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One of Hellena's twins has leukemia


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13 hours ago, formergothardite said:

I have been a bit harsh on you in the past, but I can say that it is clear you have children because you love children. You can tell that you actually LIKE  your children. So many people we discuss here seem to despise their children. I would send the Jill Rod. children to spend a month with you. No toddlers/preschoolers being locked in cages, no being forced to raise siblings while Mother Dearest takes pictures of herself, no being forced to literally sing for their supper, getting to run and play without being concerned they have messed up their hair and make up. A month with you would be pure heaven for those poor neglected children. 

Thanks for your honesty and feedback, and if that's the thing that stands out for you about me, then I'm very glad :) I know I'm easy to disagree with, hell, I think I maybe know more than a lot of other people, how hard it is to go against conventional flows.  Believe me, if I really believed that I'd be doing my family a favour, I'd be almost relieved to just go to work, pay the bills, send them to school, and do it all like so many other people do.  But my life experience has gifted/slapped me around, with seeing the pristine exteriors and seedy underbellies of so many 'scene's' by now.  And my first daughters experience through schools, along with my first homebirth, which I've never reallywritten about, because the midwives gave me no post natal care at all, and I had post natal depression, and we experienced the antithesis of bonding.........and then healed that completely with my second home birth where we focused on bonding, are experiences that have shaped my parenting.  Not to mention the examples you mention from my childhood religion, where children were expected to be 'little mothers' like I was, and kept from EVERYTHING interesting.  I'm just trying to do the very best I can with the information and experiences I've been given, like everyone else.  But I'm glad that the love comes across :)

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9 hours ago, Seren Ann said:

I have to say that I really admire how free you are and how you live the way you want without caring about judgement. I feel trapped in my current life so I guess it amazes me a bit to see someone daring to be so unapologetic about living her life her way. And I'm very much in the minority here but I'm interested in homebirth and thought your birth experiences were very interesting and cool. Thank you for sharing.

I know this is a bit off-topic but I am interested in your experiences with Steiner schools. My great-grandmother was one of Steiner's first followers in England. She poured all the money she had into founding a school there and then taught there all her life. Much of that side of my family was educated in that school. I only knew of positive things about it and some of the Steiner atmosphere is very familiar to me. Then recently I learned that in France Steiner schools are on the watchlist for cults ! So I am interested in learning what the experience is really like and what the negatives of Steiner schooling are.

  I wish I could say this is a totally natural way for me to be, but I'd be lying :)  It may look from the outside like I'm living how I want without caring, but in reality I've cared far too much about other people's opinions of me.  It ruled my life.  And was almost crippling.  So crippling that the only way out was through it.  Facing fears of other people not liking me, and doing things other than what I was told to do, and of conflict.  The only way out I saw, was to try and be honest about who I REALLY was, and not be the hypocrisy I seemed to see all around me.  I also had the experience of being a mormon in the Blue Mountains in the eighties, when they were viewed as a wierd cult.  So in a funny way, sticking out became my comfort zone.  It was as hard for me to fit in, as it is for others to stick out.  I had to do it for a while, cut my hair, wore normal clothes, and ran with the normal pack.  Just to get over my fears.  And then when I'd made the grade, and blended totally with my TAFE course buddies, one of them got all racist, and another started bagging out lesbians, and I had to out myself as different to them after all, and they loved me for it!  So I just decided to be what was comfortable for me, which is pretty much how I am now.  And homebirthing is a whole other world.  Lots of seamy underbellies in that one too.  Thank you for digging it and being brave enough to be in the minority on that one!

  In respectful memory of your great-grandmother and family experiences, I've heard marvelous things about Steiner education in other countries, but in Australia it's a bit of a different story.  Just like the mormon religion I grew up in, it seemed that the center of the church - America - was far more fluid and changing to keep up with the times, and more permissive in many ways, than the outpost of Australia, that left to it's own devices, became more rigid, sanctimonious, and uncompromising.  It seems the same kind of thing happened in the Australian Steiner community, and I heard a story that a delegation of Steiner teachers was doing a world tour of Steiner schools, and when they'd spent some time in Mt Barker, South Australia, where most of our experiences took place, they left saying "The wars over guys!"  Because of how we look, we've often been accepted into Steiner circles, and in my experience, that spans South Australia, the Northern Territory, New South Wales and Victoria.........and there's been some disturbing traits.  They're far more conservative and conventional than the hippie exteriors suggest, and not many people realise that there is a lot of christianity threaded throughout school life, and they always have a church associated with the school, that is kept very hush hush.  I've witnessed many cult like traits that totally set off my cult bait alarm bells!  But how much time have you got? :)

I'm probably oversharing now......

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So the shopping trolley.  We were staying in Ronald MacDonald house across the road from the hospital, and the only place to get the foods that Merlin was craving on steroids, which totally changes their taste buds, was about a kilometer away.  And he really wanted to go for an outing.  He was not neutropenic at the time, so going out in the fresh air was fine.  Currawong and all the kids and our pram was 2 and a half hours away, but he was going to be there soon enough that buying a new pram was silly.  And there were no spare wheelchairs at the hospital.  I carried him there and back the first time, which totally did my back and knee in, but the second time I took a shopping trolley that had been abandoned nearby, and took it back to the supermarket, with Merlin sitting in the bottom, on a quilt and a cushion, and with hand sanitiser on board.  I didn't let him touch the trolley apart from where it was already covered with furnishings, and thought I'd wombled out pretty well. 

Hope this sheds some light on the shopping trolley debacle :)

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In a perfect world, there should have been a spare wheelchair or support staff to watch him for a few moments while you were away. You did the best you could at the time with the resources you had, and all so that he could be comforted by his favorite foods. I say good on you for creativity and mothering 

When you talk about the self-hatred you had, it makes my heart go out to you. I still struggle with this, and I think a lot of other women do too.    

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@Hellena Post Thank you. What you say about there being no way out but through is interesting. I have to work up the courage to go for it now ^^'

I've looked into Steiner philosophy (Anthroposophy) a bit more since my post and it does seem very cult-like. Some very harmful beliefs in there. Racism and bullying seem to be a problem. Also, if a school has survivor groups on the internet, that's a very bad sign ! Sadly I think there are problems with Steiner schools in other countries too, it seems the core philosophy is rotten. So don't worry, if there is negative stuff, I can hear it :) 

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Keeping Merlin and your entire family in my thoughts, @Hellena Post. Thank you for registering and having this conversation with us; it's been nice to get to know you.

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Hi, @Hellena Post! I was actually wondering yesterday how Merlin was doing, checked your blog, and checked back in this thread. I'm glad you're here! Your lifestyle may not be my cup of tea (and I'm sure mine isn't yours, either!), but I admire your courage in living the way you want to. I caught hell several years ago for quitting religion & allowing my kids to make their own decisions about it (they are both agnstic/atheist now), and also for supporting my gender-fluid kid unconditionally. Probably not a big deal in your world, but in conservative Christian-dominated South Carolina, I may as well have been a full-on off-the-grid hippie.
And you don't beat your kids and teach them to hate, so that's a plus. Good luck to Merlin and the rest of you. I'll keep you in my thoughts. 

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On 17/05/2017 at 0:49 PM, ViolaSebastian said:

When you talk about the self-hatred you had, it makes my heart go out to you. I still struggle with this, and I think a lot of other women do too.    

This just makes me want to tell you the story about when I decided to be beautiful.  I know self esteem is about more than beauty, but feeling good about how you look certainly helps.

We ran this market back in South Australia, the second ever Farmers Market in the country, and about 2 years into it, we were hanging out at the end of the market, like we always did, and there were these five women there, who were absolutely drop dead gorgeous.  As in, you'd see them on the cover of a magazine and not be surprised.  For some reason I was taken with the idea of asking them all individually, if THEY thought they were as beautiful as other people did.  And not a single one of them did.  They all told me about their flaws, and how they thought they were actually quite ugly.  There was one woman who would really get angry at people taking photos of her, because she was so un-photogenic, and she was this gorgeous dark haired willowy queen. 

I realised in that moment, that if THEY couldn't get there with feeling good about how they presented in the world, I was NEVER gonna get there by ordinary means, so I'd just cut to the chase and decide I was beautiful.  Even if I had to fake it to make it :)  Which I did <3

Feeling good about who I was as a human took a bit longer, and a bit more life experience and learning and listening.  I thought I was the most boring and unworldly person in the world for a long time.  And as shit at everything as my family, religion and schooling had told me. 

That all being said, I don't think there's many people who don't suffer from low self esteem in our western world.  Even if it's secretly. 

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  • 8 months later...

I've only just heard about - and read the posts from -  your visit, Hellena, but I'm hoping you are still getting notifications, and that Merlin is still doing well.

 

I was just wondering if you are related to Su-ann Post, the comedian?  I was a big fan of hers, several years go.

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  • 2 years later...
On 1/28/2018 at 6:53 PM, truthseeker said:

I've only just heard about - and read the posts from -  your visit, Hellena, but I'm hoping you are still getting notifications, and that Merlin is still doing well.

 

I was just wondering if you are related to Su-ann Post, the comedian?  I was a big fan of hers, several years go.

Unfortunately yes, she’s my sister.  Loved her dearly until she stopped talking to me.  It was quite ironic, because many people thought of her as the queen of dealing with incest, but the incest her career is based on was all about our stepfather.  When I told her that I’d had body memories of being sexually abused by our father at 2, she gave me the worst reaction possible.  Told me it wasn’t true, I was making it up to be like her, and that there was no way it could have happened.  And has refused to talk to me ever since.  That was like 22 years ago now.  Missed her a long time, but now I’m just pissed off at the waste of it all.  Anyway, long and sad and sordid story.  
 

Hi again!  Did you miss me? ?

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30 minutes ago, Hellena Post said:

Hi again!  Did you miss me? ?

I haven’t read much about your story, but based on the above yes. Yes we did. 

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Hello Hellena,

How is your son doing? We all worried about him. Hope your family is keeping  well?

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7 hours ago, Hellena Post said:

Hi again!  Did you miss me? ?

Yes.   :)

Although I do sometimes check out your public Facebook.  Your fibre art installation last year looked pretty fantastic from the pictures on Facebook.  It sounds as though it was a big success.  Did you ever follow through on doing spontaneous pop up installations in Brisbane?

7 hours ago, Hellena Post said:

Told me it wasn’t true, I was making it up to be like her, and that there was no way it could have happened.  And has refused to talk to me ever since.  That was like 22 years ago now.  Missed her a long time, but now I’m just pissed off at the waste of it all.  Anyway, long and sad and sordid story.  

That is so sad.  But not uncommon, I'm afraid.

And how is the family?

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We’re all well and happy.  Merlin finished treatment last year and rang the bell, and is now so healthy and happy that you wouldn’t know he had ever been otherwise!  And only just last month made the huge and tiny move back into a shared bedroom with the other boys, after needing to sleep near us and check on us regularly for the entire time since diagnosis.  
 

Griff’s apprenticeship is going great guns, he’s basically running the whole workshop and his boss adores him and he loves going to TAFE too.  
 

Lil has left school to volunteer at the RSPCA and do animal studies at TAFE.

 

Spiral is still loving school.

 

We’ve been adopted by the three grannies, two grampies, and their two grandchildren two doors down, and our little boys and them are inseparable and go on lots of granny led adventures.

 

And we’re creating an urban farm where we’ve been living the last year and a half, got a huge block, solar panels, rainwater tanks, dog, three cats, two snakes, three fish, four hens and two chicks with more on the way if Lilly has anything to do with it.  Putting a #Food Is Free garden out the front, and about to gain access to the back where I can set up my studio and make a fibre playground.  
 

I’m totally over hippies after recent experiences.  And we rescued a lad from the Jehovahs Witnesses, after they treated him truly terribly .  
 

That’s about all our news ?. How are you mob doing?

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Hi, @Hellena Post! It's great to see you back! I'm so glad things are going so great & everyone is doing well.

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Glad things are going well for you and your family! 

Have you heard anything from Lauren from Sparkling Adventures? She seems to have fallen off the map, internet-wise. 

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Hellena, it’s so great to hear from you and especially with such a fantastic update. I’m so glad Merlin is doing well.

No real updates from me - I’m further south of you and it’s been bitterly cold. I’m already sick of winter and it hasn’t even started yet haha. We’ve taken a pummelling here with the drought and fires, and now the virus. Looking forward to life getting back to normal, whatever normal is.

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On 5/24/2020 at 11:11 PM, Hellena Post said:

Unfortunately yes, she’s my sister.  Loved her dearly until she stopped talking to me.  It was quite ironic, because many people thought of her as the queen of dealing with incest, but the incest her career is based on was all about our stepfather.  When I told her that I’d had body memories of being sexually abused by our father at 2, she gave me the worst reaction possible.  Told me it wasn’t true, I was making it up to be like her, and that there was no way it could have happened.  And has refused to talk to me ever since.  That was like 22 years ago now.  Missed her a long time, but now I’m just pissed off at the waste of it all.  Anyway, long and sad and sordid story.  
 

Hi again!  Did you miss me? ?

Lovely to hear from you again, and so glad to hear that Merlin is doing well, along with his siblings.  How are you doing, yourself? Hope there's not too much residual anxiety after such a traumatic time.

That's sad about Su-ann, and even more so about your experiences with your father.  I'm sorry you went though both of those traumas.  What a strong woman you've had to be.

Anyway - best of luck with the farm etc.  A fibre playground sounds like fun. I still smile over the sextapusses (sorry - know that's not right, but you'll know what I mean) :)

 

Not been a barrel of laughs with one of mine.  My son has had a very tough time with mental health, and - now we know - drugs, when he went overseas to study.  Didn't kill him, thankfully, and he's out of it all now, but still living OS.  Enormous learning curve for us, but hopefully opening things up for more honest and loving communication.  Fingers crossed. Who knew how the stress wouldn't end when they 'grew up'?

 

 

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On 5/25/2020 at 6:39 AM, Hellena Post said:

 

I’m totally over hippies after recent experiences.  And we rescued a lad from the Jehovahs Witnesses, after they treated him truly terribly .  
 

 

Also - well done, and thank you.  Poor kid. :(

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 5/25/2020 at 8:12 AM, anjulibai said:

Have you heard anything from Lauren from Sparkling Adventures? She seems to have fallen off the map, internet-wise. 

I answered this question on the thread called Hellena Update, and it went something like this.....

"She's made the rather wise choice of removing herself from the interwebs altogether after her vicious trolling that never left her alone.  And I really don't want to answer any questions about her and her family out of respect for her decision, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind me saying that her and the girls are in just about the best ever place that I could imagine, and it's like she's traded her rather amazing online life (before it was tarnished by hate) for a real life and community that love and support her and the girls, and they're going from strength to strength to strength.  A full and gorgeous life is being lived by all "

On 5/25/2020 at 8:23 AM, adidas said:

 

No real updates from me - I’m further south of you and it’s been bitterly cold. I’m already sick of winter and it hasn’t even started yet haha. We’ve taken a pummelling here with the drought and fires, and now the virus. Looking forward to life getting back to normal, whatever normal is.

Going through menopause, so winter couldn't come quick enough over here!  But I can dig your sentiment.  And I'm so sorry.  Drought is INTENSE, and those fires were HORRIFIC (while the Prime Sinister was on holiday in Hawaii), and hasn't it all been strange and confusing lately?  My heart hurts for this country though.  Not just drought and fire, but all the millions of animals lost, and now the forests that are left are under attack and they're trying to log them?!?!?!?!?!  Our poor poor country.......

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On 5/26/2020 at 10:29 PM, truthseeker said:

Lovely to hear from you again, and so glad to hear that Merlin is doing well, along with his siblings.  How are you doing, yourself? Hope there's not too much residual anxiety after such a traumatic time.

That's sad about Su-ann, and even more so about your experiences with your father.  I'm sorry you went though both of those traumas.  What a strong woman you've had to be.

Anyway - best of luck with the farm etc.  A fibre playground sounds like fun. I still smile over the sextapusses (sorry - know that's not right, but you'll know what I mean) :)

 

Not been a barrel of laughs with one of mine.  My son has had a very tough time with mental health, and - now we know - drugs, when he went overseas to study.  Didn't kill him, thankfully, and he's out of it all now, but still living OS.  Enormous learning curve for us, but hopefully opening things up for more honest and loving communication.  Fingers crossed. Who knew how the stress wouldn't end when they 'grew up'?

 

 

Very kind of you to notice all the things you did.  You must have a lot of empathy :)  Definitely residual anxiety going on, triggered instantly by anyone seeming even remotely sick.  Understandable I guess. 

And if you think the sextapusses are funny, you should check out the Willy Pilly!!

I've heard older parents saying it for years, but I didn't really believe them, the younger years with children are an absolute breeze, compared to what they get up to as teens and adults!!!  We've been on a helluva ride since Griff and Lilly hit the city and their teens!  It's all good now, but was a bit scary for a while there when we didn't know exactly what was going on, and felt like alien pod people had invaded their bodies and we were living with strangers. 

The saddest thing about joining 'normal' (whatever that means)  society, has been realising how much pain happens behind closed doors.  Our big kids always thought we were kinda daggy, but given the perspective of all the kids they've met at school and the rest of it, they think we're actually cool now, and have both told us that they were grateful for the different way we brought them up. 

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Glad to hear the good news about your child, Hellena, and about Lauren and her children. Wishing you all health and happiness.

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3 hours ago, Hellena Post said:

I've heard older parents saying it for years, but I didn't really believe them, the younger years with children are an absolute breeze, compared to what they get up to as teens and adults!!!

So true -- more work when they're little but more worry when they're bigger. It can be so hard.

Thanks for stopping by @Hellena Post and giving us an update. I'm glad that you're all doing well.

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