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New Gender Reveal Party Trend


roddma

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Just remember that the ultrasound tech sometimes makes mistakes, too :) 
I was told boy and the first words out of my mouth when I saw my baby was, "I HAD A GIRL?!" lol  I was thrilled to have a girl (would've been thrilled with a boy too) but it was surprising.
 

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11 hours ago, Childless said:

I found out with both my babies at the 20 week ultrasound.  I simply just told people.  No big announcement.  No party.  If someone asked if I knew the sex, I'd tell them.  Otherwise, I didn't talk about it.  No one wants to hear endless chatter about your fetus and people really don't want to have to spend both time and money just to hear you announce the sex like it's the most important piece of news they'll hear all year.  Other than the parents and their immediate family, no one really cares.

That's what I don't get....do the people throwing these parties really think other people care that much?? It seems like it would be so anticlimactic. "It's a boy!!"  "......okay."

We found out at our 20 week scan. We immediately called our parents. We may have called our siblings too but honestly, I can't remember.

I had posted on Facebook that our scan was that day and a few people did seem antsy for results, oddly enough. So we posted it there later in the day. No big production.

11 hours ago, PartriarchydefyinValkarie said:

Speaking of baby parties I'd like to get ya'lls opinon on this. Oh and I agree gender reveals are silly..

"Mah baby has a penis!!!" :wow:

 

Friend of mine from middle school is pregnant again, first was a boy now its a girI, is having another shower considered tacky since she allready had one with her son? I've heard of merely having a sprinkle, but she's even registered at Target? I personally don't know if I really want to go much less bring a gift.

I think that in some circles, multiple showers (with gifts and all) are the norm. But in mine, it's not. Everyone has a shower for their first child and that's it. There's no "sprinkle" or anything like that. I'd never heard of such a thing until I joined a mommy forum.

For my closer relatives, I will often give a small gift for each child. I'll either bring it to the hospital if I visit or give it to them the next time I see them. It's not expected or anything. I just like doing it. And a few did it for me as well.

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11 hours ago, PartriarchydefyinValkarie said:

Speaking of baby parties I'd like to get ya'lls opinon on this. Oh and I agree gender reveals are silly..

"Mah baby has a penis!!!" :wow:

 

Friend of mine from middle school is pregnant again, first was a boy now its a girI, is having another shower considered tacky since she allready had one with her son? I've heard of merely having a sprinkle, but she's even registered at Target? I personally don't know if I really want to go much less bring a gift.

 

I will be honest -- I would have LOVED to have had a baby shower with my second son not because I needed gifts (I definitely didn't especially since my two, all three of them, really, were so close in age, lol) but because my first was born on the day of his shower and they all partied without me. I completely missed my own baby shower, and that's always bummed me out a bit. :( I got home and my sister-in-law had brought all the opened gifts to my house and set them up nicely for me, but I still felt really left out of my own party. (hurt feelings/self-absorption/big baby/whiny ass alert, lol). 

But that said, I'd feel tacky as hell actually having a baby shower for a second or subsequent baby unless there were years and years between them. (What other people do is their business.)

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32 minutes ago, ClaraOswin said:

 

I think that in some circles, multiple showers (with gifts and all) are the norm. But in mine, it's not. Everyone has a shower for their first child and that's it. There's no "sprinkle" or anything like that. I'd never heard of such a thing until I joined a mommy forum.

For my closer relatives, I will often give a small gift for each child. I'll either bring it to the hospital if I visit or give it to them the next time I see them. It's not expected or anything. I just like doing it. And a few did it for me as well.

Same here. Not many of my friends have had babies so I can't really speak to what they do in terms of showers for each baby. My family only does it for the first baby, I believe. But then for family and friends we like to get a little gift for all new babies and often something for older siblings so they don't feel left out. It's been a while since any close family member had a second baby, though. However one of my friends is going to have a second.

A second shower does seem like a gift grab unless there are enough years between babies that things are outdated/given away. Not sure how I feel about a sprinkle. I guess it's a good opportunity to get new clothes? Nothing wrong with hand-me downs though. However I feel like in our society it's more accepted for a baby girl to wear hand-me downs from her big brother than vice versa. :roll:

 

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11 hours ago, Season of life... said:

FJ was on my mind that whole afternoon because my eyes kept reading rifles and ruffles as "riffles". Everywhere I looked there were so, so many riffles.

So many riffles....lol

I've had a few moments like this and they make me realize how Fundie-focused I can get when I'm on FJ too much. I start seeing signs of a Fundie invasion all around...;)

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One's birth mother had an ultrasound, and she asked us if we wanted to know. So we said yes, and then we had the opportunity to discuss with her names we liked and wanted to use... She said it was our decision but was quite pleased with the name we chose as it was also the name of a favorite relative for her.

Two's birth mother and I attended the ultrasound together, and she and I and Mr. Four knew, but she wanted to keep it secret. We discussed names with her, too.

Three and Four were born and named before we met them, so their gender was revealed when the social worker told us they had a placement for us, LOL!

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My mum didn't want to know with me or my brother. We were both born in the second half of the 90s (I'm so young compared to most of you!) so this implies that she was given the option to find out. She doesn't understand why anyone would find out. I can see myself both being really curious and not wanting to know. I suppose I won't know until I am actually pregnant I guess. 

I think that for fundies baby showers are a thing to celebrate fertility. Gender reveal parties are probably fairly important too. For non-fundies I don't really get it. I can possibly get behind baby showers for a first baby, for friends and family to give gifts, but for subsequent babies it seems like a gift-grab. Baby showers are probably ok if it's just a nice gathering for relatives, especially if the expecting mother doesn't see them often, but having a load of dumb games... nope. Like the photo of the ABC girls at Elissa's shower playing the "pin-washing-on-the-line-whilst-holding-a-baby-and-a-phone" game was just depressing. Those poor girls are just doomed to being baby factories.

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I think if I ever have kids, I'll find out but refuse to tell anyone else (except the father if he'd like to know.) I am a type A planner and would not be able to deal even though I'd probably choose green for a nursery color theme. But I couldn't tell anyone because I find pink to be the most disgustingly, nauseating color and if it has a vagina I will suddenly have an influx of pink tutus and I won't make it. 

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I don't mind finding out sex and telling people, but I'd like to keep the name a secret until the baby's born.

Also, in my circles it's normal to have a shower for each child.

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I really don't get the point of all the buildup about the baby's sex. Is it really that important to tell the whole world about the soon-to-be child's genitals? I can certainly see sharing that information with family and friends if the parents want to, but having a separate party seems pretty over the top. 

What if the child turns out to be transgender, intersex, or otherwise not fitting a gender binary? How much does gender (let alone just biological sex, which is all you can know for an infant) really tell you about a person anyway? It seems like a lot of pressure on the child to have such a big deal made of their assumed gender identity before they're even born.

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54 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

My mum didn't want to know with me or my brother. We were both born in the second half of the 90s (I'm so young compared to most of you!) so this implies that she was given the option to find out. She doesn't understand why anyone would find out. I can see myself both being really curious and not wanting to know. I suppose I won't know until I am actually pregnant I guess. 

I think that for fundies baby showers are a thing to celebrate fertility. Gender reveal parties are probably fairly important too. For non-fundies I don't really get it. I can possibly get behind baby showers for a first baby, for friends and family to give gifts, but for subsequent babies it seems like a gift-grab. Baby showers are probably ok if it's just a nice gathering for relatives, especially if the expecting mother doesn't see them often, but having a load of dumb games... nope. Like the photo of the ABC girls at Elissa's shower playing the "pin-washing-on-the-line-whilst-holding-a-baby-and-a-phone" game was just depressing. Those poor girls are just doomed to being baby factories.

My parents didn't know either (I was born early 90s, my sister was mid 90s). I don't know how my mom handled baby showers and such, since I know that my sister's wardrobe was almost entirely hand-me-downs from me (to the point where, when she was 3 or so, would look at old pictures of me and ask why I was wearing her dresses). I don't like how gendered baby products are these days, so I think even if I did find out in advance, I wouldn't want to know for the purposes of picking out color schemes/toys/clothes, since I'd just go gender-neutral/as gender-neutral as possible no matter what. A baby doesn't even know that they're a separate human being or that their reflection in a mirror is themselves and not another baby until quite a ways into their infancy. They're not going to give a fuck about the color of their nursery or whether or not they're wearing a tutu (which will just end up covered in shit at some point anyway).

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In the unlikely event I ever end up with a baby, the nursery theme is going to be either dinosaurs or jungle animals depending on which I find cuter at the time, regardless of whether it's presumed to be a boy or a girl. 

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I don't know why this topic pisses me off so much but it does. I'm in a bitchy mood so apologies in advance for the forthcoming rant (my opinion only, certainly don't want to offend those who feel differently).

My kids were born in the mid '80's and early '90's. Didn't know the sex of either until they slipped out after that last big push. We didn't have a baby shower for either one. Family and friends came by to visit once we we're home from the hospital and, admittedly, everyone was very generous with gifts for both (different sexes) each time. No one imposed - just came by for a cup of tea and to see the new babe. Many brought food and some even threw in a load of laundry while they were over. It was relaxing and intimate, calm and low-key and the important people in our lives met our new children on a personal level.

Why does everything today have to be such a huge production? Gender reveal parties, multiple baby showers, "push presents" (ugh), professional photo shoots documenting every stage of pregnancy that must be shared on every social media outlet. Gifts! More gifts! Even more gifts!

Having a baby, especially your first, is a HUGE, life-changing, exciting experience. But guess what? It's not unusual, uncommon or special. Most people, aside from very close family and friends, aren't as thrilled about your pregnancy as you are. And rightly so. Today's traditions of multiple (gift-gathering) parties and very public sharing of every detail of pregnancy seem so narcissistic and greedy.

tl;dnr - grumpy old lady shakes fist and yells, "get off my lawn, you kids!!"

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Over the top gender reveals (example: the guns and glitter thing) bug me. People who use gender reveals to get more gifts bug me. But if it's a reveal/baby shower combo or a party that doesn't demand gifts, then I don't care.

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My Mom and I were just discussing this the other night. I was born in 1978 and am a twin but my mom didn't even know she was having twins until 4 weeks before our due date. By that time her friends had already thrown her a wonderful shower and my dad's aunts were planning a shower for right after our birth. The second shower was great for the duplicate items. But my mom really didn't care about gifts, it was about herself and a bunch of her female family and friends getting together for an afternoon of fun and sisterhood bonding. Some of the games didn't even involve baby stuff, the ladies who already had children wrote their best tips for being a mom and handling kids, which my mother still has in her hope chest. There were no professional decorations, both showers were held in someone's living room, and life was dandy. My Mom still vividly remembers the details and recounts them with great affection. 

An interesting "shower" my mom went to recently was for a longtime friend of hers. Apparently when this woman was in college she got pregnant, had twin boys and they were out up for adoption. This woman went on to marry and have two sons of her own, but those boys haven't married yet. Anyway, about eight years ago she was contacted by the twins, concluding a long search they had done to find their birth mother. She was so thrilled and told all her friends about them (many of the friends had no idea she had been pregnant in college), and mentioned how wonderful these men and their families were, including their children. So the civic club my mom and this woman have been in for decades organized a surprise "Grandma shower" for her, bringing age appropriate toys, board games and such for her to have on hand when the boys and their children come to visit. It was a great time.  

Point is, these events that are to be a celebration of motherhood, sisterhood and just a damn good time, have in my opinion become gift grabs and mini-weddings. In some cases the family ends up shoveling out a thousand bucks or more so they can get gifts. And while I have nothing against men being there, it's just not the same as the all-girl gigs where we can let our hair down. It should be a special time remembered as just that - the gifts should be an afterthought. 

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3 hours ago, Caribou said:

I don't know why this topic pisses me off so much but it does. I'm in a bitchy mood so apologies in advance for the forthcoming rant (my opinion only, certainly don't want to offend those who feel differently).

My kids were born in the mid '80's and early '90's. Didn't know the sex of either until they slipped out after that last big push. We didn't have a baby shower for either one. Family and friends came by to visit once we we're home from the hospital and, admittedly, everyone was very generous with gifts for both (different sexes) each time. No one imposed - just came by for a cup of tea and to see the new babe. Many brought food and some even threw in a load of laundry while they were over. It was relaxing and intimate, calm and low-key and the important people in our lives met our new children on a personal level.

Why does everything today have to be such a huge production? Gender reveal parties, multiple baby showers, "push presents" (ugh), professional photo shoots documenting every stage of pregnancy that must be shared on every social media outlet. Gifts! More gifts! Even more gifts!

Having a baby, especially your first, is a HUGE, life-changing, exciting experience. But guess what? It's not unusual, uncommon or special. Most people, aside from very close family and friends, aren't as thrilled about your pregnancy as you are. And rightly so. Today's traditions of multiple (gift-gathering) parties and very public sharing of every detail of pregnancy seem so narcissistic and greedy.

tl;dnr - grumpy old lady shakes fist and yells, "get off my lawn, you kids!!"

I feel like most rites of passage these days have been turned into massive productions. Now, of course, things vary from culture to culture (one of my friends is Bangladeshi and the family weddings he's attended are INSANE, and I know a white American guy who's married to a Korean woman, and in accordance with Korean tradition, they had an absolute balls-to-the-wall catered event for their son's first birthday), but I think the age of Pinterest and social media have turned weddings, baby showers, birthday parties, first communions, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, funerals, and everything in between into these gigantic blowout events that need to be carefully orchestrated and amazing and photogenic or else you're a bad wife/mother/relative. There's nothing wrong with throwing big, elaborate parties (hell, my family lives and breathes on parties that will destroy your feet from dancing and possibly make you gain 20 pounds from the food), but the pressure to have them and the pressure to have the most unique, twee, perfect event is just toxic.

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One of my ARC workers is expecting(and almost at term), and decided she didn't want to know, but her husband did.  Apparently, the tech blurted it out without thinking.  Oops.

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I really hate the expectation that all girls are going to like pink, sparkly, glittery things. My two-year-old niece loves cars & trucks, balls, dinosaurs and Toy Story and her favorite color is blue. There are some people in her life who are trying to convince her to like stereotypical girl things, but I'm going to keep buying her blue cars and Dinosaurs. It's what she likes. 

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My sister didn't want to know with both my nephews, it's still common here not to find out. Her waters broke 10 weeks early with the oldest boy luckily he wasn't early but she needed regular ultrasounds we could tell last one it was a boy. With second when she went for her last ultrasound the woman asked are you having another boy? Giving it away. So both times she found out without wanting to. 

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The idea these days is every baby deserves a party, but it seems like  a bit much when the kids are close in age. I don't get multiple parties for one event, especially weddings and baby showers. Marriage and babies are great, but they aren't the end all be all of existence or the greatest thing you will ever do.

Love the ID Screaming Izzy LOL

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9 hours ago, RoseWilder said:

I really hate the expectation that all girls are going to like pink, sparkly, glittery things. My two-year-old niece loves cars & trucks, balls, dinosaurs and Toy Story and her favorite color is blue. There are some people in her life who are trying to convince her to like stereotypical girl things, but I'm going to keep buying her blue cars and Dinosaurs. It's what she likes. 

I got my friends daughter a plush Toothless with a soft shortened version of the story. Thankfully her mom is into it too we we have a future little girl who will be a Dragons fan :my_biggrin:

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I really don't get the point of a "gender reveal party" as an excuse to get together with friends. You don't need an excuse; just have some people over. If they can make the time to come find out if you're having a boy or girl, they can make time to provide you with some companionship and support.

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18 hours ago, RoseWilder said:

I really hate the expectation that all girls are going to like pink, sparkly, glittery things. My two-year-old niece loves cars & trucks, balls, dinosaurs and Toy Story and her favorite color is blue. There are some people in her life who are trying to convince her to like stereotypical girl things, but I'm going to keep buying her blue cars and Dinosaurs. It's what she likes. 

My niece was the same way, she preferred cars from Hot Wheels to the Disney version, and because her maternal grandma saved a lot of toys my SIL and her siblings played with, she got to play with the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles so for her 4th birthday, I wrapped her gifts in TMNT wrapping paper. Now she does like some "girly" things at 8, but she especially loves what were once gender neutral Legos, and just yesterday, she built something that could be from the recent Mad Max movie. One thing she also loved that my mom got her was a T Rex that she had to build so she still likes dinosaurs.

My brother and SIL managed to be one of those couples who like surprises, so they deliberately didn't find out until my niece was born. Fortunately, it seems that the area we live in is accepting of those who like surprises, so the only individuals who knew were the ultrasound techs and the doctor who might have put that in the records, but kept that to themselves.

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The other day, a friend was going on about her friend's baby shower. My friend was horrified/upset/irritated that her friend was refusing to find out the sex of the baby. She didn't know what to get her at all. Like, the part of her brain that said "just get what's on the register" wasn't functioning because she was so confused that the mother didn't want to know ahead of time what kind of genitals the baby would possess. No amount of "some people want a surprise" or "what does it matter?" could calm her down. The idea was somehow insulting to her. I think she really wanted her friend to have a girl so she could get pink sparkles and princess stuff. It was one of the strangest conversations I'd had in a while. 

Point is, we have a long way to go to stop gendering our kids before birth. And it's not just media/marketing. People wouldn't respond to the marketing if it didn't work. So it's something we need to change through education. (It doesn't help that there are fewer and fewer gender neutral products available.)

 

This thread is reminding of this skit from Portlandia. 

 

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On 5/15/2016 at 10:04 AM, polecat said:

I will be honest -- I would have LOVED to have had a baby shower with my second son not because I needed gifts (I definitely didn't especially since my two, all three of them, really, were so close in age, lol) but because my first was born on the day of his shower and they all partied without me. I completely missed my own baby shower, and that's always bummed me out a bit. :( I got home and my sister-in-law had brought all the opened gifts to my house and set them up nicely for me, but I still felt really left out of my own party. (hurt feelings/self-absorption/big baby/whiny ass alert, lol). 

But that said, I'd feel tacky as hell actually having a baby shower for a second or subsequent baby unless there were years and years between them. (What other people do is their business.)

I think in your case, a 2nd baby shower would have been completely okay. I think if that happened to someone in my family, we would have done the shower at a later time. We did actually have one for my cousin a month or so after her son was born just because of scheduling conflicts.

On 5/15/2016 at 11:42 AM, mango_fandango said:

My mum didn't want to know with me or my brother. We were both born in the second half of the 90s (I'm so young compared to most of you!) so this implies that she was given the option to find out. She doesn't understand why anyone would find out. I can see myself both being really curious and not wanting to know. I suppose I won't know until I am actually pregnant I guess. 

I think that for fundies baby showers are a thing to celebrate fertility. Gender reveal parties are probably fairly important too. For non-fundies I don't really get it. I can possibly get behind baby showers for a first baby, for friends and family to give gifts, but for subsequent babies it seems like a gift-grab. Baby showers are probably ok if it's just a nice gathering for relatives, especially if the expecting mother doesn't see them often, but having a load of dumb games... nope. Like the photo of the ABC girls at Elissa's shower playing the "pin-washing-on-the-line-whilst-holding-a-baby-and-a-phone" game was just depressing. Those poor girls are just doomed to being baby factories.

I am not a big party games fan at all. My family threw me a bridal shower and there were no games. I was a little surprised when they threw me a baby shower...they had a couple games. Even though it was just 3 years ago, I only vaguely remember them. I think one was some sort of fill in the blank type thing but it made no sense. My aunt found it online and I don't think she did it right. So it became quite comical in the end.

I was at a shower once where diapers had melted candy bars in them and we had to try to guess what kind of candy it was. So bizarre.

Usually for a shower gift, I find something useful on the registry. But every now and then I will throw in an outfit. For girls, I usually try to find something non-pink because it seems like everyone else goes overboard with pink. And for boys I try to do non-blue for the same reason. My favorite colors are green and purple so I tend to gravitate toward those.

On 5/15/2016 at 0:55 PM, Mercer said:

In the unlikely event I ever end up with a baby, the nursery theme is going to be either dinosaurs or jungle animals depending on which I find cuter at the time, regardless of whether it's presumed to be a boy or a girl. 

We picked our nursery decor before we knew we were having a boy. Some people thought it was boy-ish but we liked it for a girl or boy.

http://www.babysupermall.com/cp/kidsline/cute-as-a-bug-baby-crib-bedding-accessories_kli5704bed8.html

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