Fundies, Divorce and Adultery

[Grimalkin]

24 minutes ago, QuiverDance said:

Not fundie, but I'm from a very Catholic background.  I am the only divorce in my very large extended family, and it is a source of shame for me, right or wrong.

I don't know your situation, but when I married my ex, he was a non Catholic who had been divorced.  He would have had to get an annulment for us to marry in the Church.  As such, the Church does not consider my marriage to have been valid.  Interestingly, I was just talking about this with my boyfriend Saturday.  His wife was not baptized when they married, so their marriage was not sacramental either, until she converted late in their marriage and they had their marriage blessed.  So now, for us to marry in the Church he'd have to get an annulment.  It is so legalistic and silly.  We are not talking marriage  yet, nor am I concerned about us having a Church wedding.  I just thought it was interesting.

          Yes, it does seem legalistic. I am an adult convert and was not Catholic when I married. I do not receive communion when I go to church, which is sporadic. I do think there is something beautiful about a spiritual union. Nor in a creepy FLDS way.

     I don't know why but I didn't see your first paragraph. It is what it is. You cannot change the past. Seems like since your marriage was not valid technically you were living in sin with him and now you are not......maybe that makes you feel better?

[desertvixen]

Yes.  One of my reasons for leaving the Catholic Church was the whole annulment issue (especially since I was being told by the military archdiocese that I would have to pay - something I am aware is not necessarily true).  I was married in the Church to a non-Catholic who had (at least) an emotional affair while on deployment, then came home and told me he wanted a divorce.  The whole "marriage is a sacrament" line really got a contrast with "if you pay money, we'll come up with a "reason" why your marriage wasn't valid" attitude.  I was pretty pissed, because I was the "sinned-against" spouse.

 

[QuiverDance]

1 hour ago, desertvixen said:

Yes.  One of my reasons for leaving the Catholic Church was the whole annulment issue (especially since I was being told by the military archdiocese that I would have to pay - something I am aware is not necessarily true).  I was married in the Church to a non-Catholic who had (at least) an emotional affair while on deployment, then came home and told me he wanted a divorce.  The whole "marriage is a sacrament" line really got a contrast with "if you pay money, we'll come up with a "reason" why your marriage wasn't valid" attitude.  I was pretty pissed, because I was the "sinned-against" spouse.

 

Main reason I did not insist my ex get an annulment was the archdiocese of New Orleans insisted that we grease the wheels to get the ball rolling.  In my view, paying for an annulment was NOT a way to become closer to God.  It was a way to make the Archdiocese richer, and I wanted no part of it.  Another reason was... his first marriage had nothing to do with me.  They were apart when we met. It was so removed from ME that I did not feel any moral or other reason to insist on a proceeding involving the validity of a marriage that was not mine.  And he didn't care because he is an athiest anyway.  We had a civil ceremony, and we got divorced 14  years later, and whatever.  I have no regrets and don't consider myself a practicing Cathoic any longer.  It took me a while to get there, during the marriage, but that is neither here nor there now.  

What is interesting to me is that I'm now dating a Catholic (a rarity in Tennessee, really), and I can see myself marrying him one day if we continue as we are now.  I could honestly not care less about the religious legalities.  If it matters to him, and the situation presents itself, I will deal with it in a manner that addresses his comfort level, but I am 100% past it.  It's silly.  I know in my heart of hearts that these arbitrary rules do not matter.  All that matters is how we treat one another, how we support one another, and how we honor one another on this earth.