Bates Family Part 14 - Party in Pink

[Formosa]

5 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

Whose child is that?  Is that John's brother who married Gothard's niece Olivia?

No, it's John's brother Brent's fourth child.

[Famy values]

8 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

It is obviously a merchandising technique to add a smash cake to a birthday cake order, and I'm sure Publix still makes a profit.  This is obviously why giving baby a whole cake to smash is such a growing fad  delightful new tradition.

I'm such a kill joy.  I'd rather pay less for just one cake.  And even if a smash cake is "free" when one buys a birthday cake - why not give the kid a slice of cake and freeze the smash cake to eat another day?   It just seems very wasteful to me.

Publix smash cakes are free when you order a cake for a first birthday.  Both of my children had one and they make for great pictures.  There isn't much cake-- mostly frosting and it really isn't that big.  It fits on a styrofoam plate

[JillyO]

8 hours ago, iweartanktops said:

I hate pink.

And here I thought we were friends.

[LawsonBatesEgo]

The cake lover in me wants to scream every time I see a cake smash because it is a waste of perfectly good cake!!

But I can't really snark too hard on it since it seems like everyone does a cake smash for their kids first birthday these days. My Facebook feed seems to have a 'cake smash' picture up every second week. 

[elliha]

15 hours ago, HereticHick said:

Did you have them by the time you were 11 months old??? My point is that, chronologically, this is just the tip of the iceberg

I have 30, 28 were born by the time I was. I am the youngest of 5 from two parents from families of 5 and 7. My family is very non-fundie but they like kids and have positive experiences of big families.

[Ali]

My five year old loves gigantic flower headbands. I think she look ridiculous because they don't stay in her hair very well, but I feel mean telling her not to wear them.

I did put gigantic flower headbands in her hair some of the time when she was a baby, but not everyday. I thought it looked cute because she had very little hair. I am disappointed that the tutu skirts were not popular when she was a baby.

[blessalessi]

1 hour ago, Ali said:

My five year old loves gigantic flower headbands. I think she look ridiculous because they don't stay in her hair very well, but I feel mean telling her not to wear them.

I did put gigantic flower headbands in her hair some of the time when she was a baby, but not everyday. I thought it looked cute because she had very little hair. I am disappointed that the tutu skirts were not popular when she was a baby.

At five, I think it is a parents' (sometimes deeply unfortunate ) job to tolerate whatever fancy dress a child chooses. 

But bald babies FTW! 

You should move to the UK because the latest baby fashions seem to be slow to work their way over here. Tutu tutorials are quite the thing on the sewing blogs round here. 

[JMO]

Damn you all, this thread makes me want cake. CAKE!!! 

[IrishCarrie]

1 hour ago, JMO said:

Damn you all, this thread makes me want cake. CAKE!!! 

I just had to go get a bar of chocolate from the Secret Naughty Stash 

[QuiverDance]

Good gravy, WGAF if people give their babies cakes to smash, that they then have to clean up????  Diff'rent strokes.

[EmainMacha]

7 hours ago, elliha said:

I have 30, 28 were born by the time I was. I am the youngest of 5 from two parents from families of 5 and 7. My family is very non-fundie but they like kids and have positive experiences of big families.

I have 70+ first cousins and 50+ had been born before I was. I grew up loving my huge extended family but looking at it now I can see how growing up in big families had some negative impact for my parents, and even more so for some of their siblings. My mother, who was an oldest girl, thinks the Bates and Duggars are 'ridiculous' and 'eejits' for having that many children. 

 

[elliha]

7 minutes ago, EmainMacha said:

I have 70+ first cousins and 50+ had been born before I was. I grew up loving my huge extended family but looking at it now I can see how growing up in big families had some negative impact for my parents, and even more so for some of their siblings. My mother, who was an oldest girl, thinks the Bates and Duggars are 'ridiculous' and 'eejits' for having that many children. 

 

I think that both my paternal aunt and my oldest maternal aunt had to take care of their siblings a bit but not to the point that it made them recentful. Both had children of their own (3 each) and do not seem to be anti big families at all. I grew up in a family of 5 and my sister had to babysit a bit and take care of her siblings but she ended up having the most children out of all of us, 4, so I don't think she got too much of it either. However, I think most of my family members seem to think that going beyond 7-8 kids is a bit too much and no one as far as I know has ever wanted a family anywhere near the Duggars/Bates. 

I love how perceptions can be different. When I was pregnant with my first child I secretly pitied her that she would only have 11 cousins and most of them so much older than her. Then one day my husband said to me, "Wow our daughter is really going to have tons of cousins". Yeah, he has 2 so of course 11 was like 70 is to me. I realized that in my mind "normal" when it comes to cousins is maybe 15-40 and not 4-6 that most people might have. 

[QuiverDance]

I have 24 first cousins.  My kids have two.  I do feel a little sorry for them!  

[EmainMacha]

6 minutes ago, elliha said:

I love how perceptions can be different. When I was pregnant with my first child I secretly pitied her that she would only have 11 cousins and most of them so much older than her. Then one day my husband said to me, "Wow our daughter is really going to have tons of cousins". Yeah, he has 2 so of course 11 was like 70 is to me. I realized that in my mind "normal" when it comes to cousins is maybe 15-40 and not 4-6 that most people might have. 

I have this! I secretly pity my child's single digit cousin status. I need to start viewing it more positively!

[19 cats and counting]

I have single digit first cousins, but I was never close to them as kids.  We're so spread out in age (birth year 1968-2001) and geography that we rarely saw each other.  

Right now I'm closest to the youngest ones (2000, 2001) and the two cousins that I count as 'halfs' (stepcousins).  I have one cousin who's less than a year apart from me, but I have nothing in common with her at all (and her mother made me a black sheep).  (We lived 3000 miles apart growing up).

I always envied people with cousins that were close and age and relationship status.  

[OldFadedStar]

I have two cousins! One 4 years old than I am and one 2 years older. I was very close to the one that was only two years older than me growing up. 

 

The reason why I came to the post though is because I'm currently watching Michaels wedding and it always saddens me how sad the younger girls get when their older sisters get married. Like it's the end of the world and they are leaving forever. I could see it maybe in Michaels case a little bit since she moved to Chicago however I've seen it with every fundie wedding I've watched. Heck Jessa just moved down the road and one of the girls was so upset.

[19 cats and counting]

I often wonder how it is to have nieces/nephews and aunts/uncles so close in age to you.  The term applies that a generation separates you but it's not always reality.

Look at Uncle Jeb Bates and his nephew Bradley (weren't they both ring bearers in the same wedding?) or Jordyn and Mackynzie Duggar (who apparently are very close).  

I was 21 when my youngest cousin was born, (and it would be another 11 years until the next generation was born) and it used to be people thought she was mine if I took her somewhere (I had a lovely lecture from someone in Walmart).

[HerNameIsBuffy]

Not snark, just wondering - how many grandkids until it's just like a small school district and they couldn't have individual relationships with all of them if they wanted to - just due to the logistics of time?

If every Bates/Duggar kid had an average of 5 kids that's still 95 grandkids.  And with the huge age range there will almost certainly be great grandchildren before the younger ones are done having their kids.  

Admittedly I'm not the most social of people, but having a close and loving relationship with that many people seems like an impossibility to me.  Is this just be being an outlier?  That's totally possible.

Pros and cons to everything I'm sure - less time with grandparents more eleventy cousins you could maybe bond with some of them...it just seems like an awful lot of people to love the way you think of a grandparent loving their grand kids.  

I'm one of 30 some grandkids on one side...and I loved my Grams and I'm sure she loved me in the way she loved all of us...I'm not sure she really knew me.  Not like how you see it on the Werther's commercials, anyway.  I know that when everyone was together I felt like I was just one of a pack of kids...the moments that I remember fondly with her are all from the rare time I'd spent alone with her or with her and my mom.  

Or letters when I was away at school...and when I'd call her.  But how personal would it be if there was an assembly line of people making cookies to send to the grand kids away at school?

That could be because I'm not an easy person to get close to - or love.  Or our family dynamics.  Or whatever...but she had great grandkids before I came along and as one of the youngest it just felt like an overwhelming mass of people whenever there was a gathering.  

So is it really possible for these grandparents to really love all of them, or will there be some they bond with and just virtue of numbers assure that some of them are relatives without any personal relationship?

8 minutes ago, 19 cats and counting said:

I often wonder how it is to have nieces/nephews and aunts/uncles so close in age to you.  The term applies that a generation separates you but it's not always reality.

Look at Uncle Jeb Bates and his nephew Bradley (weren't they both ring bearers in the same wedding?) or Jordyn and Mackynzie Duggar (who apparently are very close).  

I was 21 when my youngest cousin was born, (and it would be another 11 years until the next generation was born) and it used to be people thought she was mine if I took her somewhere (I had a lovely lecture from someone in Walmart).

It's just what you're used to, I guess.  I am closer in age to my eldest nephew than I am to my sister - who married before I was 10.  I have a cousin whose niece is a couple months older than her.   Pre-Vatican II days this was so common in Catholic families it wasn't really noteworthy.  

Apparently we're all on BC now and they're in the running for how many kids two parents can shoehorn in a house.  

[catlady]

I have exactly 6 cousins, all on my mom's side (my dad's only sibling has no kids).  we range in age from 52 to 33.  my sister and I are in the middle, and grew up away from the others, so we were never close to the other 5 growing up.  and at this point, we have little in common with each other (except for the one who lives with me now).

I'm with HerNameIsBuffy; I can't comprehend having good relationships with 40/50/75 people.  but then I've always been very introverted and ran in small circles.  yes, pros and cons....

[HerNameIsBuffy]

9 minutes ago, catlady said:

I have exactly 6 cousins, all on my mom's side (my dad's only sibling has no kids).  we range in age from 52 to 33.  my sister and I are in the middle, and grew up away from the others, so we were never close to the other 5 growing up.  and at this point, we have little in common with each other (except for the one who lives with me now).

I'm with HerNameIsBuffy; I can't comprehend having good relationships with 40/50/75 people.  but then I've always been very introverted and ran in small circles.  yes, pros and cons....

I've got eleventy but you have 100% more relationship with yours than I do with mine...I haven't spoken to any in 20+ years and you've got one right in the house!

I see people with the close extended families and it seems like some impossible feat that people better than me can accomplish.  

 

[trisprefect]

I grew up with 8 cousins on one side (our cousin group ranges in age from 33 to 20) and 4 on the other (33 to 9). I was much closer to the larger group on my mother's side, as I had one cousin who was almost two years older than me, one that was a year and a half younger, and one that was two years younger, so we were all very close. I feel like we were a happy medium in terms of size -- there was always a gaggle of kids to play with, but there weren't so many that we couldn't bond properly.

I do feel bad for my future non-existent children -- long-term boyfriend and I each only have one sibling. Due to severe mental health issues, it's unlikely (and honestly probably a good thing) that my sister will ever have any children, and boyfriend's sister doesn't seem like she's settling down anytime soon. So any kids that we have may end up being cousin-less, or at most only having one or two.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 minute ago, trisprefect said:

I grew up with 8 cousins on one side (our cousin group ranges in age from 33 to 20) and 4 on the other (33 to 9). I was much closer to the larger group on my mother's side, as I had one cousin who was almost two years older than me, one that was a year and a half younger, and one that was two years younger, so we were all very close. I feel like we were a happy medium in terms of size -- there was always a gaggle of kids to play with, but there weren't so many that we couldn't bond properly.

I do feel bad for my future non-existent children -- long-term boyfriend and I each only have one sibling. Due to severe mental health issues, it's unlikely (and honestly probably a good thing) that my sister will ever have any children, and boyfriend's sister doesn't seem like she's settling down anytime soon. So any kids that we have may end up being cousin-less, or at most only having one or two.

My husband only has one on one side and they're 20+ years younger - and only one brother.  When we were first together and said there was a get together for a grandparents birthday I couldn't believe it was being held in a house...because that event in my family...needed a reserved forest preserve and more potato salad than you can even imagine being in one place.  

[clueliss]

Introvert here.  I have (hang on, let me do math) 14 (including my sister and I) in my generation (plus one that nobody talks about and certain family members don't claim) .  Mom was the 6th of 9.  There is an almost 4-year gap between here and number 7.  They divide into the big kids and the little kids.  My generation sort of splits into big kids, middle kids and little kids.  I'm the oldest of the littles.  I do have relationships with most of my generation.  The exception is the 4 cousins (2 of whom died of Cancer in the last 10 years) who grew up in Texas.  

we seated, with inlaws and such 30 (or more) at Thanksgiving without everyone showing up.  It never felt like that many. As an introvert I will tell you that because it is family and because you tend to have your clique within the family it was always comfortable.  In fact as an adult I'll tell you that the smaller family gatherings with my mother's generation (which have now ended) were more uncomfortable for me because my clique wasn't there.  

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

7 minutes ago, clueliss said:

Introvert here.  I have (hang on, let me do math) 14 (including my sister and I) in my generation (plus one that nobody talks about and certain family members don't claim) .  Mom was the 6th of 9.  There is an almost 4-year gap between here and number 7.  They divide into the big kids and the little kids.  My generation sort of splits into big kids, middle kids and little kids.  I'm the oldest of the littles.  I do have relationships with most of my generation.  The exception is the 4 cousins (2 of whom died of Cancer in the last 10 years) who grew up in Texas.  

we seated, with inlaws and such 30 (or more) at Thanksgiving without everyone showing up.  It never felt like that many. As an introvert I will tell you that because it is family and because you tend to have your clique within the family it was always comfortable.  In fact as an adult I'll tell you that the smaller family gatherings with my mother's generation (which have now ended) were more uncomfortable for me because my clique wasn't there.  

 

THAT!  That's all I needed was one of those and I'd have been fine!  If only you had been my cousin maybe I wouldn't live in fear of bumping into one of them someday.

ETA hyperbole on the living in fear thing...i wouldn't enjoy it but I wouldn't care.  I can look someone dead in the eye and without missing a beat warmly and politely say, "I'm sorry - you seem to have mistaken me for someone else" and keep on going.    

[Graceshepard]

On 6 April 2016 at 5:33 PM, formergothardite said:

It was all a bit odd. People weren't really digging deep into the finances of the Bates. A short look into Gil Bates work history shows a grifter who teaches others how to grift.

A shameless grifter indeed. I wonder if any of the kids will follow suit. So far none of the married couples have shown any inclination towards a grifting lifestyle, however, if I had to bet, I'd say Nathan is most likely to become a grifter.