Jinger and Jeremy: Life with the Soccer Preacher Man

[KelseyAnn]

Seriously! I wish I had had some of you as a mother. Growing up, things like periods and sex were never talked about must less alluded to. It was all a shameful secret you ahd to find the answers to all on your own. 

I remember being 9 years old and waking up in the middle of the night with blood all over and not knowing what the hell was happening. I went to wake my mother and all she said was , "Go bug your older sister with that nonsense." 

 

[choralcrusader8613]

1 minute ago, KelseyAnn said:

I remember being 9 years old and waking up in the middle of the night with blood all over and not knowing what the hell was happening. I went to wake my mother and all she said was , "Go bug your older sister with that nonsense." 

Oh my gosh, that's horrible! My mom and I had our issues, but nothing like that. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, especially at such a young age.

[PumaLover]

Seriously! I wish I had had some of you as a mother. Growing up, things like periods and sex were never talked about must less alluded to. It was all a shameful secret you ahd to find the answers to all on your own. 
I remember being 9 years old and waking up in the middle of the night with blood all over and not knowing what the hell was happening. I went to wake my mother and all she said was , "Go bug your older sister with that nonsense." 
 

How awful! That happened to a friend of mine, too.

We took in an 11 year old girl a year ago and started talking to her about periods and pads and all that good stuff right away. Luckily my husband is super open about talking about stuff too so everything is out in the open. He even was able to explain the difference between pads and tampons to her. I was always so ashamed and afraid to talk to my mom about stuff growing up, so I want to make sure she's never afraid to come to us about anything.

I'm going to look up the one book another poster said was like the Bible for sex for her. 12 is probably a little young, but her birth mom got pregnant at 17 so I figure the more she knows, the better!

That said, someone else mentioned on here about the married sisters talking to the bride to be about all that. I was watching the wedding episode and wondering about that too. Way back when I was getting ready to marry my fundie lite now ex husband, my older SIL sat me down to talk about all that stuff. Luckily the internet existed at the time so I had already been doing all my own research. Lol

[NewOrleansLady]

9 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

When Four was approaching puberty, I found a book recommended very highly by other mothers of girls. It was a great starting point for the discussions that followed.

 

Available on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Valorie-Schaefer-ebook/dp/B00BHI2GW4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1487866442&sr=8-1&keywords=american+girl+book+on+puberty

 

 

Thanks for the recommendation on the book.  I ordered it and 2 others.  Maybe it will explain to 

little miss why she is going thru so many mood swings.  I've forgotten how scary puberty can be .

[PennySycamore]

@MamaJunebug,  I remember those old belts and pads you had to hitch up!  They were so uncomfortable.  I remember getting my period (not for the first time though) at the Beta Club state convention in Columbia.  I had to go to the drug store and by that time they'd come out with Stayfree.  I was eternally grateful to not have to deal with a belt.

When we girls or my mom had our periods, the dogs liked to knock over the kitchen or bathroom  trash and snack on bloody Kotex.  My sister and I had many days when we'd have to clean up in front of the door before my brothers came inside.  Good times, I tell you!

[feministxtian]

My mother made me use that fucking belt until I was 15-16. Fucking bitch. Couldn't use tampons because "nice girls" didn't use them. Stayfree was also not for "nice girls". I told her to fuck herself and bought myself a box of Always overnights and tampax. 

Yeah, maybe I should go find a therapist again instead of unloading on you guys....

[rainbowbabycakes]

Any good book suggestions for boys? My son is 9... My thoughts going into parenthood were that I'd answer questions as they came up, but he has never really asked any! We need to have these conversations though

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

6 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

My mother made me use that fucking belt until I was 15-16. Fucking bitch. Couldn't use tampons because "nice girls" didn't use them. Stayfree was also not for "nice girls". I told her to fuck herself and bought myself a box of Always overnights and tampax. 

Yeah, maybe I should go find a therapist again instead of unloading on you guys....

Venting about shitty moms on line is my therapy too.  I didn't have to use the belts, and I only know about them from "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret".  I do remember when they came out with the 1st thin maxi pads, that was heaven not having a mattress between your legs.  I wasn't a fan of tampons until I was in my early 30's  so I was a pad girl for 20 years. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

21 minutes ago, rainbowbabycakes said:

Any good book suggestions for boys? My son is 9... My thoughts going into parenthood were that I'd answer questions as they came up, but he has never really asked any! We need to have these conversations though

I bought "The Boy's Body Book" for my son, it gave him some good information, he called the book of disturbing things, when he got it, around 10 years old, but when he was older he admitted it was helpful. 

https://www.amazon.com/Boys-Body-Book-Everything-Growing/dp/1604335742

[StepMonsterInLA]

Re Jinge and decisions...I am terrible at making decisions like hanging pictures, which couch I want, bedding because I am afraid of making the wrong decision!  I am a 2x married middle aged, all women's college educated working mom, and make 100 decisions a day, many which impact 100 employees and their families. But some decisions paralyze me.  I realized it when pregnant with my first baby, and obviously I wanted to do what would be best and I was afraid that I would do it wrong, so I did nothing, and realized after that it is part of who I am.  If I don't have a strong opinion (of which I have many) I have no opinion.  Which manifests in indecision.  

Sex Ed:

I had a lot of very factual conversations about body, privacy, who can touch your body (never where your underwear covers taught from potty training time) and what to do if someone does, etc as well as the facts of life by the time he was about 8.  I realized in reading this thread I haven't had nearly as much conversation with my now 8 year old (way less curious) and realize that my now teen had a pregnant mom and step mom at the ages of 4-8 so that naturally made him wonder about how did that baby get in there and more importantly, how is that baby getting out???  (No, child, I do not poop out the baby). I will be ordering some books to begin conversations with my little kids.  

[PainfullyAware]

My Mom very diligently sat me down and explained puberty and the birds and the bees when I was about 10. We had pretty thorough sex education too. But she was never there for like relationship type conversations on sex, consent or birth control. Once she said to my highschool bf and I at 15 "if you come back pregnant, I'll kill you", then laughed. At 18 I can back for my first Thanksgiving at home after starting uni, walked in the door, and my Mom said "we moved your room and in the process found an empty birth control pill wrapper!" (Horrors!). I said "hello too". It was hard not to find it funny that she was surprised, given her jokes three years earlier about what we might be getting up too. I'm hoping to be more available to my kids just for the overwhelming dilemmas, like starting birth control, pregnancy scares, etc. If they want to, since you can't make a 17 yr old share!

[nvmbr02]

29 minutes ago, rainbowbabycakes said:

Any good book suggestions for boys? My son is 9... My thoughts going into parenthood were that I'd answer questions as they came up, but he has never really asked any! We need to have these conversations though

I pretty much have the same question. We have done a few books about where babies come from (I mentioned both earlier, but one is It's Not The Stork and the other is It's So Amazing) but I would like something more body/puberty based. A friend recommended one years ago but of course I can't remember what she had recommended. I sent her an email so hopefully she'll get back to me. In the meantime another friend mentioned a book just this afternoon- What's Happening To My Body for Boys. I haven't checked it out yet, so I can't personally vouch for any information in the book.  

[Kittikatz]

My mother claimed to have told me all about sex when I was six or seven. I don't doubt her, but I don't remember, and I suspect that it was one conversation that was very scientific details featuring ova and sperm and not a lot of information about sex or periods beyond that she started hers at 11 and I probably would start early too. There was also the vibe in our group (at least from what I remember) that sex was somehow dirty and something that only men wanted, so lots of weirdness.

I would have been clueless beyond the cellular level if not for the historical romances I was sneaking out of the public library by the age of 10, and some conversation between girls in my age zone that clarified/further confused some details. Thankfully, I went to public school for junior high, and they had an excellent sex ed program for each grade. My father was absent, and mother was extremely checked out at this stage, so she never noticed that I signed all my own consent forms, or I likely wouldn't have been able to attend. She also didn't fight too hard when I refused to buy the thick pads she was familiar with and tampons, although I did have to show her an article written by a doctor saying tampon use did not damage hymens {eyeroll}

I think it's great that so many of you are doing such a good job talking to your kids about sex and trying to keep the lines of conversation open. They may not appreciate it now, but I bet they will in the future.

[SportsgalAnnie]

13 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

When Four was approaching puberty, I found a book recommended very highly by other mothers of girls. It was a great starting point for the discussions that followed.

 

Available on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Valorie-Schaefer-ebook/dp/B00BHI2GW4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1487866442&sr=8-1&keywords=american+girl+book+on+puberty

 

That one helped me so much! 

[Jinder Roles]

I remember being 9 or so when my mother taught me how to use a pad, about periods and appropriate and inappropriate touching spots. She didn't necessarily talk to me about sex although we got some pretty thorough sex-ed in 6th grade from an OBGYN (at least for a 6th grader) 

Then I moved to another country where sex-ed was "don't get sex, you'll get pregnant and die"...I actually learned about all the different types of birth control in Religious Education class and all about STDs in Biology. I knew the very basics but didn't learn more detail till those classes.

I'd say a decent amount of my sex-ed comes from internet resources (actual resources, not porn), pamphlets I've picked up and friends.  

[Smash!]

As a child I read Per, Ida och Minimum which was a book about to children getting a baby sibling.

You had that as well? That's so cool! My parents got it when my sister and I were pretty young children and read it with us. [emoji3]

[Iokaste]

15 hours ago, Fluffy14 said:

Does anyone think how odd it was the Jinger wanted to be surprised at her wedding decor? I thought about that. Most women are very detailed about what is going to be done down to the last detail. In some clips the Duggar girls said how indecisive Jinger is, and she just needs encouragement in her choices. I find this whole thing so bizarre. Like they have been trained their whole lives to think about things the way they were told. Obey, obey obey. Don't question authority. No independent thinking . She must have just hung back her whole life letting others decide things for her.  My only other thought is that she has seen Miss Cindy's  creativity, class , and style and had full confidence she would pull it off. I mean Jinger didn't even know what her groom was wearing.  her parents did say she was a good follower, and would make a good wife in that regard. I hope Jinger starts making her own decisions, based on her own thoughts and ideas.  I hope she learns to be confident in them. I hope Jetemy recognizes this and encourages her in this  and doesn't dominate over her,  because she will just fall in line like she has always done.

My only other thing is now she is married and can freely go a wherever  she want s on her own. Getting gas, groceries, and shopping by herself . I think it would be alluring, exciting and terrifying all at the same time. She has  had a zoo of people with her since the day she was born.   

I literally didn't even notice that. But honestly if I ever decide to marry, I hope I could persuade my sister or a friend (or a way to get rich), to do all that stsuff. 
I ended up backing out of beeing a maid of honour last year, because I simply wasn't ready to spend my life going over what exact nuance of gold would bring out my friend's fiance's eye-colour better.

Jinger seemd a lot more calm and genuinly happy on her wedding day than any of her siblings, if the way to achieve that is caring about the important stuff, the marriage, and beeing a little more laid-back about what really is rather insignificant details.

I'm not  in any way against people making their wedding their hobby for a while, it's just not my thing and I got the sense that Jinger really wasn't in to the micromanaging of petals and sequins either.

[elliha]

3 hours ago, Smash! said:

You had that as well? That's so cool! My parents got it when my sister and I were pretty young children and read it with us.

I never owned it but I checked it out from the library at least 10 times and made my mom read it when I was too young to read it and read it myself several times when I was perhaps 8 or so.

[Daisy0322]

My mom wasn't mean about she was just very uncomfortable when my period started at 11 she handed me a book on puberty and a box that was combo tampons and pads and said "um I think there's directions in the box." and that was that lol the book was very informative and accurate and the box did have directions so I mean she did the best she could haha.

[KelseyAnn]

7 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

@MamaJunebug,  I remember those old belts and pads you had to hitch up!  They were so uncomfortable.  I remember getting my period (not for the first time though) at the Beta Club state convention in Columbia.  I had to go to the drug store and by that time they'd come out with Stayfree.  I was eternally grateful to not have to deal with a belt.

When we girls or my mom had our periods, the dogs liked to knock over the kitchen or bathroom  trash and snack on bloody Kotex.  My sister and I had many days when we'd have to clean up in front of the door before my brothers came inside.  Good times, I tell you!

 

What do you mean a belt? I'm confused. 

[JillyO]

4 hours ago, Smash! said:

You had that as well? That's so cool! My parents got it when my sister and I were pretty young children and read it with us.

I had it too. Must have read it a dozen times! In German, it's called "Peter, Ida und Minimum."

[Coy Koi]

8 hours ago, feministxtian said:

My mother made me use that fucking belt until I was 15-16. Fucking bitch. Couldn't use tampons because "nice girls" didn't use them. Stayfree was also not for "nice girls". I told her to fuck herself and bought myself a box of Always overnights and tampax. 

Yeah, maybe I should go find a therapist again instead of unloading on you guys....

I don't know if women who have never had extremely heavy periods, or people who have never had periods at all, can really comprehend the absolute nightmare than it can be for some of us. I never had to use a belt or anything (I got my first period in 1995) but all we had in my house were wingless "medium"-absorbancy Kotex pieces of shit that were barely absorbent while still being extremely thick. The first year I had my period was so incredibly terrible for me, due to both the extremely inadequate protection and the unbelievable pain I experienced each month. After about a year, I started (with a ton of embarrassment) buying my own tampons, and life became unbearable for only one day a month instead of a week. The absolutely immobilizing first day cramps happened every month until I became pregnant at 17, but then disappeared forever (thank you, wonderful child! now I usually don't even need an Aleve). I am furious that no one ever helped me during those teen years of actual torture. I would be crying, vomiting, and shaking uncontrollably every month and no doctor or parent of mine ever took it seriously enough to do anything about it. And I am not a drama queen by any means! I'm actually extremely reserved and private and it humiliated me to do things like go to the school nurse crying, barely able to stand up, but I had no other choice.

My daughter gets pretty bad menstrual cramps, but thankfully nowhere near what I used to get! If she did, we would be parked in doctors' offices until someone helped her. If it took morphine or something, then give her the fucking morphine and I'd administer it very carefully. I just hate that this is so often taken so lightly. For a lot of girls and women, these are VERY serious issues.

Maybe I should find a therapist too

[imokit]

I had a friend who got bad cramps, and refused to go the school nurse about it to take pain meds.  There was one memorable chemistry lesson where she started crying, and still refused to go to the nurse.  The poor (male) teacher was trying to encourage her to go, while wondering (though he probably guessed) what was going on as we all huddled around her.

 

[MamaJunebug]

9 hours ago, feministxtian said:

My mother made me use that fucking belt until I was 15-16. Fucking bitch. ...

Yeah, maybe I should go find a therapist again instead of unloading on you guys....

Maybe, but on the other hand you don't have to get dressed up or burn fossil fuels to vent to us, and we're free. Not cheap!!:  free. 

[OyToTheVey]

I'm horrible at decor stuff. Plus I'm slightly OCD so it's waaaaaaay better for my mental health if someone else plans stuff. I finally decided on a wall piece in my room. The parts have been in my trunk for weeks and I still haven't decided what pictures to print to put in some of the frames. I'm practically begging my best friend to do it for me.  I know what I like and don't like but I need it done for me.