S'morton Bret Alan Smith Jailed (2)

[Jucifer]

7 hours ago, picklepizzas said:

Also - are any of the adopted kids married yet? 

 

In related news, in the competition for Most Depressing Fundie IG of the Week, i would like to submit martha's post from yesterday: she posted an ode to kressant that included 'thanks for teaching me it was fun to wash dishes, and clean bathrooms'.  it's like you can almost see this moment in time where a pre-teen martha was beginning to sense this whole thing was BS and maybe she wanted more from life than housework...but then SNAP she was reprogrammed and now DISHES ARE FUN! 

Makes me think of the whitewashing the fence episode in the book Tom Sawyer. 

[NachosFlandersStyle]

2 hours ago, Jucifer said:

I'm having a hard time believing this isn't some sort of elaborate performance art project. It's too perfect. :/

 

 

It seriously looks like a Tim and Eric sketch. I lost it when they superimposed the kids playing instruments over the video of their jazzy dance moves.

Also, were those pictures of the Smith parents' wedding? Did they used to be Catholic? Gasp!

21 hours ago, Letgo said:

Can someone please tell me what verse in the Bible promises a touch of heaven in the home? I want to print it and frame it for my own home. I can put it above the photos I'll be taking of my children with their automatic weapons.

Not just holding them, but using them as dance props while dressed in sailor outfits!

[Jucifer]

16 minutes ago, NachosFlandersStyle said:

It seriously looks like a Tim and Eric sketch. I lost it when they superimposed the kids playing instruments over the video of their jazzy dance moves.

I know, right?  That was the best part!

[Grimalkin]

@cami that was a glorious find! I laughed. Alan was quite enthusiastically participating. This paints such a picture. You realize Captain wrote and choreographed this number, starring himself. He edited it lovingly, and put his time and effort into this. I think it says a lot about this patriarch.

     He is pathetic. Looks like he may get his five minutes of fame......just not the way he wanted it.

[RosyDaisy]

When will I learn to not click on fundie music video links. That was awful.

[Four is Enough]

1 hour ago, RosyDaisy said:

When will I learn to not click on fundie music video links. That was awful.

It kind of makes me want to see if there are more out there... just because this is like Fundy MTV..

[Peas n carrots]

That video was so beautifully "da fuq?" I'm speechless. I couldn't get the sound on my phone to work and I'm not sure if that made it more bizarre or not.

[Queen Of Hearts]

17 hours ago, church_of_dog said:

Just watched the last part of the video.   The music -- melody and chords -- have a Jimmy Buffett flavor to them.  I cringe to think that's who he thinks he's emulating here, at least musically (obviously not the lyrics, nor the dancing).

My apologies to Jimmy Buffett for the thought!

No, no, NO... just NO!  Do not ever dare to compare that musical monstrosity to anything Jimmy Buffet.  There is no similarity at all.

Signed,

A Parrot Head

 

Fins up!

 

   

[Lurky]

18 hours ago, SparkleMomma said:

I just watched that video. Is this real life? Those poor kids. Well, besides Alan, fuck him. Captain Bret is... Interesting. That's the nicest thing I could say. Did they use to have different modesty standards? I'm surprised the girls were in pants and tight, sleeveless tops. Or is this a "costume" (like the duggars did for the kirk Cameron movie)? 

I feel really guilty snarking on that video in a thread about domestic horrors.... But I can't help myself.

What I'm wondering is how the Mortons, with their very specific dancing standards (Only married couples slow dancing, only dancing things like the Austen-esque things, or country dances, and with their very strict modesty standards got involved with the Smiths?

Watching those poor poor girls doing that awkward dancing, it reminded me of teenage embarrassment - and they're stiff and joyless, but them, would they even have seen any of the pop videos that's trying to mimic?  The poor thin littlest girl, clearly being told to SMILE! every now and then.

I have watched a few of the Captain's videos, and the saddest thing is, that one has three hundred and something views and I bet 200 or so are us!  What are they even for?  Why the cosplay uniform?  What on earth pushed him into this extreme Fundie life?  It just feels like he could have gone down the secular, Am-Dram route, still been a conservative Christian, but had an outlet for wanting to be a star...

(Makes me think of all the "shows" and dancing that my kind-of-stepsister and I did, and how glad I am YouTube wasn;'t a THING then!)

[Grimalkin]

11 hours ago, RosyDaisy said:

When will I learn to not click on fundie music video links. That was awful.

      I honestly loved it and it was the funniest thing I have seen today. I will likely watch it again today because I need a good laugh. I had a terrible day.

[Grimalkin]

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

 

 

[nelliebelle1197]

On 8/10/2016 at 10:10 AM, Four is Enough said:

You know, since Katie was never allowed to learn anything that would make her independent of her family/husband, does she even know how to handle money? Perhaps the Gofundme will be regulated by another male standing in for her husband.. a very yucky idea, in my head, but.. the way they'll maintain control over her and the children.

I hope Katie does not use the money from the sale of their house to fund Alan's defense. I cannot believe it is already for sale.

[Ms Lucy Fur]

On August 11, 2016 at 6:04 PM, Jucifer said:

I'm having a hard time believing this isn't some sort of elaborate performance art project. It's too perfect. :/

The captain has all the talent and charisma of Larry 'Bud' Melman (remember him?).  The children dance with the grace of hostages at gunpoint. Maybe that's what all those guns were for...

Also, the bullshit captain's uniform makes me think of L. Ron Hubbard. 

Ugh!!!

 

 

Larry 'Bud' Melman.  Ha! I almost choked when I read that. Yes! That's it. 

[cami]

7 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

I hope Katie does not use the money from the sale of their house to fund Alan's defense. I cannot believe it is already for sale.

Was it listed before or after his arrest ?

[JustAnotherMaiden]

4 hours ago, cami said:

Was it listed before or after his arrest ?

It's not Alan and Katie's house, it's Bret Sr and Jacqueline Smith's house in Griffin. They bought a large old house in Ashburn that they were fixing up and planning to move into once the Griffin house sold. Alan and Katie were already living in a part of the Ashburn house but they weren't owners. 

[colder by the lake]

On 8/11/2016 at 11:26 AM, Letgo said:

I wondered about the adoptions, too. Who in the world allowed them to adopt?! How did they pass a home inspection?

Captain Bret believes that if you live the right way you won't be barren. So what happened to end the string of bio kids? Sin in the camp? Shouldn't there be lots more of them, living right and all? Is their touch of heaven much smaller for some reason? Just how many children do the Smith's have?

The Smith's were one of the first fundie families I followed.  Here's what I have in some notes for their children -- other FJers may have more complete info:

Biological Children: current age in parentheses
(Bret) Alan  - sometimes called Charlie in old blog posts (33)
Kressant (29)
Rachel (27)
Bethany (25)

Adopted from Kazakhstan:
Armando (19) - adopted sometime before September 2005 (start of the Smithfamilia blog)
Yerik (Yuchi) (14) - adopted sometime before September 2005

Adopted from Latvia:
Madara Louise (20) - adopted at 11 by Spring 2007 (she came to the US first and then her brothers came later that year)
Wallace Ivo  (17) - adopted at 8 in 2007
Joshua Madeks (14) - adopted at 5 in 2007
Ronald Madisen (13) - adopted at 4 in 2007
Daniel Gavido (11) - adopted at 2 in 2007

Adopted from the US:
Sitara Grace (13) - adopted at 7 in Spring 2010

[DaisyD]

Are the ones from Latvia biological siblings or did they go to Latvia and just round up a bunch of kids to bring home? 

[colder by the lake]

4 minutes ago, daisyd681 said:

Are the ones from Latvia biological siblings or did they go to Latvia and just round up a bunch of kids to bring home? 

I am pretty sure they are all siblings.  Madi (Madara) is definitely the oldest bio sister to at least some of the boys -- if not all of them.

[fundiefan]

Wow. That's some pretty detailed knowledge. I thought I knew a lot, but I don't have records, just years of reading. 

I will always feel very sad for the adopted Smith children. For all life threw at them to be up for adoption in the first place, then to end up with the self styled captain as their father...if there is a god, he or she must have a serious plan for those poor ones. 

[nelliebelle1197]

@cami Good thought- I looked and it appears the house has been for sale forever. I am thinking it is a rental.

21 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

      I honestly loved it and it was the funniest thing I have seen today. I will likely watch it again today because I need a good laugh. I had a terrible day.

I watched it 3 times.

On 8/11/2016 at 1:09 PM, picklepizzas said:

Also - are any of the adopted kids married yet? 

 

In related news, in the competition for Most Depressing Fundie IG of the Week, i would like to submit martha's post from yesterday: she posted an ode to kressant that included 'thanks for teaching me it was fun to wash dishes, and clean bathrooms'.  it's like you can almost see this moment in time where a pre-teen martha was beginning to sense this whole thing was BS and maybe she wanted more from life than housework...but then SNAP she was reprogrammed and now DISHES ARE FUN!

I am honestly not sure Marth is sharp enough to have any sort revelations outside of what she was taught. She and Katie have always seemed a little dim. Darth and Addie have a bit more spark, I think.

 

My Poor Addie. This mess puts any chance of courtship for her back on the backburner.

[picklepizzas]

1 hour ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

@cami Good thought- I looked and it appears the house has been for sale forever. I am thinking it is a rental.

I watched it 3 times.

I am honestly not sure Marth is sharp enough to have any sort revelations outside of what she was taught. She and Katie have always seemed a little dim. Darth and Addie have a bit more spark, I think.

 

My Poor Addie. This mess puts any chance of courtship for her back on the backburner.

I am also so worried for Addie, and how this will affect her future. She and Jana are the ones I worry for (I don't worry for Sarah maxwell, I just grieve). 

And @colder by the lake I wanted to thank you so much for that run down of the smith children!! I went to their old blog to try and figure it out and was overwhelmed. I've done the deep dive into the Morton blog but the read-through of most of the old sanders and smiths blogs is still on my Fundie reading wish list. 

[nelliebelle1197]

So reading through Captn Bret's FB page, I did not realize they had moved so close to me. They whole crew is in Griffin, which is way too close for comfort. Why did they leave Moultrie? And Bret had a heart attack

[Grimalkin]

12 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

So reading through Captn Bret's FB page, I did not realize they had moved so close to me. They whole crew is in Griffin, which is way too close for comfort. Why did they leave Moultrie? And Bret had a heart attack

    Does he use Captain in his FB page? 

Im sure he probably does. I will look later. So much to catch up on and so little time. I need to sleep too.

[lexiloumarie]

19 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

So reading through Captn Bret's FB page, I did not realize they had moved so close to me. They whole crew is in Griffin, which is way too close for comfort. Why did they leave Moultrie? And Bret had a heart attack

They've been in the Griffin area as long as I followed them. The Mortons were in Moultrie. They never churched together for all of the intermarriage and social stuff.

 

None of the adopted kids are married or have courted yet. Madi will probably be first - but only when Sitara can do the cooking for Jackie. Thats what Beth had to wait for.

[Pianokeeper]

Wait, is the elder Bret a flight traffic controller at Hartsfield?! Surely not. SURELY.