Safe at Home 2: The Continuing Adventures of The Arndts

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Oh puh -lese.

These boys don't know anything about sex.  They're still sleeping in bunk beds for gosh sake.

Rick hasn't had "the talk" with the oldest ones yet, because they're not ready, not old enough.

Those baby bellies are because the stork put the baby in there for the mommy to keep warm.

(Please note this is written with tongue firmly in cheek)

[MarblesMom]

Why are their stomachs so big, Mama?

Well, son(s), when a daddy penguin loves a mommy penguin very much...

.... and there begins "the talk"

[Suz8710]

Because I'm a glutton for punishment I skimmed through the latest softball game :/...but interestingly few gold nuggets can be heard! Around the 39 minute mark, Cathy and a slightly creepy guy are having a conversation in the background while watching the game. 

1. The boys see/have seen lots of girls(?it was hard to hear but sounded like that) but haven't found "the one". I'm not sure if "see" means they actually went on dates or just know a lot of girls (as in see them around places) from the gym, their photography business, etc. Cathy mentioned how she thinks when it happens for one, more will follow.

2. Mary Elizabeth has been asked out by many guys but hasn't been interested. (This is the part where the guy seemed creepy)

3. 3 of the guys are talking about building a house - right next door :/. So much for that freedom but I guess it could be a big step, all things considered.

I couldn't make it through the rest, but congrats to semi-creepy guy for bringing up a few questions some of us FJers would like to know! Cathy seemed a lot nicer and chattier than I pictured her being.

[JermajestyDuggar]

28 minutes ago, Suz8710 said:

Because I'm a glutton for punishment I skimmed through the latest softball game :/...but interestingly few gold nuggets can be heard! Around the 39 minute mark, Cathy and a slightly creepy guy are having a conversation in the background while watching the game. 

1. The boys see/have seen lots of girls(?it was hard to hear but sounded like that) but haven't found "the one". I'm not sure if "see" means they actually went on dates or just know a lot of girls (as in see them around places) from the gym, their photography business, etc. Cathy mentioned how she thinks when it happens for one, more will follow.

2. Mary Elizabeth has been asked out by many guys but hasn't been interested. (This is the part where the guy seemed creepy)

3. 3 of the guys are talking about building a house - right next door :/. So much for that freedom but I guess it could be a big step, all things considered.

I couldn't make it through the rest, but congrats to semi-creepy guy for bringing up a few questions some of us FJers would like to know! Cathy seemed a lot nicer and chattier than I pictured her being.

I'm totally creeped out by the fact that what I predicted is what Cathy predicted! That if one marries, more will follow. 

And I am really disappointed by the fact that the boys want to build a house next door. ME is still young. I bet she doesn't even know about half the guys interested. Because they didn't make it through Rick.

I wanted to add that I've always assumed that people that know the Arndts must ask about the boys and their relationship statuses all the time. Even if they weren't fundie, people would be asking why so many adult men aren't even close to marriage.

[JenniferJuniper]

3 hours ago, Suz8710 said:

Because I'm a glutton for punishment I skimmed through the latest softball game :/...but interestingly few gold nuggets can be heard! Around the 39 minute mark, Cathy and a slightly creepy guy are having a conversation in the background while watching the game. 

1. The boys see/have seen lots of girls(?it was hard to hear but sounded like that) but haven't found "the one". I'm not sure if "see" means they actually went on dates or just know a lot of girls (as in see them around places) from the gym, their photography business, etc. Cathy mentioned how she thinks when it happens for one, more will follow.

2. Mary Elizabeth has been asked out by many guys but hasn't been interested. (This is the part where the guy seemed creepy)

3. 3 of the guys are talking about building a house - right next door :/. So much for that freedom but I guess it could be a big step, all things considered.

I couldn't make it through the rest, but congrats to semi-creepy guy for bringing up a few questions some of us FJers would like to know! Cathy seemed a lot nicer and chattier than I pictured her being.

Thanks for this.  I couldn't spend the time to watch it.

As to the bolded, I actually see it as a step backwards, assuming it happens.  It would be great if a few of the lads decided to rent together off homestead premises, but building a permanent structure implies that they plan on staying together - and very close to their parents - for the long haul.   

[Howl]

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

And I am really disappointed by the fact that the boys want to build a house next door.

So here's a weird scenario.  Several of the brothers marry sisters and they all live in one big house together, next to the Mother Ship.  

So maybe Rick has a set of impossible conditions for each son before he can claim a princess wife.  Building a house debt free is probably just the first condition.  Maybe saving a million dollars is the second condition. Can't imagine what the third one would be. 

[Jana814]

I can totally see some of the older sons doing that. 

[mydoggoskeeper]

I wish the Ardnt's would make the trip to Big Sandy.

 

1) They are 10x better than the Maxwell/Staddon photographers and could actually teach people how to make business out of photography.

2) Fundie maidens abound.  The could all start courting at once!

3) A plethora of dudes to field a team to play the FamTeam.  Heck, they could even do a tournament.

Lastly, this is a prime opportunity to show off their drone photography. Brings all the boys to the yard.  

 

[JenniferJuniper]

2 hours ago, mydoggoskeeper said:

I wish the Ardnt's would make the trip to Big Sandy.

 

1) They are 10x better than the Maxwell/Staddon photographers and could actually teach people how to make business out of photography.

2) Fundie maidens abound.  The could all start courting at once!

3) A plethora of dudes to field a team to play the FamTeam.  Heck, they could even do a tournament.

Lastly, this is a prime opportunity to show off their drone photography. Brings all the boys to the yard.  

 

The Arndts aren't same sort of fundies that you'll find at Big Sandy.

They aren't Catholic anymore, but I think Catholicism still looms large - especially with Cathy.  In some respects they are more progressive and they are certainly more aware of the real world.  The puzzle of the Arndts is how they've managed to control all of their adult offspring for so long  while allowing them to interact, albeit somewhat superficially,  with non-religious people on a regular basis. 

I think to be a Big Sandy type of fundie you probably need to start with a Protestant and Old Testament believing core. The Arndts may not be practicing Catholics any longer, but they aren't Protestant either. And I don't think I've ever heard Rick discuss the Old Testament much.   It all seems to be Church O'Rick with Catholic overtones, something that probably would not mesh well with the usual fundie characters.

Which may add to the reasons why the boys can't find mates.  Both normal women and "normal"   fundies need not apply.  Who's left?

[mydoggoskeeper]

1 hour ago, JenniferJuniper said:

The Arndts aren't same sort of fundies that you'll find at Big Sandy.

They aren't Catholic anymore, but I think Catholicism still looms large - especially with Cathy.  In some respects they are more progressive and they are certainly more aware of the real world.  The puzzle of the Arndts is how they've managed to control all of their adult offspring for so long  while allowing them to interact, albeit somewhat superficially,  with non-religious people on a regular basis. 

I think to be a Big Sandy type of fundie you probably need to start with a Protestant and Old Testament believing core. The Arndts may not be practicing Catholics any longer, but they aren't Protestant either. And I don't think I've ever heard Rick discuss the Old Testament much.   It all seems to be Church O'Rick with Catholic overtones, something that probably would not mesh well with the usual fundie characters.

Which may add to the reasons why the boys can't find mates.  Both normal women and "normal"   fundies need not apply.  Who's left?

I know the Arndt's are their own brand of speshul, but you cant stop a girl from hoping....

[Howl]

1 hour ago, mydoggoskeeper said:

3) A plethora of dudes to field a team to play the FamTeam.  Heck, they could even do a tournament.

I suspect David Waller would be so on board with this!  Chances are good that he'd play in a suit. 

[Elegant Mess]

5 hours ago, Howl said:

So here's a weird scenario.  Several of the brothers marry sisters and they all live in one big house together, next to the Mother Ship.  

So maybe Rick has a set of impossible conditions for each son before he can claim a princess wife.  Building a house debt free is probably just the first condition.  Maybe saving a million dollars is the second condition. Can't imagine what the third one would be. 

Probably finishing Vine Valley. 

[anachronistic]

So they call themselves 'safe at home' but it recently occurred to me that the only people safe there are the parents. The kidults have all endured decades of emotional and spiritual abuse. They have be me so enmeshed that if one did try to live on their own, they would encounter serious problems. Rick and Cathy have stunted them emotionally and socially. They are exposed to the outside world, they know it exists, but the idea of joining it is terrifying to them. At least most fundies kids we snark on get to marry and leave eventually. These people can't. Their parents have ensured that. It's not just creepy, it's a cult.

[JenniferJuniper]

3 hours ago, anachronistic said:

So they call themselves 'safe at home' but it recently occurred to me that the only people safe there are the parents. The kidults have all endured decades of emotional and spiritual abuse. They have be me so enmeshed that if one did try to live on their own, they would encounter serious problems. Rick and Cathy have stunted them emotionally and socially. They are exposed to the outside world, they know it exists, but the idea of joining it is terrifying to them. At least most fundies kids we snark on get to marry and leave eventually. These people can't. Their parents have ensured that. It's not just creepy, it's a cult.

It is a small cult, for sure.   And even beyond the awful emotional and social damage, there are the lost economic opportunities for otherwise bright, healthy young people.  The cult is for the benefit of the parents solely, with the financial benefit going most to their lazy, manipulative father.

[Carm_88]

On 4/28/2017 at 10:55 AM, Suz8710 said:

1. The boys see/have seen lots of girls(?it was hard to hear but sounded like that) but haven't found "the one". I'm not sure if "see" means they actually went on dates or just know a lot of girls (as in see them around places) from the gym, their photography business, etc. Cathy mentioned how she thinks when it happens for one, more will follow.

2. Mary Elizabeth has been asked out by many guys but hasn't been interested. (This is the part where the guy seemed creepy)

That's interesting. Even the house part is interesting. It's just another puzzle piece! The hard part is that we don't know what the puzzle looks like yet. 

[elliha]

Saw a guy today that looked like a long lost Arndt brother. He was singing as part of a group at a music café at a church and first I didn't understand what was so familiar until I realized he was an "Arndt". Then I just expected another 200 of them to run out from somewhere in the church but that didn't happen. I tried to sneak a picture of him but the stage was put into such a strange light that his facial features were not clear in the picture. 

[nokidsmom]

 

On 4/28/2017 at 7:42 PM, anachronistic said:

So they call themselves 'safe at home' but it recently occurred to me that the only people safe there are the parents. The kidults have all endured decades of emotional and spiritual abuse. They have be me so enmeshed that if one did try to live on their own, they would encounter serious problems. Rick and Cathy have stunted them emotionally and socially. They are exposed to the outside world, they know it exists, but the idea of joining it is terrifying to them. At least most fundies kids we snark on get to marry and leave eventually. These people can't. Their parents have ensured that. It's not just creepy, it's a cult.

I experienced something very similar in my FOO however luckily not to the extremes of the Arndts.  It's definitely a cultish dynamic and based on my experience, I can guarantee that Rick is the head of his little cult with Kathy and the kids fully under his thrall, who completely focus on him and his needs, what he wants, what he thinks to the detriment of everyone else.   

I can also tell you that if any of the kids left not only will it be extremely hard of any of them to detach, their decision will reverberate throughout the family.  In such an enmeshed family system, with boundaries weak / nonexistent, any issue affecting one becomes an issue for all.   Any manboy would be bombarded with guilt trips, emotional manipulation (however subtle it might be) and furthermore it would not just come from his parents it will also come from his enmeshed siblings.  Given the likelihood of not having any social connections outside the family who can offer support, leaving becomes a very tall order indeed, if not impossible.

Getting back to Rick for a moment, I long believed that Cathy was behind this more than him.   However, as time marches on and no manboy has left home with the oldest pushing 40, plus the never ending Vine Valley project, plus seeing that Rick is unbelievably useless in spite of being in very good shape for his age (he can stumble around in the snow quite ably IMHO)  I am believing more and more that he's the has been the one to go down the rabbithole, very much like Steve Maxwell and his spouse did not stand up to it.  There can be all kinds of reasons why not but at this point I see Cathy both as an enabler and an victim, similar to Teri Maxwell.   

[JenniferJuniper]

56 minutes ago, nokidsmom said:

However, as time marches on and no manboy has left home with the oldest pushing 40, plus the never ending Vine Valley project, plus seeing that Rick is unbelievably useless in spite of being in very good shape for his age (he can stumble around in the snow quite ably IMHO)  I am believing more and more that he's the has been the one to go down the rabbithole, very much like Steve Maxwell and his spouse did not stand up to it.  There can be all kinds of reasons why not but at this point I see Cathy both as an enabler and an victim, similar to Teri Maxwell.   

And you never see photos of Rick sorting socks, shopping for 16 at Costco, painting porches, baking pies, homeschooling kids or making clothes.   

He IS Steve Maxwell.  Steve with a wife who wears shorts.

[nokidsmom]

4 minutes ago, JenniferJuniper said:

And you never see photos of Rick sorting socks, shopping for 16 at Costco, painting porches, baking pies, homeschooling kids or making clothes.   

He IS Steve Maxwell.  Steve with a wife who wears shorts.

Totally agree, you never see Rick doing anything in terms of household work or home maintenance.  His wife and children all do that.  And he outsourced financial support of the family to his sons years ago so he could work on The Film Project That Will Have No End and blog post about whatever crazy ideas that happen float across his head on any given day.  

The kids have been failed in so many ways, it's astounding.  Not only are they stunted from years of abuse (emotional, educational and spiritual) but their efforts have been given over entirely to supporting their useless Dad when same efforts might be going towards supporting their own goals and families.

Of all the fundies we snark on, I view both the Maxwells and Arndts as the most damaging because of how thoroughly they have stunted their children.

[JenniferJuniper]

11 minutes ago, nokidsmom said:

Of all the fundies we snark on, I view both the Maxwells and Arndts as the most damaging because of how thoroughly they have stunted their children.

I'd love to talk to Cathy for 15 minutes.  We never hear anything from her directly.  Everything is filtered through He Who Won't Get Off His Ass For Anything But A Softball Game.  

[nokidsmom]

1 minute ago, JenniferJuniper said:

I'd love to talk to Cathy for 15 minutes.  We never hear anything from her directly.  Everything is filtered through He Who Won't Get Off His Ass For Anything But A Softball Game.  

I would like to hear from her too.  I wouldn't normally attempt to engage any of the fundies we talk about if I happened to see them, but Cathy would be one exception.  

I really wonder about her.  I can't help but think that perhaps as her husband descended further into his own personal la-la land that she has increasingly looked to her children as emotional support in addition to providing material / household support.    Which may be another factor behind their being "safe at home" they have been parentified on some level.   Just a thought based on my own FOO experience.  

[Georgiana]

The Arndts are like a real life version of those fairytales where the protagonist (usually a woman) is locked in a room/tower/away until she completes a daunting task...but even still they COULD complete it and gain their freedom, except that mom and dad sneak in every night and undo their work, forcing them to start over. 

In this case, the tower is penguin themed.  

[Carm_88]

35 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

In this case, the tower is penguin themed.  

And they're allowed out to play softball and work, so that Rick doesn't have to. 

[nokidsmom]

Speaking of the penguin theme, I wonder how much any possible Princess Charmings have been weirded out by it.   Nothing wrong with keeping stuffed animals as an adult, I have a few stuffed squirrels in my collection but you would never see me post online about them much less to the degree that the manboys do so that it becomes an overarching theme.  The stuffed squirrel would never be perched on a drone for example.

 

[Georgiana]

5 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

And they're allowed out to play softball and work, so that Rick doesn't have to. 

It's the world's worst version of Rumpelstiltskin