Whitney and Zach Bates- Part 2

[Miggy]

 

On 03/02/2017 at 7:46 PM, JillyO said:

See, that's the thing that bothers me so much. I was raised to show respect too. Most people are raised to show respect. Not saying "ma'am" or "sir" doesn't mean a lack of respect. And in fact, saying "ma'am" or "sir" doesn't mean that one is being respectful either. So I find this insistance that "in the South, we are raised to show respect," with the constant implication that everyone else isn't, to be extremely rude.

I second this.

I am a teacher. Convention here says a teacher is called Mr/Mrs Lastname and kids are taught from Kindy that it is polite and a sign of respect to call their teachers that. 

In my experience, I get three names;

1.Mrs [Lastname]: This is from kids who don't know me yet (beginning of the year) or don't respect me but don't want trouble. So these are kids who aren't interested in what I have to say and have no interest in what I teach, but they are going to keep their heads down and do the right thing because thats better than getting a detention or extra homework. Basically, I control them in class through my perceived power to punish, which is fear not respect.

2.Missssss (with an s that goes on forever): This is what I want to hear. This is a student that is comfortable enough with me and has enough respect that they don't use the formal Mrs Lastname. They don't fear me. They come into my room and do what I ask because they respect me. When I start a new student and they switch from Mrs X to Misssss, I know I've connected with that kid and we're really going to achieve something together. (Male teachers get Sir instead of Misssssss, obviously.)

And then there's the third group ...

3.#$^&^&: Kids who doesn't care about getting in trouble have quite a range of terms they use to address me. I work with a range of kids over my week, including at a behaviour unit, a juvenile drug rehab unit and juvie. These kids use Mrs Lastname / Miss when they are trying to manipulate the situation. If a kid comes into my room, addresses me as Mrs X and sits down quietly, I'm instantly on alert. 

So whenever I hear Sir/Ma'am being paraded as the proof a kid has respect, I always wonder. Does the kid really have respect or are they doing it because its what you do so as to not get in trouble? I see respect as a way of speaking, in someone's body language and in the way they treat someone. Words, not so much.

[Kangaroo]

1 hour ago, Miggy said:

I am a teacher. Convention here says a teacher is called Mr/Mrs Lastname and kids are taught from Kindy that it is polite and a sign of respect to call their teachers that. 

"GOOD MORNING MRS MIGGY" chimes the primary class in perfect unison each day. You know the exact tone I'm talking about!

 

As I got into high school you generally stopped addressing teachers by their surname also, and it just became Ms and Sir.

I'm in the awkward university phase at the moment where the tutor or lecturer will say "I'm Doctor Phillipe Gordon Wilson Smith Jones, but you can call me Davo". It's a real odd moment for lots of us do used to refering by a title. I've heard many people instinctively say Ms/Sir when they can't remember their names.

At work, everyone is on a first name basis again, even with clients. The only time we ever give someone a title is usually an eldery person (So "Could I please speak with Mrs Smith?" rather than "Could I speak with Dorris?")

 

It's rather interesting how it seems to start time same (in terms of respect for elders with a title) but really, really relaxes in our culture as you mature and become more equal. I have noticed particularly in Asian cultures, respect for your elders and specific terms that go with it seem far more prevalent than here.

 

[freedom_for_all]

Re: the bows. As a person with terrible headaches whenever I put on headbands they look like torture but maybe the kiddos don't mind?

[JesusCampSongs]

I full-stop refused to wear headbands and barrettes as a toddler. I'd rip chunks of my hair out trying to remove them. End result: I had bangs my entire childhood. 

My sister tolerated the barrettes and headbands, and when she got older, she demanded to wear bows every single day. 

I think some kids are more sensitive about stuff on their head than others. I was okay with hats and sunglasses, but nothing else. 

[RosyDaisy]

Mmy sister was the same. She didn't like the big ass flowered headbands. I agree. They are hideous.

[Coconut Flan]

My granddaughter has had a headband on twice.  Neither one had a large flower.  Both times were when she was less than two months old and she cried both times until I removed them.  One was put on by her mother and the other by her other grandmother.  Now at two, she simply yells NOOOOOO if anyone even picks up a headband.  They are either very loose bands on those babies, they are only on for the photos, or those kids are supremely more tolerant than average.  Otherwise they are torturing those poor kids. 

[Granwych]

On ‎2‎/‎3‎/‎2017 at 1:45 PM, TuringMachine said:

I always thought it was to make their heads more "girly" since they didn't have hair yet  

Apparently my mom got some flack when I was a baby for putting me in a "boy" snowsuit. It was orange green and purple.

People are going to bitch at nearly whatever you do, aren't they?

[Carm_88]

So many people thought that I was a boy that my parents kept me in dresses allll the time. It's really funny looking back because if I was in pants and a tshirt, I did look like a boy. But my brother looked like a girl, so we evened out.

[HurricaneBells]

On 1/31/2017 at 2:59 AM, QuiverDance said:

I think it is ridiculous but its still pretty big to insist on that formality in certain circles here.... I think it's kind of a redneck tell to be honest.  Sorta country come to town.  JMO 

i think most educated/well mannered people know that they can be courteous and respectful without using sexist or antiquated honorifics.

I dont use maám because its not really common here but I do have him say yes mummy - had no idea that was viewed as ridiculous by other parents. I am teaching him to listen and acknowledge he has heard (whether its understood or not) me. Dont see whats so ridiculous about it really... In Australia we call that parenting....

[Karma]

But there's a big difference between yes ma'am and yes mummy, @HurricaneBells.  Mummy is a term used by children for their mother, while ma'am is a formal term of respect.  If Whitney had told Bradley to say yes mom,  this conversation wouldn't have happened, let alone continue for as long as it did before drifting onto ridiculous headbands.

[LadyCrow1313]

On ‎2‎/‎4‎/‎2017 at 5:20 AM, Miggy said:

So whenever I hear Sir/Ma'am being paraded as the proof a kid has respect, I always wonder. Does the kid really have respect or are they doing it because its what you do so as to not get in trouble? I see respect as a way of speaking, in someone's body language and in the way they treat someone. Words, not so much.

I was raised to be respectful, too. To the extent that when I was taking care of a friend's kids (babysitting/nanny-ing, whatever you call it), the parents would say that it was ok to call them by their first names. It took me years to become comfortable enough to do that.

 

[imokit]

"Yes mummy"  is in my opinion more respectful than "yes ma'am"

Yes mummy, Yes Jane, Yes Mr Smith - are all personalised.  It shows acknowledgement of who you're responding to whereas ma'am/sir can be more automatic and less thought through.

 

[Carm_88]

Whitney's latest instagram post. 

[BlessaYourHeart]

On 04/02/2017 at 10:20 AM, Miggy said:

 

I second this.

I am a teacher. Convention here says a teacher is called Mr/Mrs Lastname and kids are taught from Kindy that it is polite and a sign of respect to call their teachers that. 

In my experience, I get three names;

1.Mrs [Lastname]: This is from kids who don't know me yet (beginning of the year) or don't respect me but don't want trouble. So these are kids who aren't interested in what I have to say and have no interest in what I teach, but they are going to keep their heads down and do the right thing because thats better than getting a detention or extra homework. Basically, I control them in class through my perceived power to punish, which is fear not respect.

2.Missssss (with an s that goes on forever): This is what I want to hear. This is a student that is comfortable enough with me and has enough respect that they don't use the formal Mrs Lastname. They don't fear me. They come into my room and do what I ask because they respect me. When I start a new student and they switch from Mrs X to Misssss, I know I've connected with that kid and we're really going to achieve something together. (Male teachers get Sir instead of Misssssss, obviously.)

And then there's the third group ...

3.#$^&^&: Kids who doesn't care about getting in trouble have quite a range of terms they use to address me. I work with a range of kids over my week, including at a behaviour unit, a juvenile drug rehab unit and juvie. These kids use Mrs Lastname / Miss when they are trying to manipulate the situation. If a kid comes into my room, addresses me as Mrs X and sits down quietly, I'm instantly on alert. 

So whenever I hear Sir/Ma'am being paraded as the proof a kid has respect, I always wonder. Does the kid really have respect or are they doing it because its what you do so as to not get in trouble? I see respect as a way of speaking, in someone's body language and in the way they treat someone. Words, not so much.

THIS! Total agreement. 

[Melissa1977]

17 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

Whitney's latest instagram post. 

She's writing af if Zach was going to war. Don't get me wrong, being a policeman can be dangerous but they live in a quiet country area. I know policemen and policewomen and none of them are drama queens about their job, nor are their partners.

[RhythmicSkater]

On 4 February 2017 at 8:08 PM, freedom_for_all said:

Re: the bows. As a person with terrible headaches whenever I put on headbands they look like torture but maybe the kiddos don't mind?

Allie Jane doesn't seem to wear the headband bows as often (usually clip-ins or just pigtails), so maybe she's the Bates kid who can't tolerate them. I don't think they bother most kids though. 

[OyToTheVey]

2 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

She's writing af if Zach was going to war. Don't get me wrong, being a policeman can be dangerous but they live in a quiet country area. I know policemen and policewomen and none of them are drama queens about their job, nor are their partners.

I have friends that are cops in NYC and they aren't as dramatic. Yes it's dangerous but it's their job and they signed up for it. They know what they signed up for. I think to fundies everything is dramatic. Daddy gets home from work he needs hugs and kisses, I'm making dinner for my sweet husband, oh look at the sweet fellowship. IDK anyone IRL who even thinks about these things. Because it's normal for a 2 year old to hug, you gotta eat also, and it's called bonding and time together. It's NATURAL!

[Denim Jumper]

3 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

She's writing af if Zach was going to war. Don't get me wrong, being a policeman can be dangerous but they live in a quiet country area. I know policemen and policewomen and none of them are drama queens about their job, nor are their partners.

My husband drives a snow plow in the winter, and every time there is a storm some of his co-worker's wives take to Facebook and go on about how they miss their husband and husband pray for their safe return. I'm rolling my eyes and am all "Get a friggin grip. They're 20 miles away, enclosed inside of trucks big enough to take down a building. Quitcherbitchin like they're in a Middle Eastern combat zone." 

I poked a little fun by posting for Mr.Jumper a picture of a bottle of vanilla extract and a caption "Emergency: this is the only alcohol left in the house."

[fish_ca]

In their universe everything outside is deadly dangerous: speeding, bike theft,  breaking into garage...and meeting feminists.

But seriously she was taught  to praise Zach for whatever he is doing. She's his godly wife. ANd if she can embellish her babbling with Bible quote she won't miss the chance. I used to like her but I'm tired of her drama.

 

Everything what is worthy of praise here is Zach having real job and that they love their children to death.

[Miggy]

16 hours ago, fish_ca said:

Everything what is worthy of praise here is Zach having real job and that they love their children to death.

This. Over and over and over. Zach has a real job. He doesn't work for Daddy like the Maxwell offspring. He doesn't work for his FIL like the Duggar husbands. He doesn't work for Gothard.

Zach has a real job and brings home real money to support his family!

Of all the people we snark on, Zach is a rare example of a home school child who grew up to be an independent adult. 

[actuallyjessica]

This. Over and over and over. Zach has a real job. He doesn't work for Daddy like the Maxwell offspring. He doesn't work for his FIL like the Duggar husbands. He doesn't work for Gothard.
Zach has a real job and brings home real money to support his family!
Of all the people we snark on, Zach is a rare example of a home school child who grew up to be an independent adult. 

Still not good enough for some. His upbringing will follow him wherever he goes no matter how hard he strays from the path of which he was raised. He doesn't spout ridiculous shit on social media, he seems to live a quiet life similar to so many others his age. A wife and 2 kids. He works, his wife is a SAHM.

What's so out of the ordinary? Nothing.

[Fundie Bunny]

2 hours ago, actuallyjessica said:

Still not good enough for some. His upbringing will follow him wherever he goes no matter how hard he strays from the path of which he was raised. He doesn't spout ridiculous shit on social media, he seems to live a quiet life similar to so many others his age. A wife and 2 kids. He works, his wife is a SAHM.

What's so out of the ordinary? Nothing.

Their beliefs about birth control. In 10 years when they have 9 kids, they will be out of the ordinary

[actuallyjessica]

1 hour ago, Fundie Bunny said:

Their beliefs about birth control. In 10 years when they have 9 kids, they will be out of the ordinary

i agree with that, but as of now there's not much to say they are personally against birth control. we can assume they are, because of their family stance on it but they've proven they're doing things a little differently. unless they come out and say, we can only speculate with their spacing.

[season of life]

Whitney is dramatic when it comes to Zach and his job. You'd think this guy was being deployed to Iraq the way she writes about him. I'm sure she is proud and there is nothing wrong about praying for his safety, but Whitney shouldn't be so obsessed with the idea of Zach dying/being injured.

[Tangy Bee]

12 hours ago, actuallyjessica said:

Still not good enough for some. His upbringing will follow him wherever he goes no matter how hard he strays from the path of which he was raised. He doesn't spout ridiculous shit on social media, he seems to live a quiet life similar to so many others his age. A wife and 2 kids. He works, his wife is a SAHM.

What's so out of the ordinary? Nothing.

Oh and don't forget he also has a great part-time gig with UP.