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Seewalds 21: Walking Around Waco


choralcrusader8613

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@feministxtianWhen my mother died, she wanted her parish priest to officiate. Unfortunately, he had only known her in her later, dependent years. So my brother and sister and I wrote a eulogy.

He refused to read it. He said that wasn't the woman he'd known - he met her when she was eighty!

She was a single parent in 1950s UK, with an education that stopped at 14, but by attending nightclasses, she became a secretary. She saved furiously, and bought a house in 1960 - I think she charmed the bank manager, as women just didn't get mortgages then. She worked as a business studies teacher at the newly opened College of Further Education in Hackney, London - and over the next 20 years, she studied in her own time to get first a Cert.Ed and then a B.Ed.

She was inspirational to her students - at one of the first multicultural colleges in the UK. The congregation overflowed the church at the funeral.

But he would only talk about her last years as a very sick, dependent woman - in order to thank those who helped her....

We printed a handout of what our mother really was , and distributed it as people entered the church. And none of the three of us has entered an RC church since.

Thank you Father Phillip for driving us away  - it would have broken my mother's heart, but she would have seen why.

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In the New York diocese, they don't permit eulogies at the  funeral mass.  The priest may say a few words, but not  the family.

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44 minutes ago, Lurker said:

In the New York diocese, they don't permit eulogies at the  funeral mass.  The priest may say a few words, but not  the family.

I don't know if it's permitted here either. We tend to do the remembering at the prayer service the day before the funeral. The family speaks after the priest prays, if they choose. Generally, anyone who wants to tell a story can. 

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49 minutes ago, Lurker said:

In the New York diocese, they don't permit eulogies at the  funeral mass.  The priest may say a few words, but not  the family.

My uncle was allowed to eulogize my mother at her Catholic funeral in 2014. I didn't realize it was such a privilege until now...

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When my mother died, sister who was power of attorney (drinks too much apparently also) did forget to tell all of us that we could do a eulogy.

So, after the mass the priest asked...if someone was going to speak......(he was a bit rude about it actually).  And there I go!! A spontaneous eulogy from me. I just felt it should be done and I did do a great job......all a bit odd though. 

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1 hour ago, Lurker said:

In the New York diocese, they don't permit eulogies at the  funeral mass.  The priest may say a few words, but not  the family.

I haven't heard of that, although when my grandma died in 2015, the eulogies were done at the rosary the night before the funeral mass. I think one of the reasons for that is that nobody really planned the funeral in the first place. Basically, my batshit crazy uncle scared everyone so much that most people stayed away from my grandma's funeral. Another thing is that when my grandma died at 91, most of her relatives had died or were unable to attend for health reasons.

Now, when my grandpa died almost 10 years earlier, some of my relatives did give eulogies at the funeral mass as well as the grave, but the priest at the time knew him from when he served as a lay Eucharistic minister taking Communion to those unable to attend church.

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On 4/26/2017 at 10:12 AM, Mela99 said:

Contributing to thread drift, but I found my FB post from right after I sat through Natural Family Planning class before I got married. Enjoy. 

Having sex during your period gives you endometriosis. But
you can’t get pregnant on your period.

...

“Since we use NFP, our daughter gets two birthday parties!
We celebrate her conception date!”

 

1) I can confirm. I don't like sex during my period and I don't have endometriosis! Science FTW! lol

2) I know the exact date my eggs were retrieved, embryos created, and embryos transferred into me. Yet we celebrate none of those things. 

3) I can't believe they didn't teach you that if you don't use it, you lose it. And that boobs feel like bags of sand. This class was taught by Steve Carrell's character in 40 Year Old Virgin right!?

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I used to hang out at some of the Catholic campus ministry's social events at university, and I'll never forget the time the priest (who was a "cool, young priest") said that he didn't think a marriage had actually been consummated if the husband was wearing a condom. I found that so offensive for some reason. Like I get that the Catholic Church is against birth control, but to go so far as to say that married couples who have only had sex using a barrier method are not truly married? Yeah, no.

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1 hour ago, Carm_88 said:

I don't know if it's permitted here either. We tend to do the remembering at the prayer service the day before the funeral. The family speaks after the priest prays, if they choose. Generally, anyone who wants to tell a story can. 

Where do you live? I didn't know that Catholics have a second service in addition to the funeral. It's not just a wake/visitation?

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7 minutes ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Where do you live? I didn't know that Catholics have a second service in addition to the funeral. It's not just a wake/visitation?

We have a prayer service during the wake. Usually on the second night of the wake.The priest says a prayer and then people talk and I guess eulogize. It's not a service so to speak, it's just what it's called. It's just a nice time of remembering the person and it's not usually sad. Mostly funny stories and good times.  I'm from Canada. 

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6 hours ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Where do you live? I didn't know that Catholics have a second service in addition to the funeral. It's not just a wake/visitation?

I don't think is a religión thing, probably more regional than anything. Funerales very so much from place to place, for example, here the tradition is to spend the night with the dead body in a wake and then the funeral and all of that crap will be held the following day. It used to be done at homes, but nowadys nevermind how much you loved grandma, you don't want her dead ass in your living room, so to the funeral home It is . And if yougo to yet another región in this small-ass country, traditions very like hell, like I know some places where wakes aren'te a thing

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We do the 2/3 day thing here in Ireland too. My father in law who died 3 years ago and was a committed Atheist, had an amazing wake in his brother's house. There was live trad music, food, stories, adults, kids, dogs, cats... you name it and they were there. We all had a chance to "chat" with him and remember him in the way he would have wanted. The following day we took him to be cremated and had a family meal afterwards. It's how I want it done when I pass on. 

My father on the other hand, a very Catholic man who died last November had the usual, funeral home (the removal) in the evening, with drinks and sandwiches afterwards, in his local bar. The following day was his funeral mass, followed by a 3 course meal in a local hotel with a free bar for 100 people. It was probably the one time that he footed the bill and didn't grumble. It continued on into the next day for his cremation as it was in another county. Burial would usually take place directly after the funeral mass. 

My brother in law is from Oklahoma and comes a Baptist background, he was just fascinated by the whole affair. The expression on his face and his questions had my poor husband in stitches at the morgue at my father's funeral. Watching the pair of them trying to keep a straight face as they stood together, nearly set myself and my sister off. It was all terribly irreverent. Somehow I don't think my father would have minded though. He was fiercely fond of his "heretic" son in laws.

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My Polish MIL was buried from a Catholic Polish church, after being at a Polish funeral home laid out for two full days. Visitation both days from 1-3, again 5-9. All hands on deck, but I insisted that I couldn't stay full time, as I had a 2.5 year old and an 11 month old at the time. Rosary the second evening. Full funeral mass with music. After that, the cortege to the grave went through her old neighborhood, down the street where she lived, where the neighbors who hadn't attended the funeral were standing out on their porches as we drove by.  It was a night mare.

ETA: oh, yes, and the "repast" after. We rented the upper floor of a local restaurant and had a several hour buffet lunch with whoever wanted to come. Nightmare.

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32 minutes ago, Four is Enough said:

My Polish MIL was buried from a Catholic Polish church, after being at a Polish funeral home laid out for two full days. Visitation both days from 1-3, again 5-9. All hands on deck, but I insisted that I couldn't stay full time, as I had a 2.5 year old and an 11 month old at the time. Rosary the second evening. Full funeral mass with music. After that, the cortege to the grave went through her old neighborhood, down the street where she lived, where the neighbors who hadn't attended the funeral were standing out on their porches as we drove by.  It was a night mare.

ETA: oh, yes, and the "repast" after. We rented the upper floor of a local restaurant and had a several hour buffet lunch with whoever wanted to come. Nightmare.

my mom wants to be cremated and thrown into a special lake in Whistler because she loves the mountains and was born in Switzerland.  She told her priest this and he said it was sacriligeious so she went and bought a plot and took a picture of the plot and emailed it to her priest with her pointing a finger at it.   
She has since told me she still wants to be thrown in said lake. 

ah parents who grow older :D

 

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My Mothers side of the family has Italian Catholic background in the NYC metro area. The last few family funerals have been a 1 or 2 day  wake at a funeral home.  Usually hours in the afternoon, with a break for dinner, then back to the wake until 9 pm. 

A priest usually will come during the evening hours and say a few words and lead a few prayers.   The service is usually a full Mass with music.  At the cemetery the funeral director or the cemetery's on staff priest will say another prayer over the coffin.   This is followed by a resturant meal for everyone that made it to the cemetery.

The custom of a home wake ended for the family in the late 1950s.

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Irish family but never had a home wake. But..my grandparents had a small family cafe and bar near DuPont Circle in DC while back.

When my beloved Grandma died, there were so many people in the salon at Murphy's Funeral Home, that another family who was celebrating a loss at the same time complained about all of the noise we made. 

And somebody, an old family friend, showed up with a beer in his jacket pocket.

Ah, she lived a long life and was well loved and celebrated.

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3 hours ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

Irish family but never had a home wake. But..my grandparents had a small family cafe and bar near DuPont Circle in DC while back.

When my beloved Grandma died, there were so many people in the salon at Murphy's Funeral Home, that another family who was celebrating a loss at the same time complained about all of the noise we made. 

And somebody, an old family friend, showed up with a beer in his jacket pocket.

Ah, she lived a long life and was well loved and celebrated.

My FIL's coffin had a beer tucked into the corner.

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Speaking of Waco I just saw on google news that Chip and Joanna are being sued for 1 million dollars because they bought out their partners in Magnolia Real Estate and then days later were picked up by HGTV for Fixer Upper. 

Sounds suspicious. He tweeted a bible verse. I guess we'll see what happens. I'd be surprised if they had really tried to cheat their former business partners, but I can be quite naive as it were. Ha. 

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53 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

My FIL's coffin had a beer tucked into the corner.

Daddy was buried with the AA book in his hands and a deck of cards in his pocket. A friend who died in his 20s was buried with his hairbrush in his hands...he did have fabulous hair :) 

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My youngest children's grandfather was buried in his favorite sports jersey, with his favorite ball team's hat on, beer and cigarettes in the coffin with him, deck of cards.. he was ready to go to the afterlife.

 

And when Henry smiles, his whole face lights up.

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32 minutes ago, eleanora3 said:

Is this the first time we've seen Henry smile? <3

 

He looks like the beloved-of-FJ spurgeon!

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26 minutes ago, Pukingpearl said:

He looks like the beloved-of-FJ spurgeon!

Yup! I stand by my original assessment that he is a blonde, longer faced, chubbier cheeked version of Elliot.

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