Kim C. of LiaS pregnant again

[Queen Of Hearts]

13 hours ago, theologygeek said:

I think it's her.  She puts the "nonn" in all her usernames.  Not that I stalk or anything.  lol  It's just that I have read her stuff and noticed that. 

I hope it's her.  And I hope the FB message shows that there is still love between she and her parents, even if they don't talk.  I am just skeptical, in general, of people on the internet.  

[Diana]

On 10/5/2016 at 4:44 AM, Denonner said:

Well, you're wrong about one thing. They totally disowned me lol. And I'm excommunicated (for living with said bf).

My family hasn't changed any of their core beliefs at all. They are just no longer being peer pressured by all those legalistic hypocrites into pretending that they have a problem with pop entertainment, normal clothes, or pretty hairstyles. 

Hi guys! Just by the way haha

Deanna

Hi, i dont know if you are really Deanna i mean there is contradictions between what you said here about your family rejecting you and Coghlans social media including your own facebook. But if its really you, then i hope you are able to find your own happyness out of the church, without losing your relation with your sisters and family since it seems you still love each other.  Also by your facebook it seems you are still against abortion and share some of your family believes so i hope you are able to educate yourself and be less judgamental of others now that you experienced how awful it is to be judged by your choices.

[Koala]

Just going to throw this out there (based on my own experience)- A lot of times, fundies with an online/social presence do their shunning behind closed doors.  On Facebook/in public they're loving, devoted parents/family members, but behind closed doors they don't give you the time of day.

My husband's family (fundie lite) does a variation of this.  We are invited to events/get togethers where our absence would be noticed by others, but otherwise they (with the exception of my FIL) pretend we don't exist.

Once we caught on, we stopped attending the few things we were invited to, and were surprised by how outraged they were.  Of course the outrage isn't because they actually want us there, but because their friends notice and it messes up their whole, "We're the perfect family!  Look how accepting we are of these heathen, Atheists that we're trying to reach for Jesus!" image.  

The last Thanksgiving we spent with them, they all gathered for a giant, showy prayer in the main room.  We didn't want to make a scene, so our family just stood quietly (eyes open) waiting for them to finish.  Well about half way through, I felt like someone was staring at me, so I looked over only to find my MIL glaring at us with what can only be described as absolute hatred.  Because Jesus.  She even admitted, that when she looked at us, she was just overcome with anger (I guess because we refused to embrace her belief system).

Anyway, sorry for the rant.  That may not be what's going on with the Coughlans, but it wouldn't surprise me.

[refugee]

30 minutes ago, Koala said:

 

Just going to throw this out there (based on my own experience)- A lot of times, fundies with an online/social presence do their shunning behind closed doors.  On Facebook/in public they're loving, devoted parents/family members, but behind closed doors they don't give you the time of day.

 

Y'know, I hadn't thought of that. Of course. It's all about appearances.

[Miranda]

Just like how Chris Jeub portrayed Cynthia and Lydia as moving out on their own and stated how proud he was of them, when in actuality he had kicked them out and was behaving very nastily towards them.

[JesusCampSongs]

On 7/8/2016 at 1:31 PM, Koala said:

My husband's family (fundie lite) does a variation of this.  We are invited to events/get togethers where our absence would be noticed by others, but otherwise they (with the exception of my FIL) pretend we don't exist.

Once we caught on, we stopped attending the few things we were invited to, and were surprised by how outraged they were.  Of course the outrage isn't because they actually want us there, but because their friends notice and it messes up their whole, "We're the perfect family!  Look how accepting we are of these heathen, Atheists that we're trying to reach for Jesus!" image.  

My mother's family is the same way. Ever since I stopped being a charming, Southern Baptist, Republican Robot, they largely stopped acknowledging my existence, absent holidays and family get-togethers-- and then they'd be incredibly butthurt if I didn't materialize the second they snapped their fingers. Because what would people say?!

I went along to get along for a while, but I eventually tired of the bullshit and now refuse to interact with anyone. Cue a mega-tantrum from my mother and passive-aggressive phone calls from my grandmother (who missed four of my last five birthdays). It hasn't been that bad, but I cut contact in March and the holidays have yet to come around. 

It's hard to be in the position of the black sheep that's occasionally trotted out for the sake of appearances, especially if you're still in the place where you want your family to love and accept you. 

[refugee]

On 7/8/2016 at 0:15 PM, Miranda said:

Just like how Chris Jeub portrayed Cynthia and Lydia as moving out on their own and stated how proud he was of them, when in actuality he had kicked them out and was behaving very nastily towards them.

Well, you know if you have to kick kids out as they become adults and start to think for themselves question your authority (or even simply disagree with you on some political/social/scriptural point, or want to act as individuals rather than clones of the parents), people outside your family might perceive this as some sort of failure on your part. We can't have that, can we?

What to do, what to do? Aha! The perfect solution. Ease the young eagles out of the nest (have you heard that analogy in parenting workshops?) so they can spread their wings and fly independently, and then you can brag to all and sundry about the success of your "godly" child-rearing methods.

[Hisey]

11 minutes ago, JesusCampSongs said:

My mother's family is the same way. Ever since I stopped being a charming, Southern Baptist, Republican Robot, they largely stopped acknowledging my existence, absent holidays and family get-togethers-- and then they'd be incredibly butthurt if I didn't materialize the second they snapped their fingers. Because what would people say?!

I went along to get along for a while, but I eventually tired of the bullshit and now refuse to interact with anyone. Cue a mega-tantrum from my mother and passive-aggressive phone calls from my grandmother (who missed four of my last five birthdays). It hasn't been that bad, but I cut contact in March and the holidays have yet to come around. 

It's hard to be in the position of the black sheep that's occasionally trotted out for the sake of appearances, especially if you're still in the place where you want your family to love and accept you. 

Tell it, sister! I always wanted my family to love me, but it was extremely conditional. In my FOO, it was conditional on accepting (and later denying) abuse. In my husband's family, it was conditional on doing whatever they wanted us to do, without question, no matter how outrageous.

A few years back, they scheduled a family event on the one weekend they knew we could not attend. When we did not attend, it "looked bad" to all the visiting relatives, which really embarrassed them. Our quite reasonable reason didn't matter at all. We actually desperately wanted to go and please them, but it was impossible on that date. My MIL seems to set up these situations on purpose to put us in an impossible position. Not sure why. Anyhow, we have not been forgiven and there is very low contact with them. It IS very sad, when all you want to do is get along. It actually made my husband physically ill to go through that.

[MakeitSew]

There's certainly a lot of veiled shunning that goes on. Emotionally it is just as devastating as open shunning. I became the "wrong" kind of Christian after I left home and my family hated me for a while but decided to "forgive" me after their first grandchild was born. It's been many years now and one sibling refuses to acknowledge I exist and holidays, birthday parties, became a real annoyance so I started to politely decline any invitations. It bothered me a lot for a while but I got over it eventually. Would never want to relive those feelings, though. It's hard when you realize that your family doesn't love and value you for who you are, but for what brand of Christianity you buy. Their loss, though. 

 

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

10 hours ago, Hisey said:

Tell it, sister! I always wanted my family to love me, but it was extremely conditional. In my FOO, it was conditional on accepting (and later denying) abuse. In my husband's family, it was conditional on doing whatever they wanted us to do, without question, no matter how outrageous.

A few years back, they scheduled a family event on the one weekend they knew we could not attend. When we did not attend, it "looked bad" to all the visiting relatives, which really embarrassed them. Our quite reasonable reason didn't matter at all. We actually desperately wanted to go and please them, but it was impossible on that date. My MIL seems to set up these situations on purpose to put us in an impossible position. Not sure why. Anyhow, we have not been forgiven and there is very low contact with them. It IS very sad, when all you want to do is get along. It actually made my husband physically ill to go through that.

My chest felt tight reading this because I can SO relate. Hugs. 

[Escapefromfundiedom]

On 7/9/2016 at 0:28 PM, Hisey said:

Tell it, sister! I always wanted my family to love me, but it was extremely conditional. In my FOO, it was conditional on accepting (and later denying) abuse. In my husband's family, it was conditional on doing whatever they wanted us to do, without question, no matter how outrageous.

A few years back, they scheduled a family event on the one weekend they knew we could not attend. When we did not attend, it "looked bad" to all the visiting relatives, which really embarrassed them. Our quite reasonable reason didn't matter at all. We actually desperately wanted to go and please them, but it was impossible on that date. My MIL seems to set up these situations on purpose to put us in an impossible position. Not sure why. Anyhow, we have not been forgiven and there is very low contact with them. It IS very sad, when all you want to do is get along. It actually made my husband physically ill to go through that.

This rings so true for me and my FOO. Especially your husbands' family - the conditional love especially. And being physically ill. :-( It is still hard for me to go to family gatherings for this reason.

Don't underestimate the shadiness of these types. They care very much about their public reputation and keeping up appearances A public declaration like that, while shunning their daughter behind closed doors in real life...wouldn't surprise me at all.

[Manda]

On 7/8/2016 at 10:31 AM, Koala said:

Just going to throw this out there (based on my own experience)- A lot of times, fundies with an online/social presence do their shunning behind closed doors.  On Facebook/in public they're loving, devoted parents/family members, but behind closed doors they don't give you the time of day.

You've met some of my family!  On FB you'd think they call and talk to people every day.  I have cousins who write gushy FB messages but couldn't be bothered to RSVP for my sisters' weddings.  They still haven't acknowledged the niece and nephew.  It's all fakey fakey for appearance.  My grandfather's family quit calling when he quit giving them money.  In fact they put his mother up to calling because his nephew's vehicle had been repossessed and they tried to blame grandpa for not caring enough to find and send money before it happened. That's when he quit caring when he realized they didn't care about him, but only his bank account.   

[Hisey]

23 hours ago, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

My chest felt tight reading this because I can SO relate. Hugs. 

Thanks. I'm used to being terribly hurt by my own family, but it really bothered me to see my husband get hurt in the same way. Poor guy had tried so hard to get along.

[Peas n carrots]

Another who can relate here to family who throw you under the bus. I think in some cases the family card is used as a means to act like an ass without being called out on - or at least think they shouldn't be called out. That is my mom's attitude, which has gotten her many broken relationships over the years as many of our extended family (myself included) just get tired of being treated like crap.

[Eternalbluepearl]

2 hours ago, Peas n carrots said:

Another who can relate here to family who throw you under the bus. I think in some cases the family card is used as a means to act like an ass without being called out on - or at least think they shouldn't be called out. That is my mom's attitude, which has gotten her many broken relationships over the years as many of our extended family (myself included) just get tired of being treated like crap.

I can relate as well. In fact, I had a 2 hour conversation about my family last night with my husband that basically boiled down to...just because you are my family, doesn't mean you can treat me badly. 

[fundiefan]

I think I said this before, but it deserves repeating after reading these latest experiences.

Fundies are full of shit. Their whole 'family is godly' thing is nothing but a lie. Only conforming family is the shit; if you don't conform, you become the shit. 

Somehow, though, it doesn't surprise me because fundies, as a whole are, in my opinion, entirely hypocritical about almost everything.

[Denonner]

On 5/18/2016 at 10:37 PM, VVV said:

Welcome, Deanna!  I wish you all the best in putting together the life of your choice.  One of my family members and her husband are BSC and in a sort of small home-made cult (not reformed, but definitely fundie) and I wish at least one or two of her adult children would break free, go get a real education, and have a life.  Doesn't look promising for them, though.

Editing to add, if you feel free to disclose it, how did you manage to lurk on this site while you were living at home?  I'm impressed.

It wasn't a secret. The obviously ridiculous things that people said here were considered family entertainment, and the genuine disagreements were ignored. 

Honestly though, how seriously would you take it if a bunch of strangers were talking glib shit about you online? 

On 6/21/2016 at 2:59 PM, DomWackTroll said:

Nothing more than that these situations are obviously very complicated. 

A truer word was never spoken.

[VVV]

2 minutes ago, Denonner said:

It wasn't a secret. The obviously ridiculous things that people said here were considered family entertainment, and the genuine disagreements were ignored. 

Honestly though, how seriously would you take it if a bunch of strangers were talking glib shit about you online? 

It would depend on what I thought their source was and how much damage I thought might possibly ensue. My career keeps me in the local public eye so a good or at least a neutral online reputation is important to me.