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Duggars by the Dozenty!!11!!: The 20th (THREAD) Achieved!


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EmCatlyn
3 hours ago, HereticHick said:

Apologies if this has already been discussed--from what I gather from the Instagrams of Lawson Bates, bugeyed Sierra, and Tim n' Franicia White, the Duggars 'n Sierra had some sort of big shindig a few days ago, including fireworks. Is this the faux Fourth of July festivities that the Duggars have put on before? Do you think it was filmed?

If they could get it filmed, it was. 

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Well, FJ has officially reached the 20th thread...Michelle and Kelly must be fuming.  Carrying on from here:   

Christ on a cracker, that name is borderline abusive. I can't even think up a decent pronunciation. I hope little Hessie goes by her middle name.  Jesus didn't die for this nonsense. 

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Kittikatz
11 hours ago, gilamomster said:

To me its simple really. A friend is someone I can call to vent, cry and ask for advice w/o judgement, negativity and gaslighting. A friend is someone I want to share the good, bad and the ugly with and not someone who I look at the phone and go omg what now.

My mom is all about herself. Our conversations are me going ok, sure, yep and OK. I don't share my life, problems or issues with her because she will make it about herself. That is not a friend. She's my mom, I understand the relationship, however she does not and thinks we are BFFs, I refuse to disabuse her of that belief because it will not help and she will refuse to understand the boundary. 

If you have a true friendship with your mom, I envy you and ask that you cherish it, as it is not something all of us can call our own.

I think we may have the same mother. My mother decided early in that I was her BFF, and  didnt hesitate to dump her problems and worries on me (started as early as age five), all while showing zero interest in any part of me that didn't reflect on her. It was always about her needs and feelings any how I and my behaviours made her feel and/or look to other people. My feelings and emotional health are irrelevant to her, and the friend schtick was a tool she used to manipulate me and justify her lack of parenting and inappropriate disclosures and behaviours.

That said, I feel somewhat responsible for dear old momster, and since she is no longer lashing out and being actively horrible at me, my mother has a place in my life, so I've have made a list of allowable things to talk to her about (all about her, her friends, her medical issues, her work/house/life, her cat - it's like there's a theme!), and I'm simply nowhere on that list. If I do forget and start telling her something about my life, I have about 90 seconds (high end, I've timed it) before she starts talking over me or cuts me off and brings the conversation back to something relevant to her.

I'm slightly envious yet highly sceptical of any situation where a parent claims to be their child's BFF. I get that the model successfully exists in some families, and I can see it being a lovely dynamic, but my history means that I question how truly balanced or reciprocal some of the parent-child as friend relationships are. If you have a healthy parent/child/friends relationship, that's great, but it isn't possible or desirable for everyone, and in cases where the parents are less than emotionally healthy, I do worry about children being abused or manipulated by this kind of supercharged relationship, and definitely think that's what the Duggars are up to with the "mom is my best friend" kant that Jessa and Jill were spewing before their weddings...

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theinvisiblegirl

Did anyone click on the picture of Jim Bob and Michelle and look at his face? He looks angry!

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Fundie Bunny
43 minutes ago, theinvisiblegirl said:

Did anyone click on the picture of Jim Bob and Michelle and look at his face? He looks angry!

There's a random person taking his photo in what looks like an airport. I would be upset too

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JesSky03
9 hours ago, Kittikatz said:

I think we may have the same mother. My mother decided early in that I was her BFF, and  didnt hesitate to dump her problems and worries on me (started as early as age five), all while showing zero interest in any part of me that didn't reflect on her. It was always about her needs and feelings any how I and my behaviours made her feel and/or look to other people. My feelings and emotional health are irrelevant to her, and the friend schtick was a tool she used to manipulate me and justify her lack of parenting and inappropriate disclosures and behaviours.

That said, I feel somewhat responsible for dear old momster, and since she is no longer lashing out and being actively horrible at me, my mother has a place in my life, so I've have made a list of allowable things to talk to her about (all about her, her friends, her medical issues, her work/house/life, her cat - it's like there's a theme!), and I'm simply nowhere on that list. If I do forget and start telling her something about my life, I have about 90 seconds (high end, I've timed it) before she starts talking over me or cuts me off and brings the conversation back to something relevant to her.

I'm slightly envious yet highly sceptical of any situation where a parent claims to be their child's BFF. I get that the model successfully exists in some families, and I can see it being a lovely dynamic, but my history means that I question how truly balanced or reciprocal some of the parent-child as friend relationships are. If you have a healthy parent/child/friends relationship, that's great, but it isn't possible or desirable for everyone, and in cases where the parents are less than emotionally healthy, I do worry about children being abused or manipulated by this kind of supercharged relationship, and definitely think that's what the Duggars are up to with the "mom is my best friend" kant that Jessa and Jill were spewing before their weddings...

My mom is this way too, though I don't believe she does it to manipulate myself or my sister, I think she just doesn't know how to have a two way relationship with someone. Every conversation is about her or whatever gossip she has heard about so and so. She never calls to see how I am doing or what's going on in my life. I have currently cut her off completely after she didn't even bother to call or text or stop over after I experienced a miscarriage. My dad, siblings, friends, in-laws all called or text on a regular basis for weeks to months to check on me but not a peep from my own mother (aside from an I'm sorry the day I found out). We went 3 months without any contact. My sister and I often theorize about the possible untreated mental or social illnesses she may have.  She acts like a social butterfly with everyone else, acts like she has this close relationship with us when out in public, will brag about the little she knows about us to other people, but behind closed doors there really is no relationship and any conversation is purely superficial. 

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Mothership

Sitting across from each other would be a natural way to provide privacy as well.   You'd think they would have figured that out by now....unless they really do like to be randomly stalked/photographed beyond their D-list status.

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EmCatlyn
21 minutes ago, Mothership said:

Sitting across from each other would be a natural way to provide privacy as well.   You'd think they would have figured that out by now....unless they really do like to be randomly stalked/photographed beyond their D-list status.

I thought in that picture they might be waiting for someone to join them.  In that case, they may have intended to face the other person or people.  I am a little curious whether the picture is recent.

 

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Georgiana

The thing about being someone's BFF...that's a relationship you really can only have with one or a few people.  If you say it is with ALL your adult daughters, you aren't being honest.  You're closer to some than to others.  That's how personalities work.  

That's why I think it's a bad model.  You can be a parent to ALL your children equally.  Because that's how parenting works.  But you can't be BFFs with every one because not every child is going to have a personality that naturally jives with yours.  And that creates an inequality that creates resentment.  

The instant my mom and my sister became all BFF, I started to be more distant from both of them.  I don't have similar interests or personality.  I kept feeling ganged up on because they would talk about me together, come to a common opinion, and then approach me en force.  If I have a disagreement with my sister, I don't feel like I can go to my mother because she'll take her side.  

And I sometimes wonder if Alyssa Bates felt the same way I do since Kelly is so close to Michael and Erin.  

You can be friends with all your adult children, but there is a certain distance/impartiality as a parent you ought to keep.  And when you try to be best friends, you lose that.  

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Percy

I constantly say to my girls that I am not their best friend, I am their mother.  Now that they are adults things are changing, but I never expect to be their best friend, they have best friends.  

I expect the relationship will constantly evolve as life takes us on our way and there may be a time in the future that they may need to take on the adult role as physical and mental health declines.

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