like just like Henry and then became happy and cute at about 3 months. 

[JillyO]

1 hour ago, Georgiana said:

  Hide contents

My dearest Jessa,

 

Where do I start? As I sit here, I try to think of what I can say to express my deep love and appreciation for you. Can mere words accomplish such a feat? Hopefully, or else you should have chosen some other medium.  Will a short note convey to you my admiration? Probably not.  I have a feeling this will be long.   I am blessed! I say that not comprehending just how blessed I really am. "Mere words" wont go very far, Ben, unless you take care to arrange them in a way that makes SENSE.  Try that last sentence again.  God’s greatest blessing upon me has been His grace in saving me from His wrath, taking my place on the cross, and showering me with His love by adopting me as a son and heir. Wait, how did we jump to God? But, besides my salvation, your love and companionship has been the greatest blessing of my life. Except for these other things, you're the best.  Nice work, Ben. 

 

On Mother’s Day, we appreciate those who are so often taken for granted and under-appreciated and yet who give so much—namely mothers. "I'm a bad person 364 days a year, but today, I make up for it." When I first met you, Jessa, I saw you as a gorgeous woman, full of virtue and love for God. Now, I have seen you as a mother as well. Somehow, Ben, you took two very nice sentiments, linked them together, and made them creepy.  What a beautiful thing it is to be a loving mother! This is what you have been for Henry and Spurgeon. Choppy.  Please join.  Also, babies don't care if their mother is beautiful.  Please try another adjective.  I knew you as my wife, but know I know you as my wife and also the mother of my sons. See above note on sense.  This sentence is trying too hard and yet STILL failing.  It has added another realm to your beauty. Shockingly, Ben, there are many more traits to Jessa besides her looks.  Try to find one.  

 

I thank God for His grace that I see in your life! Your love and self sacrifice—all the times you are giving your day to Spurgeon and Henry while I am away at work—and the patience and tenderness you display towards our sons. WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?!?  "All the times you are giving your day"?!?  You are a wonderful mother, and so I thank God! Ok, good, don't thank HER or anything.  Because it is due to His grace that you are what you are. Praise the Lord Jesus Christ for all that He has done for us and how His own love, patience, and self sacrifice are displayed every time you patiently bear with and lovingly serve and give yourself for our little boys when bad attitudes arise, when they get sick, and when they are needy. It is a beautiful thing to see, and I count it an honor to work together with you, by the merciful help of God, to raise our children. Raise them BEAUTIFULLY though, right?

 

Happy Mother’s day Jessa Lauren Seewald. 

I made my comments in red.  I give it a C+.  Solid effort, but needs A LOT of work.

To sum up: Jessa is pretty, also she is a mother, a BEAUTIFUL mother, but you know who the BEST mother is?  Jesus.  

Curse you! I wasn't going to read the whole text as I just about threw up in my mouth after the first line. But after you added your comments, how could I not read it? I blame you for making me suffer through this convoluted load of bullshit. I liked your additions to the text though.

[2manyKidzzz]

I want to know more about this thing Bin is calling "work". And we need a full report on the bad attitudes displayed by Spurgie and Henry. Would include crying and pooing. 

 

[VelociRapture]

@GeorgianaJust one note:

He wasn't saying their mother was beautiful. That specific passage (What a beautiful thing it is...) was talking about how being a loving mother is a beautiful thing and that Jessa has been a loving mother to the boys. Ben does call Jessa beautiful elsewhere, but not that part.

But yeah, I agree with the rest. Definitely a solid effort and it's nice to see him try, but there's room for improvement. He could start by focusing on her as a person more.

[TuringMachine]

So Ben's post basically boils down to: I love Jesus. You also love Jesus. You are beautiful, my wife, and a mother. The one personality trait I can think of is patience, which is not actually you but Jesus.

I just went back and read Jessa's post to Elliot on his first birthday. The difference is staggering. Jessa manages to talk about so many more personality traits for a one year old baby than Ben does for his adult wife of 2+ years. 

[Bad Wolf]

@Eternalbluepearl Jesus Olympics. I love it.

[emscm]

His choice of adjectives is...colorful.