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30 Yr Old Woman Wins Right to Sterilize Herself


roddma

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My husband and I actually just went through this process about a month ago. I'm 25 and he is 26, we have no children, for reference. My OBGYN would not even entertain the idea of me having permanent birth control. It was really upsetting to be treated like I was a child no capable of such grown up decisions. 

We were able to find a childfree friendly doctor in town that did a vesectomy with no hassle. He actually did the consultation and procedure on the same day. In the information they sent ahead of time they encouraged wives to go to the consultation, but it was not required at all. I just had to be there to drive him home afterwards.

It varies greatly depending on the doctor though. The most popular doctor in our area won't do a vasectomy on anyone under 40, which I personally think is ridiculous. I've heard of an OBGYN that will do permanent sterilization on women 25 and over who I'm going to try when it's time for my annual. Even though I no longer need it, I like the idea of my doctor respecting my choices concerning my body and family planning. 

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On 5/21/2016 at 5:47 PM, Curious said:

I have a friend in Australia who wanted a vasectomy at around 25 or 26.  He was married for some years by then and had 2 kids and that's all he and his wife wanted.  They wouldn't even consider "allowing" him to have a vasectomy until he was something like 32 (they being medical professionals).   The argument that was given was that something could happen, such as divorce or being widowed, that would make him regret not being able to have children with the new partner.

 

My friend Jo wanted a tubal ligation at 25 after she had her first baby. A baby she didn't want to begin with, she had been on depro for years, went off it and on the pill, had a condom break in the first 3 months of the pill, went to the public health nurse for ECP, was told she didn't need it, and two months later, realized she's not just still hung over from the weekend. 

She now has 5 kids and is happy she didn't get the tubal ligation, and is glad for the age/number of kids restriction in her case and her case alone. 

I know she isn't the majority, and so does she. People should be able to control their reproductive rights period. I have another friend with severe bipolar disorder. She is fine on her meds. However, if she gets pregnant, her meds will cause birth defects. She will then potentially be a danger to herself at best and others at worst. She has been denied a tubal ligation until she is 35 if she has no children at that point. 

I think we need to start treating patients like people, not numbers. 

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I agree that women should have complete controle over their own bodies and that there is almost certainly Some sexism at play in the 'you'll chance your mind, you're too young etc' comments. Having to get your partners consent is ridiculously 1950's!

But you never have a right to a medial procedure, at least not here. Because if you have a right, that implies that a doctor is obliged to perform the procedure. And they aren't, here we are supposed to refer to someone who Will help you though. We learnt about this at University in the context of euthanasia because i live in one of the countries where it's legal.

I suppose because sterilisation is generally irreversible and is a long term decision and is historically frought, it is quite a big decision. 

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On 27/05/2016 at 2:55 PM, devoe364 said:

 

I think we need to start treating patients like people, not numbers. 

Yes. Yes we really do! MY mum was a babysitter/ childcare worker from when I was 6 to when I was 14. I have fed, cleaned and played with more kids than some people have to deal with in a lifetime. I know for sure I don't want any of my own.

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It does seem like misogyny at play 99% of the time with a request of permanent B/C by women.

As far as wanting kids, men are seldom questioned about kids. Take George Clooney I never recall him being questioned about the possibility of kids. Yet, a male talk show host hinted  to Cameron Diaz she gave up having a family for a career. But i don't like how she said "Im not  a childless spinster" like there's something wrong with being single/childless.

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I just wanted to defend the docs a bit here. My understanding (from friends and my own doctors) is that a big reason some docs will not perform the procedure until their 'conditions' have been met is fear of lawsuits. Like someone else mentioned above it is not uncommon to sign your suing rights away before getting sterilized. Doctors don't want patients coming back years later upset because they changed their mind for some reason. I know it sucks for people who know their own minds, but I understand where the hesitation comes from. 

We live in a Coast Guard area and the local docs will absolutely NOT perform a vasectomy without written consent from the spouse because they've had problems with guys doing it on the DL. Sneaky. 

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To bring another angle to this issue, I have a friend who is a transman. He's 24? 25? And due to his age, it is virtually impossible for him to get a hysterectomy. Because someday he might realize he was a woman all along and want to have kids. Nevermind the distress and body dysmorphia having a period every month causes. :pb_rollseyes: "I'm a man" ought to be a legitimate reason to get a hysterectomy.  

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13 hours ago, Shoobydoo said:

To bring another angle to this issue, I have a friend who is a transman. He's 24? 25? And due to his age, it is virtually impossible for him to get a hysterectomy. Because someday he might realize he was a woman all along and want to have kids. Nevermind the distress and body dysmorphia having a period every month causes. :pb_rollseyes: "I'm a man" ought to be a legitimate reason to get a hysterectomy.  

Aren't the male hormones he is taking causing his cycle to stop?

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5 minutes ago, Snarkylark said:

Aren't the male hormones he is taking causing his cycle to stop?

He's not currently taking hormones-- the waiting list here is about a year or longer to start getting treatment, and even then I'm not sure he could afford it. Working retail and all that.

ETA: Of course, he probably couldn't afford a hysterectomy either-- even if he could find a doctor who agreed to it, I doubt you could convince insurance it was a necessary procedure. But it's the principle of the thing.

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Oh, I see. I just assumed. Wow, I had no idea there were waiting lists like that to start treatment. I totally get the cost thing, though!

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5 minutes ago, Snarkylark said:

Oh, I see. I just assumed. Wow, I had no idea there were waiting lists like that to start treatment. I totally get the cost thing, though!

I was pretty taken aback, too. I guess there just aren't very many people in the industry who do gender transition. The area we live in has a huge LGBTA population, so it's not surprising there's a lot more demand than supply. And I thought waiting 3 months to get a psych eval was bad... :?

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Also, not all trans* people want to do HRT (hormone therapy). Or gender-confirmation surgery/surgeries. Just another point to consider. :)

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I wonder if we will  run into this issue.  We're expecting our 2nd kid this December, and hubby says no more.  I'm on the fence, though leaning towards I'm good with 2.  I was actually good with one...this one is an unexpected happy surprise.  Hubby is 29...he may not be impressed if the docs want him to wait til he is 32.  I'll be 37 then, and in my case, and my preference for myself only, I'll be past the age I want more babies.

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I thought  about the lawsuit possibility as well. Maybe there could be a disclosure  you sign saying you won't sue the doc. Women should get control over reproduction without being questioned and things can be done to make this happen from the doc's end. I wonder how may have regretted a tubal.

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1 hour ago, klynn said:

I wonder if we will  run into this issue.  We're expecting our 2nd kid this December, and hubby says no more.  I'm on the fence, though leaning towards I'm good with 2.  I was actually good with one...this one is an unexpected happy surprise.  Hubby is 29...he may not be impressed if the docs want him to wait til he is 32.  I'll be 37 then, and in my case, and my preference for myself only, I'll be past the age I want more babies.

While it's a complicated subject, The doc who performed Mr. Dawb's snip met with both of us--and talked specifically with me.  He will do them for single men, but he will not do them for attached men unless both people involved agree it is the good choice.

 When I asked a few questions (and I did.  Because I'm nosy like that) he did say that in the previous month, he had refused to do a vasectomy for a couple because they weren't on the same page.  And I end up with mildly mixed feelings.

I don't love that a spouse has control over the other's body against his/her will...but at the same time, who wants to be married to someone who doesn't communicate on such things?  (we discussed me being the person to be sterilized because hormones suck, but are starting with him for the time being).

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In Sweden you have to be 25 years old and go through a session with a psychologist to be sterilized and if you are under 25 you might get one if you get government approval. It is not very common to do it, in most cases you have to pay so much more for the surgery than for the woman to use birth control until she hits menopause that most people don't want it. If your body can handle a copper coil that is free in most areas of Sweden, you only pay for the visit. In the area I live in you can get 35 copper coils for the same cost as a vasectomy or tubal. You get about the same reliability and for a fraction of the cost. It doesn't suit everyone but I think that this plays in quite a bit for many people.

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40 minutes ago, elliha said:

In the area I live in you can get 35 copper coils for the same cost as a vasectomy or tubal. You get about the same reliability and for a fraction of the cost. It doesn't suit everyone but I think that this plays in quite a bit for many people.

Long-acting reversible contraception like IUDs still aren't popular with many women in the US (and many doctors won't even provide them as an option, esp. for younger women who don't have kids). I think for many people it's just not seen as a good alternative to something like tubal ligation, because of safety fears (based on old style IUDs from the 1970s) or lack of access to doctors who are trained and willing to do the insertion. 

I think the situation you described seems reasonable. If people have easy and affordable access to doctors who are educated on viable long-term alternatives to sterilization, it's a whole different issue in my opinion! 

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1 minute ago, December said:

Long-acting reversible contraception like IUDs still aren't popular with many women in the US (and many doctors won't even provide them as an option, esp. for younger women who don't have kids). I think for many people it's just not seen as a good alternative to something like tubal ligation, because of safety fears (based on old style IUDs from the 1970s) or lack of access to doctors who are trained and willing to do the insertion. 

I think the situation you described seems reasonable. If people have easy and affordable access to doctors who are educated on viable long-term alternatives to sterilization, it's a whole different issue in my opinion! 

I personally would consider having a tubal ligation after having 3 kids but my husband only wants 2 so it will most likely not happen. I do plan to try a copper IUD after this pregnancy to see what I think of it. With light periods I am at least a good candidate in this respect.

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I'm just going to chime in here. Tubal ligation aren't completely 100% failproof  against preventing more children. The entire reason I'm on this earth is my mother's either failed or something else happened. She had a tubal ligation preformed in 1988, and I was born in the early 90s. 

Forgot to add: I can't even get a IUD that lasts longer than a year for fear that I'll change my mind. 

 

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On the old Discovery Health series I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, I remember at least two instances of tubals reversing themselves, one after ten years. *shudder*

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I have Cystic Fibrosis.

Although it is possible for women with CF to conceive, carry and deliver a baby, and be able to care for it - it can certainly be much more difficult at each step, given each patient's personal situation and overall disease.

IF I could conceive, carry, deliver the baby, I'd then have to raise him/her. My daily life, even back in my 20s, were difficult enough just going to work and maintaining my little apartment for me to manage. When I got sick, I had to stop everything - we had no family nearby to help, and given the expensive part of the country where we live, we just did not have the income to pay for any day care. How would I be able to take care of a baby when I needed help just taking care of myself? Even on days when I wasn't super sick?

What about the strain of pregnancy and taking care of a baby 24/7 and working? I need a 3-hour nap after simply going out to a quiet dinner or movie. Certainly my body would have much less ability to fight chronic infection. It would have been risky for me and baby the whole way through. Plus my CF related diabetes.

I probably will NOT "die of old age" --- though I am really lucky and shocked to have made it to my 40s...

So at 26, newly married and in complete agreement with my husband and my medical team, I decided to seek out a doctor to perform a Tubal Ligation. I lost count of how many said no. I begged, I cried, I showed them my hospital reports that showed how I was gone 2 weeks at a time, several times a year, unable to even care for myself...let alone a baby.

Not to mention, I had horrific periods that sometimes lasted 3 weeks at a time, left for a few weeks, only to come back full force. I was anemic. I had fibroids and polyps. I got violently ill with each period (if I could have had a hysterectomy, I'd have had a party!!!). I rarely ovulated. When I did, I developed ovarian cysts that would explode and give me infections requiring hospital stays and more IV antibiotics.

Two years later, I finally found a doctor who agreed to do a tubal ligation - but she begged me to not "announce" that she was doing tubals on 20-somethings. She felt compelled to help me because a pregnancy would be so very difficult for me and probably for baby, and felt that 28 years of knowing my body through this disease meant that I knew my body best. But she didn't want to "advertise". No worries, just snip my tubes!

Easy, done, and no more having to worry. (I sill ached for a child, but it wasn't meant to be.)

Interestingly, about 5 years later, I ended up needing surgery to remove fibroids and polyps in my uterus, and they performed an Endometrial Ablation (which cauterizes the uterus, essentially made it an inhospitable area for a conception to take place).

Some may ask, if all these problems meant that I probably couldn't get pregnant, why bother....but I wanted to be sure, that when my irregular period would disappear for months, I didn't feel like getting myself worked up over nothing.

Even more coincidentally, I stopped ovulating and having periods a few years later. There's really no way that I can conceive, yet every time I go to the hospital, they insist on giving me a pregnancy test. It's a waste of money an although I always refuse, they sneak it in anyway. Yet another action to assert their authority over MY body.

I will be forever thankful to the doctor who treated me like an adult, a woman, and a human being with rights and freedoms.

But I should never have had to fight so hard for so many years.

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@snarkykitty I'm sorry to read that you encountered so much resistance. It is ridiculous that outsiders should think they know better than you how to manage your health, especially when you have a chronic condition that would make pregnancy/childbirth/child rearing exceedingly difficult, if not impossible. I'm glad you were finally able to find a medical professional who was just that, professional.

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@snarkykitty - Your story reminds me of a friend of mine who is bipolar. Her medications may cause birth defects and she had to have an abortion from a birth control failure, before she could find a doctor who would preform a tubal ligation. She was 29 before she had hers. 

Again we need to treat patients like people, not numbers. 

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16 hours ago, snarkykitty said:

Even more coincidentally, I stopped ovulating and having periods a few years later. There's really no way that I can conceive, yet every time I go to the hospital, they insist on giving me a pregnancy test. It's a waste of money an although I always refuse, they sneak it in anyway. Yet another action to assert their authority over MY body.

I will be forever thankful to the doctor who treated me like an adult, a woman, and a human being with rights and freedoms.

But I should never have had to fight so hard for so many years.

Reminds me of when I had stomach pains and a doctor told me that I needed to take a pregnancy test because I could have an ectopic pregnancy. I told her I did not since I hadn't had sex yet. She said she could not take my word for it because so many teenagers lie. I told her I knew what an ectopic pregnancy was since my sister had one and that I knew that it is deadly if not treated and that I would not lie about such a stupid thing when I know that my life could be at stake. However, since I hadn't had sex I also knew that this was not a possibility. She gave up and referred me to the hospital with suspected appendicitis which turned out to be the right diagnosis. I don't think anyone tested me without me knowing since I did not leave any urine sample. They could have done a blood test but I don't think they did that either. 

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On 29/05/2016 at 8:15 AM, CharlieInCharge said:

 

We live in a Coast Guard area and the local docs will absolutely NOT perform a vasectomy without written consent from the spouse because they've had problems with guys doing it on the DL. Sneaky. 

I would 100% support the right of anyone to get sterilised without informing their partner? No one should be able to dictate their partners medical decisions.

If someone doesn't want children then their partner's views shouldn't be relevant. They might change their mind, but that's on them. If they're going behind their partner's back they should be allowed to, especially since that's probably indicative of relationship problems.

If I'd support the rights of a woman to get sterilised behind her partner's back I don't see why I wouldn't support the rights of a man to do the same. Especially since reproductive coercion is one of the forms of partner abuse that isn't gender skewed.

I mean, if a guy doesn't want children, goes behind his wife's back to get sterilised, the wife finds out and goes off on one at the doctor that is not a healthy relationship. "It's important to me to have children, so bye bye" - healthy. "I feel sad that you lied to me about this" - healthy. Causing a problem for the doctor for not getting the wife's consent - creepy as all hell.

Edit: I'm shocked someone had issues even getting long term contraception. I got that, free, at 16, and again at 19. The only question asked was if I had plans to get pregnant in the next three years. And it can be taken out (implant) as easily as replacement if you do suddenly change your mind.

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