Anxiety help/suggestions *possible trigger warning*

[Peabody Holmes Raptorsen]

Hi all. I know I'm rather new here but somehow asking suggestions from strangers/ sharing this with strangers seems to be easier than talking to people in my real life about it. As some of you may know I grew up in a fundamentalist religion where women were essentially second class citizens. Unfortunately this lead to a lot of abuse of all kinds towards us. I have delt with a lot of the emotional scars of everything that happened but there are definitely some things I'm still working  on. I find that when there are big changes about to happen in my life, I start compulsively fixating on those memories, having nightmares and flashbacks about my abusers, having insomnia because I'm afraid to sleep, I'm afraid to leave the house without someone with me (I'm normally a really independent person so that's out of the norm for me), and being really restrictive with my food intake; basically just not coping well at all.

My wife is deploying in about a month and this is the longest we will have been apart since we met. I'm starting to have the nightmares, insomnia, food restriction desires, fear of leaving the house, ect. I'm worried about coping while she is gone and also staying strong so she's not worrying about me when she needs to keep her focus so she can stay safe.

Does anyone have any anxiety coping mechanisms they want to share? I have tried therapy, both group and individual, without much success, and am not keen on going on meds either. Other than those two I am open to pretty much any suggestions. 

TIA!

[Mela99]

Huge, huge hugs. I have been there. I AM there, every day. Anxiety is the worst. I've had success with some phone apps that I can use at any time - the SAM app, End Anxiety, mindspace and Buddify are all excellent and provide  really good tools. SAM is especially good - it helps you breathe, has little calming games, and has a printed out mantra for you to repeat. 

Using end anxiety, I've learned to self-hypnotize. I also go to acupuncture to help deal with anxiety -- it's amazing how much it helps. I also keep peppermint oil around and mint scented things because I find it very soothing.  I also chew altoids when it gets really bad - I think it helps. 

Please PM me any time -- I'll even give you my cell number to text if you ever need someone to talk to. You'll be okay. Anxiety sicks and is the worst -- but you don't have to go through it alone. 

[AlwaysExcited]

Regular exercising. Taking notebook everywhere and writing down things, when they get too complicated in my mind. Minimalism - not in trendy "look, I have only seven black and white pieces of clothing!" way, but legitimately simplifying every aspect of life and getting rid of everything I don't need and/or want. Meeting with people even if I feel like hiding in my room forever. Inspirational, kinda cheesy songs about how we are all beautiful (can't help myself with that) and how to never give up and let your light shine. 

Can't afford therapy right now. 

@Mela99, thanks for that app list. Definitely checking them out. 

[Peabody Holmes Raptorsen]

Thank you @Mela99 and @AlwaysExcited. I will check out the apps and I like the suggestion of getting out even if I want to hide. I am also thinking of getting a weighted blanket. I find that weight helps my sleep and when I sleep I'm less anxious/compulsive. I am also thinking of joining some adult Ed classes while she's gone just for mandatory socializing. I work from home so I literally could never see another soul if I didn't force myself to. I love the freedom but it can also be isolating which I think compounds things...

 

Also yes @AlwaysExcited I feel you on the minimalism thing! I purge my house at least once a month and make it my goal to fill up a small laundry basket for donation. It drives my wife nuts but I will have a panic attack if there's too much stuff. It's suffocating. 

@Mela99, I am doing acupuncture for TTC stuff but I will ask her about sticking a few extra needles in me for anxiety. Honestly never even thought of it! Thanks!

[zygote373]

For me personally, I have found help with therapy and meds. But frankly, the most important coping mechanism I have found is to take care of myself. I don't mean in the tumblr self-care sense of take a bath, read a book, go see pretty nature (though all those things are nice), but like...actually taking care of all my physical needs. I find I am much more resilient when I have given myself enough time to sleep, eaten enough healthy food, done the dishes, done all my laundry, cleaned my apartment, drank enough water, etc. The stronger you can make your body and the more comfortable you can make your surroundings, the more energy you will have to combat some of your anxious thoughts.

I used to push through fatigue, schedule myself to do everything I wanted to do, and crash later. And I would end up anxious all the time and unable to deal with normal small stumbling blocks that always come up in life. A late bus or a rude cashier or forgetting to turn in a form would ruin my day. But now I do a much better job of balancing my schedule so I don't get run down, and it makes a big difference. It's much easier to let little things roll off my back.

Obviously everyone is different, and your nightmares and desire to restrict food can make some of these steps harder. But it's what has worked for me. Only you can know what specifically helps you feel more rested and energized.

This is much easier said than done, but can you see this time with your wife deployed as a time to refocus on yourself and what you need? Even (especially?) in good relationships, there are little things we adjust to make life more comfortable for the other person. For example, my wife is messy and I actually look forward to when she goes out of town for a week because I get a CLEAN APARTMENT just the way I like it. Is there a hobby or TV show you like that she doesn't care about? Loud music she hates that you want to blast? While it can feel sad and lonely to be without the person we love for a while, there's also a freedom that comes with only having to think about yourself and what you want in each given moment.

[Galbin]

I have dealt with a lot of anxiety ever since I was prescribed a dangerous antibiotic last year (Cipro). This antibiotic carries two black box warnings and the FDA now says it should be reserved only for extremely severe cases, given the damage it can do to the body. However, I am left with the side effects.

Personally, I find soaking in a footbath of magnesium flakes to be very helpful. The bath itself is relaxing and magnesium is a vital nutrient for mental health. It is depleted by everything from alcohol to stress, so most folks are deficient.

[Dreadcrumbs]

I've got some coping skills that work particularly well for me, I can't guarantee they'll work for you because coping skills aren't one size fits all. Like, for example, breathing exercises actually make me feel worse.

1. If you can, try reasoning with yourself. For example, are you anxious about something very unlikely happening? Try reminding yourself that it's unlikely. May not work if you're already too wound up and this doesn't work at all if you're just having physiological symptoms. 

2. Distraction! Mindless activities are great. Coloring, listening to music, and watching stuff that doesn't require much thought are all calming activities for me. 

3. Talking to someone about what has me anxious. Granted, not everyone is good for this but if you know any good listeners that are comfortable with you coming to them with your anxiety, that's great. Talk is actually the one thing I've found most helpful therapy-wise. 

4. I've had more than one therapist suggest this one: counting or naming the objects in a room. I really like this as an alternative to breathing exercises.

I like my meds and my therapist, but I understand your reluctance. Best of luck to you! 

[Smash!]

Excercise! This has been extremely helpful for me. And: structure, structure, structure. I put everything in a to do list (wunderlist app is great) and prioritize it. Because the more in control I feel, the less anxious I am.

[Smash!]

Does anyone have experiences with social anxiety? it's not that I am unable to make friends - I'm very communicative and bond with people quickly. it's more how people behave around me that makes me anxious. My boss sending me an irritated email (it hadn't even something to do with me, she was just stressed). My neighbour refusing to lower the music, and I have to tell him that it's not okay what he's doing. Small things like that drive me crazy sometimes. How do you cope with that?

[zygote373]

3 hours ago, Smash! said:

My neighbour refusing to lower the music, and I have to tell him that it's not okay what he's doing. Small things like that drive me crazy sometimes. How do you cope with that?

No idea. I'll let you know if I figure it out.

I have worked in offices where coworkers play loud music (with speakers! not headphones!) and I find it infuriating. If I ignore it, I can't focus on work. But if I say something, then I'm the bitch/unfun one when, in my opinion, they're the ones being rude.

[dripcurl]

I have dealt with anxiety and depression for a few years now, and mainly used supplements and healthier eating to help deal along with some yoga. I was always hesitant to get in too intense of a exercies regimen, especially one that involved cardio due to my minor thalassemia (my red blood cells are slightly misshapened, which means my blood does not respirate oxygen as efficiently, so cardio has always been an issue).

 

However, this summer I got a gym membership to an inexpensive, local gym ($9 a month in one of the most expensive areas of the country, no showers though) and do some light cardio but mostly use the machines. This is a dual purpose mission for me: Not only are the health benefits from exercising alleviating my brain chemistry imbalances, the kinesthetic repition trains my brain to focus better and helps reason through negative thoughts better in general . You do not have to do very intense work outs at all to reap these benefits. 

 

Limit refined sugar as much as you can, this will help your cortisol levels (adrenals). The endocrine system is quite complex, and everyone's hormones and bodies are different so I hesitate to give too much advice about diet/supplements to people I do not know personally, and it is best to do research for one's self on this matter. If you want, I am happy to share my personal regimen, but for now cutting refined sugar is pretty safe advice to give.