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"Look Away My Son"


roddma

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"How do we escape the larger than life photos of women in their undergarments"

Embrace them. How can a woman in underwater offend you. It's a naked freaking body. 

 

"Mom, does that lady need privacy"

Omg imgaine these boys on their wedding night? Hey wife you have on undergarments, do you need privacy? 

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12 hours ago, EyeQueue said:

I'm so sorry that happened to you, @louisa05. That is completely unacceptable.

And it reminds me of when I was an undergrad in the mid 90s working in an office on campus for a major state university (so, one would have thought it was fairly liberal). One day there was a "staff meeting" for the student workers and the supervisor in the office, who told us that we could no longer wear sleeveless tops because a couple of bra straps could be seen.

:?

This was August. In Arizona, FFS.

I have a very specific memory from when I was 14 or 15 that, looking back, was probably a fundie lite encounter. I was at the Ohio Ren Fest, waiting for the mud show to start (If y'all know what I'm talking about, Grendel Grendel WOO OOH). I was wearing a tank top and jeans, fairly normal wear for a late summer day. I heard someone whispering behind me, and I realized that a 5 year old behind me was telling his older brother he could see my bra straps. His brother told him that he'd seen much worse. I turned around to look at them and they were wearing button ups and gave me hella side eye. It seems to me that fundies are the ones who don't know how to dress for the occasion. Who on earth wears a button up shirt to the Ren Fest? They were so cleaned up their could have been tiny missionaries.

14 year old me was rather peeved, but 11 years later my favorite bras are racerback and you can see the straps no matter WHAT shirt I'm wearing. I must shock everybody.

I do wonder what that kid thought of the bellydancers... :pb_lol:

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I would much rather teach my child to ask "hey, why does advertising objectify women like that?" than teach him to look away. 

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@daisyd681, the cats just sulk outside the door.  They reserve anxious paws for those times when humans are in the BATHROOM.  It's so dangerous!  All that water!

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On 4/10/2016 at 5:30 AM, Luvmyskinnyjeanz said:

Hahaha yup me too, but personal time is absolutely forbidden according to my 2 brats. If I lock the door they use a knife to unlock it, they have important stuff to tell me, 17 yr old daughter needs the hair straightener right that minute or she will die, partner can find hat - is it in bathroom?, 11yo son was "just wondering where you are". 

Seriously I'm thinking of running away from home lol.

This is SO my life right now. I am considering running away too. It's a good thing to do, at least once every year or two. I have completely forgotten what it's like to have peace and quiet in the bathroom between my four kids and my spouse.

This topic reminds me of a time when I had my parents and teenage brother over for dinner - I had a nursing infant at the time and while we were eating, I pulled my chair back because baby wanted to nurse. My breast was hardly exposed (I was in my OWN home FFS and even then I was trying to be discreet), but my mother turns to my brother and says "avert your eyes my son" (yeah, she talks like that IRL and it's every bit as creep as it sounds). Bloody hell I was so mad, but I sat there like a chump and said nothing.

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No dress code when I graduated HS in '77. Which meant during the bicentennial it was very popular for very slender girls to buy 2 bandannas, 1  blue with stars, 1 red w/stripes...or the standard red bandanna pattern, at least...fold into a triangle, knot the 4 loose corners together, and voilà... ( how did Jessa write that? Walah?) Instant halter top. I had tube tops, but no flag halters....and family rules meant no tube tops at school. As a teacher, I do like the business casual idea. People rise to  expectations. As long as it didn't get completely whackadoodle.....

 

 

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I'm probably going to stand alone in my opinion of this, but I'm going to come down somewhere in the middle of the road, I think. 

I have long said that if something you see offends you, YOU have the power to look away, so look the F away. Don't like that fat person in spandex? Look away. Offended by that foul-mouthed t-shirt? Look away. Are gobsmacked by that breastfeeding mom? Look away! People don't like being stared at, generally speaking, anyway, so turn your head and LOOK AWAY. And in this particular instance -- this woman seemed to be teaching her son to look away rather than telling women to change, expecting him to take responsibility for his actions. I was okay with that. At first.

Where my issue with the article comes in is with this statement:

Quote

"Perhaps the woman doesn’t know she needs privacy." 

Lady, you don't get to decide what other people need. Teach your son to look away from things that offend you as a person or a family. Whatever. I don't care. That's fine with me -- in fact, it's more than fine because it means you spend less time blogging those obnoxious "dear teen girl" letters that everyone then sends all over Facebook to clutter up my feed.

But when you decide that women are just stupid and ignorant and don't know what's best so then YOU are protecting HER by insisting your CHILD (who is SEVEN?!?) look away, that is a problem. That's a huge, condescending, nonsensical, offensive, obnoxious, bitchy-ass problem. Get over yourself. That woman is more than capable of knowing what she needs, and even if she doesn't, you and your little kid are not the ones who can tell her. 

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On 4/12/2016 at 6:22 AM, Shoobydoo said:

I have a very specific memory from when I was 14 or 15 that, looking back, was probably a fundie lite encounter. I was at the Ohio Ren Fest, waiting for the mud show to start (If y'all know what I'm talking about, Grendel Grendel WOO OOH). I was wearing a tank top and jeans, fairly normal wear for a late summer day. I heard someone whispering behind me, and I realized that a 5 year old behind me was telling his older brother he could see my bra straps. His brother told him that he'd seen much worse. I turned around to look at them and they were wearing button ups and gave me hella side eye. It seems to me that fundies are the ones who don't know how to dress for the occasion. Who on earth wears a button up shirt to the Ren Fest? They were so cleaned up their could have been tiny missionaries.

14 year old me was rather peeved, but 11 years later my favorite bras are racerback and you can see the straps no matter WHAT shirt I'm wearing. I must shock everybody.

I do wonder what that kid thought of the bellydancers... :pb_lol:

Ah for the days of going to the Sterling Ren Faire and wearing a custom-fit bodice (made by a friend)(with enough support in it to put any bra to shame!)  

Anyway... now at age 52, and size DDD, if they can't figure out I'm wearing a bra (hence bra straps peeking out sometimes), it's NOT MY PROBLEM!!

Age is a great liberator!

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On 4/12/2016 at 10:44 PM, Toothfairy said:

"How do we escape the larger than life photos of women in their undergarments"

I guess it's good for the fundies that Sears quit publishing mail order catalogs about 15 years ago! That used to be how boys learned about women's bodies, or at least women's underwear. Interesting factoid: During both World Wars, Sears catalogs were sent to American soldiers at the front and convalescing in foreign hospitals. Not so they could order a few things for the family, but so they'd have some nice pictures to look at.

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How do we escape the larger than life photos of women in their undergarments?

How about don't hyper-focus on it?

I drove on highways for about two hours today and probably passed some billboards with scantily clad women. I say probably because I didn't really notice; I had my eyes on the road and was talking with my passenger. It wasn't a big deal because I didn't make it one.

If you make it a huge deal, it's probably going to affect you more than someone who just goes about their own life and doesn't worry quite so much about what other people are doing.

 

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55 minutes ago, Mercer said:

Snip...

If you make it a huge deal, it's probably going to affect you more than someone who just goes about their own life and doesn't worry quite so much about what other people are doing.

 

This has always been my point. It's not a thing until you make it one. If you teach your little boys that they will lust if they look at women dressed differently than what you have set for your family, then that's what is going to happen. Or at least they are going to associate what they feel/think when they see a woman in leggings or a tank top. 

I knew a couple who moved from the PNW to a tropical place as missionaries, and one of their early prayer requests was for the husband who was struggling with seeing all the women wearing clothing he wasn't used to. I seriously doubt that the local Christian men had issues with it. In a discussion with a male Christian friend recently he said he grew up on the coast surfing every day. He said they lived in shorts and bikinis and never had a problem. It was just part of their culture, they didn't consider it"naked".

I worry about what these boys are actually learning about the women who they need to give"privacy". How about teach them to look at their faces and not their boobs or butt? Because I'm pretty sure hormone charged teen boys can have  inappropriate feelings for a girl regardless of what she's wearing. Let's teach them girls are people to, worthy of our respect no matter what they are wearing. And looking at their face is surely more respectful than looking away, or looking at their boobs. And while we are at it, we can teach boys that they have control over themselves and their thoughts and actions. this is how I handled it anyway, and as far as I know my (now adult) boys are not walking around in a constant state of lust. But I guess I could be wrong.

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Why do these people turn something beautiful and normal into something that isn't a big deal. It's a body. Eve was naked. Adam had no problem with it. 

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What a presumptuous little twit. Why would anyone assume that I needed or wanted privacy? Especially telling her son that I may not know I need privacy. Teaching young ones to be judgmental, ya think? 

This just pisses me off to no end. I think I need extra blood pressure meds right now.

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