The Orphan Myth

[slickcat79]

5 hours ago, foreign fundie said:

The single mom had a kid already and was too poor to raise another one. Would well-of people in the USA be willing to sponser such a kid, so he could stay with his mum? Or is that a different matter and if so, why?

I wonder because it sometimes seems we (myself included) feel more drawn to or feel more compassion for people in far and unknown places. It seems natural to want to help them or solve their poverty. Yet poor people nearby are expected to help themselves or more easily judged.

I think part of it has to do with how people are (or are not) able to access certain services. There's not necessarily a program of sponsorship in the US to help a struggling single mother with her child, but there's SNAP, WIC, Medicaid, Section 8, TANF, HeadStart, public schools, school lunches, subsidies and tax breaks for utilities, day care, transportation, cell phones. There are food banks, drop-in centers, emergency shelters, and private aid organizations that work on a community level.

If an American mother is in reasonable mental/physical health and wants to keep her child, there is no reason why she should have to give it up strictly because of money. Which doesn't mean that it doesn't happen, because sometimes there's a boundary between things that exist on paper and how those play out in the real world. But a lot of times those mothers are facing familial/societal pressure or lack of hands-on support, and those factor in as much as true economic need. 

Being in poverty in the US is serious, and even the programs available may not meet every need. There are SOOOO many improvements that could be made, but the programs exist. Everyone pays into them with their taxes, and most compassionate people with the means will also make further donations. It doesn't have to be either/or. That said, being in poverty in the US is not like being in poverty in Uganda or Haiti. I think people expect Americans to take advantage of programs that are already being funded, whereas much of the global south has no social safety net whatsoever. 

And then, some people just like being judgy assholes. They'd like to cut funding for programs to help the poor because they believe poor people are just lazy and/or drug abusers. Everyone has some story about that person their ex-boyfriend's cousin worked with, who was just scamming the system and having babies to get handouts. But most judgy assholes are probably not helping the poor on a global scale either. 

[smittykins]

Or they say "get a job"(even if she is working)or "she should've kept her legs closed."  Funny how they never say "he should've kept it in his pants."

[hoipolloi]

7 hours ago, foreign fundie said:

Honest question here, not attempting to attack anyone or something.

Many Americans are prepared to financially adopt a child in the Global South so it can stay with its own family. Now I know a European couple who adopted a black baby from the USA. (Open adotions from the USA were quite popular a while ago, don't know about now.)https://psmag.com/america-s-unseen-export-children-most-of-them-black-c5280185c4f0#.w287z72wt

The single mom had a kid already and was too poor to raise another one. Would well-of people in the USA be willing to sponser such a kid, so he could stay with his mum? Or is that a different matter and if so, why?

I wonder because it sometimes seems we (myself included) feel more drawn to or feel more compassion for people in far and unknown places. It seems natural to want to help them or solve their poverty. Yet poor people nearby are expected to help themselves or more easily judged.

I had no idea this happened -- thank you for this link.

A corollary question for me is why US evangelicals focus their "Great Commission" efforts in foreign countries rather than in the hundreds, perhaps thousands, of places within the US that could probably use Christ's love not to mention the efforts of toiling missionaries.

[refugee]

16 minutes ago, hoipolloi said:

I had no idea this happened -- thank you for this link.

A corollary question for me is why US evangelicals focus their "Great Commission" efforts in foreign countries rather than in the hundreds, perhaps thousands, of places within the US that could probably use Christ's love not to mention the efforts of toiling missionaries.

Reminds me of the scene in the book Pollyanna, where she tried to get the missionary ladies at the local church to adopt the little boy she'd met, instead of sending all their money to help little boys in foreign countries.

[Inthemadhouse]

The children in question are between 7-10 years old.  I worry about them, and I wish their mother would either do what she needs to or just admit that she isn't going to and let them be placed for adoption.  I know it sounds harsh, but I would rather lose the kids then have them grow up in institutional care while their mother piddles around with herself as the center of the universe.

[FormerlyFundyLite]

Adoption, orphan care, and keeping families together is CRAZY complex, and there simply isn't going to be one right answer for every single occasion. I bet most people involved in these issues would even admit that "the best" solution in their case was simply the best POSSIBLE solution, not necessarily the most IDEAL. There are real children and real families--both biological and adoptive, impacted by the decisions that our governments make, and even by the discussions we are having here. I guarantee that there are adoptees, adopters, and biological parents on FJ. We can talk theory until we're blue in the face, but let's remember the people involved. Love and kindness, friends. 

[lynn0810]

There is such a stigma with adoption. It has gotten better in the USA, in other countries it is horrible. What @FormerlyFundyLite said is what my mom (who is also a birth mother) and I (an adoptee) are constantly saying. Everyone has a different situation and story. My story is boring. There are a lot of other boring stories out there. I think the most parents adopt because they just want to be parents. If we can get rid of the stigma, even more people who really want to adopt will have an easier time of it.