A Mennonite Guide to Card Games – Ranked in Order of Sinfulness

[clueliss]

One of my cousins shared this on Facebook - and naturally, I grabbed it and raced here.

My personal favorite may be #5 - because I love solitaire.  Also I suspect the whole website may be a rabbit hole for some of you.    

http://dailybonnet.com/mennonite-guide-card-games-ranked-order-sinfulness/

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A Mennonite Guide to Card Games – Ranked in Order of Sinfulness

 November 15, 2016 Daily Bonnet card games, poker, sin

In an effort to add some clarity to a topic that has baffled Mennonites for centuries, the Daily Bonnet has devised a handy ranking of the relative evilness of particular card games. In descending order, the most evil card games are:

10. Rook – The great thing about Rook cards is that you’re not using real playing cards, which, apparently, are really really bad. Instead of suits, you have colours, and that makes a world of a difference. Plus, you’re playing in teams. Mennonites like teams. Rating: not sinful at all.

9. Dutch Blitz – not sinful at all, unless someone gets hurt and you don’t apologize right away. Rating: not sinful, but has potential to be.

8. Uno – also not sinful at all, but we much prefer if you refer to the game by its Plautdietsch name Een. Rating: not sinful if played in Low German.

7. Big Boss, Little Boss – Also known by a variety of more colourful names, this game is sinful if you’re using real playing cards. Please try to play this with Rook cards instead. Also, before commencing please remind players that, as Mennonites, we do not believe in any kind of hierarchy. Consider playing Go Fish instead (or, perhaps, go actual fishing). Rating:40% sinful.

6. Solitaire – Using playing cards is bad. However, there are worse games. At least with solitaire you’re playing alone and are not being a stumbling block for anyone else who is struggling with card-playing. Rating:  50% sinful. 

5. 52 Card Pick-up – this is not so much a game, as it is a trick you play on people. We like that there’s no actually card-playing involved, and we like that a lot of time is spent literally picking up cards off the floor, but given that the entire premise of the game is based on a lie, we cannot endorse it. Rating: 52% sinful.

4. Three-Card Monte – this is a street scam designed to dupe tourists in European cities into giving up their money. As Mennonites we’ve had more than enough trouble in Europe. Avoid this game. Rating: 70% sinful.

3. Poker – This game is often played by men with their buddies on a Saturday night and sometimes involves alcohol consumption. This is not the sort of fellowship we want to encourage, even if the buy-in is just $20. Rating: 81% sinful

2. Blackjack – Not only does Blackjack use playing cards, but it also involves gambling and often takes place in a casino. Plus the number 21 gives me the creeps. Rating: 100% sinful (unless you donate all your winnings to the church). 

1. Strip Poker – unless you’re playing the Mennonite variation, which involves adding layers of clothes, this game has everything going wrong with it: playing cards, alcohol consumption, gambling, and cavorting with the opposite sex. Rating: 100% sinful. Avoid at all costs.

7

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

10 minutes ago, clueliss said:

9. Dutch Blitz – not sinful at all, unless someone gets hurt and you don’t apologize right away. Rating: not sinful, but has potential to be.

The bolded also applies to sex.  

10 minutes ago, clueliss said:

you’re playing alone and are not being a stumbling block for anyone else who is struggling 

Can be a pro-masturbation argument.  Super enlightened.

 

10 minutes ago, clueliss said:

this is not so much a game, as it is a trick you play on people.

This applies to bad sex. 

 

10 minutes ago, clueliss said:

 this is a street scam designed to dupe tourists in European cities into giving up their money

Sex for profit

10 minutes ago, clueliss said:

often played by men with their buddies on a Saturday night and sometimes involves alcohol consumption.

It's not just for straight people...

10 minutes ago, clueliss said:

involves gambling and often takes place in a casino. Plus the number 21 gives me the creeps

Also sex.  and 21?  Just because someone is technically legal doesn't always make it okay.  My PSA for the day.

 

10 minutes ago, clueliss said:

playing cards, alcohol consumption, gambling, and cavorting with the opposite sex. 

Of those things I only enjoy the cavorting thing.  Is there a lite version I can get with just that?

Yes, I'm 12...I know.

[PopRox]

Ahhhhh I love it! It's like "Babylon Bee" for Mennonites.

Although the "TV Remote Far Too Complicated for Taunte Mary" resonated with me... I have about as much luck with our remote as Taune Mary does.

ETA: This post made me spit green tea out of my nose...which kinda burned, but it was worth it: http://dailybonnet.com/mennonite-man-nails-95-theses-door-local-church/

[clueliss]

OMG @poprox - that one is a hoot!  

[Black Aliss]

Loved it. The general rule in our church was that Old Maid, Go Fish, Authors were all okay but anything that involved a traditional deck of cards would send you straight to hell, do not pass Go, do not collect  $200.

Some stricter families felt that even the children's card games were gateway pastimes--IOW the very fact that they involved small rectangles of cardboard could draw you into the hard stuff, e.g. bridge, whist, poker. . .

Of course, the strictest families were against all forms of entertainment except pitching horseshoes.

[Dandruff]

Why is Poker 81% sinful vs. 80% or 82%?  Just wondering.

[Soulhuntress]

where would Cards Against Humanity fall? 

[PennySycamore]

These articles are just hilarious!  "Nine Pound Mennonite Baby Born Three Months Premature" "Mennonite Strip Poker Game Sends Three to Hospital" "Mennonite Man Sues Beer Company for False Advertising"  "Mennonites React With Disgust to 'Showy' Supermoon"

[AliC]

Where has this website been all my life?

[acheronbeach]

I liked "Steinbach Man Gets Totally Hammered on Welch’s Grape Juice":

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The church is considering changing the sacraments altogether because even grape juice is just a little too close to being real wine. Instead, President’s Choice Black Cherry soda is being considered.

 

 

[JeanieCat]

"Once you go Hutterite you can't go back!" Proudly Canadian!

 

[Inky]

On 11/15/2016 at 7:30 PM, Soulhuntress said:

where would Cards Against Humanity fall? 

Probably way down in the negative numbers!

 

I thought #7 Big Boss Little Boss has to be a card game we sometimes play called Asshole. 

[Swamptribe]

I wonder what they would think of Munchkin?