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30 Yr Old Woman Wins Right to Sterilize Herself


roddma
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I don't understand why the doctors are more willing to give the boyfriend a vasectomy than allow the woman to get her tubes tied? Is the assumption than men are "naturally" disinterested in being fathers (and that wish must be honored), but all women will certainly want children eventually and will regret being unable to do so?

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2 minutes ago, Cleopatra7 said:

I don't understand why the doctors are more willing to give the boyfriend a vasectomy than allow the woman to get her tubes tied? Is the assumption than men are "naturally" disinterested in being fathers (and that wish must be honored), but all women will certainly want children eventually and will regret being unable to do so?

I was asking myself if a tubal ligation was reversible like a vasectomy or not. If it isn't then I might be able to understand why a doctor might be more hesitant. But still it is her body and her choice. 

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US based here: I had one hell of a time (early 1980s) persuading my gynecologist to do a tubal ligation. (I wanted a hysterectomy--yay, no more Paps!---but he said that would REALLY be burning my bridges. Tubal ligations may be somewhat reversible.)  Insultingly enough, my husband had to sign an affidavit that it was OK with him. Anybody know if urologists routinely get female-partner-consent before doing vasectomies?

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34 minutes ago, Cleopatra7 said:

I don't understand why the doctors are more willing to give the boyfriend a vasectomy than allow the woman to get her tubes tied? Is the assumption than men are "naturally" disinterested in being fathers (and that wish must be honored), but all women will certainly want children eventually and will regret being unable to do so?

I do think that sexism and gender assumptions come into play, but I also believe vasectomies are much less invasive and are typically reversible, versus tubal litigations and hysterectomies. That's why when a couple has decided they've had enough children, it's almost always the man who gets a vasectomy. 

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I did not have to give permission for my spouse to get a vasectomy.

TL is permanent. However, as opposed to a hysterectomy, the uterus in still intact and a woman may use other reproductive technologies to get pregnant after a TL if she decided to do so. 

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I've heard vasectomies are easier in regards to recovery time. I've seen a video of a vasectomy done and it happened very quickly.

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I have a friend in Australia who wanted a vasectomy at around 25 or 26.  He was married for some years by then and had 2 kids and that's all he and his wife wanted.  They wouldn't even consider "allowing" him to have a vasectomy until he was something like 32 (they being medical professionals).   The argument that was given was that something could happen, such as divorce or being widowed, that would make him regret not being able to have children with the new partner.

 

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2 hours ago, roddma said:

Didn't some FUndies have a reverse tubaL?

 

I know there used to be a "sterilization ministry" called Blessed Arrows, but there website appears to be gone.

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The Maxwells (IIRC) had a vasectomy reversal. Tubal ligation isn't as reversible as vasectomy is. Even then, vasectomy reversals are extremely expensive and no guarantee that it will work. They should both be thought of as permanent. Some ob/gyns are now taking the whole tubes, not just clipping them or cutting them. 

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I had a tubal after my last baby (whole tubes taken out).  My doctor offered it as one of a number of birth control methods and when I said I wanted it, he marked it in my chart and never once asked for my husband's consent. I was getting it done during my c-section.  After he delivered the baby he asked me once more before he actually did the procedure if I was sure.  Not once did he address my husband.  It was my body, my choice.  My husband had no say in the matter.

Edited by Childless
Making tenses match because it annoys me when they don't
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3 hours ago, Curious said:

I have a friend in Australia who wanted a vasectomy at around 25 or 26.  He was married for some years by then and had 2 kids and that's all he and his wife wanted.  They wouldn't even consider "allowing" him to have a vasectomy until he was something like 32 (they being medical professionals).   The argument that was given was that something could happen, such as divorce or being widowed, that would make him regret not being able to have children with the new partner.

 

Weird. My friend's now ex-boyfriend is 34 and had a vasectomy last year. He's kind on idiot (EX-boyfriend :cough cough:) and makes rash decisions. He has never been married and no kids, though he is straight, dates, and is a hopeless romantic. He got the vasectomy sort of on a lark, about a month after deciding to get it. Then he dates my friend for a couple months and says he'd like to have kids with someone like her, so he offers to get a reversal. They break up for other reasons. He starts dating another chick and apparently is so smitten he is regretting the vasectomy again a few weeks into dating her.

Long story short: I don't know why doctors place such an emphasis on age rather than lifestyle/time spent on the decision. Oh, and my friend has terrible taste in men. 

Edited by nausicaa
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Twenty-six years ago I had my tubes tied eight weeks after my third was born. I was twenty-six at the time. No questions asked. No permission needed from hubby. Three years later I had a spontaneous reversal... turned out  to be an extopic pregnancy :(

So yeah, shit happens... Hubby got a vasectomy after that.

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23 hours ago, samira_catlover said:

US based here: I had one hell of a time (early 1980s) persuading my gynecologist to do a tubal ligation. (I wanted a hysterectomy--yay, no more Paps!---but he said that would REALLY be burning my bridges. Tubal ligations may be somewhat reversible.)  Insultingly enough, my husband had to sign an affidavit that it was OK with him. Anybody know if urologists routinely get female-partner-consent before doing vasectomies?

I did have to sign something when my ex got a vasectomy.  Apparently I owned part of his penis at the time.   

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I want to get this done. I'm 26, I have known I don't want children since I was 12. I still get told "oh but you'll change your mind!" My 28 year old male friend has a vasectomy. Go figure.

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IMO, everyone of legal age (18 where I live) should be able to have permanent birth control procedures (vasectomies, tubals, whatever). That's because we're adults and, as such, we're free to make plenty of other decisions that have long-term effects. We can take out student loans, join the military, get tattoos...all sorts of things that are going to affect our lives for decades afterward, if not forever.

Not that the examples I gave are inherently good or inherently bad. They're just options we have as 18-or-older adults. (I was in the military, I have a tattoo, and I'm in student-loan debt up to my eyebrows. Speaking from firsthand experience in all cases, in other words.)

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5 hours ago, unsafetydancer said:

I want to get this done. I'm 26, I have known I don't want children since I was 12. I still get told "oh but you'll change your mind!" My 28 year old male friend has a vasectomy. Go figure.

Ironic no one says "You may change your mind" when you say you want kids at that age.

I would like to think the docs are genuinely concerned about the recovery and complications when they ask "Are you sure", but it always points to the ' you may change your mind'.

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I don't understand why they won't allow the woman to make the choice to tie her tubes. I know child free women who want to remain that way.

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And even if there is the possibility that she would regret it, it's still her decision. Every adult* should have the freedom to do what they want with their own body, it most certainly isn't the government's job to tell them what they are allowed to do and what not. And that freedom doesn't only applies to what the government deems as "good" decisions, but "bad" ones as well, otherwise, it wouldn't be truly a freedom.

*Unless they really aren't able to understand what the consequences of their decisions are, like people who have an intellectual disability or someone who is intoxicated or experiencing a psychotic episode etc.

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Childfree woman in my early 30s here, gonna chime in with my own experience getting sterilized.

It was pretty much the exact opposite of the difficulties I keep reading about everyone else having to go through???

Like, to the point I was legit disappointed I wasn't fought on my request because I was ready to pull out "my body, my choice", "you'd never deny a vasectomy to a man my age", "I don't want kids EVER because I fucking hate them" etc. etc.

So it was summer 2013, I had recently turned 30, was seeing a doctor for my every other year pap and she brought up whether I'd thought about having kids soon as the chart said I'd recently turned 30.  I said, no actually, I don't want kids ever.  She said "that's a fine choice, I can schedule you to see an OBGYN to discuss permanent birth control options if you'd like".  Saw an OBGYN a couple of months later, we discussed implants as well as permanent surgery.  I went with the surgery - a bilateral salpingectomy.  Buh-bye Fallopian tubes!  I had that surgery a few months before I turned 31 and all I had to do was sign a form saying I wouldn't sue the OBGYN practice if I changed my mind (not bloody likely).  And, because I'm Canadian, I didn't have to pay a dime for the surgery either. 

Not sure if being in Canada, and a pretty liberal part of it at that, had anything to do with my ease of obtaining female sterilization at 30 years of age, as a woman who hasn't had (and now never will have) any children.  Or maybe I just got lucky with my doctors.  I wish every other childfree person had the ease of obtaining sterilization I did, without (much) questioning or patronizing.  Because, as others have said, it sure as hell is better to regret not having children (again, not bloody likely) than having them (OOPS!)

 

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On Sunday, May 22, 2016 at 2:50 PM, unsafetydancer said:

I want to get this done. I'm 26, I have known I don't want children since I was 12. I still get told "oh but you'll change your mind!" My 28 year old male friend has a vasectomy. Go figure.

I was 40, in for a third surgery for uterine polyps, I had begged to have a hysterectomy, since I also never wanted children. The doc said no, I might change my mind. Well, apparently when the doc came out of the OR to tell my mom I was okay, mom went off on her, asking why I couldn't have the hysterectomy. Mom told her that once I made up my mind, I do NOT change it, and that I declared in seventh grade that I did not want human children. I'm much happier with dogs.

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18 hours ago, GreyhoundFan said:

I was 40, in for a third surgery for uterine polyps, I had begged to have a hysterectomy, since I also never wanted children. The doc said no, I might change my mind. Well, apparently when the doc came out of the OR to tell my mom I was okay, mom went off on her, asking why I couldn't have the hysterectomy. Mom told her that once I made up my mind, I do NOT change it, and that I declared in seventh grade that I did not want human children. I'm much happier with dogs.

I wish my mother was as supportive as yours. My mum is convinced I will change my mind. Not happening.

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26 here and NEVER want kids. I was told I have to not only wait til 35 but also have at least two kids before they would even consider this. :smiley-signs131:

Btw I grew up helping to raise my siblings I am one of six and helped to raise the later two from birth til now. I have done everything from feeding (jars) to changing diapers, to putting them down, to clothing.. ect. I honestly can't stand babycare. I was still very responsible but disliked it all the way. Had I grown up in the Duggar household I would have ran away at an ATI convention or something.

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