"How to Change Your Husband"

[CanticleoftheTurning]

Hi all--total newbie here, though I've been lurking off and on for a couple of weeks now. I'm from a family that was...dysfunctional, shall we say? And it spilled over into religion, causing my parents to turn quasi-fundie Catholic. (Honestly, I'm surprised I'm still Catholic.) I've been working on a blog about growing up and healing from my dad's emotional and verbal abuse, when I remembered a book my dad gave my mom years ago.

It's called, "How to Change your Husband" by a "friend of Medjugorje".

http://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-Husband-Friend-Medjugorje/dp/1878909061/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1315927274&sr=8-1

I hadn't thought of it in ages until recently when I started reading up about it.

Can we say CULT!?!

It advocates total submission of women, saying that all of our country's ills are because of rebellious women. It even upholds the account of a woman who remained submissive to her husband even after he nearly killed her, hitting her with a hammer, as the "ideal" and the perfect example of being "submissive."

And apparently the entire book is based off of the "revelations" from Mary at Medjugorje (though either the revelations or the whole Medjugorje thing is BS, in my opinion.)

Have you guys ever run across this book, before?

[Cran]

Don't know that particular book, but conservative Catholic circles can be as crazy about this submission-stuff (and modesty!) as the other fundies discussed here, so I am not surprised, especially not as the apparitions of Medjugorje are rather conservative in nature (the things Mary supposedly said).

[CanticleoftheTurning]

Indeed. I'm only beginning to scratch the surface of the whole conservative Catholic movement :shock: Thank God I escaped the fundie brand of Catholicism.

Y'know, that would completely explain her admiration of the Duggars....

[Cran]

If you want to research a bit more about conservative Catholicism by seeing them in action, I'd recommend the forum of fisheaters.com and the section for traditional catholics over at the forum of catholic.com. Especially the modesty-topic with a focus on headcovering creeps up VERY frequently.

Fisheaters:

http://catholicforum.fisheaters.com/

Catholic.com:

http://forums.catholic.com/forumdisplay.php?f=102

Catholics who take the modesty-thing to an extreme and emulate the Amish in many ways sail under the flag of "Plain Catholics".

http://www.freewebs.com/plaincatholic/

http://plaincatholic.blogspot.com/

[CanticleoftheTurning]

Geez. I used to be part of the Catholic Answers forum, and now THAT's a hotbed of fundie conservatives. There's a few sensible ones on there, but they usually get flamed by the conservatives.

Thanks for the links. This will help me with future blog posts.

It was a scary change when my mom read that book about "How to Change your Husband." If I may be so morbid to say this, I'm glad my mom's uterus gave out after 6 kids. Now, if only my siblings didn't homeschool...

[debrand]

Geez. I used to be part of the Catholic Answers forum, and now THAT's a hotbed of fundie conservatives. There's a few sensible ones on there, but they usually get flamed by the conservatives.

Thanks for the links. This will help me with future blog posts.

It was a scary change when my mom read that book about "How to Change your Husband." If I may be so morbid to say this, I'm glad my mom's uterus gave out after 6 kids. Now, if only my siblings didn't homeschool...

I used to be on Catholic Answers forum. Believe it or not, after leaving fundamentalism, they appeared less extreme to me. :?

[CanticleoftheTurning]

used to be on Catholic Answers forum. Believe it or not, after leaving fundamentalism, they appeared less extreme to me. :?

LOL, I can totally see that. That's why I didn't believe DH when he was telling me they sounded fundie, when we were dating. I think it's when they told me I needed to move back into my parents house when my abusive dad disowned me is when I quit Catholic Answers. You don't tell a someone to go back to their abuser and say, "Oh, but he's your dad! he's just doing his best!" Nuh uh.

I still get CA's snail mails, though. "OMG WE NEED MORE MONEY!!!"

I can see how my mom got suckered in by the How to Change Your Husband book, though. It pretends to be religious and Catholic, (even as it tells women they need to follow the example of the wife who kept submitting to her husband even as he tried to kill her with a hammer.)

[Burris]

The book is available online, it seems: download.medjugorje.com/How-to-Change-Your-Husband-English.pdf

I'm going to look through it for snarking material.

[marysue]

Well, my grandma says you can only change a man while he's in diapers.

Though she's not Catholic, so she shouldn't know...

[Hane]

Well, my grandma says you can only change a man while he's in diapers.

Your grandma rocks!

[MonkeyMomma]

Well, my grandma says you can only change a man while he's in diapers.

Truer words were never spoken.

[MonkeyMomma]

Hi all--total newbie here, though I've been lurking off and on for a couple of weeks now. I'm from a family that was...dysfunctional, shall we say? And it spilled over into religion, causing my parents to turn quasi-fundie Catholic. (Honestly, I'm surprised I'm still Catholic.) I've been working on a blog about growing up and healing from my dad's emotional and verbal abuse, when I remembered a book my dad gave my mom years ago.

Canticle (love your handle, BTW), I also grew up with a lot of influence from the "fundie Catholic," including adherents who basically abandoned my mom when she sought a divorce from my abusive douche of an ex-step-father. I just wanted to say "Hi" and share my interest in your blog - can't wait to see it!

[defrauding]

Well, my grandma says you can only change a man while he's in diapers.

There's hope for Senator David Vitter yet!

[NurseNell]

I'm Catholic, have been all my life. I probably fall into the type known as cafeteria Catholic. My older son went to an ultra conservative Catholic school here in St. Paul (St. Agnes High School), and that was the first time I ever had contact with fundamental Catholics. My son chose the school because it had a lot of minority students, unlike the other Catholic school he could have gone to. My son is Colombian. Most of the minority students weren't Catholic, they chose the school because of its academics. But they all had to take religion and theology.

There is a newspaper called The Wanderer which is the ultra conservative Catholic's answer to the New York Times. Uffda, it is really conservative.

Anyway, I find ultra conservative Catholics as hard to understand as fundies, though I know of none who isolate their kids the way fundies do. And they allow dating, at least those I know do. Also, maybe because MN is so cold, girls can wear pants.

I've never participated in Catholic.com but I do participate at Catholic.org, where there's more balance.

Nell

[Bella99]

Hmmmmm. I've changed my husband before. I left (with $20 and a siamese cat), got a divorce, and after a while, I met and married one I like better.

[CanticleoftheTurning]

The book is available online, it seems: download.medjugorje.com/How-to-Change-Your-Husband-English.pdf

I'm going to look through it for snarking material.

Plenty of snarking material in there.

[CanticleoftheTurning]

Canticle (love your handle, BTW), I also grew up with a lot of influence from the "fundie Catholic," including adherents who basically abandoned my mom when she sought a divorce from my abusive douche of an ex-step-father. I just wanted to say "Hi" and share my interest in your blog - can't wait to see it!

Wish my mom sought a divorce with my abusive douche of my father! Sadly she's suckered in still, and codependent since she doesn't have a college degree. Kudos to your mom :)

My blog is http://canticleoftheturning.wordpress.com/ and I've written a lot in the past few days, and have SO much more material to write about...perhaps a book someday?

[CanticleoftheTurning]

I'm Catholic, have been all my life.....

Anyway, I find ultra conservative Catholics as hard to understand as fundies, though I know of none who isolate their kids the way fundies do. And they allow dating, at least those I know do. Also, maybe because MN is so cold, girls can wear pants.

I've never participated in Catholic.com but I do participate at Catholic.org, where there's more balance.

Nell

I've been Catholic all my life too, so hi fellow Catholic!

Indeed. I have, well....had an ultra conservative Catholic friend who once got on my case because I was wearing a scoop neck. The horror! :roll: She also tore me to pieces because I actually appreciated that the politicians were starting to think about the uninsured and underinsured during the whole health care debate, saying I wasn't Catholic enough. Now she's a teabagger. It's very strange.

Thanks for letting me know about Catholic.org :)

[alysee]

This makes me queasy. This is my family. This is what I could have been. My aunt, uncle and cousins are like this. I grew up uber catholic but my aunts family decided to take it one step farther and I am pretty sure my parents would have drank that Kool-aid if their kids didn't decide to go the extreme opposite as in no religion. My parents still go to church every single day. And they still pray on the rosary everyday. Oi.

[CanticleoftheTurning]

This makes me queasy. This is my family. This is what I could have been. My aunt, uncle and cousins are like this. I grew up uber catholic but my aunts family decided to take it one step farther and I am pretty sure my parents would have drank that Kool-aid if their kids didn't decide to go the extreme opposite as in no religion. My parents still go to church every single day. And they still pray on the rosary everyday. Oi.

Hugs to you, alysee. I'm glad you escaped. So, is your aunt actually part of Caritas in Birmingham, or are they just kind of like the followers? Just out of curiosity.

As I said, I'm surprised I'm still religious, let alone Christian, let alone Catholic after growing up in such a dysfunctional family that grew more and more fundie-lite over the years. There were times when I was tempted by the utter simplicity of having no religion. It was just the love of Mass that kept me Catholic, plus I've been attending a parish run by Franciscans who are incredibly realistic, down to earth, and loving.

[mirele]

Hi all--total newbie here, though I've been lurking off and on for a couple of weeks now. I'm from a family that was...dysfunctional, shall we say? And it spilled over into religion, causing my parents to turn quasi-fundie Catholic. (Honestly, I'm surprised I'm still Catholic.) I've been working on a blog about growing up and healing from my dad's emotional and verbal abuse, when I remembered a book my dad gave my mom years ago.

It's called, "How to Change your Husband" by a "friend of Medjugorje".

http://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-Husband-Friend-Medjugorje/dp/1878909061/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1315927274&sr=8-1

I hadn't thought of it in ages until recently when I started reading up about it.

Can we say CULT!?!

It advocates total submission of women, saying that all of our country's ills are because of rebellious women. It even upholds the account of a woman who remained submissive to her husband even after he nearly killed her, hitting her with a hammer, as the "ideal" and the perfect example of being "submissive."

And apparently the entire book is based off of the "revelations" from Mary at Medjugorje (though either the revelations or the whole Medjugorje thing is BS, in my opinion.)

Have you guys ever run across this book, before?

"A Friend of Medjugorje" is actually a guy named Terry Colafrancesco. He's the head of an outfit called "Caritas" in Birmingham, Alabama. Some other supporters of Medjugorje consider that he's running a cult. Here are some links:

http://www.medjugorje.ws/en/articles/ca ... irmingham/

http://www.rickross.com/groups/caritas.html

And, for the truly out there in Catholicism, there's cathinfo.com

http://www.cathinfo.com/

The owner of the site is OK with sedevacantists so long as they go to mass somewhere every Sunday. He does not tolerate "home-aloners."

[Confused_by_religion]

"How to change your husband"

- don't try. :D

They could have spared themselves hours and hours of writing if they'd just gone with that bit of advice. :-)

[CanticleoftheTurning]

"A Friend of Medjugorje" is actually a guy named Terry Colafrancesco. He's the head of an outfit called "Caritas" in Birmingham, Alabama. Some other supporters of Medjugorje consider that he's running a cult. Here are some links:

http://www.medjugorje.ws/en/articles/ca ... irmingham/

http://www.rickross.com/groups/caritas.html

And, for the truly out there in Catholicism, there's cathinfo.com

http://www.cathinfo.com/

The owner of the site is OK with sedevacantists so long as they go to mass somewhere every Sunday. He does not tolerate "home-aloners."

Wow. Never heard of cathinfo.com and I'm glad I didn't find it when I was still drinking the Koolaid at home. It would have made it much harder to leave.

My (Episcopalian) husband jokes that the SSPX and the super-conservative traditional Catholics all think they're holier than the pope.

[alysee]

Hugs to you, alysee. I'm glad you escaped. So, is your aunt actually part of Caritas in Birmingham, or are they just kind of like the followers? Just out of curiosity.

As I said, I'm surprised I'm still religious, let alone Christian, let alone Catholic after growing up in such a dysfunctional family that grew more and more fundie-lite over the years. There were times when I was tempted by the utter simplicity of having no religion. It was just the love of Mass that kept me Catholic, plus I've been attending a parish run by Franciscans who are incredibly realistic, down to earth, and loving.

[Hane]

I've never seen it yet to fail

I'll never see it fail

A girl who's in love with a virtuous man

Is doomed to weep and wail

Stonecutters cut it on stone

Woodpeckers peck it on wood

There's nothin' so bad for a woman

As a man who's bad OR good!