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Franicia White tells us how children should lose weight


usedbicycle
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On the bright side, when she grows up and escapes, Heistheway will only have to introduce herself for everyone around her to get a pretty good idea of how stark raving mad her parents must be and how much help and support she must be needing.

I hope she Googles herself someday and finds that a forumful of strangers think she is a perfectly normal kid and that her mother is a dangerous idiot.

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1 hour ago, Foudeb said:

I hope she Googles herself someday and finds that a forumful of strangers think she is a perfectly normal kid and that her mother is a dangerous idiot.

A LOT of the really sheltered fundie kidults would be in schock if they ever found out about us and how much we know and often also care about them.

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I hope HITW escapes when she is older, but I fear it won't happen.  These fundie families teach their children to fear the evil secular outside world, isolate them from outside influences, hold them to unrealistic gender stereotype and purity standards, and then handicap them further by inadequate homeschool education.

And if they are girls they are further hobbled by pushing them into marriage and babies, babies, babies as soon as possible.  Or there is the SAHD "choice" (ha!) where they can wither on the vine like Sarah Maxwell and the Botkin sisters -- waiting for that godly man to knock on the door.

HITW is the oldest, and a girl, so her role is already decided for her by Francia and dad.  She will have absolutely no say in her life.

 

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17 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

HITW is the oldest, and a girl, so her role is already decided for her by Francia and dad.  She will have absolutely no say in her life.

As far as we know neither Franicia nor her husband come from fundie families. Franicias mother passed away a few years back. She posts occassionally about her. It seems as if they were close. But HITW and her siblings might still have a full set of grandparents on her fathers side. I always hope that grandparents would offer help. But most of the fundie kids are probably too scared to ask.

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On 12/13/2016 at 2:48 PM, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

 The boy naturally took after the dad.  The girl did too.  While not fat she was definitely a tall, slightly heavy teenager, who became a tall curvy woman.  Unfortunately for her, neither of her parents grasped the idea that she was *not* going to be tiny like her mother and neither were particularly supportive.

I remember hearing the woman in conversations with my mother and her friends lamenting that she just didn't know what to do with "such a great big gawky girl", and that no diet seemed to help as she just kept getting taller and bigger.

My heart goes out to these girls. My mother was petite and had tiny wrists. I was big, gawky, took after my father's side of the family, and "big boned." My mother bought me a watch when I was in 8th grade and had it made to her wrist size. It was a tiny watch with a string kind of strap. It would not close over my "big" wrist.  I couldn't wear it and it couldn't be returned. She was so upset. That was one of the body shaming episodes that I had to endure, and while it was NOTHING, really, it made me understand at a young age that "one size does NOT fit all", EVER.

I vowed that if I had a daughter, I'd never try to make her fit into my conception of what a woman would look like. Luckily, she's tall and curvy like me, and we both like plaid shirts and don't like ruffles.. So we can come to a consensus of what looks good on her.

When I inherited some of my mother's jewelry, I loved a particular necklace that was made to rest right at the base of the throat... I had to add a three inch extended to make that necklace wearable. Her ring  that I inherited? Pinkie on me. But the earrings fit!!

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1 hour ago, Four is Enough said:

My heart goes out to these girls. My mother was petite and had tiny wrists. I was big, gawky, took after my father's side of the family, and "big boned."

Yep, another "big boned" daughter of a tiny mom here, and IMO everyone is correct about this dynamic adding a major negative influence to the mother-daughter relationships in the White family.  

Tiny mothers of larger daughters often can't see beyond the perspective of their petite size, even with the best of intentions, which I believe my mother had. Tiny moms don't understand a lot, from basic body build & proportion to why their clothing tastes absolutely won't work on a human who is larger than they are.

 

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This is the most ridiculous thing in the world. Heistheway looks like a perfectly healthy 12-year-old to me. And besides, her weight should be between her and her pediatrician, whatever it may be. I've seen parents try to gently and non-shamingly correct a child's habits, and the child unfortunately experiences an eating disorder anyway. I can't imagine what this obvious body-shaming will do to the kid's self-esteem. I was a chubby 10-year-old, shot up four inches, then didn't crack 100 pounds until I was like nineteen (when the birthing hips and DDs came. I call this puberty, phase 2: maximum overdrive). Seriously, every kid and every body is different, and changes so much in just a few years. Weight loss shouldn't be a major concern for a 12-year-old unless their doctor says so.

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On 12/13/2016 at 2:56 AM, foreign fundie said:

So how about the book?...

And then, her FIRST book? How many will her mother force her to write before she is married off? At 13: 'How I overcame my normal weight to attract a top quality headship.' At 14:  'Serving with joy; developing a servant heart' At 15: ' Single but not desperate; how I learned to trust my father to find me a mate'. At 16: 'Learning obedience; how my sixteen years of training prepared me for helpmeetship.' At 17: 'When perfect is not enough; being all you can be for your future prince Charming!'. At 18 ' Off the shelve at last; what God taught me through my journey through singleness' 

Poor girl. That mum should really cool down and let her be a child.

 

The parents/mom can't become famous from their own books, so might as well get famous off their kids (like others we know), especially since they gave their daughter a weird name. 

I work with performing artists, so I see the pressure from moms, teachers, etc all the time with for the perfectionism that causes disordered eating and other bad habits. 

Has anyone called her out on this yet? Did she post this on instagram/fb/twitter etc?

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On 12/13/2016 at 3:15 PM, hoipolloi said:

Whatever it is, it's all about Franicia, nothing & no one else.

 

She's been angling to be a fundie Martha Stewart forever. Exercise videos, cookbooks, children's books, magazine articles, showing up at every Fundie Royalty event...girlfriend is desperate for recognition.

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This whole thread makes me so mad. There's nothing wrong with that girl's weight!

I wasn't forced onto a formal diet at that age, but my mom definitely started with the shaming and restricting my food around then. Admittedly, I was chubbier than HTW, but never even got into the obese BMI range, and was not anywhere near it until the end of college. And anyway I'm 5'1".6, so if I lose as little as five pounds, that alone can change my classification.

Guess what? It didn't work. It just gave me issues with eating all of my "special" or treat foods RIGHT NOW BEFORE SOMEONE TAKES THEM, made me want junk more, and hindered my developing a "stop eating the entire bag" response because if food was restricted, I had to take as much as I could, when I could.

...And I'm still no model. It literally resulted in no weight loss.

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Heistheway looked like she was a perfectly normal weight before the weight-loss.  She looks a pretty thin now.  Kids only get to be children for such a short amount of time. Being healthy is great but focusing so hard on appearance is just unnecessary for a 12 year old IMO. 

My mum was never a body shamer but she does have no idea what looks good on me.  She's 5'10 and flat chested and I'm 5'4 with DD's.  She doesn't get that smocky things are never going to sit right, things that button up don't work and midi skirts are stumpifying. 

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On 12/15/2016 at 8:54 AM, hoipolloi said:

Yep, another "big boned" daughter of a tiny mom here, and IMO everyone is correct about this dynamic adding a major negative influence to the mother-daughter relationships in the White family.  

Tiny mothers of larger daughters often can't see beyond the perspective of their petite size, even with the best of intentions, which I believe my mother had. Tiny moms don't understand a lot, from basic body build & proportion to why their clothing tastes absolutely won't work on a human who is larger than they are.

 

I'm another "big boned" daughter of a tiny mom, as not only did I have a larger frame, I also grew taller than her starting with that growth spurt right before puberty started. It wasn't that I was taller than her, but I had wider hips and boobs to contend with.

If anything, my dad was actually worse as far as judging my weight as I was the only girl in his patriarchal Irish Catholic family, so he had no idea that if he left me alone, what weight I gained before that growth spurt would have come off.  He was the one who insisted I go on my first diet at 11, when I was actually a normal child for that age, according to the doctor. I was bullied, but not because of my weight at the time, but because I wore glasses to try to fix my lazy left eye. The body shaming my dad put me through really screwed me up to the point that when I rowed for a year in college and was actually in the best shape of my life, I still thought I was fat. Even now, I still struggle with body image issues.

This thread also makes me mad because of what I went through, and that HITW is also a normal girl who probably would have slimmed down naturally during that growth spurt.

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I was a picky eater and therefore slim as a kid. At age 9 I started to eat just about everything and gained a couple of pounds. When I recently looked at some pictures of the following five years I realized that I was never actually big. But it sure felt like that. Classmates (bullied me for not being skinny as a stick and liking classical music) and my paternal grandparents (they would buy treats they knew I liked when my sister and I came to visit and then tell me I couldn't have any because I was too heavy) were the cause of that. I'm 25 now and still struggle with my curvy shape.

At least my mum never tried to make me lose weight. Poor Heistheway.

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My Mom was pretty tiny and I am short but I am not tiny. I grew taller once I hit my growth spurt and I also had much bigger boobs then she did. Then as I got older, I did gain weight and had more in the way of hips. I'm never going to be a size zero, I like food too much. Beauty comes in all forms of the human body and fundies will never accept that. 

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  • 1 year later...

Reviving this post about the Whites and weight loss because Franicia posted that in her first trimester this pregnancy, she got down to 80lbs due to nausea. She's a very small woman but 80lbs is....scary. That's "severely underweight" according to the BMI scale for a 5'0" person, and I'm not a doctor but I think she should have been hospitalized at that point.

I really hope her personal weight problems will not distort the image of healthy body weight for her daughters. I also hope that in light of this, she won't push Heistheway to write that weight-loss book for children. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Mothers putting their daughters on diets is such a wild awful thing to me, my mil has done it with her NINE YEAR OLD daughter NINE, she doesn’t need it.  Mil is also such a hyper type A person that she’s made things like sports, riding a bike, or just general physical activity super competitive so of course my poor nine year old sister-in-law just intrinsicly hates everything related to it. I really worry for her self esteem as she gets older. 

I was a super skinny, tall and gawky looking kid, who ate pretty much anything which wasn’t pinned down. But after puberty I got a lot more stocky and muscled, I’m currently around 155-160 and about 5’7, I think that I look great, I’m genuinely the most comfortable I’ve been with my body that I’ve ever been as an adult (despite being at my “heaviest”). However, mil just loves to nudge me about having an overweight bmi, because, you know, I’m a “bad influence”. 

Its all very frustrating.

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80lbs is a lot to lose especially, when pregnant. I hope both her and the baby are ok. I may be wrong but given how Heistheway was put on a diet aged 12, I hope Franicia does not have issues with weight.

After falling on glass aged 10 and ending up with a huge scar on my leg, I developed depression and eventually stopped going out. I started eating junk food and spending school dinner money on sweets and the weight piled on. My mum thought tough love and pointing out my weight every time we argued would maybe help me lose weight, opposite happened I comfort ate more. I am now exercising more, I'm working on improving my eating habits too but that is because I want too, no one else is pressuring me. 

 

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I know that I am late to the party but I wanted to share my story. My mom has two sisters and has always been the biggest. She was once a size 18, her heaviest. Most of my childhood she was a size 8 and 5’9”. As far back as I can remember, 5 or so, I thought I was fat because my mother always thought she was fat. She was always going on about needing to loose weight. She was pregnant a total of eight times, she had five miscarriages. Right after puberty, 13 or 14, I started putting on weight. My mom fat shamed me. While I was over weight and needed to loose some she went about it the wrong way. She would tell me to quit eating junk food, I ate what we had in the house. I wanted to play sports but wasn’t able to because of time and money. Instead of my mom trying to help me she caused me to gain more weight. I kept eating my feelings while trying to act like I didn’t care what she had to say. It got really bad to the point where it caused major depression and body image issues. It’s hard to grow out of it. When I did start to loose some weight and people would compliment me I never took it well. I’d always say something like “thanks but I’m still fat.”. 

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On 4/25/2018 at 11:40 PM, usedbicycle said:

Reviving this post about the Whites and weight loss because Franicia posted that in her first trimester this pregnancy, she got down to 80lbs due to nausea. She's a very small woman but 80lbs is....scary. That's "severely underweight" according to the BMI scale for a 5'0" person, and I'm not a doctor but I think she should have been hospitalized at that point.

I really hope her personal weight problems will not distort the image of healthy body weight for her daughters. I also hope that in light of this, she won't push Heistheway to write that weight-loss book for children. 

I'm 5ft with a very petite body frame... 80lbs on me.... sheesh... I've never gotten that light.. but I'd be heading to the Drs asap if that happened due to nausea. 

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My mother was 5'7" and definitely smaller built than me. She had no boobs, longer, skinny legs and very narrow feet. Me? 5'5", broad shouldered, big boobs, muscular legs and wide feet (it takes a bigger foundation to hold up a house than a shit house). At 140lbs I looked SKINNY. I looked best at about 160-ish (I'm way over that now but nobody believes I weigh in at about 210). The mother always had some shit to say about how I was built, like I had any control over it. Well, I could have avoided all the sports, bike riding, and shit like that, but....

She never let me forget that I was NOT attractive. 

Franicia is a bitch. 

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I've found my people...my mother is 5'10" but weighed 100lbs through high school and prided herself on being no higher than 110lbs any time she wasn't pregnant.  She's built like a fashion model and has extensive body image and ideas about weight I am only now starting to shake off and free myself from, and I get angry when I realize I was JUST FINE at weights she claimed were dangerous.  I am 5'6" and very busty and my father is built like a tank...I remember when I was 125lbs she exclaimed "That's what I weighed when I gave birth to you!"  Or when I was 135lbs and said I felt happy and good about my body and she said "you need to lose at least 15lbs to be healthy".  I went and immediately ate a pint of ice cream.  She doesn't understand people have different builds...for her it is as simple as I am shorter than her, so I should weigh less.  Also everyone should have a thigh gap and the slightest swell of a belly is a sign of terrible things.  I grew up thinking everyone else looked just fine but that we are meant to be gaunt and concave.  

My lowest recorded weight was 93lbs due to severe illness, and she thought I looked great (everyone in my family did, and most of my friends).  My highest is 212 due to illness, pcos, depression, meds, etc.  I'm closer to that end now and trying very hard to get back to the 135-150 range which was where I felt best, even if I didn't like what I saw in the mirror at the time.  My husband thinks I'm smoking hot whatever my weight but none of my clothes fit any more and I'm not strong enough to lug all this extra weight around. 

I can't believe the damage mothers can do to our body images, even if they don't mean harm and have their own issues. 

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7 hours ago, IntrinsicallyDisordered said:

I am 5'6" and very busty and my father is built like a tank...

Are we related? My father was about my height and tanks had nothing on him! He was short, broad shouldered, had short legs (27 inch inseam), barrel chested and I swear his arms were close to as big around as my legs. I'm the spitting image of my father, my hands and feet are his, just a bit more girly. 

 

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