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Florida Man Second Amendmented a toilet

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A man from St. Petersburg, Florida, shocked his roommate Saturday when he fired a gun inside their house and shattered a toilet.

Police said the bullet tore through numerous walls before it destroyed the porcelain throne, local station WTSP reported Sunday. Police arrested Ryan Rawson Montgomery, 40, who, according to an affidavit, claimed he was playing with the gun when it unexpectedly discharged.

After the incident, Montgomery tossed the gun in an area of water nearby. A visitor, Sheryl Jackson, 64, took the bullet, later telling police she wanted to hide it.

Police charged both Jackson and Montgomery with tampering with physical evidence. Also charged with culpable negligence and violating probation in Charlotte County, Montgomery is being held on a bail of $2,250. Jackson was released on a $2,000 bail, WTSP reported.

 

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(You KNOW what state) man who bought a private island was busted for stealing from a Mart of K days later.

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A week after paying $8 million for a private island in the Florida Keys, a real estate developer was arrested for stealing $300 in merchandise from a department store, police report.

Andrew Lippi, 59, was busted Saturday on a felony grand theft rap for allegedly swiping coffeemakers, linen, and light bulbs from a Kmart in Key West.

According to a Key West Police Department report, Lippi purchased the household goods and then returned the items to Kmart, where employees discovered that the boxes no longer contained the new items..

Lippi’s bust came days after he closed on the $8 million purchase of Thompson Island, a gated island adjacent to Key West.

 

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13 hours ago, Howl said:

This is what makes me love twitter with all my heart

 

I for one welcome our new testudine overlords.  (Except of course for Mitch McFuckstick).

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Florida Women busted air drying themselves in public

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Three naked women fresh from the shower at a Florida rest area told cops they were “air drying” in public when spotted by a witness who called 911, precipitating high-speed chases that resulted in the trio’s arrest on multiple felony charges.

The witness, cops say, reported that the women were at an Interstate 75 rest stop Wednesday morning, and that “all three of them” were “standing in the nude putting on suntan lotion.”

When a Florida Highway Patrol trooper arrived at the rest stop, the naked women explained that they had simply been “air drying” in the nude after showering. Before the cop could complete her investigation, however, the trio jumped into their Nissan Sentra and drove off on the highway.

The car was subsequently tracked to the parking lot of a convenience store that the trio--now apparently clothed--had entered. When a trooper sought to arrest one of the women leaving the store, the driver of the Nissan allegedly tried to strike him with the vehicle.

Gets crazier from there.

Gonna jump out on the ol' limb here and guess either drugs or alcohol were involved.

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Every time I look at this thread, I picture all of the perpetrators in an old-fashioned museum diorama. Someone really needs to open a museum and build some -- Florida Man in his natural habitat.

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2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Every time I look at this thread, I picture all of the perpetrators in an old-fashioned museum diorama. Someone really needs to open a museum and build some -- Florida Man in his natural habitat.

They could start with this guy.

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While not illegal for an Olive Garden enthusiast to dine while “not wearing a shirt...and shoveling spaghetti into his mouth using his hands,” a Florida Man was collared Sunday after drunkenly causing a disturbance at the popular Italian food joint.

Cops allege that Ben Padgett, 32, badgered Olive Garden patrons for money and yelled "various expletives" inside the Naples hotspot. Padgett, who smelled of alcohol, was tucking into some pasta while seated on a bench outside the eatery when police arrived.

Padgett is being held in the Collier County jail in lieu of $3500. He has been ordered to stay away from Olive Garden (seen below), where you’re only considered family if you use utensils and wear a shirt.

 

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I didn't read the article to see if this was Florida Man™ 's fault, but this (morbidly) had me cracking up.... I think because of the photo they chose on CNN.com :

image.png.b1b41ffccdf3285912fdeea935662a52.png

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Florida Man decided to do a little song for his neighbor

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A retiree was arrested after serenading a female neighbor with an original song that referred to her as a “bitch” and a “witch,” according to Florida court records.

Police say Robert Mirabella, 62, played guitar and sang his original composition last Saturday morning while on the front porch of a residence in Wildwood, a city that includes portions of The Villages, the sprawling retirement community.

According to an arrest report, the female victim told police that she was “having ongoing issues” with her next-door neighbors, whom she accused of harassment.

The woman said she was sitting on her front porch when Mirabella “started to play the guitar and sing on the front porch” of the neighboring home. The woman heard Mirabella croon, “There is a neighbor who was a bitch” and “I see her now, she’s just a witch.”

What a gentleman.  As the great Ouiser Boudreaux said, I bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he drops a deuce in it.

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On 4/15/2019 at 11:48 PM, front hugs > duggs said:

I didn't read the article to see if this was Florida Man™ 's fault, but this (morbidly) had me cracking up.... I think because of the photo they chose on CNN.com :

image.png.b1b41ffccdf3285912fdeea935662a52.png

From the article he did have experience keeping exotic animals so more accidental death than fault. (He fell somehow, cassowary(s? He had two) killed him while he was down. I have some issues with articles refering to the cassowarys as pets though - cassowarys don't do 'pet' and are fairly dangerous animals to keep.

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Florida Man doesn't know enough to quit while he's behind.

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Jack Dylan Evans, 44, was arrested Wednesday afternoon for disorderly conduct at the Down the Hatch bar in Pinellas Park. Cops say Evans had been yelling obscenities in the bar and told the owner he wanted to have sex with her.

As Evans was being fingerprinted by technician Dena Pham, he allegedly “reached with his left hand down to the victim’s right buttocks area and rubbed the area.” Pham identified Evans “as the person who battered her,” and the incident was recorded by a surveillance camera, according to a criminal complaint.

Evans reportedly “stated that he touched the victim because he thought she was sexy.”

 

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I just starting subscribing to the Smithsonian magazine again.  On page two, there's an ad encouraging me enter "the undiscovered Florida sweepstakes." 

Before Florida Man, I'd be all like, "Whoa, sounds fun! Where do I sign up?"

Now I think about what "undiscovered Florida" might really mean and I'm sayin' "no way in hell."

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Or shall we call that individual Florida Bunny? (Could be a Florida Man or Woman in that suit, after all).

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Florida Man is in trouble for trying the Bourne Identity route when he was nabbed

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A Florida Man who was being investigated for causing a drunken disturbance yesterday at a public library was arrested after he gave cops a bogus social security number and a fake name--Jason Bourne.

Cops say that Jonathan Chapman, 45, was asked several times Tuesday afternoon to leave the Pinellas Park library, but he refused. Chapman, who was reportedly intoxicated and smelled of alcohol, was subsequently asked to identify himself by a patrolman.

Instead of providing his actual name, Chapman claimed to be Jason Bourne, the title character in a series of Robert Ludlum thrillers that were adapted for film (and which starred Matt Damon).

The Bourne identity, however, was fabricated.

 

Oh, and also, Florida Man!  The Card Game!

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Florida Man, notorious for his nutty and illicit adventures, is now a card game.

This Cards Against Humanity-style game uses headlines inspired by real Florida Man news stories and lets you fill in the blanks:

"Florida Man breaks into home, steals (blank), poops on (blank), and falls asleep on (blank)."

David Ritchie and Dave Piser, who co-own the comic book store Secret Headquarters in Los Angeles, created a Kickstarter page to raise money to produce the game. With a goal of $15,000, they have already raised over $11,000.

 

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35 minutes ago, 47of74 said:

LOL!

I'm NOT in Florida, but a local radio station morning show has a daily game called "It happened in Florida". They read the three craziest headlines they can find from around the world, and you have to guess which one happened in Florida. It's usually the craziest.

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Got some full on Florida bingo going here.  All we need is a Wal-Mart to make this complete.

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There’s a reason Felipe Oquendo allegedly stabbed his mattress with a bedpost Friday morning.

Deputies in Okaloosa County said the 37-year-old thought his girlfriend was cheating on him and was looking for her lover inside the bed.

They also said he admitted to smoking meth earlier in the day, so he was arrested and faces false imprisonment and drug possession charges.

 

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Florida Women find out the hard way flying drones over prisons is not cool.

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A mother-daughter duo who used a $4000 drone to drop a package of contraband behind the walls of a Florida prison will themselves serve time as a result of a felony plea deal struck with prosecutors, court records show.

Cassandra Kerr, 40, and Concetta Didiano, 22, this week each entered no contest pleas to introducing contraband into a state correctional institution, a felony carrying a maximum of five years in prison.

As part of a plea deal, Kerr and Didiano (pictured above) are expected to each receive six months in jail when they are sentenced in late-July. The pair will also have to pay court and prosecution costs, according to plea forms.

Kerr and Didiano were arrested in mid-December, shortly after Martin Correctional Institution (MCI) staffers spotted a drone hovering over the facility around 2 AM. Jailers were suspicious that the drone was “possibly delivering a package to the rooftop of one of the inmate housing facilities.”

 

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Oops, someone else posted the same Florida Man story attacking a mattress.

Edited by ADoyle90815
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