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Family Living on Purpose (FLOP?): Erika Shupe pt. 10


December

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Yeah. Erika started "homeschooling" Karen when Karen was about 3/4 with basic preschool type stuff. 

I hope Karen and Melanie move quite far away from Erika when they marry. Erika has always lived within about an hour of her parents. I'm not saying they have to move states. Just that they have always lived very much under Erika's influence and living a few hours away would probably feel really freeing to them. 

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19 minutes ago, Sylvan said:

teachers who ENCOURAGE them to read fiction (was it Erika who restricted fantasy novels or am I thinking of a different fundie?)

I'm pretty sure it was Erika, although, from my readings, it seems this might not be unusual in rigidly Fundy families. 

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On the fb page today she replied to someone asking why the change with "circumstances beyond our control necessitated the change..." but they still feel homeschooling is best.

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8 hours ago, elliha said:

I am a big proponent of that theory. Before the time when we think the change happened Bob looked worn down and sad in all pictures. That changed some time after "the change". While I don't think that everything is down to him, I am sure some of it is. I think that it was the older girls who talked to him and made him aware that they were unhappy and Bob who had the separation from his parents in memory said f- it and made sure that the same thing wouldn't happen to him and Erika. I don't know if that relationship with him and them has been rekindled but one can hope that when Erika goes for her retreats Bob takes the kids to see grandma and grandpa on his side. That would be awesome but I would be satisfied with them just getting to do something that Erika does not approve like Jelly Bean portions bigger than one at the time...

The estrangement from Bob's parents has been the deal breaker for me wrt Erika. What was their transgression, again?  Held their own opinions and didn't bow to the principles of Erika? *grimace*

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4 hours ago, Sylvan said:

Has Erika homeschooled since the older girls were little? Is homeschooling all they know?

If I were Melanie or Karen I'd be furious. Maybe not right away, but eventually all the things that they missed out on are going to sink in. Friends, sports, exposure to kids from different backgrounds, exposure to different world views, a quality education, 7-hour breaks from caring for their siblings, wearing comfortable clothes, teachers who ENCOURAGE them to read fiction (was it Erika who restricted fantasy novels or am I thinking of a different fundie?) , and just being a normal kid. It's going to be hard watching their siblings grow up with more opportunities and freedom than they were allowed to have. 

Erika owes those girls an apology. 

Yes, Erika restricted fantasy reading to Sunday afternoons. I think they only got a couple hours to do so. That simply wouldn't have worked for me. I was the kid with the flashlight at midnight, who smuggled books under my shirt to read in the bathtub late at night, and who read snippets at every opportunity. Erika would have had to work hard to break my will to not read fiction.

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7 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

I see what @Hisey meant. Brandon looks to be a small, sweet kid, and middle school can be quite rough, so suddenly having to transfer into the final year after a whole life being homeschooled can't have been easy. Obviously we don't know how he's faring- he could well have found a nice group of friends and be doing pretty well.

I'm not American and so haven't had the same experience, so I'm kinda glad I didn't go to middle school. I found transitioning from primary to secondary quite hard and was very shy and decidedly not popular. I don't think I'd have fared very well in an American middle school! 

I know! He seems like such a sweetie!

Actually, I find middle school to be far more humane nowadays. There's been a crackdown on bullying. There are protocols for handling it. Very different than in my day. Back then, the protocol was, "Suck it up, kid." 

Even so, it can be a tough place. I have a kid smack dab in the middle of middle school. So it reminds me how difficult this period can be. 

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9 hours ago, MamaJunebug said:

The estrangement from Bob's parents has been the deal breaker for me wrt Erika. What was their transgression, again?  Held their own opinions and didn't bow to the principles of Erika? *grimace*

Yeah, they didn't seem to like her child rearing ideas and I think she at least hinted that they tried to feed the kids out of schedule somehow which is a bit strange since the girls were very small when they broke it off. I have this very horrible picture of Erika using her baby scheduling principals and leaving a screaming baby until the second they are allowed to feed and grandma either begging her to feed the child a bit early or even giving the child a bottle when Erika looked the other way. I get that it pissed Erika off but to the extent of cutting them off is a bit extreme. I would get "no babysitting" but not "no contact at all". 

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Exactly. Erika framed it as the grandparents cutting off contact, but I don't quite buy it. 

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well Erika just posted a link to her facebook page about communication with people with Asperger's and said they "have one " with it. I assume that means they have a child with it, but the wording wasn't 100% clear.

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Ooh, that's interesting. The LFoP page had liked the Special Needs Homeschooling page for a while, so that piqued my interest. Especially cos most of her other like pages were stuff like Zsu Zsu or general Christian things or other homeschool blogs. While the Special Needs page is about a family who have more serious needs than Erika (the mom has mitochondrial disease and sometimes has to be tube fed, and all the kids have some kind of autism or other serious condition), it was interesting that she liked the page. Erika never admitted to there being any kind of problem with her kids, so maybe she thought that liking the Special Needs page was out of solidarity with another homeschool mom/whatever.

IF one of her kids has the syndrome (which, after this whole PS debacle, I assume they do), I hope they're getting all the support they need, especially if it's one of the girls. Girls "present" differently to boys with ASD (which will be the diagnosis now after the DSM-V). 

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Erika's latest post is up. It's about picking up kids from school. Apparently you need a plan for this. Already, Erika is slipping into judgmental mode. She says most people's "plan" (her quotes) is to wait in line a long time. She is so much smarter. She parks in front of the school 30 min early and reads a book. That's her plan.

Erika, honey, most people don't do this because they are leaving from work and can barely get there at 3. They are working during that half hour you are sitting reading. It's not that you are so much better, you are just luckier.

When my kids were small, I didn't like waiting on that car line either So I'd get to school 10 minutes early, park, and walk onto the school grounds (the school had outdoor hallways, the Arizona weather was usually great, and the staff didn't care if you did this). Lots of parents parked and waited like this, so it was a great time to chat together. I'd get to watch teachers in action, walking their classes here and there. I'd learn things from the other parents about upcoming events.

The kids would arrive from their various classrooms and play a bit together while we waited for the parking lot to clear. Sometimes a few families would all head over to the school playground or meet at a local ice cream place., School pickup took about 20 minutes and was quite a happy time. I'd've thought Erika would enjoy this sort of thing.

I remember there were moms like Erika, who'd come 30 minutes early and park in the pickup line. (They'd get very upset if someone parked in their spot). Nothing wrong with that, I guess, but I would always kind of wonder why they wanted to sit for so long in the car.

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My kids' school parking lot is so bad that I never use it for drop off or pickup. I parallel park and walk 1/2 a block to 1 1/2 blocks, depending on the day. Maybe when my kids are older and I can drop them off at the curb, I can change that. I'd rather read at home for 20 minutes (or whatever) and then spend a few minutes walking than sit in my car for 30 minutes. I guess that makes me a foolish, wasteful sinner in Erica's eyes. :pb_rollseyes:

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She's seriously posting about how best to pick kids up from school? What the actual fuck??? The banality is almost Maxwell level. Now that a large part of her identity has gone, she has very little left to write about. 

 

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I didn't know that picking kids up from school was so complicated. I remember zooming in, parking and hanging out with the other moms as we let the little ones run off some energy in the playground...kids get in car and off we go. I didn't need an alarm to remind myself to leave the house on time (and I am one forgetful person with no time sense). Leave it to Erika to make shit complicated. 

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Yeah that post made me laugh, too. I have 4 kids, each at a different school. When it's not raining, the oldest 2 walk home (we live in a small town so its safe enough) but the youngest two don't have the road sense that God gave a flea, so I either walk to meet them or pick them up in the car. Honestly, it's not rocket science. 

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Oh. My. God. This woman is the world's biggest narcissist. School pickup is not about you - you silly mare. Its not important you are refreshed and relaxed. It's not a priority that your snack is healthy, your tea is iced or that your car is comfortably warm sans coat (are your children wearing coats? Are they dangerously overheating while you are pleasantly comfortable?) Your 30 mins of non-fiction reading time matters not at all (and if you are that serious about organisation and maximising use of available space - get a kindle - every book you own takes up precious square footage of your living space). If you have enough time to worry about all this shit and then blog about it you have officially too much time on your hands.

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I don't know why Erika doesn't stick to her strengths - writing about organizing a smaller home with a larger family - and leave school-related topics to people who are more experienced.  

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How can one of the children be on the autism spectrum if they aren't vaccinated? It's almost like vaccines don't cause autism.

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11 hours ago, Hisey said:

Erika's latest post is up. It's about picking up kids from school. Apparently you need a plan for this. Already, Erika is slipping into judgmental mode. She says most people's "plan" (her quotes) is to wait in line a long time. She is so much smarter. She parks in front of the school 30 min early and reads a book. That's her plan.

So...aside from the fact that it may be more comfortable for Erika, how is sitting in front of the school for 30 min different than waiting in line for 30 min? Every SAHM I know who has the time comes to school pickup early, but most people "plan" to wait in line because they can't get there any sooner.

She confirms Brandon is the only one in middle school, and mentions him doing sports after school. I hope he enjoys that, it could be a good way to help him integrate at his new school.

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12 hours ago, Hisey said:

She parks in front of the school 30 min early and reads a book. That's her plan.

I'm going to be a judgmental witch right now. There are a couple mom's that do this at our school. If I was a SAHM, I wouldn't have time for that shit. I think it is a complete waste of time. That of course is me and I also make my kids ride the bus because I have to be at work 30 mins before they could be dropped off. And I get home 90 minutes after the bus drops them off in the afternoon. So far, the bus ride hasn't killed them, or any of the other hundreds of kids that ride all the busses.

When I have been home and nice enough to go pick up my kids, I figured out if I wait to arrive 2 or 3 minutes after the school bell dismisses the car line is pretty much gone. 

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26 minutes ago, slickcat79 said:

So...aside from the fact that it may be more comfortable for Erika, how is sitting in front of the school for 30 min different than waiting in line for 30 min?

Exactly! Funny how she neglects to make this parallel...

I mean, I would do it her way too, because I don't like being late or rushed or frazzled, and I'm just as content reading in the car (or on the lawn just outside the car if the weather is nice) as at home, and at home I would be at risk of losing myself in the book and forgetting to leave at the right time, so her way works better for that.

But I would never pretend that's "the right way" for everyone or assume there aren't compelling reasons why other parents do it differently -- mostly because, as has been mentioned, they're at work and don't have the leisure to take an extra half hour off at that time of day.

I agree that it's encouraging to hear that Brandon is playing after-school sports.

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I could sort of understand a block in the schedule for "wait for 30 minutes in the car while making appointments, negotiating with insurance companies, and returning phone calls" -- you know, annoying phone chores that need doing.  Assuming she has a cell phone, that is.  But I feel like these kids have the potential to look at Erika and end up with horrible work ethic.  I mean, hopefully they learn from her what NOT to do, but...

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It bothers me that she makes such a big deal about her healthy, refreshing snack but mentions nothing about taking a snack for the kids. Would it be so hard to have a sack full of apples or a box of granola bars to hand out?  Kids are hungry after school.  I guess it never occurred to her that if SHE is hungry right at dismissal time, her kids are hungry too. Plus, it is a good time management step; feed them in the car and avoid snack time when they get home. Surely, Erika could add "prepare after school snack" to her daily schedule.  

Or maybe she doesn't allow them to eat after school??  Yeah, I'm stirring the "after school cookies and milk" pot again. 

*ducks to dodge flying fruit* 

My kids were technically bus kids but I picked them up a lot. I parked across the street, at an intersection, in the same spot every day where I could watch the kids exit the building. There was always a crossing guard to help kids cross each intersection -  very Mayberry-like.

This discussion has brought back such fond memories. I loved pick up times. I loved their smiles as I handed them a snack or their favorite candy bar - "I thought of you at the grocery store today." I loved it when they said "Hey Mom! Can we give Jake, Emily, Sarah, Justin.... a ride home?"  And I loved hearing them chatter about their day. My van would never pass Maxwell or Shupe standards of cleanliness because there were wrappers and crumbs and paper wads thrown about, but my kids knew when they climbed into that messy vehicle, somebody was happy to see them and they could relax and be kids. There was no stopwatch or checklist to monitor as they finished their day. 

Edited to add: You know what would be funny?  If about twenty parents from her school read this post and decided it was a great idea. One day, Erika shows up with her refreshing snack and SHE HAS NOWHERE TO PARK. She moves her pick up time up more and more until she finally decides to just stay in her spot after dropping the kids off. BECAUSE NOBODY TAKES ERIKA'S CAREFULLY PLANNED PARKING SPOT!  

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17 hours ago, Mr. Pink said:

well Erika just posted a link to her facebook page about communication with people with Asperger's and said they "have one " with it. I assume that means they have a child with it, but the wording wasn't 100% clear.

Interesting. Are you friends with her, or did she post this in the FLOP group? Cause I'm not seeing it on her personal FB page and I'm curious. ;)

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