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Raquel not completely wrong on "purity"


Petrel

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I know Raquel seems to get a lot of flack for being supposedly fundie/fundie-ish while still having a boyfriend, taking pictures of herself not as covered up as one might expect, etc.  I don't follow her enough to know if yesterday's post is atypical, but it looks like she's tackling some of this apparent contradiction. She has a new post on her blog about the notion of "purity" that is ambivalent about the concept but I believe makes some good points.

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First of all, I will not feel guilty for things that I did out of love and compassion and care for someone.  The things I do regret doing, I will have to live with for the rest of my life - BUT I know and believe that I have been forgiven by my Father for them.

Secondly, my future husband will love me in spite of all my flaws and if - yes, IF - he thinks that anything from my past was 'wrong' or 'inappropriate', I know that he will forgive me for them.  Thirdly, I believe that God has given us free will to choose what we do or don't do in His will.  His sovereign and supremely guiding hands have always protected me - and kept me from many occasions that bad things could have happened.  Have I fallen short of His glory?  Absolutely.  Does this mean He doesn't love me anymore?  Absolutely not.  Have I made mistakes in choosing who and how to show affection?  Yes. Should that guilt be hanging over my head for the rest of my life?  No.  It has its consequences, yes.  But I think the biggest 'threat' girls face is that their future husbands 'won't love them as much because they don't have this and that to offer'.  

When in reality, girls, if a guy is shallow enough to say something along the lines of 'Oh you've held hands with another guy?  Forget it.  I can't do this', then good riddance.  You don't want that type of man as a husband.

 

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She is pure unless she is not.  She is fundie, except when she is not (see her astrology retweets).  And I always think boyfriend in quotes with her along with best friend because her track record on truth is a bit shaky.  And oh dear the future husband stuff.  again.  

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The first guy I ever held hands with wasn't even someone I was interested in dating.  We just kinda liked each other.  We were both 16.  Oh and we snuggled during a movie too.

When Raquel was 16 and snuggled during a move and had a crush on a guy(which is totally normal) she was also sexting multiple guys. She was at the same time blogging about how she was purer than everyone else, criticizing girls for putting on chapstick in front of guys and called a meeting with the parents of another teen girl because the girl suggested that Raquel liked a guy.

Raquel needs to admit that her blogging has been very hypocritical and that she never lived the life she claimed she lived. She keeps changing and changing things about what her teen years were like. She went from being the purest of maidens who would never even think of having a crush, to a innocent maiden who was taken advantage of and manipulated by bad teens(and she made sure everyone who knows her could figure out who the teen boys were) into sexting them, and now she was going on dates, having crushes and holding hands when she was 16. Who knows what the actual truth is, 

And, in classic Raquel fashion, she has to make sure that everyone knows that when she does and did things with guys she wasn't like others who just do stuff because they "felt like it". Oh no, not Raquel, she hugs and kisses guys because she liked them, which sounds a lot like she "felt like it". 

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 Everything I've done and every time I've done something with a guy, I never did 'because my hormones were taking over my brain'.
I am an extremely affectionate person

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 all of my hand-holdings, hugs, and kisses were never because I just 'felt like it'.  They were meant, whole-heartedly from a girl who cared for a boy.  And that's literally all there is to the story.

 

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If I thought this was about seriously considering the damage these kind of expectations do to young people, instead of just trying to find a way to do what she wants while still being able to claim "Good, conservative Christian girl," I would be more impressed. 

Many of us have noted that based on her trips to Peru, she has a hard time respecting people's boundaries. It's all about HER desire to drape herself over people. I wonder if someone called her out on this behavior and now she's trying to justify it under a guide of "It's Godly, really!"

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3 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

When Raquel was 16 and snuggled during a move and had a crush on a guy(which is totally normal) she was also sexting multiple guys.

This is crazy to me.  If I were sexting people I would not talk about it.  How did it come out?  

17 minutes ago, clueliss said:

She is pure unless she is not.  She is fundie, except when she is not (see her astrology retweets).  And I always think boyfriend in quotes with her along with best friend because her track record on truth is a bit shaky.  And oh dear the future husband stuff.  again.  

Has she done stuff like this before disavowing some fundie notion and then backtracking?  

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There are lots of discussions of Raquel's words versus her behavior in the archives here.  Also if you pay attention to her tweeting history (or look her up on pinterest) you'll see a lot of preachy about purity versus kissy relationship photos all over the place.  

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11 minutes ago, Petrel said:

This is crazy to me.  If I were sexting people I would not talk about it.  How did it come out?  

She tried to package her sexting story as a "love story with Jesus" but IMO, it was really just an excuse to shame the boys who she sexted with. She made damn sure that people who knew her could figure out who they were and she tried her best to make it seem like they manipulated her into doing sexting. Raquel uses her blog to get revenge on people who she stops liking by making herself into a victim and turning them into monsters. 

 

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Looking at it again, the fact that she makes a point of still being a virgin annoys me. Her standards seem to be very much set on "What I've done is okay" rather than any major growth on her part. I do hope she eventually does mature, but I'm skeptical that this is a development in that area.

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On 4/1/2016 at 4:04 PM, clueliss said:

She is pure unless she is not.  She is fundie, except when she is not (see her astrology retweets).  And I always think boyfriend in quotes with her along with best friend because her track record on truth is a bit shaky.  And oh dear the future husband stuff.  again.  

Semi-related, but that Dear Future Husband song drives me nuts. The lyrics make the singer sound like an immature, materialistic brat unready for the compromises and maturity required for marriage.

Back on topic, while that post very well may be part and parcel of Raquel's inconsistencies, but the sentiment is reasonable. Stopped clocks, yadda yadda yadda.

 

 

 

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18 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Semi-related, but that Dear Future Husband song drives me nuts. The lyrics make the singer sound like an immature, materialistic brat unready for the compromises and maturity required for marriage.

Back on topic, while that post very well may be part and parcel of Raquel's inconsistencies, but the sentiment is reasonable. Stopped clocks, yadda yadda yadda.

I HATE that song. Especially the bit that goes "I'll be sleeping on the left side of the bed/open doors for me and you might get some......... kisses". I've never liked Meghan Trainor, but it's 2016 for crying out loud. Can we quit with the allusions to providing sexual favors in return for faux chivalry?

 

 

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12 minutes ago, Shoobydoo said:

I HATE that song. Especially the bit that goes "I'll be sleeping on the left side of the bed/open doors for me and you might get some......... kisses". I've never liked Meghan Trainor, but it's 2016 for crying out loud. Can we quit with the allusions to providing sexual favors in return for faux chivalry?

 

 

One person criticizing the song said (and I totally agree with this) that the song perpetuates the idea that only men want or need sex, women should/do use it as a tool to manipulate their partners (to me, a lot of what she's saying in the song sounds a lot like "if you really loved me/if you wanted to have sex with me, you'd do X"), and that women (at least those who aren't asexual, of course) are not sexual beings who also want or need sex.

In general, I find Meghan Trainor rather tiresome. I also don't like All About that Bass because 1) honey, you did not bring booty back. You are a suburban white girl who oversings. The people who have brought booty "back" are far more accomplished (and far more of color) than you will ever be. 2) most of the reasons she lists for loving your curves involve pleasing men.

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1 minute ago, nastyhobbitses said:

One person criticizing the song said (and I totally agree with this) that the song perpetuates the idea that only men want or need sex, women should/do use it as a tool to manipulate their partners (to me, a lot of what she's saying in the song sounds a lot like "if you really loved me/if you wanted to have sex with me, you'd do X"), and that women (at least those who aren't asexual, of course) are not sexual beings who also want or need sex.

In general, I find Meghan Trainor rather tiresome. I also don't like All About that Bass because 1) honey, you did not bring booty back. You are a suburban white girl who oversings. The people who have brought booty "back" are far more accomplished (and far more of color) than you will ever be. 2) most of the reasons she lists for loving your curves involve pleasing men.

I liked All About That Bass the first couple of times I heard it. Then 2014 became the summer of All About That Base and I wanted to stab my ears out. 

 

The music video for that song also gives me the heebie jeebies. It's Trainor (who really doesn't have that much booty) dancing around with a bunch of people who also don't have much booty, who completely fail to twerk as a result. And they're all dressed like a mini golf course from 1958 melted and they rolled around in the puddle. Plus, the majority of the background dancers are black, and there's just something really uncomfortable about a preppy looking white woman dancing around singing about a trait that African Americans have frequently been stigmatized for that she doesn't even have. It ought to be a fantastic that thing that there's a video with only a couple generic white people in it, but it just comes off as exploitative. A better way to do it would have been to find a bunch of people who, you know, have the booty, and show them being happy in their bodies. Like a booty version of the video for Honey, I'm Good.

 

Speaking of which, a short rant about how Honey I'm Good is an awesome song. Here we have a song that is EXPLICITLY about the merits of not drinking to excess and being responsible to your partner in life. I love that song because it's just so nice to hear a song that makes behaving like a decent human being sound fun. And the video is utterly adorable.

 

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I like all about the bass because the littlest girl Grimm was a cheerleader last year and a 'base' in cheer. The fliers get the glory, but those bases work hard! So in the cheerleading world the song gives love to the bases. 

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Yeah, that song is just as body shaming as anything else. Only because the very base of body shaming is the implication that whatever body type is what will make you attractive to the person you want to attract. I much prefer the idea that for every lock there is a key, and just be comfortable in your own skin.

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10 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

I like all about the bass because the littlest girl Grimm was a cheerleader last year and a 'base' in cheer. The fliers get the glory, but those bases work hard! So in the cheerleading world the song gives love to the bases. 

Awww, that's really cute! The bases *do* do the hardest work, and they have to be STRONG. Way to go, littlest Grimm!

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I only know this version, because I'm a nerrrrrd.

 

(and I'm not even into Star Wars at all)

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15 hours ago, daisyd681 said:

Yeah, that song is just as body shaming as anything else. Only because the very base of body shaming is the implication that whatever body type is what will make you attractive to the person you want to attract. I much prefer the idea that for every lock there is a key, and just be comfortable in your own skin.

Exactly. If the song were focused on being happy with your body and not caring about fitting an ideal or making yourself pleasing to other people, that would be fine and dandy. Instead it's saying "I don't care that I don't look like a Barbie doll because it turns out that boys like tits and ass, which I happen to have, and the fact that men still find me sexually attractive is the primary reason I am happy with my figure".

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It appears that she, like most people, try to put themselves in the best light. Where it goes haywire is not necessarily the beliefs, though some of it is pretty bad, but that she backtracks when she realizes she has done something out of step, or rationalizes the reason doing so is ok. It's in the vein of "pick a lane." or at least, be honest about the struggle. But that would be too easy. 

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There's nothing wrong with having sex before marriage, but Raquel markets herself as a pure virgin waiting until marriage (preceded by a courtship). She should probably just be honest about the life she really leads, and own up to who she really is.

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On 4/1/2016 at 11:01 AM, Petrel said:

I know Raquel seems to get a lot of flack for being supposedly fundie/fundie-ish while still having a boyfriend, taking pictures of herself not as covered up as one might expect, etc.  I don't follow her enough to know if yesterday's post is atypical, but it looks like she's tackling some of this apparent contradiction. She has a new post on her blog about the notion of "purity" that is ambivalent about the concept but I believe makes some good points.

 

I think one of the main issues with Raquel is that her rules for herself are very....fluid.  While her rules for other people, particularly people that she interacts with personally tend to be rather strict.   She gives the impression that she expects people to view her flaws, behavior, etc are ADORABLE and therefore she should get a pass.  However, if someone "slights" her in some way then all bets are off and she comes down like a ton of (self-righteous) bricks.

I can't remember the name of the post, but she did one a few months ago that was a list of what she expected in a man/mate?  It boiled down to I expect you to do what I want you to do while I get to pretend you are my headship.

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