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FundieFarmer

Lori Alexander 14: Environmental Notebook Doodles & Self-Righteous Husband Bashing

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FundieFarmer

Ah, Lori. Still not very transformed, I see. 

Carrying on from here: 

 

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Showtunesgirl

So I just read today's post about going back to being keepers at home, and in one paragraph Lori writes that if a woman can read, she can cook, just use a cookbook or watch a cooking show. In the very next paragraph, however, she contradicts herself and says that older women should be teaching younger women to cook, not learning from technology. (Or at least that's how I read it, she could have just been referring to technology raising children?) 

:lost:

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Koala

Reader:

Quote

God has called me to speak, write, and to teach.

Lori 4 days ago:

Quote

God never calls us to do something that is contrary to His clearly stated Word, Tami. I’m afraid you’ve been deceived in believing what you do.

Lori today:

Quote

I thank the Lord often for giving me the gift of teaching

Well let me just be the first to say:

God never calls us to do something that is contrary to His clearly stated Word, LORI. I’m afraid you’ve been deceived in believing what you do.

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usmcmom

I don't believe for one minute that Lori received that letter from a young "transformed" wife. I think this is a big fat lie she and Ken cooked up to answer our observations that there are never "satisfied customers" posting on her blog or Facebook page. 

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AlwaysDiscerning

Today's post is so similar to this post with another gushy letter...

https://thetransformedwife.com/2016/12/

Funny looking back now the mention to MacArthur in that woman's letter...uh oh...

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Koala

She made the decision to start treating him like she loved him, regardless of how she really feels?

Why would anyone else want the kind of marriage Lori and Ken have?

I am not interested in a "fake it till you make it" sort of deal.  I am head over heals crazy about my husband...you can't fake that kind of love.

Edited by Koala

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AlwaysDiscerning

So, finally after 35 years of married he can tell she loves him! Jeeesh, what a ride. Most people can tell that about each other before they marry, hence why the get married! I can't imagine just deciding to love someone. How do you just turn that emotion on?

Yes, totally disagree with "fake it till you make it" mentality. Men can tell when a woman is faking it. Think orgasms.

EDIT: If we can decide to love someone, why bother dating. Everything should be arranged marriages then and once married you can just turn that love on like a switch. 

Edited by AlwaysDiscerning

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Hisey
3 hours ago, usmcmom said:

I don't believe for one minute that Lori received that letter from a young "transformed" wife. I think this is a big fat lie she and Ken cooked up to answer our observations that there are never "satisfied customers" posting on her blog or Facebook page. 

I know. It seems a little too perfect.

3 hours ago, Koala said:

Reader:

Lori 4 days ago:

Lori today:

Well let me just be the first to say:

God never calls us to do something that is contrary to His clearly stated Word, LORI. I’m afraid you’ve been deceived in believing what you do.

Really? Lori thinks she has the gift of teaching? <snort> She is the most intolerant, impatient, unyielding teacher I have ever met. She teaches, true, but a gift? I wonder if she is "deceived in believing what she does."

I think she has the gift of knowing how to go to blogger and start a blog page. That's her gift.

Edited by Hisey

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louisa05
56 minutes ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

If we can decide to love someone, why bother dating. Everything should be arranged marriages then and once married you can just turn that love on like a switch. 

This is exactly what they think, though. It is basically what a lot of fundamentalists and evangelicals are teaching about marriage. They love to yammer on that love is a "choice" or a "decision" not a feeling. They pass around memes and blogs about how compatibility is not necessary for a healthy, happy marriage. Lately, I'm seeing a meme from my evangelical friends that says "How do you know if your married to the right person? Look at the names on the marriage license." That is some kind of backward circular logic that serves to deny that any two people could be incompatible or have made a mistake in being together. They should just "choose to love" each other in spite of any issues that may exist between them. 

And courtship is just a version of arranged marriage. All the courtship questionnaires floating around don't have a thing on them that pertains to compatibility in interests or personalities for the two people in question. That system assumes that if you share doctrine and theology and abide by specific gender roles, you can have a good marriage regardless of anything else. 

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polecat
1 hour ago, Hisey said:

I know. It seems a little too perfect.

Really? Lori thinks she has the gift of teaching? <snort> She is the most intolerant, impatient, unyielding teacher I have ever met. She teaches, true, but a gift? I wonder if she is "deceived in believing what she does."

I think she has the gift of knowing how to go to blogger and start a blog page. That's her gift.

 

But you forget -- Pain is a great teacher, and Lori is nothing if not a huge pain in the ass.

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Free Jana Duggar

I think maybe the fundies refer to love being a decision because any marriage will have times of conflict, so you "decide" to still love your spouse.   You can be mad at your spouse, but you still love them.  

Maybe that's what they mean ????????   

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usmcmom

Most wives treat their husband with kindness and laugh with him without going to all out submission. I have never understood why Lori didn't just decide to - you know - be kind and respectful to her husband. It's always an all or nothing point of view with these people. 

My suspicion is that Lori knew just how childish and selfish Ken was and that simple respect and kindness would not keep him with her after the kids left. She knew she had to FULLY SUBMIT in order to keep him and his checkbook. 

As for being married thirty some years and having to daily make the decision to love your spouse??  And being married that long and saying "I see now that you do love me."???  Wow. 

And people supposedly take marital advice from this couple....

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feministxtian

I can see making the decision to love someone even though you don't want to. Some of you here know the difficulties I've had over the years with my husband. There were times I had to make the CHOICE to keep holding on to the feelings I once had for him until those feelings could grow again. Even when I hated him pretty much. However, I made the conscious decision to hold on to feelings I once had for him until the storm passed. It passed and the love grew again. It's been about 3 years since the storm and we're still rebuilding. I know that for me, I had to stop thinking about the things he'd done or I'd never get past it. 

So...I can see where Lori's coming from in this instance. 

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SilverBeach

@feministxtian, what you describe is committment. Commitment gets you through when the loving feelings are diminished for whatever reason. But to not have love in the first place? Nope.

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Rubaiyat
3 hours ago, polecat said:

But you forget -- Pain is a great teacher, and Lori is nothing if not a huge pain in the ass.

I'm stuck in bed today in large amounts of pain (RA) and this made me laugh so hard I almost peed myself.   You win the internet today!  Can't thank you enough for the belly laugh.  I needed that!!

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desertvixen

Agree with @SilverBeachon this one - commitment is important, but you have to have the love first.

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onemama
14 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I can see making the decision to love someone even though you don't want to. Some of you here know the difficulties I've had over the years with my husband. There were times I had to make the CHOICE to keep holding on to the feelings I once had for him until those feelings could grow again. Even when I hated him pretty much. However, I made the conscious decision to hold on to feelings I once had for him until the storm passed. It passed and the love grew again. It's been about 3 years since the storm and we're still rebuilding. I know that for me, I had to stop thinking about the things he'd done or I'd never get past it. 

So...I can see where Lori's coming from in this instance. 

Very true, Feministxtian. You point towards the biggest problem I have with Lori, Debi and others who teach their extreme version of submission. They make good points and then take them to the extreme where all the good is lost. 

It's good to commit to a person and love them even when they are unlovely. But that doesn't mean you just sit back "submitting" to whatever he decides to dish at you.  It doesn't mean you should carry the burden alone (have no girlfriends, hello? Ruth and Naomi?), as Debi teaches women to do, or just shut up and "win him over" a la 1 Peter 3. 

Lori takes instructions that, I believe, were life-giving in the time when they were written, and she uses them as shackles for women in difficult marriages.

As far as I know, I don't think Lori has any idea what it's like to fear her husband might just lose everything they have because he likes to gamble or pays no attention to the debts he keeps raking up. I doubt she knows what it's like to be married to a drug addict or an alcoholic. I doubt she has any idea what it's like to find herself on welfare because her husband won't hold down a job.  She doesn't know what it's like to have birth control denied to her or to have to leave the church where she was finally settling in.  I doubt she knows what it's like to live with a man who regularly shames her publicly, who locks her in her room, who brings home drunks and homeless men off the street for her to care for, all the while claiming he is called by God to be some amazing preacher or missionary and she is holding him back. 

I don't think Lori knows what it's like to have a husband who claims to be a Christian but is living a life in complete disobedience to any word of God. A man who has yet to turn his life over to God and be saved from himself, but who thinks he's done it already and she has nothing to tell him.  It's hell.  That woman doesn't need sanctimonious Lori in her ivory tower, she needs a real friend. 

 

 

 

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polecat
16 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I can see making the decision to love someone even though you don't want to. Some of you here know the difficulties I've had over the years with my husband. There were times I had to make the CHOICE to keep holding on to the feelings I once had for him until those feelings could grow again. Even when I hated him pretty much. However, I made the conscious decision to hold on to feelings I once had for him until the storm passed. It passed and the love grew again. It's been about 3 years since the storm and we're still rebuilding. I know that for me, I had to stop thinking about the things he'd done or I'd never get past it. 

So...I can see where Lori's coming from in this instance. 

 

This is one of the reasons I think Lori is so dangerous. She gets a tiny grain of truth and then runs riot with it. There's simply no sense of balance and no capability of teasing out the finer meaning of things. She builds an entire doctrine around one small truth and a whole lot of bullshit.

Or, as she likes to call it, TRUTH.

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SilverBeach

Lori is dangerous because she has no heart, and thinks she is the most special of speshul snowflakes. Horrible.

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AlwaysDiscerning
Quote

I doubt she has any idea what it's like to find herself on welfare because her husband won't hold down a job. 

or declare bankruptcy as her old post from today is all about. Apparently you are evil if you have to file for bankruptcy. Isn't the majority of cases because of people with medical debt? As if people bring that on themselves! As usual, its a heartless post. 

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louisa05
9 minutes ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2012/11/christians-declaring-bankruptcy.html

Wow, just look at that. 

She says getting sick is a choice! I guess all her health issues were a choice then! So medical bankruptcy is not excuse. 

Nothing makes me angrier than the whole "diet and exercise will guarantee perfect health" bullshit. 

I had to listen to my sister-in-law preach it to me for the entire 3 years of my dad's cancer. He has been dead for 16 months and she had to bring it up at Christmas this year, too. This shit from an overweight woman who was on her fourth drink and eating her third dessert about my dad who diligently watched his diet for his entire life, maintained a healthy weight and walked for an hour a day every single day until cancer. 

There are no guarantees. New research is suggesting that the cancer my dad had may be genetic. Know what you can do to change your genes? Nothing. 

Lori can shut the f*ck up. 

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Hane
19 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

Nothing makes me angrier than the whole "diet and exercise will guarantee perfect health" bullshit. 

I had to listen to my sister-in-law preach it to me for the entire 3 years of my dad's cancer. He has been dead for 16 months and she had to bring it up at Christmas this year, too. This shit from an overweight woman who was on her fourth drink and eating her third dessert about my dad who diligently watched his diet for his entire life, maintained a healthy weight and walked for an hour a day every single day until cancer. 

There are no guarantees. New research is suggesting that the cancer my dad had may be genetic. Know what you can do to change your genes? Nothing. 

Lori can shut the f*ck up. 

Yes. Every damn word you said. I've seen too many people who took excellent care of their health start hitting their 50s and 60s and encountering arthritis, heart disease, and worse. Some of the thinnest people I know have dangerously high cholesterol levels. And don't get me started on cancer. A young father I knew died suddenly of a rare and virulent form of liver cancer. Twenty years later, his father died of the exact same thing. The remaining family members are involved in medical research studies.

Put your goddamn black salve on THAT, Lori.

23 hours ago, Koala said:

She made the decision to start treating him like she loved him, regardless of how she really feels?

Why would anyone else want the kind of marriage Lori and Ken have?

I am not interested in a "fake it till you make it" sort of deal.  I am head over heals crazy about my husband...you can't fake that kind of love.

The only time I used "fake it till you make it" was after I separated from my first husband. I was only 26 and had an 11-month-old baby. I had to divert my anger and frustration in order to make sure my child would grow up in emotionally healthy circumstances. I wanted to build a supportive co-parenting relationship with my ex, and holding a grudge wouldn't help that. Fortunately, he felt the same way, and my daughter was able to have a happy childhood.

"Fake it till you make it" is a lousy long-term foundation for a marriage.

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Koala

I have said it before, but I think it would serve both Lori and Ken well to be truly financially destitute.  We'd see how fast The Godly Mentor changed her tune.

 

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lilwriter85
1 hour ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

or declare bankruptcy as her old post from today is all about. Apparently you are evil if you have to file for bankruptcy. Isn't the majority of cases because of people with medical debt? As if people bring that on themselves! As usual, its a heartless post. 

I'm not sure about the statistics regarding causes of bankruptcy. But, yeah many bankruptcies are due to medical debt. I know a few people who were in those situations. I think Lori and Ken have lucked out in the sense that Lori's health problems haven't caused a financial strain on them especially since they live in an expensive state on one income. Then again, who knows what the future holds for Ken and Lori. She has ongoing health issues and is aging and there is always the chance that a health crisis could hit Ken.

I also remember years ago there was a guy on the TLC/Discovery message boards that said he was sick and tired of the Duggars' bragging about their debt free lifestyle. The guy posted how he believed in trying to save money/be frugal, but he had medical related debt and felt that he was being shamed for it. I understood the view points of that guy. I sometimes get annoyed when some people brag about being debt free while looking down on others with debt. Some fundies can't understand buying a house in cash isn't something that works for everyone. Lori will never understand that some families just can't comfortably live on on one income. Of course, she will never have sympathy for people with medical debt. 

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

Nothing makes me angrier than the whole "diet and exercise will guarantee perfect health" bullshit. 

I had to listen to my sister-in-law preach it to me for the entire 3 years of my dad's cancer. He has been dead for 16 months and she had to bring it up at Christmas this year, too. This shit from an overweight woman who was on her fourth drink and eating her third dessert about my dad who diligently watched his diet for his entire life, maintained a healthy weight and walked for an hour a day every single day until cancer. 

There are no guarantees. New research is suggesting that the cancer my dad had may be genetic. Know what you can do to change your genes? Nothing. 

Lori can shut the f*ck up. 

I hate that stuff. I believe in doing your best to maintain your health through diet and exercise, but nothing is a guaranteed. You can't change your genes and there are some illnesses and health problems that can't be totally explained. I had a friend in college whose father passed away from ALS. My friend described his father as avid runner and someone who avoided junk food like the plague. My friend said that he continued exercising and watching his diet to prevent or decrease the chance of certain medical problems, but the fear of ALS was always there.  Lori is someone that just doesn't get that shit happens.

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