Jump to content
IGNORED

Daniel Staddon and Kathryn Neely: the most convoluted courtship story ever


usedbicycle

Recommended Posts

5 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

They did hold the congregation captive for way too long after the ceremony for yet another sermon, but why did the ushers have to dismiss them row by row?

Maybe somebody needed to wake them up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 481
  • Created
  • Last Reply
2 hours ago, usedbicycle said:

Is this supposed to be funny? 

 

Screen Shot 2016-07-17 at 10.59.35 AM.png

See, Jebus protected them!!! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

And it's really not that amazing that they waited to have sex. They've been together a whole 4 months maybe? And they aren't allowed to be alone. And they most likely don't spend all their time together since I don't think they live a short car trip away. So why is it so great that they waited 4 months of barely seeing one another? That seems really easy actually.

Yes! Although in my ex-church it is more like waiting 2-4 years to get married (and have sex), which is much better than just a few weeks or months, but it's still sad that they feel they can't have sex during that time even when they want to. These couples strive to know each other deeply on a psychological (mental) level before marriage, which is great, but not beyond kissing on a physical level, which is not-so-great. 

I had never ever heard of not even kissing or hugging (these deeply sinful front hugs) before marriage until I heard of the Duggars. These purity balls and daddie-daughter-purity-"weddings" (ick!) also seem to be mainly American things. (??) I sure hope they won't spread more than they've already! Although my Christian sister heard about side-hugging when her youth group went to the UK some years ago. Apparently it is called "Christian hugging" :bangheaddesk: 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's like helicopter parenting taken to a whole new level.  Daniel did seem to have a smidge more autonomy than Sara-Kathryn, in that he was free to contact her father and corresponded with him for all that time.  He didn't have to go through his father during the correspondence.

But with Sara-Kathryn (did she really go through with the name change?) the parents (namely the father) did more than just hover over her, ready to catch her should she look as if she might fall.  No, her father took over everything while she waited in her prayer closet and only emerged at his say-so.

A while back I read a blog by a married couple that was brought up fundie.  (I wish I could remember who they were!)  They went through the typical fundie courtship.  Once they were married, they realized that they didn't know how to make any sort of decision for themselves.  All of the decisions they needed to make about their lives, household, etc. were completely beyond them.  They'd never had to make a decision before and found themselves constantly turning to their parents for help.  The children are never really allowed to grow up.

 

Sad. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sure the entire congregation is used to sitting through long, long, loooooooong sermons.  I cannot believe how many little kids are sitting on the left side of the church.  I was fast forwarding and missed the kiss, but wasn't interested enough to go back and watch the very first liplock.  I hope she wasn't thinking, "Ewwwww!". 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The bright red color doesn't surprise me, really. Ruby is for a virtuous woman after all. Makes you wonder why more fundies don't insist on that color. 

I'll say again that it's a very nice ring, but he sure doesn't sound meek and humble about being able to afford an internally flawless diamond. 

Oh, and their registry - WHY do they need twenty four place settings? Seriously, where do these people get the space for all the shit they want?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Mela99 said:

The bright red color doesn't surprise me, really. Ruby is for a virtuous woman after all. Makes you wonder why more fundies don't insist on that color. 

I'll say again that it's a very nice ring, but he sure doesn't sound meek and humble about being able to afford an internally flawless diamond. 

Oh, and their registry - WHY do they need twenty four place settings? Seriously, where do these people get the space for all the shit they want?

They need all those place settings for all their offspring. Planning ahead for a brood of 20 is just financially responsible.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, fundiefan said:

They need all those place settings for all their offspring. Planning ahead for a brood of 20 is just financially responsible.

If I had a dozen children and came from families with a dozen children, I would only use paper plates, cups, and cutlery when they came to visit. There's no way I'm bothering with 24 plates, 24 cups, and endless silverware. The pots and pans alone would be enough for me to wash thanks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

If I had a dozen children and came from families with a dozen children, I would only use paper plates, cups, and cutlery when they came to visit. There's no way I'm bothering with 24 plates, 24 cups, and endless silverware. The pots and pans alone would be enough for me to wash thanks.

Heck, I don't have kids and I primarily use paper plates.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, EmiGirl said:

Heck, I don't have kids and I primarily use paper plates.

Me neither, and I use foam plates.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have NEVER been to a wedding--Protestant, Jewish, Catholic, Buddhist--where the guests didn't stand when the bride arrived!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well I do hope they are happy.   In this fundie world, are the kids (in this instance, the newly married couple) given books explaining the facts of life, how sex works and what makes a pleasurable experience for the bride/groom?  I'm certain such books exist.  With so much emphasis placed on how fabulous married life will be and how much emphasis is placed on NOT thinking about sex (and therefore repressing natural desire) to stay pure, there's gotta be some type of guidance somewhere, amiright?  Please tell me there is; they can't leave everything up to god....and chance. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

21 minutes ago, Howl said:

Well I do hope they are happy.   In this fundie world, are the kids (in this instance, the newly married couple) given books explaining the facts of life, how sex works and what makes a pleasurable experience for the bride/groom?  I'm certain such books exist.  With so much emphasis placed on how fabulous married life will be and how much emphasis is placed on NOT thinking about sex (and therefore repressing natural desire) to stay pure, there's gotta be some type of guidance somewhere, amiright?  Please tell me there is; they can't leave everything up to god....and chance. 

 

I think it varies from family to family how much "sex ed" the kiddults really receive.

Most of the girls are probably taught that they always have to be available for their headships since is their holy duty to fulfill every sexual desire their husbands might have.

I somehow can not see fundie dads talking to their sons about how to make a woman feel great during sex.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, HereticHick said:

I have NEVER been to a wedding--Protestant, Jewish, Catholic, Buddhist--where the guests didn't stand when the bride arrived!!!

The groom is the important one. Silly @HereticHick.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Was this wedding in western NC?  That is 2-3 hours from the Bates, I think. Were any spotted in the wedding video?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Howl said:

Well I do hope they are happy.   In this fundie world, are the kids (in this instance, the newly married couple) given books explaining the facts of life, how sex works and what makes a pleasurable experience for the bride/groom?  I'm certain such books exist.  With so much emphasis placed on how fabulous married life will be and how much emphasis is placed on NOT thinking about sex (and therefore repressing natural desire) to stay pure, there's gotta be some type of guidance somewhere, amiright?  Please tell me there is; they can't leave everything up to god....and chance. 

 

I was raised fundie-lite and while we were given the biological facts of sex, the pleasure part was really vague in order to help promote abstinence. It was something like "within the sacred bonds of marriage, sex is an amazing gift from God and the deepest act of communion between man and wife". Apart from that, you only knew that P goes in V and somehow that should result in an out-of-this-world, sacred pleasurable experience, ending with male ejaculation. "You'll figure it out, wink wink" was also common advice to engaged couples. My mother, who was a TRAINED NURSE, fiercely maintained that women don't naturally masturbate. Boys are more prone to, but really should control themselves and have no excuse.

I know so, so many girls (friends, cousins) that confided in me after marriage to express their disappointment and/or disgust in sex. One of my friends remembers walking alone on the beach at her honeymoon hotel and just sobbing, feeling like a failure because her new husband wanted sex every day, but it hurt and she didn't know how to tell him. 

I was fortunate to have those first-hand accounts and decide for myself to have sex with my high-school boyfriend (a couple years after high-school), and I'm glad I did. It wasn't however until my mid-30's that I really shed all the shame and submission crap that I was taught. The book "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski was a game changer, I wish I had read it 10 years earlier!

I could go on and on about how the virginity culture really messes people up sexually. I have so many stories...

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In the fundie-lite Catholic circle I grew up in, sex ed gave you the basics of the biology and mechanics, with a special message to the girls about how using your "appeal" was shameful.

Real education came from older girls and women, some married, some not.  Especially from the Bates, I gather this may be similar:  that before the wedding, the young married women the bride is close with give her some "pointers" and answer questions.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

37 minutes ago, smittykins said:

"It's like Legos." :my_sick:

or a key and a lock  :my_sick:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, ophelia said:

I somehow can not see fundie dads talking to their sons about how to make a woman feel great during sex.

Maybe some suggestions on how to encourage "willingness"...for those who care about that sort of thing.

3 hours ago, HereticHick said:

Was this wedding in western NC?  That is 2-3 hours from the Bates, I think. Were any spotted in the wedding video?

I could barely spot the happy couple, the video quality was so poor.  Don't know if Bateses hang with Neelys or Staddons, but I imagine they're at least friendly and might have been invited.  I would expect there to be a full flock of Wilkeses and at least some of the Wallers.  The Staddons and Rodriguii both live in W. Va but I somehow doubt they mix. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

While "fellowshipping" with like-minded large families must provide ample opportunity to find a mate, it must also be difficult for these families to become so close and then have courtship possibilities brewing.  At least it gives the kidults a chance to check either out while going on missions or helping at conferences, but it also means as the families work together more, if a match doesn't work out it must be really awkward.  That point was definitely covered in Kathryn & Daniel's story, but also pertains to Kathryn's sister Amanda and her marriage to Matthew Wilkes - in their story they mentioned how tricky it was to do the courtship dance between the two parties as well as their families.  The Staddon, Wilkes, and Neely families all work on the FEW conferences together (the videos on the wedding site show that) and clearly spend a lot of time together, so it wouldn't be surprising if they were the next S'Mortons (Smith/Morton/Sanders) situation where more than one sibling marries into the same family.  Eventually all of these mega-families will be interrelated by marriage anyway - right now there are relative links down the line from the Duggars -> Wallers -> Wilkes -> Neelys -> Staddons, with the Muellers in there as well.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 18/07/2016 at 2:10 AM, usedbicycle said:

Is this supposed to be funny? 

 

<bridge pic snipped>

They're mostly female, so they don't really count towards the 4 person limit.

On 18/07/2016 at 3:21 AM, Queen said:

Sex is seen as great between wife and husband, but impure until the very wedding. Imo, this creates a really unhealthy sexuality, because sex goes from bad and forbidden to good and encouragable in one single day! Sigh.

 

I don't quite understand that specific argument.  How is this different to drinking being illegal one day and legal the next?  Or voting age?

Well yeah it is different, but I don't see why the "in a single day" part is specifically unhealthy.  How can something go from bad to good in multiple days?  (Though to clarify, I'm assuming a more sensible attitude of "sex is alowed now", not "do it as much as physically possible despite zero experience and little knowledge".)

I think the unhealthy part is unrealistic expectations of instantly being good at it with no prior experience.  And of rushing into it due to the whole "wedding night" concept, rather than taking the time to become comfortable with each other and each other's bodies.  That doesn't have to be crammed into a few minutes, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's bad to wait until after a marriage ceremony to start.

Of course, that's assuming two people who don't even know whether they are physically attracted to each other aren't thrown at each other.  And assuming neither is just marrying because horny and lacks the patience required to cater to the other person's needs.

Disclaimer: I'm probably the wrong person to be commenting, as this is 100% conjecture :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is that a case of it's a confederate candle because I call it that, not because there is any such thing as a confederate candle? 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, HereticHick said:

Do you think every bridesmaid got a gift of a "Confederate Candle"*  that the Neelys make and sell on their website?  http://neelymarketplace.com/product-category/confederate-candles/

 

*I assume these smell of treason, bitterness and the hold of a slave ship, but that is just one Southern gal's opinion.

I really want Confederate merch that isn't intended for Civil War reenactments or historical artifact collectors to come with a little recorder that plays Gene Wilder in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory yelling "You LOSE! Good DAY, sir!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • SpoonfulOSugar locked this topic

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.



  • Trending Content

  • Recent Status Updates

    • VooDooChild

      VooDooChild

      Today, I dusted everything but the ceiling fans.  Sorry Maxwells!
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
       
      · 0 replies
    • Maggie Mae

      Maggie Mae

      What do people do in the Sonoran desert? I've hiked the hikes I wanted to do. Seems like all that is left is golf, shopping at chains that exist everywhere, and stuff I've done. Oh and eating. I can only eat so many times a day. It's too cold to rent a paddleboard or swim. 
      · 0 replies
    • KnittingOwl

      KnittingOwl

      First snow storm of the season hit today. It got windy tonight, and we lost power. Somehow this continues to be a shock to PSE. Why they refuse to upgrade the infrastructure or do something so that 10s of thousands of people don’t lose power and heat literally every time it’s windy, I do not understand. We live in the Pacific Northwest. It gets windy!
      · 3 replies
    • louisa05

      louisa05

      Nebraska's new football coach is an evangelical bullshit artist who participates in "Man Up Ministries" conferences in the off season. Their motto is "Fighting for Biblical Manhood". Excuse me while I go vomit. 
      · 2 replies
    • 47of74

      47of74

      Don't know I'd charge quite that much though.
       

      · 0 replies
    • 47of74

      47of74

      Wisconsin’s first thanksgiving 

      · 0 replies
    • mango_fandango

      mango_fandango

      Long time no visit…
      COVID has finally caught up with me. Dad tested positive first, last Friday, then my mother, brother and I all tested positive today. Main symptom is feeling really really tired. Hopefully it doesn’t get much worse 🤞 
      · 1 reply
    • 47of74

      47of74

      Yeah probably not the best place to put that quote...

      · 0 replies
    • 47of74

      47of74

      If I still did the Catholic thing with confession this would be the priest who heard mine..

      · 0 replies
    • BlackberryGirl

      BlackberryGirl

      Do I wear it?
      i was given a vintage, 70 year old mink coat. It fits like it was made for me. Somehow my cousin, who is 8 years older than me came into 3 gorgeous fur coats from a granddaughter of a woman her mother knew. We’re talking women who died in the mid 60’s.  None of them would fit her or any other of the women in my family. Yay for essentially being a ball. Everyone else is about 5’7 or more and all outweigh me by 50+. 
       
      it is just gorgeous. What women in Skokie and Highland Park many years ago, when I still lived there would call a “serviceable” fur. It was the fur they’d wear to a good restaurant, but not the opera or symphony.
      do I wear it? I’d love to, and I live in hunting country so fur isn’t looked down on. But is it wrong?  Arrrgh god its pretty.
      · 6 replies
  • Recent Blog Entries

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.