Another Duggar Courtship: Joseph and Kendra

[Rachel333]

I've been having the opposite experience as the people who get seen as their kids' siblings. Lately I've been taking my little sister to her appointments and people keep assuming I'm her mom. I'm not old enough to have a teenager--I was only 10 when she was born!

The most awkward was when I was out with my brother, who is about my age, and two younger siblings and people thought we were a family with my brother and I as the parents.

[habert]

Sorry if this had been addressed but I'm just popping in after some weeks on mobile...but when is Kendra's birthday??? Like is she about to turn 19 or is she like freshly "adulted." You would think, especially after Josh's scandals, the duggars would want to avoid teenage brides but ok here we are I guess

sos-save our sisters

[VelociRapture]

51 minutes ago, habert said:

Sorry if this had been addressed but I'm just popping in after some weeks on mobile...but when is Kendra's birthday??? Like is she about to turn 19 or is she like freshly "adulted." You would think, especially after Josh's scandals, the duggars would want to avoid teenage brides but ok here we are I guess

sos-save our sisters

She turns 19 in August.

[evolutionbaby]

On 3/14/2017 at 8:48 PM, Coconut Flan said:

TLC has some interesting contract arrangements.  With the Duggars and the Browns they contract with the family company.  I don't remember the names exactly but it's something like Brown Family Entertainment.  Then all bets are off for figuring out who gets what.

Interesting. I've been thinking about this, and I think in the Duggar world ideas of income, work, and property may work a little differently than it does for the rest of us. 

I could definitely see the family pooling their income, especially for all those who still live under the TTH. The house probably has a budget, and the adult children are probably given money to spend the budget under their jurisdiction. For example, if Jana is responsible for the girls' clothing then she would be given the monthly clothing budget and also be responsible for taking the girls shopping. Maybe when some of the older girls were still at home, they went shopping together and were given a group budget to share. Something like that.

The budget is probably worked out at family meetings along with who is responsible for projecting/spending on each budget, overseen of course by JB & M.

Also, perhaps even personal expenses for Jessa & Ben for example, may be a lot different from a typical newlywed couple. Just consider food costs for example. How many times a week do these people gather for potlucks or communal meals? Probably a lot more than regular people would, so their food costs may be quite low, or they may not grocery shop in the same way as regular folks.

I also perceive a lot of traded labour on the show, favours redeemed, group projects, borrowing, trading, not just within the family, but among their friends too. So while not everyone may have "full-time work" they may be working by earning their place in a barter/trade system/community. Where a normal person might call a contractor and get a quote for something, and pay money, the Duggars just call a friend, and expect to be called upon in return.

What I'm trying to say, in a nutshell is, our common idea of income and work, is go to work, earn income, spend income to get the things you need for yourself and immediate family. But it's not so straight and narrow in the Duggar world. Even things they do buy with money are shared amongst the family to a certain extent, cars, clothing, etc. Ownership of items is blurry, so the idea of personal income is probably a grey area for them too. So I don't think they even really think in terms of Seewald's money, Jana's money, JD's money, etc. 

Also, they seem to have a lot of extra money and are not pinching pennies, so perhaps each adult child on the show gets a personal allowance so they can buy Starbucks, and mani/pedis, and have spending money for the car auction, etc.

[SamiKatz]

13 hours ago, Rachel333 said:

I've been having the opposite experience as the people who get seen as their kids' siblings. Lately I've been taking my little sister to her appointments and people keep assuming I'm her mom. I'm not old enough to have a teenager--I was only 10 when she was born!

The most awkward was when I was out with my brother, who is about my age, and two younger siblings and people thought we were a family with my brother and I as the parents.

My younger sister had the opposite problem - we were at a store one time and the clerk said to her "Oh, how nice your daughter came to help you" (meaning me).  My sister was soooo mad and said back "She is not my daughter.  She is my sister and she is OLDER than me".  If looks could killl man, that clerk would be not with us.

My sis still gets mad about it to this day.

[Four is Enough]

I was 33, in graduate school, but on an outing for the day with my sister, 29, and her son, 2. Everyone always thought my sister was "the older one" because she wears very harsh makeup, but I digress. 

That day, someone came up to me and called me "grandma".... I bought hair dye the very next day. I had light blonde hair, but for months, people had been saying how "tired" i looked... after the dye job, they all told me I looked so well rested.

I dyed my hair for over 25 years, and then just said forget about it. It's white completely now, and IDGAF.

People still think my sister, who dyes her hair a color not found in nature, and still wears very harsh makeup, looks older. Giggle.

[Carm_88]

I've always looked young for my age, I was in a store with my Dad the other day and a store clerk told me it was nice that my grandpa took me out for the day. My Dad responded with "She's nearly 30, not 12 and she took me out." 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

4 hours ago, SamiKatz said:

My younger sister had the opposite problem - we were at a store one time and the clerk said to her "Oh, how nice your daughter came to help you" (meaning me).  My sister was soooo mad and said back "She is not my daughter.  She is my sister and she is OLDER than me".  If looks could killl man, that clerk would be not with us.

My sis still gets mad about it to this day.

Yeah, I get this a LOT!  I was at dinner with friends a few years back, we are all the same age, with in a year of each other, and the waitress actually thought one was MY mother, and our friend her sister (my aunt) 2 of us laughed. Another time someone thought my YOUNGER sister was me, I was my SIL and my SIL was my sister. This person thought I was 30 my SIL 39 & my sister was 43 when I was 43 my sister 39 & SIL 30.  I'm 46 and can can easily pass for my early 30's, I'm blessed with amazing skin smooth, blemish/wrinkle free skin that I got from my father, he's in his early 70's & can pass for 60 easy, My sister got the going grey late thing, and I didn't so now at 43 she has hardly any grey hair and I'm almost completely grey at 46. 

[SassyPants]

14 hours ago, evolutionbaby said:

Interesting. I've been thinking about this, and I think in the Duggar world ideas of income, work, and property may work a little differently than it does for the rest of us. 

I could definitely see the family pooling their income, especially for all those who still live under the TTH. The house probably has a budget, and the adult children are probably given money to spend the budget under their jurisdiction. For example, if Jana is responsible for the girls' clothing then she would be given the monthly clothing budget and also be responsible for taking the girls shopping. Maybe when some of the older girls were still at home, they went shopping together and were given a group budget to share. Something like that.

The budget is probably worked out at family meetings along with who is responsible for projecting/spending on each budget, overseen of course by JB & M.

Also, perhaps even personal expenses for Jessa & Ben for example, may be a lot different from a typical newlywed couple. Just consider food costs for example. How many times a week do these people gather for potlucks or communal meals? Probably a lot more than regular people would, so their food costs may be quite low, or they may not grocery shop in the same way as regular folks.

I also perceive a lot of traded labour on the show, favours redeemed, group projects, borrowing, trading, not just within the family, but among their friends too. So while not everyone may have "full-time work" they may be working by earning their place in a barter/trade system/community. Where a normal person might call a contractor and get a quote for something, and pay money, the Duggars just call a friend, and expect to be called upon in return.

What I'm trying to say, in a nutshell is, our common idea of income and work, is go to work, earn income, spend income to get the things you need for yourself and immediate family. But it's not so straight and narrow in the Duggar world. Even things they do buy with money are shared amongst the family to a certain extent, cars, clothing, etc. Ownership of items is blurry, so the idea of personal income is probably a grey area for them too. So I don't think they even really think in terms of Seewald's money, Jana's money, JD's money, etc. 

Also, they seem to have a lot of extra money and are not pinching pennies, so perhaps each adult child on the show gets a personal allowance so they can buy Starbucks, and mani/pedis, and have spending money for the car auction, etc.

I wish that I could get on board with the Duggars being as functional as you described above. It sounds like a very organized and tidy arrangement, but from what we've seen, I doubt their lives are anything like this. Wouldn't it be nice if all the married kids and their kids went over to the TTH- or the home with the pool in summertime, and had a BBQ...each family contributing a yummy part of the meal, and all the kids went swimming. Grandparents, kids, siblings all have a fun time- like all us heathens do.

[PumaLover]

Fantasy Plotline:
The Duggar-Seewalds move to Hot Springs. TLC rents them a lake house, so we have some attractive background for a change. Ben is considerably more likable in footage chasing Spud in the snow than anytime he is speaking, so TLC should work that angle. Children should be seen and not heard, and by children, I mean Ben.
All these years filming in Arkansas, and they never show the outdoors? Why not? Hot Springs is pretty.
Then we see more of the real Seewalds, Ben's family, not because I like them, but because they aren't Duggars. I would love to see TLC and Jessa cut that Duggar cord.
Then, Ben gets a real job, any job, and goes to night school, or online, to finish his degree.
We see footage of pretty Jessa and her pretty kids playing by the pretty lake, and we momentarily forget how ugly they are on the inside. 
Oops... Joe and Kendra thread, so I have to add their fantasy Plotline. Long courtship. Double wedding with Jed and Lauren. They all move together to Woodbridge, VA, the suburb of Washington DC, where the Caldwells used to live, and the home of their sending church. Escape from TTH! But codependent style. 

TLC, please, please read and follow this. That would be an interesting show!

(And the children should be seen and not heard, and by that you mean Ben-I cracked up!)

[marmalade]

19 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

She turns 19 in August.

Are we sure? Her parents married in January 1998, which would either make it a shotgun affair, or she was a premie. 

[CorruptionInc.]

I am someone who frequently gets mistaken for a teenager. It has been worse the last two years, 4 months (not counting much) because I got dental braces. 

Good ones include: "So what textiles project are you doing that you need this fabric for at school?

                                   "You hold your pen wrong, gosh they don't teach you properly in schools these days"
                                   "I graduated from high school in 1998"

 

[HarryPotterFan]

When I was 24/25 a bunch of middle schoolers tried to flirt with my in front of my parents because they thought I was their age. 

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, marmalade said:

Are we sure? Her parents married in January 1998, which would either make it a shotgun affair, or she was a premie. 

Here's where I saw her birthday and age:

Not sure how accurate that tumblr account is. All the articles about the courtship have stated she's 18 though - so I would say an August birthday is likely pushing it if her parents married in January, unless (like you said) she was a preemie. With a birthdate of August 11, she would have been at least six weeks premature if her parents conceived on January 1st.  

[justmy2cents]

42 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Here's where I saw her birthday and age:

Not sure how accurate that tumblr account is. All the articles about the courtship have stated she's 18 though - so I would say an August birthday is likely pushing it if her parents married in January, unless (like you said) she was a preemie. With a birthdate of August 11, she would have been at least six weeks premature if her parents conceived on January 1st.  

I'm the one who linked it and I'm not sure about the accuracy of that info either.  There's always the possibility that she was conceived before the wedding.  

[DaniLouisiana]

10 hours ago, SamiKatz said:

My younger sister had the opposite problem - we were at a store one time and the clerk said to her "Oh, how nice your daughter came to help you" (meaning me).  My sister was soooo mad and said back "She is not my daughter.  She is my sister and she is OLDER than me".  If looks could killl man, that clerk would be not with us.

My sis still gets mad about it to this day.

My daughter is very goth with the heavy, dark makeup. One day, we went to the store, her in full regalia,  me in minimal makeup, jeans, t-shirt and for some reason, pigtails. They were giving out samples at the store and one of the sample givers asked my daughter, " can your little sister have one?" my daughter started laughing (ruining her goth frown) and said, "yes, my mother can have one!" She was giggling over that this past weekend when it happened again.

[Coy Koi]

3 hours ago, HarryPotterFan said:

When I was 24/25 a bunch of middle schoolers tried to flirt with my in front of my parents because they thought I was their age. 

At work sometimes I get little asshole teenagers treating me like a peer because they think I'm near their age, like two boys who KEPT making dick jokes in front of me. It was awkward. I wanted to tell them, listen up, you little pipsqueaks, I have a kid your age! Stop making dick jokes in my presence!

[Million Children For Jesus]

Looks like a gunshot wedding.

I remember when my nephew asked me if I was in his parents wedding and I said, "so were you!" He was shocked and my mom was so mad at me for telling him. Which is a weird thing to hide from a kid considering marriage records are public records and we had 200 people at the wedding. My mom would have made a perfect fundie wife. She's totally deranged when it comes to appearances and denial. 

[Purrl]

@evolutionbaby, If that were true I would love to see it. Things like that would make the show so much more interesting.

[Toothfairy]

Damn what about the oldest two. Janand John. They're like 27. 

[Million Children For Jesus]

2 hours ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

Looks like a gunshot wedding.

Shotgun! Geez, now I feel like Ziva from NCIS, and I waited too long to edit, so I had to quote myself. 

I meant the Caldwells had a shotgun wedding in January and a baby in August.  

[CorruptionInc.]

3 hours ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

I remember when my nephew asked me if I was in his parents wedding and I said, "so were you!" He was shocked and my mom was so mad at me for telling him. Which is a weird thing to hide from a kid considering marriage records are public records and we had 200 people at the wedding. My mom would have made a perfect fundie wife. She's totally deranged when it comes to appearances and denial. 

Sounds like we have similar mums. 

When my nephew was conceived around 8 weeks? 3 weeks? (It was 13 years ago) before my Brother's wedding, when my mum was asked about the due date, she'd lie about it and when he was born, she said he came early. I honestly don't think those who were asking would give two hoots about it, but that's my mum for you... 

[Fundie Bunny]

4 hours ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

Looks like a gunshot wedding.

I remember when my nephew asked me if I was in his parents wedding and I said, "so were you!" He was shocked and my mom was so mad at me for telling him. Which is a weird thing to hide from a kid considering marriage records are public records and we had 200 people at the wedding. My mom would have made a perfect fundie wife. She's totally deranged when it comes to appearances and denial. 

My aunt and uncle are not married and have no intention to. By orders of my other aunt, the unmarried'si older sister, we have spent the last 9 years avoiding the subject in front of my cousins, so they "don't feel different". Which is think is total bullshit. Why would some wedding papers join a couple more than two kids and a mortage?

[Iamtheway]

I was 3 months old at my parents wedding. I am in their wedding photo. Not that anyone cared. Heathen Swedes all around.  

[evolutionbaby]

10 hours ago, SassyPants said:

I wish that I could get on board with the Duggars being as functional as you described above. It sounds like a very organized and tidy arrangement, but from what we've seen, I doubt their lives are anything like this. Wouldn't it be nice if all the married kids and their kids went over to the TTH- or the home with the pool in summertime, and had a BBQ...each family contributing a yummy part of the meal, and all the kids went swimming. Grandparents, kids, siblings all have a fun time- like all us heathens do.

Well, I didn't necessarily say it was functional, although they do seem to function in terms of money, meaning that they seem to have all their needs met and then some, so they must be doing something right financially. In some sense it could even be more dysfunctional, since a lack of financial independence makes it harder for someone to break away from the cult.

I mean, we saw back just a few episodes ago when Jed, Jeer and Joy graduated, they said it was normal everyday thing to throw a party for 200 people. Someone has to provide all that food. I think these people really do enjoy large gatherings and see it as a source of pride, or at the very least some kind of unique wonder, as in "how many people can we cram into the bard today" sort of thing.

Then again, the pool could be going to the "Duggar Family Entertainment" company, and all the kidults are considered employees that get a "company car" and an "expense account". That is quite possible.