Jessa, Ben and Spurgeon Part Seven

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, patsymae said:

I picture Ben sitting in the coffee shop (at least he has the sense to get away) with a Bible, maybe a Spurgeon book, and a thesaurus, and he just picks random passages and changes some words.

Probably goes from the coffee shop, to the Taco stand, slurpee at 711, quick trip to the TTH to clean a storage room, back home to pick up the family for a trip through the CFA drive thru.

 

[Mela99]

6 hours ago, HereticHick said:

Huh--I had the opposite reaction. I thought he was referring to Trump

That's interesting. I would think Bin would be all over the new hero of the Christian right... strange that fundies are so silent.

[Melissa1977]

I'm not defending Ben, but I remember when I was her age. It's absolutely normal that he feels depressed with his life, overwhelmed by the baby and it's also absolutely normal that he is not corageous enough to make changes. He has been raised to be obedient, he's immature and is living with a professional controlling (JB).

Ben is now like a pressure cooker. If he stays, he will be more depressed (and maybe he can turn against Jessa). If he goes (to college, or just moves far from Tontitown and find a job), he has an opportunity to have a life he likes. But in both situations, I have the feeling that the mariage won't last long. I only hope no more babies are coming, specially not adopted ones.

 

[nastyhobbitses]

28 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

I'm not defending Ben, but I remember when I was her age. It's absolutely normal that he feels depressed with his life, overwhelmed by the baby and it's also absolutely normal that he is not corageous enough to make changes. He has been raised to be obedient, he's immature and is living with a professional controlling (JB).

Ben is now like a pressure cooker. If he stays, he will be more depressed (and maybe he can turn against Jessa). If he goes (to college, or just moves far from Tontitown and find a job), he has an opportunity to have a life he likes. But in both situations, I have the feeling that the mariage won't last long. I only hope no more babies are coming, specially not adopted ones.

 

I'm sensing a Band-Aid Baby or two if the marriage starts to go further south.

[foreign fundie]

1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

I'm not defending Ben, but I remember when I was her age. It's absolutely normal that he feels depressed with his life, overwhelmed by the baby and it's also absolutely normal that he is not corageous enough to make changes. He has been raised to be obedient, he's immature and is living with a professional controlling (JB).

Ben is now like a pressure cooker. If he stays, he will be more depressed (and maybe he can turn against Jessa). If he goes (to college, or just moves far from Tontitown and find a job), he has an opportunity to have a life he likes. But in both situations, I have the feeling that the mariage won't last long. I only hope no more babies are coming, specially not adopted ones.

 

I am a bit more positive. Even if the marriage is a huge disappointment, they can choose to make it work if that is what they both want. As far as we know there was no infidelity, abuse, mental disorders or other things that are very hard to overcome. And a mutual baby can be a strong motivator to make extra effort.

However I agree they need to get away from the TTH and its unhealthy influence asap and choose to grow up together and take responsibility of their lives.

[nausicaa]

37 minutes ago, foreign fundie said:

I am a bit more positive. Even if the marriage is a huge disappointment, they can choose to make it work if that is what they both want. As far as we know there was no infidelity, abuse, mental disorders or other things that are very hard to overcome. And a mutual baby can be a strong motivator to make extra effort.

However I agree they need to get away from the TTH and its unhealthy influence asap and choose to grow up together and take responsibility of their lives.

See if there were some level of mutual admiration and respect between them or they were a little older, I might agree. But to be blunt about it, Ben and Jessa got married because they wanted to bang. Now that they've gotten some release, they're looking at each other and realizing "I don't like you all that much." They really don't have anything in common. Hell, I don't even think they know who they are yet. Add in the pressures of parenthood, being reliant on JB, and the public attention and it must be miserable.

And Ben is so damn young, with I'm guessing all the restless energy of that age. If he were 35 I think he might take a deep breath and resign himself to this. But at 21, with all his peers free and out there having adventures? I give it another year or so. Maybe one more Band-Aid baby like @nastyhobbitses said, and then Ben makes a break for it. His misery is palpable.

[nst]

31 minutes ago, nausicaa said:

See if there were some level of mutual admiration and respect between them or they were a little older, I might agree. But to be blunt about it, Ben and Jessa got married because they wanted to bang. Now that they've gotten some release, they're looking at each other and realizing "I don't like you all that much." They really don't have anything in common. Hell, I don't even think they know who they are yet. Add in the pressures of parenthood, being reliant on JB, and the public attention and it must be miserable.

And Ben is so damn young, with I'm guessing all the restless energy of that age. If he were 35 I think he might take a deep breath and resign himself to this. But at 21, with all his peers free and out there having adventures? I give it another year or so. Maybe one more Band-Aid baby like @nastyhobbitses said, and then Ben makes a break for it. His misery is palpable.

i get the impression that Jessa likes him feeling trapped. It shows in her attitude.  

 

[PennySycamore]

16 hours ago, HereticHick said:

Huh--I had the opposite reaction. I thought he was referring to Trump

I heard some guy on the radio this morning saying that Trump needs to make his message more "elegant".  IOW, they think his message of racism, xenophobia and misogyny will go over better if Trump pours a bit of honey on it.  Umm, no.

Btw, I do not listen to right-wing radio, but DH does.  

[nst]

3 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

I heard some guy on the radio this morning saying that Trump needs to make his message more "elegant".  IOW, they think his message of racism, xenophobia and misogyny will go over better if Trump pours a bit of honey on it.  Umm, no.

Btw, I do not listen to right-wing radio, but DH does.  

so if they are all republicans - does that mean they now  like Trump?

do they even know who he is and what he stands for? 

[NCLunaLovegoodFan]

14 minutes ago, nst said:

 

so if they are all republicans - does that mean they now  like Trump?

do they even know who he is and what he stands for? 

 

I've been wondering the same thing. Obviously, the blue-collar Republicans (my paternal uncle and family) got their perfect candidate in Trump. What about the fundies and fundie-lites? Would they end up supporting a man who embodies everything they perceive as sinful (divorces, affairs, involvement in casinos, etc)?

[ksgranola1]

On ‎6‎/‎6‎/‎2016 at 3:07 PM, SassyPants said:

I agree. In terms of fundamentalism, both the Bateses and Duggars are in the same shitty ship. BUT, in terms of having adult, married kids living more independent lives, working for a living beyond the "show" and providing for their own housing, Gil and Kelly have done a much better job. I think the success of the TLC show worked against the 2nd generation Duggars. JB has provided all, because at this point, he can. OTOH, Gil, has never had the means...he needed his kids to work, find partners, marry and live independent lives.

JB's money has allowed his kids to be controlled by the JB cult. Without JB's resources and connections, where would Josh, Anna +4 and J/B + SES be???? On welfare?????

I have to say, they recently has a segment on the Bates about Kelly homeschooling them. She said she took early childhood development in college & something else, I forget. She said their goal was to give the kids a solid education so they could pursue whatever their interest lies, go to college, work w/Gil, or explore other options for work. She was shown teaching one of the older girls the periodic tables. This is no chickenshit education she's giving these kids. And as they grow, they are branching out. I'm looking forward to seeing how it goes. There's also a lot more parental involvement in everyday child care & recreation.

[nastyhobbitses]

2 hours ago, nausicaa said:

See if there were some level of mutual admiration and respect between them or they were a little older, I might agree. But to be blunt about it, Ben and Jessa got married because they wanted to bang. Now that they've gotten some release, they're looking at each other and realizing "I don't like you all that much." They really don't have anything in common. Hell, I don't even think they know who they are yet. Add in the pressures of parenthood, being reliant on JB, and the public attention and it must be miserable.

And Ben is so damn young, with I'm guessing all the restless energy of that age. If he were 35 I think he might take a deep breath and resign himself to this. But at 21, with all his peers free and out there having adventures? I give it another year or so. Maybe one more Band-Aid baby like @nastyhobbitses said, and then Ben makes a break for it. His misery is palpable.

I think he also might resent that Jessa is (at least from what I can see from the show) not the good little doormat sex robot he probably thought he'd get by marrying an extremely sheltered fundamentalist girl with a limited education.

[artdecades]

1 hour ago, nst said:

so if they are all republicans - does that mean they now  like Trump?

do they even know who he is and what he stands for? 

They obviously want to be super important in politics. JB always hobnobs with the grossest AR politicians and Joshy tried to be a DC bigwig. I think they will support Trump because the party supports Trump and they are, in the end, just spineless bottomfeeders.

[EmCatlyn]

7 hours ago, NCLunaLovegoodFan said:

I've been wondering the same thing. Obviously, the blue-collar Republicans (my paternal uncle and family) got their perfect candidate in Trump. What about the fundies and fundie-lites? Would they end up supporting a man who embodies everything they perceive as sinful (divorces, affairs, involvement in casinos, etc)?

A lot of fundies have been for Trump for quite a while. They were voting for him over Cruz. If Cruz had had all the fundie vote in a couple of the Southern states, he might still be in the race.  

This puzzled me at first because Cruz's life and views are really more in keeping with those of Fundie America than Trump's.  He may lack charm, but that is rarely an issue for Fundies who are so uncharming themselves.

My theory for the way the fundies have accepted Trump is that they are all jingoistic racists. If Cruz's name were "Cross," and he did not identify himself as Hispanic, he would have gotten a lot more voters.

 It is no accident that Trump got support from the KKK.  He may or may not be a bigot himself, but he appeals to that type.  And a lot of Fundies are bigots who think if you were not born to WASPy parents, you can't represent them.

They go to save the Catholic-Heathens with darker skin in countries where the people don't speak English, but they do it with a strong sense of their own superiority.  The brown people with non-Anglo names can be saved, but they should never aspire to power in This Great Lamd of Ours.

And now those Fundies who opposed Trump initially have to decide between him and either H. Clinton or Sanders.  They hate the Democrats more than they dislike Trumps personal history. And he is rich.  And white.

JMHO

[19Kittens]

9 hours ago, nausicaa said:

*Snipped*

And Ben is so damn young, with I'm guessing all the restless energy of that age. If he were 35 I think he might take a deep breath and resign himself to this. But at 21, with all his peers free and out there having adventures? 

I am also 21. I am married to a 26 year old. Our daughter is almost 2. 

It's hard sometimes. I didn't drink until I turned 21 and I've literally only been out that one time (december). I'm jealous of my friends, they are going on vacations & going to school and going out, living in huge gorgeous houses with roommates & buying new cars, having parties & fun. 

Meanwhile I'm at home in our studio that doesn't have a stove (I cook on a propane single camping burner & use a toaster oven) driving a car thisclose to blowing the motor trying to learn how to be an adult. I love my daughter & I love my husband but it fucking sucks sometimes. Especially when he's at sea for work. my MIL has no interest in being involved in my daughters life & my own mom doesn't want to watch her because she's "too much" for her new boyfriend (they're mid 40's not that old) . 

Basically what I'm saying is yeah I bet Ben feels like he's missing out. I sure as hell do except my child is older & I don't have the luxury of calling the Jslaves when I need a break.

ok sorry rant over. 

[EmCatlyn]

5 minutes ago, 19Kittens said:

I am also 21. I am married to a 26 year old. Our daughter is almost 2. 

It's hard sometimes. I didn't drink until I turned 21 and I've literally only been out that one time (december). I'm jealous of my friends, they are going on vacations & going to school and going out, living in huge gorgeous houses with roommates & buying new cars, having parties & fun. 

Meanwhile I'm at home in our studio that doesn't have a stove (I cook on a propane single camping burner & use a toaster oven) driving a car thisclose to blowing the motor trying to learn how to be an adult. I love my daughter & I love my husband but it fucking sucks sometimes. Especially when he's at sea for work. my MIL has no interest in being involved in my daughters life & my own mom doesn't want to watch her because she's "too much" for her new boyfriend (they're mid 40's not that old) . 

Basically what I'm saying is yeah I bet Ben feels like he's missing out. I sure as hell do except my child is older & I don't have the luxury of calling the Jslaves when I need a break.

ok sorry rant over. 

.   Sounds like you need a hug.  

 Does your area have any "mother's day out" or "parent's day out" programs?  Not quite the J-slaves, but a day of respite can be great.

All I can say is that you sound more responsible than Ben and that the good thing about starting your family young is that, unless you spread them out a lot, or decide on having as many as God sends, your kids will be old enough when you are in your thirties that you can have a social life while your friends who are free now are changing diapers.  Believe me, it gets better.

 

[19Kittens]

 

@EmCatlyn no, I live in a town of less than 4,000 people. there isn't even a stop light in town! We've decided to send her to an early learning program 1 or two mornings a week & i'm sure that'll help with my stress levels lol. I was never expecting to have a baby at 19! 

Regardless she is entirely perfect & I love her to bits. Just wish we were more established before she came into our lives.

 

[ksgranola1]

I suspect Ben has been having that same conversation in his head since Spurgeon burst onto the scene& he has no one to discuss it with. he can't talk to jessa or any of the brothers They would rat on him. I wonder if it has ever occurred to JB that Ben might be feeling the restlessness of a 21 y.o. Of course, JB, married at 19, thinks it's great & that everyone should feel like he did.

[Gemini]

37 minutes ago, 19Kittens said:

I am also 21. I am married to a 26 year old. Our daughter is almost 2. 

It's hard sometimes. I didn't drink until I turned 21 and I've literally only been out that one time (december). I'm jealous of my friends, they are going on vacations & going to school and going out, living in huge gorgeous houses with roommates & buying new cars, having parties & fun. 

Meanwhile I'm at home in our studio that doesn't have a stove (I cook on a propane single camping burner & use a toaster oven) driving a car thisclose to blowing the motor trying to learn how to be an adult. I love my daughter & I love my husband but it fucking sucks sometimes. Especially when he's at sea for work. my MIL has no interest in being involved in my daughters life & my own mom doesn't want to watch her because she's "too much" for her new boyfriend (they're mid 40's not that old) . 

Basically what I'm saying is yeah I bet Ben feels like he's missing out. I sure as hell do except my child is older & I don't have the luxury of calling the Jslaves when I need a break.

ok sorry rant over. 

Another one offering hugs!

I've been there (young mum, no help from my mother) and it definitely sucks a lot of the time. However I agree with @EmCatlyn, it does and will get better.

My mum was far to wrapped up in her own life to bother with her Grandchildren, and has only seen her great grandchild a handful of times. At first I was upset and angry, but now I have nothing but pity for her. She's missed so many beautiful moments that she will never get back.

I look back now and think my relationship with the kids is so much stronger because of the shit I went through. It has certainly made me a much more determined (probably stubborn person)

Big hugs again and remember that the downs might be low but the ups are only just around the corner. 

 

 

[foreign fundie]

1 hour ago, 19Kittens said:

I am also 21. I am married to a 26 year old. Our daughter is almost 2. 

It's hard sometimes. I didn't drink until I turned 21 and I've literally only been out that one time (december). I'm jealous of my friends, they are going on vacations & going to school and going out, living in huge gorgeous houses with roommates & buying new cars, having parties & fun. 

Meanwhile I'm at home in our studio that doesn't have a stove (I cook on a propane single camping burner & use a toaster oven) driving a car thisclose to blowing the motor trying to learn how to be an adult. I love my daughter & I love my husband but it fucking sucks sometimes. Especially when he's at sea for work. my MIL has no interest in being involved in my daughters life & my own mom doesn't want to watch her because she's "too much" for her new boyfriend (they're mid 40's not that old) . 

Basically what I'm saying is yeah I bet Ben feels like he's missing out. I sure as hell do except my child is older & I don't have the luxury of calling the Jslaves when I need a break.

ok sorry rant over. 

Sounds like you are doing great. You spend your time doing something very important and your time to party will come. I have no babysitters anywhere near me, but I was a young mum and my teen can now hold the ford down after I put the littles in bed. All while my peers have sleepless nights and diapers. 

People may later regret spending years partying. But I am yet to hear someone say he/she regretted spending her time being a good parent. 

[EmCatlyn]

3 hours ago, 19Kittens said:

 

@EmCatlyn no, I live in a town of less than 4,000 people. there isn't even a stop light in town! We've decided to send her to an early learning program 1 or two mornings a week & i'm sure that'll help with my stress levels lol. I was never expecting to have a baby at 19! 

Regardless she is entirely perfect & I love her to bits. Just wish we were more established before she came into our lives.

 

Think how nice it is for her to have a young mother.    As you get older you think you need more stuff because you just have less energy.  

The early learning program will be a help to you and also it will give her some other kids to play with.   

Too bad we can't have an FJ "grandparents without grandkids" volunteer babysitting service to match those of you whose parents can't help with those of us (like me) who are giving up hope that the grandkids will come before our senility.   

[nst]

4 hours ago, 19Kittens said:

(they're mid 40's not that old) . 

ok sorry rant over. 

omg 

you just killed me here 

and after breathing again 

things will get better - if we all remember how we were when we were 19 and always wanted all these things and to  achive these things and then we did when we were older. It get's better ! 

but STILL omg

 

[Shadoewolf]

19Kittens I've been sort of where you are. Had my oldest at 19 and she's about to get her drivers license in a month. I admit it, out of all 3 kids, she is probably the one I am closest to. Because it wasn't too long ago I remember being her age and my mom was (and still is) bat-shit crazy and controlling. Yet to every one of her friends, I'm "Mom" because I listen, I don't judge, and if blue hair and attending a Disturbed concert is what she wants it's no big deal. But she also knows my wrath if her grades fall or her chores aren't done. You'll get there, I was 28 when I hit my rebellion stage! Big hugs and wish we could help somehow!

[19Kittens]

@EmCatlyn @nst @Shadoewolf

thank you. you guys rock! I'm actually crying !

[Shadoewolf]

Just remember that while you are always wearing your "mom" hat, it doesn't have to wear you. If she gets into the early learning program, don't spend all the time she's gone on housework and stuff. Take some of that time for yourself, whether its painting your toenails, taking an extra long shower (without an interruption? That exists??!) or my personal favorite, cranking my music and dancing with a broom. I have nights where I go to Walmart in my fuzzy Minions pajama pants because 1) the kids are all home asleep. No demands for candy or cookies, toys, etc I can get what I need without hassle and 2) because even when I'm "adulting"  I don't always have the energy to get fully dressed to go out. It's a learning curve that's even harder when you're young because you're still discovering 'you' and I promise thats perfectly okay! Its hard sometimes not to lose yourself along the way (as I suspect Ben might be feeling) but it gets better. Message me anytime, I might not answer right away but I'm usually around at some point!