SC waitress heartbroken after receiving tip saying 'A woman's place is in the home'

[catlady]

55 minutes ago, lilwriter85 said:

When I read the part about "handouts to feed your family", I wondered if the couple was assuming that the restaurant gives away left overs to their staff or free meals. Some restaurants have the "one free meal per shift" benefit for employees. But some restaurants don't offer things like that to employees and many places just do employee discounts. It was douchy for the couple to put that there.

The part about the husband seeing another woman was much worse and the couple who did that are pieces of shit who should stay the fuck away from restaurants because as other posters have said there is always a high chance a woman will be serving them.

I didn't even think about free meals; I figured these d-bags didn't understand that tips are part of her salary and not freebie giveaways from generous diners. And yes, I'd like to ban them from restaurants everywhere. 

[Lady Grass Lake]

This was posted by someone on my Facebook page, and I immediately headed for FJ and found this thread.  I worked as a waitress for several years while going to school and always hated the after church crowds on Sundays.  One thing a lot of people don't know is the total of all the bills for tables you served are added together and you pay incomes tax for the 15% tips everyone left you, even if the customer tipped nothing.   Some places collect all tips and they are divided up so table cleaners, dishwashers, and the hostesses get a share.  I've seen servers get larger tips on their birthday or during a holiday by a frequent customer and have to put it in the collective pot.  

Servers don't get minimum wage either.  I was paid $1.25 an hour plus tips.  I learned quickly good service promised better tips, but no matter how hard you work and how efficient and nice you are, some people just don't tip.  

Another gripe, wives have been known to lag behind after the husband throws the tip on the table and heads out the door, to pick the tip up off the table and pocket it.  

Just a thought, this could have been written by a woman, if her husband gave her permission to do it.  

For those of us fantasizing about retribution, it's probably a regular who would think nothing of returning and still expect to get excellent service.  Then you're faced with the choice of keeping your job or paying them back.  

For more stories like this of what service people have to put up with, check out www.notalwaysright.com  beware though, you can spend hours reading all of the posts.  

[bertnee]

This "tip" is just so on the nose that I wonder a little if it's faked. Written with bad grammar, hitting the "a woman's place is in the home" note with a sprinkle of "you must be looking for handouts" and a dollop of "make America great again" bullshit to finish it all off. On the one hand I hope it is because I hate that assholes like this exist but on the other hand, truth is stranger than fiction!

[Meridae]

I have to agree this sounds extremely fake. Who would go to such lengths to do something like this?  Like @bertnee said, it hits just about every conceivable cliche and considerable thought- TOO much thought- seems to have been put into the writing and structure of the note. Something about it just seems off.

[apple1]

I believe this is real, unfortunately.

(Disclaimer: I cannot confirm this personally). I have a FB friend (and my FB friends list totals <70, to put a perspective on it) who lives in the Greenville area and knows who the server is and who the person that wrote this is (a preacher, she named the name, and I don't remember). Sounds like this act was not surprising from that person.

Again, I have no way to completely verify this personally, and I realize that if you don't believe this, my post is not sufficient to change your mind.

[VooDooChild]

Hmmmm....This sounds off to me. I'm not sure I buy it.  Maybe because if it were me, I would most definitely not be heartbroken.  I'd be outraged and naming names.  If it is real, then it is pretty disturbing someone could be so bold and stupid.  Holy crow.  Election years seem to bring out the stupid in droves, don't they?

[Anonymousguest]

Sounds sketchy to me too, it just his too many stereo types, some that don't go together. I have lived in that area, and I don't think there was a single male wait staff in any restaurant ever. Any time these people ever went out to eat they would have encountered women working outside the home. Why leave one note on a napkin once? If it is real I'd bet the people do know the waitress, or it was a joke.

 

@Lady Grass Lake are you saying that the restaurant has to report actual bills of dining room guests and wait staff has to pay taxes accordingly? What state are you in? I can't imagine the nightmare accounting that would go with that, which waiters were on shift with which bills, separating dining room vs to go customers... I worked in the restaurant industry for quite some time in different states and I've never had anything like that. I've only known tips to be self reported. I assume the employers have to make up the difference if tips don't equal at least minimum wage (this was the case in SC even 30yrs ago) so in that case the reporting would be a good thing for waiters. Some states tips are in addition to the minimum wage pay. 

[MamaJunebug]

6 hours ago, Anonymousguest said:

Sounds sketchy to me too, it just his too many stereo types, some that don't go together. I have lived in that area, and I don't think there was a single male wait staff in any restaurant ever. Any time these people ever went out to eat they would have encountered women working outside the home. Why leave one note on a napkin once? If it is real I'd bet the people do know the waitress, or it was a joke.

 

@Lady Grass Lake are you saying that the restaurant has to report actual bills of dining room guests and wait staff has to pay taxes accordingly? What state are you in? I can't imagine the nightmare accounting that would go with that, which waiters were on shift with which bills, separating dining room vs to go customers... I worked in the restaurant industry for quite some time in different states and I've never had anything like that. I've only known tips to be self reported. I assume the employers have to make up the difference if tips don't equal at least minimum wage (this was the case in SC even 30yrs ago) so in that case the reporting would be a good thing for waiters. Some states tips are in addition to the minimum wage pay. 

It's all too true. Since the early '70s, the fat cats in DC have been going after those tax scofflaws -- restaurant servers!!-- with a vengeance you'd think they'd reserve for corporations and the one percent ... oh wait. 

Its very easy with computerization. Say that you served food and drink totalling $600 on your shift. Since everyone (I'm being sarcastic) knows that all diners (more sarcasm) tip at least 15%, the gubmint is gonna get theirs. So you'll be taxed as though you for sure got $90 in tip money that shift. Whether you did or not.

I have been writing CASH on the tip line and leaving moolah fir the server, but since this discussion, I think I'll add on the 15% and then get them the rest in cash. Otherwise,  who knows when those beneficent bean brains in congress will decide that CASH = 100% of the check and start charging servers for more than they actually got?

As for the length of the note & the thoroughness of the scolding in it, I have no doubt some pinhead actually wrote it. Look at the JonBenet Ramsey (RIP) "ransom" note: Whichever murderous brain trust wrote that, they even went through a few drafts before it was to their satisfaction!

Oh yeah, sadly, I can see this being very genuine. 

[Lady Grass Lake]

I waitressed from 1971 to 75, this was in Michigan, and I think it switched to the total of all sales  started about 72 or 73.   On my first night, I was coached by the other girls how to handle the tip thing.  When I first started you had to just write a dollar amount on your time card, but all the girls said do 1/10th of your total tips, so if you got $20, you claimed $2.   Since everyone did this, it was consistent throughout the staff.   That was back when prices were a lot less than they are now.  

[Anonymousguest]

59 minutes ago, Lady Grass Lake said:

I waitressed from 1971 to 75, this was in Michigan, and I think it switched to the total of all sales  started about 72 or 73.   On my first night, I was coached by the other girls how to handle the tip thing.  When I first started you had to just write a dollar amount on your time card, but all the girls said do 1/10th of your total tips, so if you got $20, you claimed $2.   Since everyone did this, it was consistent throughout the staff.   That was back when prices were a lot less than they are now.  

I waitressed in the late 80s and early 90s, we did the same, we were supposed to claim the actual dollar amount, but we usually just claimed up to minimum wage, which was around $4 . If we had a shift that did not equal minimum wage our employer was to make up the difference, I guess they did (I don't remember a specific incident) but it happened rarely. My husband was manager, and usually what happened for a slow shift was wait staff was sent home and managers who were salaried waited tables. As far as I can remember we did not have to report actual sales for purposes of taxes. We used assign old fashioned cash register that you had to count back change and had to take a physical imprint of a credit card. We had nothing that delineated a to go order from one eaten in the dining room, and we also just had hand written time cards, I don't know how they could have even reported tips as a percentage by shift. That was in South Carolina and Virginia. 

[PennySycamore]

I've seen male wait staff in Greenville, SC, and not just in the more expensive restaurants, but in places like Applebee's, Ruby Tuesday and Chili's.

[alba]

On 19/10/2016 at 3:49 PM, lilwriter85 said:

When I read the part about "handouts to feed your family", I wondered if the couple was assuming that the restaurant gives away left overs to their staff or free meals. Some restaurants have the "one free meal per shift" benefit for employees. But some restaurants don't offer things like that to employees and many places just do employee discounts. It was douchy for the couple to put that there.

The part about the husband seeing another woman was much worse and the couple who did that are pieces of shit who should stay the fuck away from restaurants because as other posters have said there is always a high chance a woman will be serving them.

I read 'handouts' as a reference to tipping, ie. 'You expect us to give you money above and beyond paying our bill.' Which would be rude here in Europe, where servers are paid minimum wage just like cashiers or shopkeepers, but in the US, where servers' base pay is so low already? How can you be so out of touch?

18 hours ago, VooDooChild said:

Hmmmm....This sounds off to me. I'm not sure I buy it.  Maybe because if it were me, I would most definitely not be heartbroken.  I'd be outraged and naming names.  If it is real, then it is pretty disturbing someone could be so bold and stupid.  Holy crow.  Election years seem to bring out the stupid in droves, don't they?

I'd be outraged, too, but I can imagine scenarios where a woman might be heartbroken instead, such as if she was recently widowed and they're going on about how her husband's cheating on her because she's not looking after him.

One thing I don't get about that note is the presumption that she has a husband and children. Sure, perhaps she was wearing a wedding ring and said something like, "That's my son's favourite dish" when they ordered, but I just find it really weird that they'd assume a random woman serving them has both a husband and kids.

[fundiefan]

I don't think I'd be heartbroken or even give a damn if some asshat decided to spew their garbage. It happens all the time; religious asshats who think the world needs their opinions.

But, I'm not that waitress so I can't judge her reaction.

I can, and do, however judge the fucktards who made a concerted effort to leave such a horrible example of themselves (and their education) behind on a napkin as if they fucking matter.

And, yes, like others have said, why wasn't that woman home making & serving that man a meal in his own house? Why were they even in a restaurant?

 

[CelticGoddess]

On October 18, 2016 at 8:51 PM, Fruitcake said:

And my first thought was, "Wonder if Lori is visiting the East Coast?"

http://www.foxcarolina.com/story/33412687/sc-waitress-heartbroken-after-receiving-tip-saying-a-womans-place-is-in-the-home

This attitude is prevalent in the upstate of SC.  I worked with a  hag who would come into the store and loudly proclaim how "christian" she was because she didn't work on Sundays.  We all pointed out that if people like her didn't go shopping on sundays, then we wouldn't have to work.  And isn't it hypocritical to go shopping on sundays if you believe that no one should work?

I have also heard people say that NO ONE should work on sundays, while they are visiting their friends/family in the hospital.  There is a large amount of cognitive dissonance going on with a lot of people.  They have this narrow view of the world, that applies only to them. (It's okay if WE go out and shop or eat on sundays, but it's not okay for anyone else to work/eat/dine on sundays.  It's okay for my wife to have a day off from working int he kitchen but it's not okay for any other woman around).

There are some seriously judgmental people around here (Home of BJU) but the judgement NEVER applies to them.

 

[Anonymousguest]

52 minutes ago, CelticGoddess said:

This attitude is prevalent in the upstate of SC.  I worked with a  hag who would come into the store and loudly proclaim how "christian" she was because she didn't work on Sundays.  We all pointed out that if people like her didn't go shopping on sundays, then we wouldn't have to work.  And isn't it hypocritical to go shopping on sundays if you believe that no one should work?

I have also heard people say that NO ONE should work on sundays, while they are visiting their friends/family in the hospital.  There is a large amount of cognitive dissonance going on with a lot of people.  They have this narrow view of the world, that applies only to them. (It's okay if WE go out and shop or eat on sundays, but it's not okay for anyone else to work/eat/dine on sundays.  It's okay for my wife to have a day off from working int he kitchen but it's not okay for any other woman around).

There are some seriously judgmental people around here (Home of BJU) but the judgement NEVER applies to them.

 

Yep. I know people who won't shop, east out, etc on Sundays because they believe that. But I've heard way more who won't work on Sundays, but will go out to eat, shop, buy gas, etc. I even had discussions with people coming into the restaurant after church on Sundays (HUGE after church crowds at the family steak house!) Some may have felt mildly guilty or hypocritical, but I guess a rest day for mom won out. 

[PopRox]

Mr. Poprox and I just returned from lunch at a restaurant where we got TERRIBLE service. What was supposed to be a fun afternoon out ended up being an exercise in frustration... but we still tipped 20%. Because not tipping/denying someone their wages is WRONG.

Common decency, people. It's not hard.

[JMarie]

Really hope the note writer isn't planning on homeschooling her little snowflakes.

[BlackberryGirl]

this infuriates me because repeatedly in the Bible people are warned against the sin of depriving a worker of their wages.  at one (or many) point it is the sin that cries out for vengeance.  How the hell do these pharisees, these whited sepulchers, reconcile their rotten behavior with  Biblical teachings? FFS I am an agnostic, and I know the Bible better than many of these  supposed Christians.

 

I waitressed for about 15 years. it's hard work, and yeah I had to keep a running tab of how much  I sold every night. Luckily I never worked anyplace where tips were split or shared to  non wait staff. My $$ was mine.

[nokidsmom]

On 10/22/2016 at 10:50 PM, Anonymousguest said:

Yep. I know people who won't shop, east out, etc on Sundays because they believe that. But I've heard way more who won't work on Sundays, but will go out to eat, shop, buy gas, etc. I even had discussions with people coming into the restaurant after church on Sundays (HUGE after church crowds at the family steak house!) Some may have felt mildly guilty or hypocritical, but I guess a rest day for mom won out. 

Along this same vein, when my mom became a nurse and started working full time at a hospital, she ran into a lot of questions from the resident Church Ladies about why she had to work Sundays or holidays.  Her answer was that "people don't stop being sick or needing surgery on Christmas".   

 

On 10/23/2016 at 3:38 PM, PopRox said:

Mr. Poprox and I just returned from lunch at a restaurant where we got TERRIBLE service. What was supposed to be a fun afternoon out ended up being an exercise in frustration... but we still tipped 20%. Because not tipping/denying someone their wages is WRONG.

Common decency, people. It's not hard.

We have always tipped even when we got bad service, the tip may be lower but never below 15%.  Only one time ever that we didn't tip......the service was close to nonexistent and what very little we got, was done with an overtly hostile attitude

ETA:  On the fence myself over whether note was real or not, however one thing is that I would not be "heartbroken" over getting such a note IRL, I would be hopping mad and more than willing to out the jackass who left it.      

[smittykins]

I remember reading a while ago that official Catholic policy is that you're not supposed to work on Sunday unless it's for the good of the community(doctors/nurses, emergency services, etc.)or it's absolutely necessary for you to make ends meet.  Of course, don't hesitate to correct me.

[nokidsmom]

8 minutes ago, smittykins said:

I remember reading a while ago that official Catholic policy is that you're not supposed to work on Sunday unless it's for the good of the community(doctors/nurses, emergency services, etc.)or it's absolutely necessary for you to make ends meet.  Of course, don't hesitate to correct me.

Not Catholic but ELCA Lutheran here.   Not aware of anything prohibiting working on Sundays and exceptions to it (maybe there was, but no one officially got grief about it  that I know of, pastor didn't seem to care) but that didn't stop the Church Ladies from clutching their pearls when Mom had to drop out of several church activities due to her job and didn't show up every Sunday. 

[Toothfairy]

Why did she eat out? 

Wonder how she feels about female doctors and nurses.

[alba]

A friend of mine cites 'church people' as the number one reason she doesn't attend anymore. Things these church people (Calvinist Reformed) have done to offend her include giving her mother grief for working on a Sunday. Her mother's response was that if God saw fit to give her a job that was safe and secure and helped her provide for her amily she sure as hell wasn't going to bitch about it including Sunday mornings.

[louisa05]

On 10/26/2016 at 11:45 AM, smittykins said:

I remember reading a while ago that official Catholic policy is that you're not supposed to work on Sunday unless it's for the good of the community(doctors/nurses, emergency services, etc.)or it's absolutely necessary for you to make ends meet.  Of course, don't hesitate to correct me.

That is what I have always understood it to be as well. If it is possible for you to not work, you should not. As a teacher, I started in the last few years trying to not grade or plan on Sundays when possible--just to give myself a day off more than anything. Sometimes that wasn't possible--if my Saturday was taken up with speech or drama, then work still had to be done on Sunday. 

[lilwriter85]

On 10/26/2016 at 10:45 AM, smittykins said:

I remember reading a while ago that official Catholic policy is that you're not supposed to work on Sunday unless it's for the good of the community(doctors/nurses, emergency services, etc.)or it's absolutely necessary for you to make ends meet.  Of course, don't hesitate to correct me.

 

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

That is what I have always understood it to be as well. If it is possible for you to not work, you should not. As a teacher, I started in the last few years trying to not grade or plan on Sundays when possible--just to give myself a day off more than anything. Sometimes that wasn't possible--if my Saturday was taken up with speech or drama, then work still had to be done on Sunday. 

When I took confirmation classes as a teen, the teachers and the priest said the same things regarding working on Sundays.