Crazy fundie bride story

[AtroposHeart]

I stumbled on this blog about this woman who makes custom wedding dresses and veils. She deals with a lot of craziness and posts it on her blog called 'crazy bride stories'.

http://crazybridestories.blogspot.com/2010/09/wow-just-wow.html

This is about a fundie bride. Don't read just this story, the rest of the blog is hilarious!

I wish she would update more often.

[Chrystal-J]

I like how she made the statement at "full volume" in the busy shop. So much for modesty!

[GeoBQn]

I thought I read that a fundie man can't even touch himself to . . . position himself so that he is actually having sex with his wife and not ramming into his wife's thigh. But that might have been an Onion article.

[doggie]

I thought I read that a fundie man can't even touch himself to . . . position himself so that he is actually having sex with his wife and not ramming into his wife's thigh. But that might have been an Onion article.

if it were only so we would have less fundies in this world.

[bananacat]

How can that girl ever do a breast self-exam?

I hope she never gets bigger than about a C-cup, because mine are very large and I have to move them around all the time just to get them out of the way.

[FundiesInMyFamily]

How do these people manage to procreate? Or is it that once their married, it's ok for Him to touch your boobies, but only if you're procreating at the time?

Aside from the obvious blinding dumbness, this makes me really sad that women aren't being taught about their own bodies, and the things they are being taught is centered around shame. Breast self exams are one of the most important ways you can detect early breast cancer. Not to mention sex - I can't imagine not knowing a thing about my body or how it works then being thrust into the arms of an overly horny and equally ignorant man on my wedding day. They must be scared to death, I know I would be.

[BlackHawk]

Okay, I don't understand this whole mindset that everyone must remain ignorant till their wedding day. I was ignorant until my partner and I had been dating 2 years and we finally decided this was it. I was okay with that till we got in the bedroom. It was shocking!

And I'm a guy.

I couldn't imagine a girl with no information. I mean, I've read enough "real life" books about sexuality and virginity to know that first time sex for a female can be painful. Not only bloody (hymen) but down right painful from first time dilation. WHY would you not want to explain this to your daughter? Or let her get that part over for herself in the privacy of her own safe spot? Why would you do that to your child whom you supposedly love? This isn't 1876 where we all expect to marry a woman who's never had her hymen touched.

That said, this crazy bride site is keeping me in stitches. I am helping with a wedding of a mutual acquaintance of my best friend (in the bride to be's mind, all gay men have some magic touch! and I know more than one shade of purple so I'm the "perfect gay best friend"... amusing to me really!) and I swear she will end up on a site like this. It's amazing how crazy some people can get over their "fairy tale" wedding.

[Swamptribe]

"it makes me stabby". My be incorporating this term into my vocabulary.

[Kitty]

This crazy "fairytale wedding" bullshit is why my wedding will take place at the local courthouse, with me wearing whatever the fuck I want to wear. I'm also glad my parents didn't have so much of a problem with sex that I wasn't allowed to touch myself.

Holy fuck, what happens when this chick is in the shower?! Does she not wash her private parts because of her (and, evidently, her mother's) self-love phobia? holy shit.

[Terrie]

The "fairy tale wedding" stuff makes me laugh. When I was a kid, we took a trip to Disney World. Someone in our hotel was having a Cinderella-esque wedding, with the giant dress, the carriage and four white horses, etc. I was standing in the crowd watching, while a young woman on one side of me was gushing about how she wanted her wedding to be the same. On my other side was someone's grandfather juts grumbled "It'll never last." This made a huge impact on my young self and I've come to conclude that the old guy was probably right. Fancy weddings don't make for long marriages,

[Bella99]

When I owned my shop, I dealt with several orhodox and fundie brides. These were very conservative (and sweet) young ladies and none of them would have freaked out over breast placement suggestions or refused my help in the dressing room. But that was 10 years ago, I guess the crazy has increased exponentially.

[Nothing2CHere]

Did you see the post before this one, about the bridesmaid whose husband made all the phone calls in regard to her dress fitting? *cue psycho music*

On a more odd note, I had a bridesmaid who started out normal, and went to a whole weird place. She emailed me a few times and we set up a time to meet. The day before, her husband called to confirm the time and I thought nothing of it. That fitting, he came with her and had to give his stamp of approval on everything. It was a bit strange, but I figured he was just helping her out. Nope. Every phone call received about the dress was made by him. Every fitting, he had to be present and had to tell her what he thought. Any calls about changes to the dress were made by him with her kind of talking in the background. It was all very strange. In person, she was personable, friendly, and even outgoing. So why, may one ask, is she not allowed to make a phone call?* It just gave off a very Edward from the books that shall not be named stalkerey-overprotective-he-just-kidnaps-me-because-he-loves-me sort of vibe.**

[nuri]

Hopefully, there's a good reason for not making any calls herself. Maybe she's like me and is phone adverse (my phone rep job made me better about it, but I still hate phones) and the husband does the phone calls. I sure hope it's something like that.

[Terrie]

Maybe she has a hearing problem that makes talking on the phone difficult? It's out of the ordinary, sure, and might be sinister, but there are explanations that make sense for normal people.

[slickcat79]

Wow...that fundie bride story seems extreme, even for them. I do remember the 18K&C episode where Michelle goes to Kleinfeld's to get her vow renewal dress, and refused to have the consultants help her with the dresses. I think they also had to pin fabric drapes on them so that she would even come out and show them, because the store doesn't carry anything "modest" enough without being altered.

I didn't really remember the episode that well, but I caught another clip of it on a recent episode where they were counting down the 10 craziest families or something like that. I'm pretty sure they picked the dress based on what JB liked, and not necessarily what Michelle wanted. He didn't like the first dress because the cream color wasn't white enough :roll: He also wanted "puffy sleeves". Seriously stuck in the 80s...

[Trynn]

Holy cow. I mean, really. Sometimes I have to touch other body parts too. Does this mean I'm masturbating every time I use the toilet?

[Dinorah]

That's insane. Indeed how does she self-examines? or even washes properly?

[let-them-eat-cake]

This is totally weird. "Adjusting your chest" is something you don't even have to be taught, you just figure it out yourself when you start wearing bras. Unless the girl doesn't wear bras? Maybe they're evil? Maybe putting on a bra is masturbation?

[ChunkyBarbie]

Hopefully, there's a good reason for not making any calls herself. Maybe she's like me and is phone adverse (my phone rep job made me better about it, but I still hate phones) and the husband does the phone calls. I sure hope it's something like that.

Yea! I was afraid I was the only one with phone aversion. I hate, hate, hate making phone calls. Sometimes I would rather go to the dentist, but I will make phone calls and do daily.

[nuri]

Yea! I was afraid I was the only one with phone aversion. I hate, hate, hate making phone calls. Sometimes I would rather go to the dentist, but I will make phone calls and do daily.

My two years in a call center (banking, incoming calls only, outgoing only to follow up) made my aversion better, but I'd still rather not call anywhere.

Ironically, I was a very good phone rep, one of the best in my department, before I moved areas to a job where I take only....oh, 3 or 4 calls a day. Life is so much better now.

But I make my husband make calls whenever possible. Because I will just keep putting it off until the last moment, which does not help.

[Nothing2CHere]

Maybe she has a hearing problem that makes talking on the phone difficult? It's out of the ordinary, sure, and might be sinister, but there are explanations that make sense for normal people.

Except that the blogger also stated not only was her husband making the calls, he had to be present at every fitting and give his input:

On a more odd note, I had a bridesmaid who started out normal, and went to a whole weird place. She emailed me a few times and we set up a time to meet. The day before, her husband called to confirm the time and I thought nothing of it. That fitting, he came with her and had to give his stamp of approval on everything. It was a bit strange, but I figured he was just helping her out. Nope. Every phone call received about the dress was made by him. Every fitting, he had to be present and had to tell her what he thought. Any calls about changes to the dress were made by him with her kind of talking in the background. It was all very strange. In person, she was personable, friendly, and even outgoing. So why, may one ask, is she not allowed to make a phone call?* It just gave off a very Edward from the books that shall not be named stalkerey-overprotective-he-just-kidnaps-me-because-he-loves-me sort of vibe.**

Maybe the wife wanted him there, but given that the blogger does this for a living and holds hundreds of fittings a year (maybe thousands? I've never worked as a seamstress), there had to be something about his involvement that set off her radar enough for her to include the story on her blog.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

How can that girl ever do a breast self-exam?

This. And how do these women breastfeed their babies? You have grab your breasts a thousand times a day, esp in the beginning, to make that successful.

[formergothardite]

My two years in a call center (banking, incoming calls only, outgoing only to follow up) made my aversion better, but I'd still rather not call anywhere.

Ironically, I was a very good phone rep, one of the best in my department, before I moved areas to a job where I take only....oh, 3 or 4 calls a day. Life is so much better now.

But I make my husband make calls whenever possible. Because I will just keep putting it off until the last moment, which does not help.

I have found my people! I haven't met anyone else who hates making phone calls like I do. I think I probably need therapy or meds or something. LOL. I will eventually make the call, but I hate it. I have no reason why, I just hate it. My husband doesn't understand at all.

[BlackHawk]

This. And how do these women breastfeed their babies? You have grab your breasts a thousand times a day, esp in the beginning, to make that successful.

It's sad but I bet they don't know this. They probably think baby latches right on and wham, there you go. Perfect people crate perfect babies who respond perfectly to everything. I bet they also think babies will sleep through the night at birth and they will be on a "typical" schedule their whole lives. It's a sad mindset really.

[emmiedahl]

OMG, I thought I was the only one who hated the phone! I have really gotten into trouble with it. I'm better now--I make a list of necessary calls in the morning and do them by 9 so I don't have to fret about it all day.