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Black Aliss

Awkward Christian Music Album Covers

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Black Aliss

I ran across this collection today and I've been snickering ever since. I'm especially fond of the ones that feature ventriloquists and their dummies because what better medium than audio recordings could there be for a really terrible ventriloquist?

 

jesususeme.jpg

dummies.jpg

satan.jpg

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louisa05

@ladyamylynn Noooooooooo! Not Carman.

Way to give me Christian school PTSD flashbacks. 

Carman rapping is the one of the worst things ever recorded. 

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kpmom

Oh my these are great!

Yeah, what was it with all the ventriloquist dummies?

"He Touched Me" might have been the best, but it's hard to choose.

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louisa05

@ladyamylynn Now you're just being cruel. 

True confessions: 

The high school teachers did a lip sync/dance thing to a Carman rap song at homecoming one year. I was in it. It was horrific. 

Thankfully, this was before everyone had a cell phone with video camera in their pocket and I don't believe it survived for posterity. 

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Waffle Time
mango_fandango

@Black Aliss

First photo: Ahahahaha oh god that hair is awful

Second photo: *runs away screaming*

Third photo: WTF?

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Happy
PennySycamore

Regarding the album of the ventriloquist and his dummy, my dad always thought that it was ridiculous that Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy had a radio show.  It was popular, too.  Edgar's genius was his comedic timing and the lines he wrote for Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd.

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Aggravated
pamplemousse

Fear not. There are plenty more where those awful album covers came from.

 

bad album cover 2.jpg

God's Chosen Puppet.png

bad album cover 3.jpg

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nausicaa

The first one made the cut for the hair alone. The second is exactly what I see Jill Rodrigues doing if she ever goes on a fitness kick. 

148130_463914261643_712806643_6103946_1706224_n.jpg

9f045bfb291935a29fd22bb815242cdf.jpg

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dawbs

I had this one growing up...
oops%20front.jpg

That Jim & Tammy are Jim & Tammy Faye Bakker (link description seems accurate from my memory)...
I still have the damn doll somewhere.  I put new batteries in it a few years ago to see if it still played...it doesn't.  I'm mostly releived.

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Happy
PennySycamore

@nausicaa, regarding that first cover, you know the old saying "The higher the hair, the closer to God".  That lady has real Church of God (Cleveland, TN) hair.

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Mischievous
LadyCrow1313
11 hours ago, nausicaa said:

The first one made the cut for the hair alone. The second is exactly what I see Jill Rodrigues doing if she ever goes on a fitness kick. 

148130_463914261643_712806643_6103946_1706224_n.jpg

9f045bfb291935a29fd22bb815242cdf.jpg

First picture reminds me of Michelle Pfeiffer's hair in Hairspray (the 2007 version). Second picture reminded me of Olivia Newton John's "Let Get Physical" song.

Hmm. "Let's Get Physical For the Lord" is both a fitting and frightening Christian album title; I'd get a kick out of it if it was a real thing.  ;) 

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wikinggirl

This is amazing! And what's up with all the ventriloquist dolls? 

I've always loved the Louvin brothers album cover, but oh man, some of these! 

I think this is my favorite! 

christian6.jpg

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NakedKnees
15 hours ago, pamplemousse said:

Fear not. There are plenty more where those awful album covers came from.

 

bad album cover 2.jpg

God's Chosen Puppet.png

bad album cover 3.jpg

That God's Chosen Puppet one just exemplifies so many of FJ's favorite fundie values... countenance-emphasizing neckline, sickly sweet lady smile, speshul snowflake chosen-one-ish-ness.... wow.

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wikinggirl
16 hours ago, pamplemousse said:

Fear not. There are plenty more where those awful album covers came from.

bad album cover 3.jpg

This polka record only reminds me of John Candy in Home Alone, you know, the Polka King of the Midwest. 

 

ir.jpeg

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Waffle Time
mango_fandango

"He Touched Me" just sounds so wrong, particularly these days. 

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Happy
PennySycamore
23 minutes ago, wikinggirl said:

This polka record only reminds me of John Candy in Home Alone, you know, the Polka King of the Midwest. 

 

ir.jpeg

Polka masses used to be a thing (and maybe still are, for all I know) in the upper Midwest.

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kpmom
1 hour ago, NakedKnees said:

That God's Chosen Puppet one just exemplifies so many of FJ's favorite fundie values... countenance-emphasizing neckline, sickly sweet lady smile, speshul snowflake chosen-one-ish-ness.... wow.

And maybe even a little B&D going on there.

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PopRox

Is it bad that I'm thinking of looking up some of these on YouTube, to see if I can find what some of these weird visuals SOUND like? (Right now I'm kind of assuming they all sound like the Rodrigii).

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Exposedknees

ott2.jpg

Edited by Exposedknees
trio?

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wikinggirl
3 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

Polka masses used to be a thing (and maybe still are, for all I know) in the upper Midwest.

What? That's amazing! And so so weird!

I tried finding some Norwegian Christian album covers, but not much look. There's probably something out there though, because I own a LP with "A Selection Of Norwegian Christian Jazz, Psych, Funk & Folk 1970-1980". It's pretty amazing. 

But I did find this which I had on a cassette as a young child in the 90s. The Christian aspect totally flew over my head, I just liked the songs and of course her hair! 

0.jpg

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Black Aliss

My favorite changes just about every hour. This one, though. . .I never imagined Christian Metal was a genre. And Barren Cross still has a myspace page, where you can stream their music! https://myspace.com/barrencross

 

christian13.jpg

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