Jim Bakker and the Food Buckets O'Doom

[Cartmann99]

 Jim Bakker's having the same memory issues as Kellyanne Conway when it comes to people protesting against President Obama:

Quote

 

Last week on “Revelation in the News,” televangelist Jim Bakker expressed outrage over reports that some Duquesne University students were protesting against a planned opening of Chick-fil-A on campus. The restaurant chain has faced criticism over its owner’s statements about homosexuality and same-sex marriage and the company’s donations to anti-LGBTQ groups.

Bakker linked the story to recent demonstrations against President Trump, insisting that conservatives never once marched against Barack Obama during his eight years in office: “We’ve got to stop this destruction, this destructive attitude in the United States of America. You know, the last eight years, I didn’t see any of the so-called right-wing marching against Obama.”

 

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/jim-bakker-conservatives-never-marched-against-obama/

Jim honey, you gotta stop eating out of those damn doom buckets. Whatever's in there is making you dumber by the hour, and you didn't start out with a surplus to begin with.

Edited October 14, 2021 by Coconut Flan

[lawfulevil]

"Doom Buckets" is killing me. Makes me want to write up a bunch of recipes for the post-apocalypse.

Doomberry Muffins

Pick 2.5 cups of berries (see the Doom Manual for advice on selecting nontoxic or only moderately poisonous varieties). Arrange 8-12 empty tin cans (not too rusty, preferably short) in an old hubcap and set aside. Start a medium-size trash fire using the least toxic and/or radioactive materials you can find.

In a non-flammable container, heat 1/2 cup plus 1/2 tsp grease (either from your Bakker Doom Bucket or rendered from one of the millions of vorpal mutant pigeons). Use a small amount to grease the tin cans. Add 1.5 cups of water (1 if using eggs) and let come to a boil. Set aside to cool. In a separate can, mix 4 tbsp of water with 1 tbsp dried egg substitute (available in your Bakker Bucket) or use 5-6 vorpal pigeon eggs. Dump into the water/lard mixture. Using the can, mix the fat with sweetener- Doom Bee honey is not recommended, and avoid antifreeze, but use your imagination. 1 cup or equivalent. Add 1 tsp of flavoring- vanilla is preferable, but your cousin's maple moonshine works, as does a beaver anal gland.

Combine, and add (by third cups) ~2.125 cups of Jim Bakker Doom Pancake Mix. Gently fold in the berries. Bank the fire and make a space to settle the hubcap. Pour the batter into the cans and nestle the hubcap in the ashes, about 6 inches from the coals. Bake, rotating occasionally, until golden brown or until the were-raccoons come.

Edited April 19, 2017 by lawfulevil

[Cartmann99]

1 hour ago, lawfulevil said:

"Doom Buckets" is killing me. Makes me want to write up a bunch of recipes for the post-apocalypse.

Doomberry Muffins

Pick 2.5 cups of berries (see the Doom Manual for advice on selecting nontoxic or only moderately poisonous varieties). Arrange 8-12 empty tin cans (not too rusty, preferably short) in an old hubcap and set aside. Start a medium-size trash fire using the least toxic and/or radioactive materials you can find.

In a non-flammable container, heat 1/2 cup plus 1/2 tsp grease (either from your Bakker Doom Bucket or rendered from one of the millions of vorpal mutant pigeons). Use a small amount to grease the tin cans. Add 1.5 cups of water (1 if using eggs) and let come to a boil. Set aside to cool. In a separate can, mix 4 tbsp of water with 1 tbsp dried egg substitute (available in your Bakker Bucket) or use 5-6 vorpal pigeon eggs. Dump into the water/lard mixture. Using the can, mix the fat with sweetener- Doom Bee honey is not recommended, and avoid antifreeze, but use your imagination. 1 cup or equivalent. Add 1 tsp of flavoring- vanilla is preferable, but your cousin's maple moonshine works, as does a beaver anal gland.

Combine, and add (by third cups) ~2.125 cups of Jim Bakker Doom Pancake Mix. Gently fold in the berries. Bank the fire and make a space to settle the hubcap. Pour the batter into the cans and nestle the hubcap in the ashes, about 6 inches from the coals. Bake, rotating occasionally, until golden brown or until the were-raccoons come.

 I am laughing so hard that I can barely breathe!

For those unfamiliar with the buckets o' doom, here you go:

https://store.jimbakkershow.com/product-category/food/entrees/buckets/

 

Edited April 19, 2017 by Cartmann99

[Gobsmacked]

Are those clips for real? That programme isn't a skit? 

[Tim-Tom Biblethumper]

1 hour ago, Gobsmacked said:

Are those clips for real? That programme isn't a skit? 

Unfortunately yes, it's real.  And he has a daily show on one of the religion channels where he sells his buckets along with other doomsday needs like battery chargers.  

[Granwych]

2 hours ago, Tim-Tom Biblethumper said:

Unfortunately yes, it's real.  And he has a daily show on one of the religion channels where he sells his buckets along with other doomsday needs like battery chargers.  

What I want to know is why Jessica Hahn isn't the "spokesmodel" here...

[Jencendiary]

For those of you who are new to the fundie party, Jim Bakker was involved in a huge sex and money scandal in the 80s. He went to jail for a good long time for fraud and still owes the IRS about six million in back taxes he never paid on his own personal income from the ministry/media conglomerate he ran.

He is the last person who needs to tell anybody about behavior, personal morality, or . . .basically anything. He made a mint selling the prosperity gospel back in the Greed is Good 80s. My mother used to send money to the PTL Network as if it were her own home church, even when we were so broke we had to live in a trailer on my cousin's farm. I imagine there were families much larger and in worse straits financially who felt compelled to do this as well.

Edited April 19, 2017 by Jencendiary

[formergothardite]

I remember him going to jail and thinking about how long it would be till he got out. I see he hasn't changed one bit. I wish I had gone to their theme park. In this video he said Heritage USA was the honeymoon capital of the world. No, no it wasn't. 

 

[Howl]

Rumors are that the Buckets o' Doom are exactly that.....doom to your digestive tract.  Essentially inedible as one chef discovered:

Note to the gullible.  You can buy dehydrated food in the bulk section of large grocery stores.  Jim also hawks a development called Morningside in Branson, Missouri.  Just found this funny and informative article from Newsweek that covers a lot of Jim Bakker territory: DISGRACED PREACHER JIM BAKKER'S NEW DOOMSDAY PITCH  Well written and funny and he nails Jim Bakker as a born huckster.  The author should know; his dad was "the hard-sell voice of the Veg-o-Matic—ur-pitchman Sam Popeil’s slicing-and-dicing eighth wonder of the widget world."

Quote

 Yes, the good Pastor Jim will trade you a seven-year supply of pasta, oatmeal, whey milk and black bean burger mix in exchange for a “love gift” to his “ministry” of $3,500. On top of that, he’ll swap you a solar-powered, “fuel-less” generator ($1,784) to heat the water to cook the uni porridge

How big were Jim Bakker's previous scams? He still owes IRS around 6 million on back taxes; all assets are protected in his wife's name. 

Sweet Tammy Faye, RIP. 

[Gobsmacked]

John shrader must have grown up watching this guy. This is who John would love too be.

 

[Cartmann99]

4 hours ago, Jencendiary said:

For those of you who are new to the fundie party, Jim Bakker was involved in a huge sex and money scandal in the 80s. He went to jail for a good long time for fraud and still owes the IRS about six million in back taxes he never paid on his own personal income from the ministry/media conglomerate he ran.

He is the last person who needs to tell anybody about behavior, personal morality, or . . .basically anything. He made a mint selling the prosperity gospel back in the Greed is Good 80s. My mother used to send money to the PTL Network as if it were her own home church, even when we were so broke we had to live in a trailer on my cousin's farm. I imagine there were families much larger and in worse straits financially who felt compelled to do this as well.

On a more serious note, if you were a teenager or older in the eighties, and you are now supporting Jim Bakker and his food buckets o' doom, you need a babysitter to keep you from licking the nearest electrical outlet.

[MayMay1123]

2 hours ago, Howl said:

Rumors are that the Buckets o' Doom are exactly that.....doom to your digestive tract.  Essentially inedible as one chef discovered

 

i'm over here just like and then and i think i need to watch these over and over to help keep me on this diet...they are all just so awesomely bad!

[December]

11 hours ago, lawfulevil said:

"Doom Buckets" is killing me. Makes me want to write up a bunch of recipes for the post-apocalypse.

 

Your recipe wins the internet for today, in my opinion  

9 hours ago, Gobsmacked said:

Are those clips for real? That programme isn't a skit? 

Sadly real, though I can see why you would wonder if it was a skit! I actually know people who watch him seriously. 

[Gobsmacked]

I've done some googling.  Jim Bakker beats John hands down. He didn't even have to vacation in Zambia!!!!! 

 

[Anonymousguest]

Hahaha! I'm out of the loop. I remember Jim from the scandal in the 80s, and who hasn't compared someone's makeup up to Tammy Faye's. I had no idea he was back and selling buckets of food. Those clips are hysterical. I thought he was going to choke and vomit in the one where he was eating the soup. Mmmmm so delicious, eating soup out of a bucket! (There is an Indian place beat me that serves their buffet from big kettles and once I saw then come fill them from 3 gallon buckets, and the sound of them dumping from bucket to kettle nearly made me vomit and I never went back. I may have been pregnant, but still it's just gross.) 

And really, it's such a sensible spending choice when your food doubles as furniture! 

Edited April 19, 2017 by Anonymousguest
Typos

[Howl]

Tammy Faye LaValley Bakker Messner (1942 - 2007).  She divorced Jim Bakker when he went to jail and married family friend Messner, who was heavily involved in building Heritage USA and eventually he, too, was sent to jail for financial shenanigans. Tammy Faye eventually became a gay icon.   

RuPaul tells how gay icon (and televangelist) Tammy Faye taught him what 'innocence' is: Drag queen RuPaul says he learnt one of life's key lessons from a Christian superstar  A few excerpts: 

Quote

In a recent interview with Next magazine the RuPaul’s Drag Race star said she learned how to see the good in people from the chirpy evangelical minister.

‘Tammy Faye appeared in a dream of mine where she told me, “Ru, focus on people’s innocence rather than their guilt,”‘ which is absolutely beautiful.....

....Despite her history as an evangelical minister and televangelist with husband Jim Bakker, whom she divorced in 1992, she attended gay Pride events and was a vocal advocate for the community during the AIDS crisis.

She is sometimes called the ‘ultimate drag queen’ for her brash but benevolent personality.

In an interview with Larry King she said: ‘When I lost everything, it was the gay people that came to my rescue, and I will always love them for that.’ She died the following day, and her then husband said it was her way of saying goodbye.

"Focus on people’s innocence rather than their guilt" would be super good advice from God to Bro. John Shrader. 

Edited April 19, 2017 by Howl

[Exposedknees]

I've always wanted to go see the ghost town that is Heritage USA the old PTL theme park. I live about 3 hours from Charlotte. It was a huge tourist destination when they were on TV. It looks apocalyptic now...could use those doom buckets. I wonder if the Ark Adventure will look like this in a few years?

 Here's a Youtuber visiting the ruin...

Here's some old footage of the glory days

 

 

Edited April 19, 2017 by Exposedknees
riffles

[Gobsmacked]

Wow, the  Bakkers made millions?? Was the donated money ever given to charities etc? Or was it swallowed into a bottomless black hole? 

 

[Exposedknees]

9 minutes ago, Gobsmacked said:

Wow, the  Bakkers made millions?? Was the donated money ever given to charities etc? Or was it swallowed into a bottomless black hole? 

 

It was swallowed. He did prison time after overselling memberships to his "theme park/ministry," tax evasion, and paying hush money to a secretary that he had an affair with..... BIG news here in NC in the 80's

[ADoyle90815]

1 hour ago, Exposedknees said:

It was swallowed. He did prison time after overselling memberships to his "theme park/ministry," tax evasion, and paying hush money to a secretary that he had an affair with..... BIG news here in NC in the 80's

That was a huge scandal back in the 80's, even outside the Bible Belt. Tammy  Faye was the butt of many jokes thanks to her thick mascara that kept running down her face.

[Cartmann99]

30 minutes ago, ADoyle90815 said:

That was a huge scandal back in the 80's, even outside the Bible Belt. Tammy  Faye was the butt of many jokes thanks to her thick mascara that kept running down her face.

I remember those t-shirts that looked like they had makeup smeared on them, and they said "I ran into Tammy Faye at the mall!". 

The late Jan Crouch will always be the ultimate for me in female televangelists!

I never understood why her wigs were sometimes pink or lavender, or why she chose to wear more than one at a time. She looked halfway normal at one time, but she kept getting plastic surgery, and piling on more and more wigs and makeup as the years rolled by.  She was like a trainwreck I couldn't stop looking at.

Edited April 19, 2017 by Cartmann99

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

5 hours ago, Cartmann99 said:

I remember those t-shirts that looked like they had makeup smeared on them, and they said "I ran into Tammy Faye at the mall!". 

I've been thinking about those t-shirts ever since this thread started! One of my high school yearbooks included a mention of the Bakkers and a picture of that shirt in a "current events" section. 

[formergothardite]

18 hours ago, Gobsmacked said:

I've done some googling.  Jim Bakker beats John hands down. He didn't even have to vacation in Zambia!!!!! 

 

John Shrader can only DREAM of being as big as Jim Bakker! The man knew how to get people to give him money, lots and lots of money. 

 

17 hours ago, Exposedknees said:

I've always wanted to go see the ghost town that is Heritage USA the old PTL theme park.

So have I! The place is just fascinating..  I'm always surprised no one ever did anything with it. I know the water park was briefly used by another company, but it has been has been sitting in ruins too. 

Here is a blog about visiting the ruins. 

http://www.tommyandjames.net/heritageusa.html

Jan Crouch is one I will never get. She had all that money! Why look like that?!

[December]

22 hours ago, Exposedknees said:

I wonder if the Ark Adventure will look like this in a few years?

The Creation Museum was opened about a decade ago, so it may have more staying power. Similar (same?) group in charge. 

20 hours ago, Cartmann99 said:

The late Jan Crouch will always be the ultimate for me in female televangelists!

Definitely! I remember seeing her on TV vividly when I was little. Never learned the name until years later (I think from FJ actually). But I remembered the hair.

That video is hilarious, too. I think it would take quite a few in-flight drinks for me to have a vision of a "funny angel" on a plane's wings, though...

[JenniferJuniper]

I loved PTL Club as a kid.  My mother was afraid I would turn fundie, but I really just found Jim completely insane and couldn't believe people actually sent him money.  And Tammy was a hoot.  I guess they were my gateway....