Anna and the M Kids Pt 9: M5 Expected

[Marly]

1 minute ago, choralcrusader8613 said:

Because the women are told to keep up their appearance for their man, and the men aren't told anything like that? Ben likes to work out as a hobby, Jeremy was/is athletic, and Derick has had the jaw surgery that's been an impediment to any potential weight gain.

But then how about the kids? And the older duggar boys?

Btw, the women having to look good for their man reminds me of an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, where Charlie and Mac make a commercial for a sport's drink saying: "There are four acceptable body types for men. Skinny, Muscular, Dad Bod, and Fat (if you're funny). But we all know there's only one acceptable body type for women: SKINNY". The fact that this view has ties with reality makes me really sad.

[Gillyweed]

27 minutes ago, Marly said:

But then how about the kids? And the older duggar boys?

If I recall correctly, Josh got married towards the beginning of their TV careers. If that's the case, he spent most of his life having to fight for food in the small house, like how Jill said she hid with food in the bathroom just so she could eat her share. Moving out so soon after that, and being exposed to all this food that for the first time he could eat a much as he wanted led to him gaining weight. I'm pretty sure the other girls and kids don't have that food situation anymore, as they have that giant pantry and kitchen and tons of money, so they might have more experience with portion control. 

Plus, he could be an emotional eater. My mom gained weight from emotional eating while dealing with her father dying, yet her sisters didn't because they're not emotional eaters. 

[MsSaylor]

I think with Josh its more that he struggles with overly indulgant/borderline addictive behavior and food is one of his vices. It is for me as well so I get it. It definitely gets worse in times of high stress, times where you feel guilty or are seeking comfort/stimulation in food when other parts of your life are not meeting your emotional needs. My personal opinion is that Josh is predisposed to addictive behavior and his upbringing has exasperated those issues significantly. I dont think josh is looks terrible or is disgustingly overweight but to me the evidence is pretty clear that hes struggling with food issues and I have sympathy for him, his struggle with addictive behaviors and especially the fact that his upbringing and the cult he still belongs to has prevented him from getting appropriate help for his issues time and time again. He is hurting and has hurt quite a few other people and its a damn shame. I think deep down Josh knows that separating from his abusive religious cult is the only way for any true therapuetic healing to come to him and those hes hurt. But if hes the only one who leaves he might feel that would only cause more pain and separation between him and his family. He must feel so incredibly trapped. He still could make better/different choices but its not easy. 

[nausicaa]

48 minutes ago, Marly said:

About the speculations of the weight gain being related to his ideas of what a healthy meal looks like (which in turn is seen as a result of his upbringing): how come none of his (married) siblings are overweight? Both Jill and Jessa have a healthy weight, and their husbands aren't overweight either. Yet they grew up in the same household and ate the same meals. If you consider his upbringing to have caused his ideas of what a healthy meal looks like, shouldn't this be visible in the households of his siblings as well?

Good point. I'd say in the case of his kids and the younger Duggar siblings, that's just age not catching up to them yet. 

As far as the married siblings-- I believe Josh is the only one to marry someone else from a large, steeped in Kool Aid, IFB family. That isn't to say that Derrick, Ben, and Jeremy aren't as fundie, but they all seem to come from more stable, middle-class backgrounds with some more leniency in terms of worldliness. I just get the feeling they are used to fresher foods and more well rounded meals and regular exercise, while Anna may think more in terms of Michelle's approach to food and exercise.

Also, as others said, I think there is a lot more emphasis placed on women remaining thin in their society. I've worked with several borderline fundie women who constantly worried about their weight and looking younger for their spouses. While the husbands were overweight and not aging well and it just didn't seem to be an issue at all. It's a societal double standard that I think is only increased in their circles.

Granted, I don't know these people, so this is all complete ISB with me. 

[Carm_88]

Also, the rest of the older boys haven't married yet. It has been said that the J-Slaves became more interested in healthy eating. So if they are cooking, it's probably something healthier. Joseph will be the first other Duggar male to get married. Time will tell on that one. 

[nst]

I think Anna still wants to BE Michelle and I think she is always trying to achieve that regardless of what has happened 

 

[Georgiana]

I think many of the elder Duggars have deep issues with food and food insecurity from their childhood.  But like any sort of trauma, how their experiences with food shortages growing up manifest with them now as adults varies.  

Josh clearly overeats.  This is a common response.  As a binge eater in treatment myself, I wouldn't be surprised if he is frequently binge-ing.  His puffiness and palor could be a side effect of binges.  

The elder girls though may have reacted to the chaos surrounding food by being incredibly disciplined with food as adults.  This is also a common response.  

My point is that it is very common for adults, even siblings, to express the same trauma differently.  This may have less to do with gender and more to do with the unique make up and personalities of those involved.  

[HarleyQuinn]

The weight gain thing is interesting and something I never put a lot of thought into before. I agree with @nst in that I think Anna still might secretly want to be J'chelle. She probably feeds Josh similarly to how he ate growing up. The girls always had to watch their weight. I remember episodes where they went out for pizza and every girl had a salad instead. So they focused on cleaner eating.

With Joseph, we'll see if his teen bride is going to cook the same shit or attempt healthy eating. 

[choralcrusader8613]

19 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

My point is that it is very common for adults, even siblings, to express the same trauma differently.  This may have less to do with gender and more to do with the unique make up and personalities of those involved.  

I totally agree with this. One of the things I learned while I was getting training to become a music therapist (with regard to trauma) is "The same water that hardens the egg softens the potato." People aren't necessarily going to react to similar traumas in the exact same ways.

[nokidsmom]

On 3/25/2017 at 11:40 AM, Rachel333 said:

True, but like you said it would be pretty odd if you had nothing from your grandmother.

In my case my dad is 100% Dutch and I got 0% Dutch on the DNA test. I look exactly like my dad and he looks like his dad, so I doubt mistaken paternity is the case!

I did get a kick out of telling my grandmother that I'm apparently not Dutch at all. Her Dutch ancestry is really important to her and she's always made a big deal about how Dutch I look. She was outraged by what the test said. 

So I am not alone with relatives that think being Dutch is really important.

There's 25% Dutch ancestry on my dad's side and it's a Really Big Deal to him along with a lot of his relatives.   More so than the 50% Swedish ancestry from his mom's side.  And the 25% English somehow got lost in all of the fuss with being Dutch that I didn't know until I was a teenager that Grandpa had been born in London and his mother was English.

Furthermore, courtesy of Grandpa, there's a distinct possibility that instead of being Dutch, my paternal great grandfather may have been German instead (long story) but don't tell my family that.

[HarleyQuinn]

Now that we've seen how big Josh has gotten, maybe that was him in the dollar store photo

[OldFadedStar]

I wonder if it's still hard for the kids in the house to overeat... I mean yeah they have lots of food and dont have to hide. But do you think they are making enough food? Is this the type of family that makes a HUGE meal that is sure to have leftovers or are they the type of family that makes a big meal and if it isnt enough then go graze if your still hungry? Do they even do family dinners anymore or is it all grazing? I'm sure all of them... mostly girls.. are under pressure to be as pleasing to the eye as possible in order to court. 

 

Also, with Anna, I wonder if she just makes really good food to keep Josh happy. Choosing to make tasty food over healthy food.. especially if that's what he is used to.

[SassyPants]

It sounds like the older Duggar kids, like many people living in highly restrictive situations, use food as one element of their lives that they can individually and independently control- and it works in both directions...Josh overconsumption...Someone like Jinger, eating very little.

I've seen this so many times.

[Dandruff]

9 hours ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

If he can afford to travel with a family of 6, he must not be too broke. Do you know why he is in Kentucky?

Looks like the Duggar family is/was at the Ark Encounter, and there's speculation that they're on their way to Tabitha Paine's wedding to Tim Robertson...if it's still on.

[Rachel333]

1 hour ago, nokidsmom said:

So I am not alone with relatives that think being Dutch is really important.

There's 25% Dutch ancestry on my dad's side and it's a Really Big Deal to him along with a lot of his relatives.   More so than the 50% Swedish ancestry from his mom's side.  And the 25% English somehow got lost in all of the fuss with being Dutch that I didn't know until I was a teenager that Grandpa had been born in London and his mother was English.

Furthermore, courtesy of Grandpa, there's a distinct possibility that instead of being Dutch, my paternal great grandfather may have been German instead (long story) but don't tell my family that.

Have you heard, "if you ain't Dutch, you ain't much?"

A lot of my Dutch ancestors on my grandfather's side have been in America since the early 19th century (on my grandmother's side they came in the 20th century) but they stayed in Dutch communities and kept marrying Dutch people. They got over it, but I know that for a while it genuinely bothered my grandparents that my dad didn't marry a nice Dutch girl like they expected, and growing up I always felt a bit inferior for only being 50% Dutch.

[choralcrusader8613]

New thread here: